I am being asked for a bio
a short one, perhaps, considering
my fleeting days

what is a nice way to put
my life has not started yet
and that all my dreams and demons
are still locked inside my closets?

and as I walked off the high school
a hell with company, a heaven without wishes
everything translated into fears

but an abundance of sparks, could-bes,
and a ground for love

I felt dead in a moment
alive in the next.

I had to end on a positive note
For I am returning
tomorrow morning.

I would like to look at the moon until it reflects your face
I would like to die, and sit calmly for you to join me
I would like to be dramatic and be sad and be mad
And I would like, above all, for you to love me.

pinpricks of light
sad, right, 3am, night
told my mother
well, lied, actually
don't be a bother
comma splices
for thoughts, instead
a mess for a head
and sometime, soon, dead.

He's looking
again
continuously
Move, why don't you
you're ruining my view
with that plaid shirt
belly pushed out
absolutely disgusting smile
I can't look away

I waited for you by the swing
The oldest among the young
And I think
I am ashamed of my youth

My feet covered the clouds
All the way up, eyes closed
wrangling hands
This is what freedom means

Being mortified
Chasing it nonetheless
Shutting out the world
Pinpointing it to my feet

I live
for the silence
in the wild

the order
amidst the chaos
a beat of truth

when everyone
knows something
about life

understanding
it's brittle
but warm

I am in stitches
watching these *******
laughing at my bruises

my life has been
flinches
at clowns
flushes
at men

no longer
can I differ

When I was a girl in the city
I thought the world had a limit

Bikes and cars and planes
and astronauts, maybe

But I never really thought to
look for the stars

Being young
is
Music not being loud enough
to hide what your mother is saying about you to a stranger
Outside the locked door

I feel my heartbeat
In the thrum of your fingertips
Against my chin

I feel my ascending breath
In the brush of your lips
Drawing things out of me

It's hope, that you will love me.
It's worse, when I don't know what to say
It's an end, of some sort, of an hopeless kingdom of uncertainty

And it's a start
just one of the countless
to come.

These days
I'm starting to think
Nothing can mean everything

And everything can just as well be
Nothing

The sensation
On the train station
When you find
Kind eyes
Sharp hands
Making you fall

I lived a thousand lifetimes with you
in that summer

Cruel voice
Whispering warm things into my thigh

I was high on your lullaby
Your sky your glorified sigh

Of relief,
Of disbelief,

Because you knew
When I broke countless curfews
And dyed my hair blue
And screamed I had nothing but you

We might just fall in love
Frozen in time

This summer, you and I.

I waited for you by the swing
The oldest among the young
And I think
I am ashamed of my youth

My feet covered the clouds
All the way up, eyes closed
Biting lips
This is what freedom means

Being mortified
Chasing it nonetheless
Shutting out the world
Pinpointing it to my feet

you have your music
and your poems

and I can't wonder
what they are about

who they are about
maybe me, if I'm lucky

but never me
you have too much taste for that

Parking lot, waiting
Just
Kiss me if you have the time

I can spend all day
Playing with my hair

My curls and my straights
And the occasional knots

Watching with disappointment
As they slither down my hand

My fingernails against my scalp
Gripping the hair, calculated firmness

I could tear some out
If I wished to

Buzz of a laughter
Feedback numb
Nothing no more
Just echoes in my ears

Blue sky looked on by
Macabre eyes
The visit passed the limit
She sliced off my

Heartfelt loneliness
Skeptical angels
With their cynical remarks
Trying to get me to feel

Something I don't know what
It is a chip of a bird
That I once quieted for
It is a word of a lover

Who must still love me so
But there is a churning in me
A swirling spiral of nothingness
I hear my time is up

Love me,
won't you?

you don't have better things to do, anyway.
we should meet on tuesday, and we should ****.

fine, make love.
but we're not making love, are we? we're drowning love.
we're drowning it with moans and curses and touches,
until love is just a faint reminiscence of our fantasies.

you always hated the way I talked.
like I knew everything and anything.
old man, you said. I talked like an old man tired of life.

well, old men aren't tired of life. They're tired of pain.
and that's sexist, **** you. old women can also be tired of life.

I feel old as the wind in my face
I feel it's creaks and groans and whispers
and the way they ask me to fall

it blew me out of you
and I grew tired of pain
and you never listened.

You should have listened.

Let's love,
shall we?
and see what fantasies we can ruin.

Doors in my mind
A lethargic breeze
Shutting them closed

Your knocks
Interrupting my monologue
Of solitude

Please go away.
I can't, I can't.
"Stay."

Keep knocking down my words
Keep reminding me of my world
Keep making me want to

Go outside
and
Face you

I clutched at my knees
the beats before her voice
ramming into me repeatedly

The noises in my mind
Too bright, too abrupt
an incoherent strum of notes

I never should have
given you anything
memories dangling in your fist

Head full of clouds
She pedals
her bicycle
a butterfly floats, low

and as wind whispers
it's futile
suicidal attempt
it strikes her stomach

Her lips curling around
a scream
looks down
And it is gone

Daddy
I've done some
*******

I taste
your disapproval
Lips shining around a slit of air
and eyes
foreboding
daring me to laugh

I taste
my highness
my hair white
as clouds
bobbing through the Neverlands

I've been reminded
of you
Daddy

In the fatherless boy
the mirror whispers of
You have my eyes
and I have your
deadness

It's all
because of you
My dear dear father
who had the graciousness
to make me
who had the audacity
to leave me

Because
I never
needed you

I have done too much,
I hope,
Daddy

She.
She feels like
an electric shock
underwater

I.
I can only
breathe within her

Cruel, she is
She holds me

Down, below her thighs
always at an impasse

I used to think
I was cool

She is shattering.

I am on fire
you see
my broken wings?
my husk of a soul?

Silent days and vibrant nights
I fell from the moon,
my fingers never quite
grasping faith

I followed them
their blooming words, lively hands
and poetry that betrayed
there was no use crying about it

As I touched down,
my edges fainting from the glow
and I laughed my laugh
"I am- I am finally here!"

Quick, quick!
Bring the metaphoric shovel,
and your metaphysical hands!

The quintessential doubts
have already been prepared,

Now strike down your tool
shove it in through the ground
of my unholy essence

And bury all my questions
in the midst of every
justified true beliefs

So when I open my eyes,
all will be golden!

Honey Iced tea
tastes blue, unlike the sky outside
I gulped it down
laid on the leather seat

People ****** at my hair
nothing but blobs of dark
on an endless silver screen
constricted in thin air

I wanted her to let go
but she couldn't,
her ideals and wishes
scrambling across her hands

splashing down my head
I was wet, and stuck
My mouth is still sweet
She could taste it

Be young
they told her

still as a silent clock
a thin paper slipping to the floor

time was running out, but no,
stay young, they said

a million cherry blossom
uprooting themselves inside her

spilling over, the tide was turning
the wind blew her hair across her face

she dutifully watered her flowers
wilting, drooping, dying

she wished
she wished they were stronger

being young meant she never learned
about the Poison

a breath on my tongue
flimsy and pathetic
strangled sounds from my lips

clearly un-done
my hands unwrap my face
from all your words
that tasted cool to the touch

but not enough greenery
jeering giggles and
fortifying glares

a word in my throat
jammed, slammed, shunned

be gone Angels
I can't do you anymore

White over black
redact, delete, erase

Words
duly uninspired
down, drops my world

My hopes
in my closet
drawers slammed shut

I can't wear them no more
itchy, rough linen
it wasn't mine to begin with

so it goes
down, with my world

And now, I see
my drawers are white
and my hopes were black

I have lied
I have been so jealous of you
Your glittering family, words overdue
And all the green paper you can draw

I have wanted to be you
my girl, a searing fire, whenever I saw you
light sheen of sweat over my hands
clutched together, lips clammed

I have seen nothing
but yet want everything
because it's you;
your words, your touch, your life

And most of all
I want to watch you fall
Away or closer, for me or for else
I cannot -bear- you being perfect

A mockingbird mocks
She hardly hears

The twinkling sound
of stars falling in her eyes

Her mind is too far away
Strayed in the light-speed
of the found and the lost

Dizzy, is she
She feels trapped
Inevitability of the universe

She is just that mockingbird
She hears

The world hears neither of them
But both can pretend

My eyes flick shut and time has passed me by
Your liquor and money had caught me in a high
There's something burning inside me now

Unaware I could have been pure til the rain
White dress draped around me like a chain
But no, I must tear you off my skin

Your words have made me doubt my own spirit
Bent me over like a punch to the gut
But you could not gauge the glow inside me now

I will drown you with fire, I vow
I am not water or a flower or a delicacy
I am a raging star, a wrathful beauty

And you will watch as I push you- you fall
Until all you are left is a mere regret
And I will have -in full- paid my debt

I have spent too many hours looking at the screen
I searched again for words that'll make me feel complete
but all I write is something that I'd heard before
and my words all look like you

this fountain of boredom never drys
in my body you will find
a path that you can never reach
but you won't seek it

you'll abandon me.

my strings have all been cut
untethered, I drape myself over you
all your sharp edges sliding into my round skin

I write too many poems about you

so are you happy
at least one of us should be

There's something wrong with you
She couldn't see cause she was blind
You closed her eyes forever shut
She never found out what you are

He looked into your eyes
And he thought you were something different
And he was right
He found out a moment too late

This is when you play
And this is where I hide
Love and pain are both
four letter words (a vague concept)

I hope you hide it well
I hope you hide us well

My head is in the clouds
Too high to be measured with numbers

Words, swimming and floating
inside my mind my breath

Let me go
for, you cannot ground me at all

She died when she heard a laugh

It was a forlorn laugh
A one that knew silence was the hardest glass to break
But still it pierced the air

Because Death was coming
- no, he was already here.

He snatched the laugh from midair
and replaced her silent body with that one sound

And she dispersed in a burst of breath
- Death carried her away from the world

Away and away, until she was nothing but a speck
of dust, on one’s tongue

Spitted out, she felt used and dosed
In unnecessary shame, needless awareness

Of her life blinked out
And again, she tumbled through the air

That laugh slipping up her skin until it did not fit
No more, was she going to seem to live.

She died - when she heard a laugh

this city is never silent
cars roll around mad at each other
and people yell my name like
I can't hear what they all say behind my back

At starless night we're all alone
Everyone looks out their window
And the dreams they dared to dream
could come true any moment now

and when we cross the street
to our favorite restaurant
we've been everywhere
this city is loud with us

and when i'm walking home alone
with music in my ears
and the dreams inside my head
this city is quiet with me

i remember wishing for more
wishing for privilege money things
that i am not entitled to

but i still wished
for i am selfish and broken and jealous
and i am not the person you think i am

wishing and wishing and wishing
i fell asleep with tears on my face
and guilt churning in my stomach

why am i not enough for me
why do i want more even when i have more than others

why am i like this?

another sleepless night
i still wonder
and i still wish

love is hoping for better
love is holding on with dear life
love is wishing you didn't
love is sometimes so unpleasant

but love cannot be something other then it
and you cannot deny the love in your heart

so face love
and the answer will be in the air

If my breath is worth your word
Then I would forfeit all to live your world
Where the light and dark
are nothing but shades of grey
And your love would smother me
drive me out, push me
Heavily slowly relentlessly

Into my world
Where,
we'd meet again.

I know you think I'm not enough to go out to the world
But I might be young but I'm not a child
And I might be reckless but I know where I'm headed

I know that you're the way you are because you love me
But you don't really get me
And I'm not that kid anymore

I've always been a dreamer
though you couldn't tell by the music I play
and you'd always tell me the world was a mess
And I would change the way you saw space

And I wish that you would show me who you are
without all that pretense
But in the end you're the one I can't lose
And I'm the one who'll come back to you

So can we talk another time
Though we'll get nowhere
But you'll still love me anyway
And I love you for that.

you always have a plan
but never follow up
so it's left to me
to clean up your mess
and eat your donuts

Someday
All you'll be able to see is
her ponytail
And her clenched fists

Because she is willing to fight
And there is not a **** thing
they could do to stop her

And I will be
by her side

I was once her
Now I'm not

But I still
Love her
And the person
She became
And the person
She could be

And life
carrys on

You are dead
But you are not gone

Because I see you everywhere,
in my mind and in my world

hello
im me
and im not gonna change for you

im not gonna capitalize
im not gonna use punctuation

because i like this
its how i feel right now.

but i know you feel differently
and im not gonna fight you on that
its poetry
theres no rules

so just calm down
and do what you want
and if you want
you can follow me

Lights on your palm
Dancing across my face

Eyes meet and lips touch
But the fire still burns

Rain washes away the tears
Your smiles sweep away the sorrow

Transparent and transcendent
Our love shines between us

A thin thread that will never break
Words that glows in the air

Unrequited
I am sad,
You don't love me
But you like me

Is that enough?

I could never know
I can't compare
No one will love me
Like I can

Why, love?
Why you? Why me?

And especially, why us?