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940 · Jun 2017
Spectrum Grief
Eiram N Jun 2017
To exist in the light,
we must be mindful of the dark
and every shade in between.

A close friend of mine who has depression tells me she knows that it can be difficult not knowing.  She says it was why she was afraid, because the happiness she felt was arbitrary and that sooner or later it would be replaced with soul-******* and mind-numbing hopelessness. Too happy, meant that it was a step and crash away from being too sad. Every good feeling had a sour ending.

But I’ve realised that such is the rhythms of life, and the balance that keeps us in check. This is the human condition where compassionate and noble people also experience shame, wounds and discarded pieces no one wants to see. People can hold breathtaking beauty while inexorable darkness runs through their veins.  

Light and dark both hold the innate understanding
that one cannot exist without the other.
It is for the same reasons that we must let ourselves have access
to the full range of our humanness.
769 · Jul 2017
Down the Rabbit Hole
Eiram N Jul 2017
There’s a funny tale read to children today
about a nonsense world found in the fields
on one manic hot morning
past a bubbling stream softly singing
at the place where a curious girl took her tumble
down a long hallway full of puzzles
and doors. If you’re sane, you wouldn’t be here
but here you are now, and it’s all so queer
how food enlarges your body to epic proportions
and critters, not of your typical garden variety,
don’t bother with “excuse me’s”,
“please’s” and “thank you’s”, but most of all
a strange sight to behold, a purple cat
on how to navigate this whimsical thicket
disappears with a trace, you see, of his wide grin of glee
so let us now stroll through the wood, to the Mad Hatter’s
where a tea party goes on forever and ever
and he hasn’t the slightest idea of the answers
to his many riddles.
In the distance rose trees painted red are growing,
while the Queen of Hearts is growing red
with hot rage at her subjects
in the midst of the oddest croquet game
with hedgehogs and flamingos as the ***** and mallets.
Now you could choose to stay here, or try to depart,
I grant you this place’s not for the faint of heart
But once you leave you’ll think about it
the absurdity has made you smile.
You’ll stand again
in the fields of another manic hot morning
hoping to God that White Rabbit will again be coming
late, late, for his very important date,
otherwise the thought of it fills you with dread,
because outside the fairytale books which you once loved and read,

a Wonderland must exist!
For all the magical stories that became a part of who I am today. I think those stories are not completely gone, just lost, trapped somewhere in the boxed confines of my brain... and searching for a good poem to muster.
724 · Jul 2017
Brown Eyes
Eiram N Jul 2017
harrowing
brown-eyed
darting into corners,
sweet stories
yourself
don't see
in the luster
of irises
forbidding intensity
stole twinkle,
kaleidoscopic looks and
now there's only
a testy glint left.
619 · Jun 2017
sugar-coating
Eiram N Jun 2017
There is nothing         more tasteless
   than the sweet nothings        you      
gloss me over
               like icing on a vile
          honeysuckle cake
already--
                                             *--burnt
These days there are many things I want to write, but so little I feel a need to say. Thanks for reading my little poems! <3
601 · Jun 2017
Quite Ordinary
Eiram N Jun 2017
She’s not a girl you’d pass by on the street
and spare a second fleeting thought,
Nor living within the glossy magazines you read
whose looks you’ve always greatly sought,
She’s a string in a resounding symphony
a note lost in sweet sound of melody
She’s a dab of paint on the canvas
but she doesn’t apologise—she forms the picture,
She’s a tiny flower plucked from the earth
       but she blooms for all she’s worth.
595 · Jun 2017
A Unifying Rain
Eiram N Jun 2017
still the melancholy tears
     drip on winds unbound,
slick silver needles cascading
          in sheets, the puddles'
   rippling waters reflecting
        dark erratic heartbeats
   punctured with jagged pain
    of another home again found,
  then bombed, and was disarrayed,
      but the sluicing drops impenetrable
in the velvet blinds of my umbrella,
  housing only warm lonely mortal tears,
tears of a maddening human heart.
When I cry for the pettiest of reasons I am reminded of my paltry irrelevance, how many people's hearts are bruised far worse than mine: those whose homes are ravaged by war and violence and brutal injustice, children unsheltered from all the cruelties in this world, and then I am suddenly aware of their tremendous suffering, and then I think, my tears shouldn't just be for mine own.
553 · Jul 2017
Tumbleweed Friends
Eiram N Jul 2017
In the wildlife and brambles
of swallowing reality
I am animated with my friends,
Silent in the face of my enemy.
This is the nature of me,
my jaundiced and lily-livered,
Blossoming weeds.

In the torrid heat of the garden
Plastic petals cushioned by a non-existent breeze
The expensive and perfect roses speak
In a high and thin voice:
“She doesn’t belong here!”
I maintain distance, observing quietly,
Drinking in supple thoughts
My type of nourishment.

How strange! While we all exist,
I realise I am mostly the only one
Alone in this thistle-thorn entangle--
Spikes on spikes--
And these roses are cruel,
They bite my stems,
They scythe through my stalks.
They make it sound
with their chorus of coy voices,
That I am strangling them,
with my unkempt leaves.

Nonetheless odd and daring
In the best sense of the word
I was a bore to the masses
Amidst the roses’ mellifluous clamour
which was static white noise
and superfluous torrential chastisement
But I’m safe in knowing
that their words will crumble to dirt one day
And that being “social”, was just an experiment.

I left the town
in search of a happier place.

I am twisting skywards
for brighter light each day.

Do not misunderstand that I am completely alone,
I am better outside the garden now
As a light globular lump on the open road
Thriving on even the forgotten and sighing wind.
Occasionally I come across another fellow being
I wouldn’t want to choke with my untamed growth,
And we find sweet comfort in unspoken words
Between two lost, closet souls.

I would invite them graciously
To my snug abodes of desert peace,
To tumble about carefree
With the gentle caress of warm currents
Finding solace in vastness and anonymity
When we ride freedom breezes through scorched skies.
As the sun dips and glows behind the last clouds on the horizon,
We’ll be roaming further still from the plastic perfect roses
We’ll be together in the knotted wild,
Tumbleweed friends, you and I.
I'm so sorry for the length, I just couldn't seem to shorten any part of it. I'm constantly worried about being the 'outsider' and one of my worst fears is loneliness, that stems from a lack of emotional connection despite the vast multitudes of people around me. Somehow I always can't seem to fit in with the majority and I hate it. But I guess I would rather have a few close friends I can share my feelings with than to know everyone in the room... Maybe it suits me better because then there would be people who I can stick with through thick and thin. So this poem is dedicated to those amazing friends of mine who know the pain of my scars. I love you truly <3
464 · Jul 2017
Hush, my Heart
Eiram N Jul 2017
what do I do with this heart,
how do I console it?

awake and electric
only to signs feeling true
also--a starved animal of sorts
clawing to the bliss of youth
beating time just a little off
with the lungs of my history
this is the tragedy that sets me apart
from the rest of my frail body

and so--heedless pumping.
tolling for everything unforgiving.
here, the lacerations of palpable lies
running parallel to the coronary vein
deep within my living
and here too, the ****** scars to remind
myself, the bigger and louder the
beating gets to finally leave the past behind
each day swelling to the point of failure
and the world stops,
but my heart endures.

what do I do with this heart,
how can I do without it?
Inspired by one of Merel Djamila's poems with the same first line. Her work truly inspires me :)
430 · Jun 2017
After Dark
Eiram N Jun 2017
I love the sun, but the moon I love more.
I know After Dark, softly weaving and settling
down on things that in daylight aren’t quite so pretty,
the comfort of 2 am, the blanket blackness of anonymity.
Through the city it is the rustle of lone voices
that against the silence shouts,
Saying it’s okay to be broken
with the candid closure that’s all about.

And with the humdrum rise and fall of every being’s chest
the pulsating heart in each human soul
there lies those who sleep in the contentment that
the nighttime knows it all.

                                  By Eiram N
423 · Aug 2017
The Silent Invisible
Eiram N Aug 2017
There’s a silent invisible in every person
And in you it strains to be read,
Like the creased pages of a forgotten diary
Spilling delicious secrets not meant to be shared

Like you it begs for the unspoken cue
From the boy who would tilt his head and listen,
But until then the mental melody you weave most beautifully
Knows only the tear tracks on your cheeks that glisten.

So on the day your voice slips through the cracks,
The cobweb dreams you bottled up in fear set free
I pray they won’t grow weary with unuse;
I pray he’ll let hear your silent muse,
ring crystal with no apology.
The silent invisible in this poem can be taken to mean different things, hidden secrets, discarded dreams, hopes, memories, troubles, ideals.

I wrote this last week feeling rather contemplative. Always wonder whether the passing of time will yield my share of thoughts to be spoken and who is it that will take the effort to listen to their worth. I guess it’s because I’ve confided in the wrong people in the past which led to poor consequences so now I’m more careful about the people whom I choose to share them with...
Nonetheless, my silent invisible still strains to be heard.
Eiram N Aug 2017
Into the meadow I wander
Pressed against fragrant blooms
Glittery embers in dark sky
Sweet, sorrowful night
Shadows growing lighter with every step I take

I remember, love, how we felt that day
The linger of your embrace
And warmth of your skin to taste
Through rose-tinted lenses
Envisioning your perfect visage in my mind
Poised, lithe and slight
We intertwine
And chanced faster into the depths

Slowly you realise
Suddenly the darkness that befalls
Sour thoughts hidden
Sodden, damp spirits
Sorry

I'm sorry

Run away, my love
Highway love
Toss me side-aways
Come find me in this meadow in the morning
Where I was dancing and crying and losing myself
In the liquid moonlight
To escape the groping madness
Now no longer struggle to disown fear
As sun rays kiss my face
Imperfections gently smoothed over
Eyes lifted to the dawn
Basking in a greater love that’s available to all
Goodnight, world
394 · Jun 2017
If I had Faith
Eiram N Jun 2017
There are more forces in heaven and earth
than we ever dreamt of in our philosophy;
do we see a bird’s wing beating with sham mirth,
or the stars twinkling out of blind jealousy?
To that I say, comprehend not without your heart
however you choose to with your mind. No one
has the capacity for head knowledge at the start,
except our ability to love, and that is enough.
What each lives through is what each decides to feel.
As we search beyond our eyes, our limited senses, the fleeting unreal,
still greater wisdom will we gladly attain.
The things we call seen, are merely temporal--
so look to things not seen, which are forever eternal.
The first two lines are inspired by Hamlet by Shakespeare, and the last two are adapted from a biblical quote which I love.
Eiram N Jul 2017
Pain and expression whenever ink splatters,
I can feel the forked serpents in my belly
twisting and tendrilling into one.
In the air slowly seeping,
as black smoke from the
smouldering remains
of all the paper-thin trees
I killed with my handwritten poetry.
If I open my mouth to speak,
forked tongues will fly out
to kiss the descending flames
upon graveyard plains of doomed foliage.
On that fateful night from the bonfire,
monsters sprung free.
316 · Aug 2017
:(
Eiram N Aug 2017
:(
i try
to count each of my blessings,
thank every person who helped me silently
in the face,
but
still I ponder
how sorrows swallow me
and irrational questions
like
would i ever ****?
tonight,
i steadily write
because if today goes past without a word,
i might just break
and wish somehow
that i was better off dead.
It's nighttime where I live now.
269 · Jul 2017
Break
Eiram N Jul 2017
Wrench me open like       a nut
into two, I crack beautifully.    one
half for me     and one half for you.
I won't be posting anything for a while, at least not till my exams end in a month's time

— The End —