there's a lot of women here

with lives of their own

with nothing to share

and less shame to show

attention doesn't bring me satisfaction anymore

I want to think until my thoughts pour down from my ears

(everything has a price, so save your money)

i question why
the lonesome cries rely on lies embedded in the "SELF" to survive
moments where I'm barely getting by
gazing at a sky
waiting for a reply to give my life some stimuli
it all seems fine

reflecting on memories when I rewind

nevermind, I'll never mind either times I felt like dying

in my mind so I unbind all connections that don't meet eye to eye

where do I find a place that doesn't remind me of **** that I denied
i was blind

concluded that I was combined

awareness
&
the body/mind

I cannot deny the experiences that were opposite of divine

so...

tell me why I'm FREE

yet so confined

do I awake the second I die?

or must I prepare a permanent goodbye?

I was wondering if I could make your heart my home
What is a home? A cozy kind of feeling where you feel loved?
Maybe I won't make it to see my mothers will
Maybe I won't see tomorrow
I'm wondering if you can be my tomorrow
Something to look forward to
I like to go into the woods and look for hope
I never find it, but I search to keep myself distracted from finding a rope
My phone's on airplane mode
I'm listening to liquid summer by diamond messages
This song brings me back to the summer
Same pain, different weather
If I were to be a dealer of some sort, I'd overdose on my own hope
An ounce of hope would do me good right now
I'm smiling right now, and I think it's because I'm thinking too much
Haha
I'm on my bike, just standing looking at cars pass by
Down on my mind, above the ground
I'm wondering what I should call the book I'm writing
The Art of Contradictions or The Art of Progression
My aunts cousins husband got me the bike I'm on, what the ****
I dont know what I'm doing I'm sorry
I'm an artist, not a lover
I try to be, once again... I'm just an artist
Sorry if I hurt you, I don't know what I'm doing
I'll do my best to love you, even if I dont know how to.... its 4:50 and I'm just an artist... sorry
It is now 5:34 and I'm sweaty, and cold
I never really got that combination
I quit smoking two days ago, so much for being sober
Im wondering how love can be young
Love doesn't age, a person does
Not too long ago I was eating pizza, now I'm here
Where is here? I dont know, it's not a home thats for sure
I'm surrounded by bricks
They protect me from the rain, but not from the tiny soldiers fighting war in my head
I'm on airplane mode and I'm wondering... I think I'm a phone on airplane mode
There's no use to a phone without internet or service
I wish I had my fathers bags, I also want to get you flowers
Black roses represent my soul
A rainbow represents the inside of it
My name is David Bojay, and you can call me whatever you want
I call myself a passionate suicidal artist
I hate to love, and I love you

you have to let things happen

so when it's good or bad you can say

"things just happen"
(it helps you accept reality)
(you can't live denying it)

they happen no matter what
they happen in your sleep
they happen when you reach for the steering wheel when you're about to leave your house
they happen when you decide to run a red light
they happen when your life is taken why by your decisions

your death
will
           just
                      happen

like all other things that happen...

I was too lazy to spit my gum out

but I walked 15 feet to make myself a coffee

I didn't notice the trash can, sadly....

I walked back to my seat... (eager!) to drink my little coffee with 2 creamers... I usually drink it straight black

I was thinking about my pride and I envisioned it to be the gum in my mouth

So I swallowed it

gulp

I noticed the trash can afterwards

The coffee is good

Out of place
Out of lane
Life in vain
Observe the pain
Regain my “self” to seek a “self”
Loss of love, lots of doubt
Gain some love, bend some time
Act so cool, create visual ***
Generate from the nothingness
Feel some type of way
There’s no way I can regret
Why should I think about something that’s dead?
I didn’t plan on walking the stage
I do it for my mom, I do it for my dad
And the people that’ll meet
I’m grateful for the insights, I’m lonesome without the help
Some of the most random situations pull me out of hell
This character will lose his mind one day, if there was actually a mind to actualize
It doesn’t hurt to leave
Leaving behind what’s not meant to be
But how do we know without any effort?
It’s the morning
I hope to see you soon
3 weeks ago, I couldn’t look at myself for more than 10 seconds
But I live in a world full of reflection
I don’t sense myself looking at the mirror
Formless forms
I’m ******* myself with unreasonable neglect
My goatee is thick this morning
I’m about to use one of my moms new razors
There’s all and not much to talk about
It sounds crazier when we speak it though
The simplicity of the complex
The complexity of the simplicity
I’ve been sitting on this toilet for too long
Goodmorning world
It’s about the approach
Ugh
7:58am

my father tells the stories

talks in the car, I'll never forget

I was taught to listen

So I did

it's a good trait....
just listen

observe
enjoy
reflect
and write

write...
write.....



write

I really dont know how much time you have
Your bags are getting lower and I'm loving you a little too late
You're getting skinnier
You've lossed 30 lbs in 1 one month and I think this is your last year standing on earth
I think these are the months to pray
It's a little too late
Don't deny your sickness, when even you know you're ill
You once told my mom you dont pay the consequences here on earth, you pay them in the afterlife
You're paying them now
It must be horrible to live what you were planning to live in the afterlife
You're 25 x2 and I'm the mistake you love the most
Everytime I listen to Guilt Trip by Kanye West I shiver when Kid Cudi comes in
The line "If you loved me so much then why'd you let me go" hurts me so much
I remember you calling me a good for nothing
I think those words have become permanent to my thoughts
I think that's why I saw my self standing in a place for the hopeless a month and a half ago
I dont think I'll ever tell you that I love you face to face with pride in those words
Your figure is starting to become weak, and I'm beginning to worry
It's too late for that, I've come so far with a rope pulling me back
I think I've been walking backwards these passed 5 years
I didn't realize it before then
I don't think I know you well enough
I wish I knew who you truly are, soon to be were
What I do know is that you always pointed at my mother and yelled negativity
Now you're pointing at what grave you want to get buried in
You're paying death in my world you caused hell in
Consequences come in unexpected ways
I guess thats why death is catching you offguard
8 straight years hearing yells I hated
I was tired of it, but used to it as well
I'll always be your son.... dad
I wish things turned out differently
I wish you knew that deep down, I love you
The love you didn't show is slowly tying a rope around your neck
You'll always be my dad, you'll always be the monster I was scared of when I was little
You'll always be the screams of negativity in my ears that keep me awake some nights
You'll always be the July 29th I remember, always
You'll always be what made me who I am now
A suicidal passionate artist
And my friends will always try to defeat my inner war with their consoling words
What they don't know is that you'll always be with me
Even when I'm experiencing success
You'll always be there, to bring me down
And I love you for that..... dad
You'll always be my dad
And I'll always be your son you never showed love to
I love you