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am i ee Feb 2023
sitting alone

surprises appear

fun ensues

wonder ensues

life, lessons..

so much

I’m not ready
to have you leave me

you have so much more

to teach me

I know your heart hurts
i know you are tired

I know your barrel is almost empty
but just don’t leave me now

I need you

i  think you need me now
life is sweet pain and sweet bliss
don't give up. it is delicious pain and joy
live it to the fullest
it is too short .. go for it
in all its manifestations;
am i ee Dec 2022
got myself a new boyfriend
turned out to be my twin


never laughed so hard
cried so much

danced so long

moaned in ecstasy so many times
well there goes that vow of celibacy

re-entering this manifested existence
a little quiz from the absolute

7 years of silence and stillness and solitude
turned on its head

Oh the joy
the delicious pain of

isn't it a hoot?

and now he is gone

where will this roller coaster end
this time?

will he ever reappear again?
am i ee May 2022
46 minutes of my life ticking away
listening to your insecurities.

46 minutes of my life ticking away
listening to you wrapping yourself in knots
over what people might think.

46 minutes of may life ticking away
where I could have been laughing.

46 minutes of my life ticking away
where I could have been with the ONE.

Stop worrying about what other people THINK!
who cares what they think!

What do you think?
or not?!
Billie Marie Jan 2022
Some moments a thought comes -
It’s so much easier just to give up.
So comfy a feeling to visualize
nothing but blank-nothing –
Not to be. Not to think
or feel or breathe. No pressure
to present a concocted identity
one can’t even see that’s not at all me.
No stress keeping abreast of every snippet
of someone else’s reality. No figuring
or wondering or worrying or plans.
Nothing to hope for or hate
or to signify or demand.
No side-eyes screaming "how weird".
No stink-eyes looking to strike.
No evil intentions peering behind
some ignoramus’s unbelievable disguise.
No more fake smiles
and rhetorical "how are you's".
No more seeing wrong numbers
and choosing them too. Absent
anxiety and anger and acrid, stone-cold fear.
Absent color. Absent pattern.
Without texture or taste. No feeling
a thing like the aching of pain.
Some moments a thought comes -
Just end this silly race sooner.
Why stick around any longer
perceiving the same old, unpolished,
frayed and slightly greyed images
on a disappearing, silky screen,
when there is glorious and
unending nothing awaiting
this little, tiny insignificant me.
The great beyond is greater unknown.
Billie Marie Jan 2022
how to "get" there?
to see you are "there" already
to know you are the "there"
you are the lush abundant joy
that grows in infinite expansive space
time cannot touch what you truly are because
you are also time
wisdom created time so that life
could be experienced as one and many
each is a role
each one plays its part

The life is written. It is you who is living life's words - acting the characters. The heart sees only God. Duality is our shadow trick of the mind.
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