He is hot and ***** and menacing
like the naked flame of sexuality
But ah, the girl has cravings
He is dangerous and a threat, maybe
A few ***** dreams to fulfill
But ah, the girl played with him

He might be filthy, in fact
A love affair so low, so black
like Lo and Humbert on the car
She is confused but not abused
Very different things, these two
Try to make her a victim
she refused

She is fatherless
She killed him before he could **** her
So Daddy comes to save the day
She has a hole in her heart
He drinks from her fountain
of youth, of blood

And they go around, they dream on
Sad sad dream by wire
Giving both of them life
Her parents would choke and so would
his wife

She didn't die and he didn't ****.
They simply carried on with their lives.
Now they chat on Signal like old friends
with a past to hide, both of them

This hunger
isn't fun anymore!
I am this vessel full of ***
that never empties its heavy load

The hunger is killing me
and keeping me on my toes
The hunger enhances everything,
yet makes me sick!
My ***** is wet, my eyes also drip
All I think is your body, all over me
You're my favorite wildest sweet...
It's lashing out at me - I just can't be
The hunger is deep, the hunger is extreme
it is, i swear it is
Every single night, in my bed,
gasping for relief
I need you to **** me quick
I need to fly with your kiss

I am the absent mother waiting in your living room
Away for long, I pop after being so gone
Battling on her own
I fought dragons in my brain and wandered around
I needed this time off
to pick up my pieces from the floor
(And I might go back anytime if I'm not careful enough!)

I am the absent mother - no one quite understands
I danced with souls and recovered my name
But this was my fate
I am the absent mother - I can't ask for love
Although something pushes me forward to
I've been places, you cannot even imagine

And we've developed from each other far
You can't come and claim love like a tax!
But biology is a bind - the biology of the times we spent together in the dark
How we fed each other when no one was
No matter how different, distant, we are.

And now I ring your bell coming home
And now you're surprised and a bit shocked
Glad, but still froze
Because I am the absent mother, the absent one
Because she couldn't live with a head - with wounds - now scars

He didn't save me
but I saved myself
close to him

I don't need him
but everyday is sweeter
when we are near

He's vital like fun
He's candy for the soul

I am the **** in love
And I just can't get enough!
He feeds me thirst for life
"Is is too real for ya?"
Sometimes he drives me mad
but our love is thicker than that

I don't need him
but he turns pitch black into bright pink
he's a spell I don't want to ignore
this man I do love

It does not span too long
Just a night or two or so
But it swallowed us whole, I see it clear

It lasts only so long as a night
Catch it while you can
But don’t cry when it’s over
It was meant to be like this
You have to learn to let go…

It’s ephemeral love
Springs and withers so quickly
Fades away as it burns and stings but just tonight
Don’t be sad, because he really loved you
Even though just once in his life…

This sip of life I never had
I’m drinking it up
Beds and love, love, love
that will die soon…

Hot feeling, heavy breathing
but not only that
It was when you held my hand
It was so much stuff
It shone, so bright, that only night.

It’s ephemeral love
The universe knows it
And you’ve been waiting ever for this
The stars conspire above
You gotta learn to let go…

And it could be anything
You could have been playing with me
but I don’t think so… I know

****** grew up
she got herself a man
and a disability card
****** grew up
and she's not yours anymore

****** grew up
her life has changed
did you take advantage
not of her age
but of her winter?
Did you want her locked in your cell
was it convenient for you?
Well, the winter's gone
She's not the girl of your dreams
She's the woman of your desires

****** grew up
but always in your heart
always in my heart
the girl she was

but you can't take it anymore
the fact she grew up
it was going to happen
as soon as she left winter
and you were summer
but now the summer's burning
and you are not the flame

the beautiful, deadly winter
the place where she lived
the comfy, White walled, mind crowded Winter
where she still lives
but now put a handful of pepper
and a handful of flames!
would you take it better
if summer had a girls' face?

It was nice, keeping me in a jar
It was nice, helping me out
what were you?
a wolf? a friend? a ghost?
true love? My Humbert Humbert?
all of this? and even more?

Did you really know me
(because you do)
did we build something more
on Spanish lessons and kisses by wire
did I lead you on
well, I'm partly guilty
and not guilty at all!
we were friends! not lovers anymore!

****** grew up
but always in your heart
always in my heart
the girl she was

What light do you throw to yourself?
You are not guilty of your feelings
but you must abide...
I cannot, either, forget our past
But I must move on...

****** never grew up
but she's not yours anymore

Friend
or
foe?

Why it took me so long to grow up?
While you were pouring yourself over beds
I was fighting demons with my head...

And if I find myself at a crossroad,
no one to turn to, no man's land
I still have my friend's hand
I still have the heat of those
who never go far
I'll go back...oh no, I will never go back!

Because
I do love you, I do love you
but I cannot fight my life
And your insistence
makes my heart pound
but not in a good way

And if I find myself at a crossroad,
without you, without him,
I don't have time to cry, because, oh,
this is life....

And if I find myself alone again
I've been here before
I've got a crutch, prosthetic legs
I've learnt a lot, that never wanes.

And if I find myself again alone
I won't spend my time in the Tinders of the world.
And if the cloth's about to tear,
let it tear down, tear us down
and go on, go on...

I'm prepared for the worst
and I'm standing strong

They say, I could say many things
but sometimes I turn dissociative
Definition: being someone you are not
being stripped out of who you are

It's hard for me to think
I became dissociative so many times
in so many different ways
(give me room and poems to explain)
Like a shallow, a hologram

But yesterday...

I feel like smiling, laughing, but so empty inside
Like a ******* reflex of nothingness to expand
I cannot stand myself
Again comes something,
with its claws of nothing
to take me again, till when?
(It will end, before death)

I'm so saved
I could break
I'm so saved
I'm about to break
I look so fine
but inside
I die

And I retreat back into my world
try to save my soul
but a question goes...
what is real?
is this real?
is this real?

I feel like I could live
but it's a lie - I could not be

Coping is just a solution
you do what you can not what you must
and there's nothing but higher purpose as must
no rules in the land of lust
it's a hard decision to know such
how to put it so I can understand?

Coping is finding a way
then finding you've gone astray
Coping is the key and the lock
Coping it's just the way heart works

But there's something higher,
you will find it like it or not.
The time I coped, I was living good,
on my own. Hands below my *******,
you on the phone.

Beautiful mistake!
Of the planned move - beware
But how to do it, when everything else
fails
when contraries meet

No rules for life, so you get lost some time.
You can trace yourself back. Get found,
so you can be lost again. Wonder, revel.

What I feel for you - something I can't describe
I want the bed with you - I always did want that
But I am afraid the demons are howling again
Using the word love as a threat
This is not love, won't be fooled this time
No big adventure without ditching something
I ditch you pain, I ditch you unhealthy attachment,
I ditch you love, because you tore down my guts

The world has opened its jaws
not to swallow me but to let me gently in
it's showing its teeth, saying "Girl, you can look,
enjoy this"
(Enjoy my sharpness, how I slice you open
but
A butterfly in every ****, an ecstasy
even when you're about to drown)
A gift from above - did I work for it?
The world is smiling at me
It always did, it always did
And the road might be bumpy
And awhile I might have to solve it
But I am on my road
towards
Somewhere better than where I come from.

What you did to me
Is something that musn't be done
But at least I had fun...

You broke my heart
But it didn't hurt much

Playing with my heart
My deepest fears, my deepest desires
Such a lifeline you were
Now torn apart...

Now my fingers work again
Although not against your body anymore
But it feels good to be back
not at home
just myself

What do you know of life
the way I live it?

What do you know of us,
to open your mouth and talk? Like that.

What do you know about
Binds, bonds
How love goes and grows
You silly teenager, never fell in love!
You are older than I but you know not more.
You don’t know my mind, at all.
Neither his.
You make me shake. Stir up pain and doubt in me.

What do you know about life
and the aftermaths?
I read poems and you are not in them
I hear your words in no place.
What do you know about
love - that lovely disease
spreading through the body
and not your weekend flirts!
Life looks empty through these eyes.
Please interfere not with my heart.

These words cannot aspire to tell
the world contained inside my chest

What do you know about life
The way I live it?
The way we live it?
Shut up.

I will go into the cold, lonely night
With you on my side, with you on my mind
If we have to go through this again,
still we won't ever die.

My friend Brad said to get ready
for the coming storm
that's why I am kissing you so hard
that's why this night shouldn't end
that's why
I gleam like a demi Sun today

2020 please give me what I want!
or something better, if not

2020 please fetch me some love!
I am the source, I am the source

2020 you are pregnant with hope
fearful to see you unfold
waiting to see you grow

surprises in store for me
and everyone around

2020 you are nothing
life carries on and I keep dancing
2020 please God
give me a world of ****** and love

Nymphets like me grow up,
and guess what?
I am not any scared or scarred
In a parallel world,
Angela invited Lester to her wedding day
and it's realer than death
There's nothing to heal - no sight of old pain

Am I really strong?
I am not sorry - I am not hurt
Even if I did break a few hearts
This nymphet got a job and she dyed her hair
She got to her destination -
but she's not done yet!

And I might have to leave
all of those nymphet, stylish things
no more daddies on the scene
but my inner fire still burns deep
let me resignify what I mean
when I wear my heart shaped glasses
when I feel all pink
that's eternal, it has no age or anything

It's true, I am not ******* anymore.
Isn't that a whole lot more fun?
I am a full woman now
and I am not backing down
(I always was this, waiting to come out)
So I look in the mirror,
and my inner nymphet eyes back,
"you're doing fine, I am proud of who you are"

do you have the key
to my cage
you might
but you must wait
keep waiting, keep waiting...

I am the girl in the cage
the golden cage
you opened all the windows
and some of the doors
and the key you hold
but it's not enough...

I am not my owner
I am not my owner

Born under the same star, touched under the skies
It hurts
The hole in my heart, with scissors cut
You're moth to my flame
You'lll get burnt...
You fell for my magic, black and white it is
You're a siren song to me
I lick my sadness like an ice cream...

I need to keep knowing myself
And to accept that I don't decide in my head.
While struggling slowly towards the sea...

I cut myself
with your thought
I cut myself last night
on your venom Kiss

He’s always been a demon
no good at all
with an angel’s face
I don’t know why I did that
Why I had to push the thought outside
The words came to my mind,
“Is this how you want the night to end?”
and next thing he’s charging with his body,
his lips, on me.
Waves of heat rolling…my chest it explodes, my body it burns
The starter (once), the killer.

Last night it was him, not you
Last night, it was painful
because I’m not loving who I love
and I’m loving that one I do not love
that one I hate

Incubus of you

Because we might get unbound
Of something that's stalling us both
And taste and see new shores
(you need it more tHan I do)
Because Amy might not be the soundtrack
And my good fortune's still there, untouched

I love you, but things they change
Let's not file a list of complaints
and keep going, going
Because oh baby I loved you so...
but my wings were getting weak and stunted
And I cannot take it.

I don't understand love
I don't understand what moves humans so
It's not like I don't love myself
but some things are out of reach of my hands

I don't understand how a father
loves his children so much
yet he destroys their lives
in every touch

I don't understand what makes a man
fall for the mess I am
I won't be able to give him what he wants
Maybe he wants me and nothing else
I don't understand anything
anything at all

I don't understand how the greatest thing
means the lowest we can go

I don't understand how you can love
yet your brain play you ***** tricks
against the core of you
But that's my problem, not Cupid's one

So many dead ones for love
and maybe we are wrong
maybe we are thinking we love
but we do other thing

i don't understand love
but i guess
i will learn
if i keep loving, if i keep walking

I get sad, I feel anxiety
on anything I interpret from you
I wallow in sadness
over anything you did or said
“It didn’t feel good, it didn’t feel right”
I drown in sadness
It’s becoming hoarding,
overspreading, excessive,
invasive
Growing everywhere,
anytime
Then you come again
You peace my mind
And I’m restored, until my next time.

I even see his face turn to grey
when he's away
How close did he draw me
in just 5 days
I cannot write straight
"he's so me, I cannot tell"
now he doesn't talk to me
when i've been thinking of him all day
and it drags me down, brings me down
the passing of time without him
this immobile motion of the night
it drags me down
the passing of thoughts in my brain
they get tired
I get tired too
but i am here, immobile too
clashing my world...
and now it changes, i see him again.
goodbye, strange emotion.
i hope to see you never again!

And sometimes it comes my way
and I smile, I feel, I shake
You showed me your own kind of fairy tale
But I am a punk and I ripped it to death
The Sun did; I just allowed him to do his sacred deed

This is life, you know
So different from what you've been taught.
It is the best, and sometimes the worse.
Full of ecstasy and pain, and ups, and downs.
A ride to not forget, for sure.
Prettier than right, righter than law.
Law written by tyrannic mores!

This is life, not what you were told
so
try your best, forget about the rest
drown in it, till you're whole
most of all, have a ball

Everything's quiet but there's a beat below
Bonsai girl

The world seems beautiful today
My clothes are weird that's what they say
But I have never felt so great

I doubt all I am everyday that comes
Some spirit opened all my doors
Strange behavior but so much love
Green Day albums and stuff

For the first time in my life
Things do not hurt so much
Unlearn all the **** I've learnt
******* myself to survive then

It's just
there is a light in my tunnel
there's a lantern in my heart
It seems to take away all the dark

She's beating because she's all she is
and she does not
She's crying, she's breathing, she's loving
She doesn't know but she thrives
on the little things of life
Because that's all she can touch,
all her branches can reach so far
(but it's more than enough)
Pills and new friends and sleeping after lunch
Bonsai Girl of her class

Psychotic philosopher on the make
A man is whispering her name
And the thought is making her wet
Can her little frame
take this wave

She's a Bonsai Girl
and she's beautiful
but she's bound yet
The past is only the past
but sometimes it hits me with strength
And I can feel the old things
As they were.

A day with you
When I learn about myself
I'm not sure I can do it
'Cuz I've got feelings too, I do
And they got twisted and used
Forgot all they learnt
on the basis of some crazy stupid affair
I've been going from one place to the other
Fundamentally forgot
who I am
No matter how odd or unexplainable
I'm one of a kind
But I ignore my own mind
Sending me signals
And I jump into other's arms without warning
You say that you're broken
You're really wrong man
It's not about being torn
because that's what life is really about

You are so full of beauty...
It overwhelms me
My shining star my ***** confession
my loved one, my obsession
maybe byproduct of emptiness and confusion
What a shame for me
I should be giving a good name to the INFP.

And it's beginning to soak in my bones
And it's beginning to drain me so

A poet, a poet
that is a ******
I'll live off things
that always be

Finally, we all settled down.
And things make sense only now.
(May God **** me if I ever settle down
the way they do!)
Jobs and kids
We've got lives, at least
There's nothing I'd rather wish!
Miraculous, and so ******, it is
We became "adults" - but some of us
are caged still like kids
like birds
who sing

Finally, we got a path
We sowed what we reaped,
but life hasn't been a ***** - to us
We all got over those ugly years
Where you sold yourself and I drowned in fears

If we meet, what will be of me?
If you look at me,
you will see a freak,
(in all senses of it)
It's no surprise - we got only who we are
I'd **** to know what's on your minds
On the sad place, where our dreams got crushed
I see it floating like debris on the water
Did we really got over? Are we still indebted to the past?
Was it true what we did then - was it a mistake we should pass?
Like an old skin that, oh, snakes shed
Are we the same snake at all? I am, and I am not
This mystery of the self

Finally, we grew up
Who are we? Was it a tryout?
An existential tryout for us

Finally, we are out.
I do not wish to be back.
But I can't help to look back
And I have a weird feeling in my heart,
when I see who we are now,
this was a winning hand!
that things only get better
if you learn to wait in time

never more
i wanna go back
i don’t want my sterile sadness
this comfort of sadness
i wanna feel, i wanna scream
not sustain fake relationships
i want to make it, will my brain let me?
I need human flesh
I crave human flesh
I need some reality
I had needed it so bad
I needed to ditch my stylish sadness
now it’s coming back

I am a bodyless woman

The other bodyless women
and me
talk
We were DOA before anything begun
Our bodies, tying us down
Our bodies, the key to being unbound

It hurts so much
to see both sides
not just mine
to see him hurt at my closed gates
the frustration, pain he gets
You could have his world in your hands
the tension's heavy you could cut with a knife
But love sometimes is not enough
not enough
to defy
life's tough

And my pain, too.
Another man I'll lose.
His desire runs Deep
as deep as my anguish
The waters roar I am on I feel the tickling of love
the love below
but the wound doesn't heal so far

I got obsessed
with ***
so it got erased
The bodyless women we are
A bodyless woman I am
I've been on an exile from my own self.

The bodyless women - take my hand
Heal our minds - our body will follow
The bodyless women - being a spirit can be hurtful

Saturdays are tense
with the promise of something else
Mother stares at her plate
Father can't stop talking
and I lie in my tension

Saturdays are tense
with the shadow of the past
of the embryonic, of my life

Saturdays are waiting on an edge
Of other people's doubts
Saturdays are a loaded gun
With nothing to shoot but air...

Saturdays are happy days
but not today

She has a core
A focus, her focus is real
But her focus is gone
Her focus violently said No
Her meaning went off

She hasn't been ripped
She's a vacant impulse
Her focus is dislocated
how wrong
How sad to see her heart!

Her focus won't come back
It hurts, it hurts, it hurts
Love opens doors and closes them behind
Her focus won't let her be
She frantically fights, advices not to love too much
because she did
She puts up with my glory and feeds me still
Because her glory is gone,
When your focus points to a dead end street
I can feel you girl, your tragedy of love
When the meaning is gone,
And you chase the sun desperately
But the sun is not enough
The sun doesn't shine as bright
The sun is dimmed, simply not calling out your name
The sun lacks something, you run away
And everything is pointless today, even the sun rays

When I am falling
I see the house fall too

What if the house falls?
I built it with my heart
But a question lingers
is the house and me, therefore,
false?
Is it a honey trap I am building
is it made of stars?
Will I go back into my hole, my room
and never get out my mind
(never knowing who I am)?
Will I get stuck in my ways
and be a weird -always beautiful-
flower in a crystal bubble?
Like a bonsai, so stunted

All the joy - I meant it
All the tears - I did
But a shadow of doubt
Pushing me to the comfiness of the coffin
To warm freeze, no hands in your underwear,
no fears at all, for nothing happens here
what if it's better to take again the way
of the wire, the ghosts and the stump life

...
it is whispering what if?
What if this is death too,
what if I am a moth flying to the light,
what if I am desperately on the try?
What if it ain't worth no fight?

The house won't fall so far
This path is true: unsafe but so alive
The house is on reliable rock ground
Only reaver, tortuous land, my heart
The house leads somewhere - where, I do not know

I've been your ---, for so long
Now it's hard to take those words
heard through other's lips...

You've been here all the time
Were there anytime the tide was high
and i couldn't swim and i couldn't move

I see you hanging on a thin thread,
not even saying hello.
Putting a distance, for health of your own heart.
I also thought I'd wait for you forever.
But he got in my way...

And you were there
and now this man pops out of nowhere
takes away from you your ----
but it's not like that...

You tried to protect me from life,
it was such a sweet thing from you.
But you can't enclose the fields,
you can't wave life goodbye.

Your -----, that's me...
a bond no one understands
but the both of us...
and who cares
because we are heaven
just like him

Can't you see that
you can have a thousand lovers
and a few friends
and that you crossed the barriers of me
unlike anyone I meet?

And you were there
and now this man pops out of nowhere
takes away from you your ----
but it's not like that...

Because our relationship was always special,
and will always be.
I see you standing there,
having a rough time.
I see you standing there,
but we will learn from this.
You won't be left behind.

People never write poems about this
yet it exists

This unability to exist
this intricated maze of meanings and beings
this path of walls and ***** games
this emptiness that's made up
this storm

this headache
this deaf pain
this state of mind
this hell inside
that's cold to ever write
about

This is what it feels like
being unable to relax
because you got lost
in your own paths
you tried to drive home
but home slipped away
you broke home
home broke itself
but home today feels far

Heart, where are you now?
Mind, why do you do these things?
Impair my hearing
of the world

The bitterness next to the desire
Love hurts! they say, but I am tired
Like weird sisters they go hand in hand
He is like an open itchy wound and you love that too
Becomes a part of him and you
It becomes the canvas for sickly passionate love
The pain as a way to connect with us
Loving you is bitter, no longer a good plan
Good memories blended with little knives
Good memories not distinguished from bad ones
What a twisted way to fall in love

Strolling down Móstoles - I am
Going to meet my man.
The world is an omen right now
schizotypal delights
of *** - over anything else
but they are plain delights
today
The omen of joy itself
The world is perfectly untidy
The world (or me?) needs nothing but loving

Men are looking to me
and they mean nothing
but they mean everything
as I'm close to you and me
**** omens, in the street
everything is the way it should be
Perfectly in time, every beat
As I stroll around with me
in my poppy and short skirt

I am eager to meet you
and this is the prelude to us
We, that set the sky in flames
with the whispering of our names

He says "Can we meet?"
And the drums of doom
the possibility of sweet sin
blur my eyes, make me dream in the daylight
But what about that?
I've been feeling wrong
so he turns up at the gates of my world

A certain drum roll inside of me
A song I know from years ago
I am not supposed to dance to it
I don't even like the beat no more
But God I am stuck
And I fantasize about his lips on mine
now it's drought time
about he would tell me
Dear I always loved you
I cannot keep to myself
all the things you make me feel
both heart and body

It's a male siren's song
It's my personal devil's call
But I light up and I fall
I'd better simply ******* to his thought
But it simply pops and stings with no content
yet he poisons my heart
Yet it is not their fault
I threaten to go dry again
But I will flood the doors open

He stirs the poetry in me
does he distill?
I got rid of him
but he is a cotton cloud, is he the Sun?
I claimed he was one

He was everything
now he is just something
and we are moving
towards something, whatever it is
budding

He says "eat me"
like a cupcake for sweet teeth
I don't really want him
I am stuck
I needed poetry
to realize my luck

You are a fantasy
but you are deadly
You are a reflection of me
but the love and the days we shared,
they were ******* real

Silenced, still
and enjoying
the time awhile

cooking in me
within
silenced I am
watch me, watch me go...

drowning in scenes, things
drowning in lacks
drowning in myself
To find with time
A little piece
of me...

First day without you
feels wrong and healed...

I battled against everything that came my way
And maybr that's life, nothing more, nothing less
I thought I'd win eventually and closed my eyes to the hurtful light
Unheard the little warning/threats of my mind
Fell in a dream, a sweet dream we could not sustain
What should I do? My wish came true

And don't get me wrong
I like what I've done
But I feel your absence and it hurts somehow
I haven't cried, I haven't shouted...
But I've fell in a kinda trance...

But oh baby Alex
What hurts the most is being away from you
Missing our frame of mind: your smile that would never make me cry
Oh it hurts this disconnection
between matters between soul and mind
between desire and reality,
between what one could be and what one really is;
between the many sides of me, screaming and fighting.

How are we going to do it?

Love is the biggest risk we run
But like the air, if we do not breathe
we die
Love is the only thing that will save us
from the cold fire
Love is scary - you are shaking in fear
at the sight of thirsty fullness
at the sight of Everything

The heart is wide
and big and wild!
You can't put doors to it
You can't tame its force
And that's the best
and that's the worse
But you can cut out the weeds
stopping its growth
You have to live with this Godly curse
Love is the thing, dear
But not the Word

Minutes of pregnancy
Siouxsie can't placate me
I'm wandering in the darkness...
in the underbelly of life
scared of my own body,
now I understand the strife...the fear inside

I didn't fear it
but it is here!
I could laugh at it
until I see it coming straight at me...
and nothing is fun anymore

"I'll be the pregnant punk girl at class,
Another brick in my strange life.
I'll be worrying until I see what's up"

Minutes of pregnancy,
minutes in hell.
It was the darkest shade,
that I would be a mother,
so much shame over me,
the little girl that got eaten by the wolves and her worms,
the worms of her cobwebs, long, long cobwebs.
I know I am a hysterical child,
moved only by my own terrors.
What will I do? I ask, worried, to anyone who wants to hear me.

Will you be with me?
Will you hold my hand?
Or leave me there to bleed?
Is mom right about this?

My most feared performance...

I'm back
Is this what I wanted
all this time?
Back to black, to quietness, to the messy,
to wire and desperation, tricks of the mind
To a pool of hidden confusion
to a wall in the heart

I'm back - you're gone
But it is not you, it's me.
I went back to my hole.
The hole ran back to me.

I have a fear.
A thrilling pulse in me
Sometimes I shake, a foul taste in my mouth
And I wonder what this is all about
This wrong feeling, mixed with love
If we are witchcraft, I will be ******

And something surfaces out of the dark waters
Stability? Are you there?
Are you to blame?
Old friend, never knew your name

First I had the stars
First the explosions, bright in the sky
A stream of beauty, shot to the heart

Stability - I never knew you well
All I know is boredom, but she's your evil twin from hell
I am not used to happiness
I tend to mistake her
I am not used
to the canvas being stable and clear
Stability, can you hear?
That the canvas was always black for years
And I dwelled in lower ways to live...

Am I so used to storms
a grey sky can only predict thunder?
The canvas might be not bright but it's constant
Constant love being pumped
Like a drug, you won't be withdrawn
Stability, what's this?

Stability, who are you anyway?
Are you to blame
for
my insecurities (a lot)
my million fears in love
just because
I don't know your embrace
and I have to pull away?
I might get used to this
to the peace
after it

I am the surgeon
Operating in your heart
with cold blood

I am the surgeon
because I'm lost
I'm lost in an ocean of impulses
I've had enough
I hurt you with my moves inside your guts
no anesthetic for us
but PJ Harvey and words
but this is needed
to save our lives
a heart open surgery
of the soul

I am the surgeon
hearing voices from everywhere
steering different places
a bunch of nerves
a bunch of loneliness

God knows I have fear, God knows I doubt
but surgeons just cut
after you, the emptiness
the pain of being a surgeon
after you, the nothingness
but the water was drowning me
the water drowns
when you don't swim well enough

I am a surgeon tonight
I am conscious of it
I try to cry
but my emotions are apart
like a good surgeon would act

And the fear appears
why am I doing this?
I heard the noise outside
and it has left me deaf
What step
to take?
Why am I blinded
by the city lights?
but i see the water lightened by those lights
and it drives me crazy! mad!
I lose my mind

I need time to think, to process
you were standing in the way
but maybe he is too
But he's made me smile wide
See
the struggle of those
who seem strong!
Those with the cold hand!

Always alone, without you
Ring me like a call girl
Is that what I mean to you?
Always ready for when you want
You said losing me was hell
But the only thing you care about is yourself

There's no use in keeping alive
what it's dead now
I had higher expectations for us
tHan ******* on you all the time

I miss us, I miss us
but we aren't there
You miss me, you miss me
But I have worn myself out
I miss you, I miss you
but I have no right to

So let's move on and stop
be something else to each other
even more!
stop stalling, fighting, going nowhere and on
Because I am a sweet pill and in your arms I lost my humanity
I am the pill who got ill
I am always the pill getting ill.

Let's get away
there's something off
let's break away
let's find a way
this is not life babe!

Clear like wáter
pure like snow

You were my only man
The only one that ever loved me for who I am
You didn't care about none of my holes and scars
Maybe you watch them from afar

My only man, my only man
that would kiss me and touch me
anywhere we'd find
My only man, my only man
who loved me with his flesh and my bones
even through wire

My only man, he'll be missed
because no one loves like him
his love is not from this world
his love is no ordinary thing

My only man, he's gone
I kicked him out - the waves, they roar
they cannot be when you are here
they cry when you are gone

but the biggest truth of it all
nothing moves me like your love
your love is out of the common, extrasensorial
and earthy as your touch, my touch on you...
your love is not from this world

your love for me would shatter the earth
i am not that blind not to see

Our love is dying slow
I'm going back hell, going back home...

Can you swallow my bitter pill with me?
Else, I cannot do it
I'll be good to you, I promise
But stay with me...

I love you despite myself
I cannot sustain a relationship well
The queen of broken hearts
Won't someone please tell me what's wrong

My mind has broken again
My mind always gets her way

Poetry and love
they do not lie so far
I tried to secure you with tacks and nails
But will we slip, sleep away?

But I do love your face
in my own sickly way
It's all I can do
offer you my own crumbs

*Everyone's advice
it's starting to make me ill.

Love in the 21st century
is not for the faint of heart
men hoard at my sides
I have to watch them go

Sell yourself,
read the signals
be strong,
learn to find in the chaos
a little bit of sweet love

Love in the 21st century
looks like a fight for the fittest
only they'll survive
the rest we are underachievers

And in the amidst of my disorders
find you standing taller
maybe as a door to open
the one who ignited me

He touched me and I overflowed
The hottest was the less expected
But he won't call me again
Because love in the 21st century
is tough, is hard, is not for everyone
How you used me, fooled me, entertained me
how long have you been planning this
Love is not enough
in the 21st century

Little girl, little girl
It aches merely to think of this song
About the man that sewed all your heart holes
It distorts you inside

You’re 23 but you’re such a newbie
To fall for him like this
You’re 23 but still full of naivety

Little girl, little girl
That from the beginning he means everything to you
and you mean something to him
but something’s not everything

Little girl, little girl
That he didn’t care to hurt you at all
But you are aching
Hanging on a whatsapp message
Or anything from him

Little girl, little girl
That fell so hard so high from
He became an obsession
He got in your brain wires
To death…

Little girl, little girl
He’s not what you expected
What high hopes for someone so low
It was fun in his bed
Till you lost your mind
Little girl, little girl
Fighting against yourself…

Little girl
You are a bit more older today

How to talk about -broken magic-?
How to talk about twisted angles?
About corrupting fairy dust
Disintegrating at the wrong touch
Making a game of yourself
Uneasiness fills the air
Dislocated time and place
Yesterday was a time waste
I shouldn't have been there

Did you ever think you are smarter
than life itself?
Somehow, girl, you were

I isolate myself because I can't stand
being in a world that knows so little
about who I am

My fears found something worse than them
It was a confession not well dealt
It was a non studied thought
with all the potential to harm, though
It's a bomb disrupting
the pattern of the heart
It's ******* that hurts

And so I shook, because I broke
thought of death and then
death didn't seem so bad to come

Symbols pass in front of my eyes
and so do tears
I see cycles, cycles of fear
And my heart stays broken at the seams.

Did you ever think you were wiser
than the deaf beat of the all-encompassing drums?
Girl, poor one, she was

And I stand dead
after all happened
or maybe just tired
because I still fight

But it's broken, it will have to mend

Several orbits in my life
We all are different but under the same sign
We are trying to find a path
We are moving - avoiding disaster
but avoiding lack of action...
We all are changing - we are fighting
blossoming, blooming, getting to be something
We are rushing towards life
The suicidal approach, but the only way out...
or is it the other way around?

We are shaking, shaky our grounds
There has not been a better moment in our lives
Everything's moving! On fire!
Settling by vibrations
This time I'm not wrong - I'm merely moving on...
away from your spot, on my own.
but you are securing yourself
with tacks and nails...

Because
he, he's got a girl
And I've been with men
one of them broke my heart but that's okay
I'm dumping my past
I'm writing poems in my study hours

She, she was crippled yesterday
But now the light caresses her face
The medicated folks, the disabled ones
We are marching, in our own, too.

And he, he's moving somewhere
and he's not certain about that place
but it won't stop us from going there
whatever, wherever
that road leads...

And she's hidden in her cocoon
because she cannot kick out her blues
but she's part too of the struggle,
the movement!!

Everything's moving!

God, is it you? God, did he speak?
If you spoke, can we really hear?
It was like a stake through my heart
Like a stroke of cold midnight
Premonitions drenched in fear - should you listen to such things?
How to know whose voice it is?
I heard it say, "he doesn't love you" via small moves
I felt it rip me apart, but maybe I wasn't attuned
These little ideas of reference that take or break
How to know who speaks? Do you speak the language
they use?
everyday carries what you've been looking for
stay tuned, to the world's beat
to the true things
to what you can see! these moments when you can feel
undoubtedly clear
and let go of your fear, that's what it is!