Isn't it strange when someone smiles genuinely
And you'll feel your lips move involuntarily
There's this connection made
When happiness invades

It is war
A kitchen full of hungry guest
An audience of folks ready for experience in the physical sense
You sweat, bleed, love, and hate

It is sharing
In the most obvious state
Of emotion garnished on the plate
A lit cigarette on your break

It is satisfaction
Knowing you gave it all
Or at least pretending when the orders fall
Letting your instincts flow when you stall

It is passion and peer review
A drink with "The Family" after all is through
And each pint brings you closer to
A recollection of a memory

I need a confessional
So won't you listen to me
Cause I've had one too many to drink
And I'm not so sure
If this is what you would think
But its time I fell on my knees

And gave it all to someone
Who may not even care
And tonight you'll be that someone
Whose patience I dare

Yes I'm aware
That this is so selfish
But now was when it all came out
And I'm aware
That you don't really know who I am
But I'm ready for us to begin

The wind whistles
Here I am, me and my consciousness
Watching an old movie outside of common sense
I love you and I always have

I want to see if we can connect the old wiring
Let the electricity flow through the vein
It seems when I drink my words are more fluid
But here I am stuttering again

I won't do this any more
You can't make me want it
You can't make me need it
And the shakes got worse

I might do this some more
If you can make me want it
If you can make me need it
And I'm so terrified

Of what's to come
And how it was
Before you left
And all the voices collapse inside my head

They scream out
"This is your escape"
"This was something you made"
Its tragically beautiful, and clinically insane

But so are you
And you can stop wanting
And you can stop needing
And you can finally be free

The cranberry dries my mouth
The *****, both demeaning and lifting
I am the rock and the hard place
I use nicotine to calm my storm

What do cigarettes smell like now
They don't smell like the burnt shallows of my heart anymore
They smell like a burning lung breathing in a poets mind

White vignette dream
Someone came to me
They asked if they could have my child
And I said yes

We talked for a while a smoked a few cigarettes
It all felt so real, and different still yet

I couldn't understand what was going on
Why I was giving up my child
Why I thought she would be better off
But the deal was struck

We went to the hallway where she was waiting to leave
With her blue owl backpack, and I couldn't believe
What was going on
She started walking towards me crying
And it all moved so fast
She said "Bye" in the sweet, shy, shaky, and child like way she does
And I broke down
I wept on the floor
And I wish I could rember what that sounded like
Because that would be the most captured performance of pain

There is a man who has a large beautiful home
And a grand yard behind it
His sheets are made of Egyptian cotton
And he imposes his fit body onto them every night

On his bed he dreamt
The sky was quickly changing from pink, to blue, to grey, and so on
The ground was made of mirrors so he felt sorrounded by the clouds
He wasn't afraid even if it seemed strange
So he starting walking the set path in front of him

He came upon his house and went inside
And in it he saw nothing
And the nothingness hit him
He swore it off with anger
And went out to the large yard with shrubbery sculptures

The grass in the yard breathed
Ominously so
The ground had cracks but wasn't dry
And there was a spiral labyrinth

There were no trials in this maze
Only one task
To follow it all the way down

The entrance, stone with etched words he couldn't understand
Grew as he approached
And he felt the weight of the world like a roach
The hedges inside the labyrinth stared down on him

He felt the hedges stare all the way down
They dispised him for reasons unknown
And whispered
"What would you do in our shoes?"

At the center of the maze was a blood filled, oozing, heart
Every beat was slower than the last
And he understood it as his own
The sky turned a strict, brooding grey

Frantically, he searched his mind for answers
He blamed the people around him
"They're poison!" He shouted
But that couldn't be true

He wept, for he didn't know what to do to make the beating regular
And the hedges stared
And the sky closed in
And the whispers turned to shouts

Then it all stopped
The heart, beating
The hedges, staring
The sky, moving
While he was glad, he felt alone

But then it seemed the world spoke all at once
"Give us your all, we shall return the favor, and we will be one."
And he awoke in his beautiful home
And he wept in repentance

We'd dream of Paris
In possibly, all the ways it has been already
But this one is ours

You sit in the grass reading on Delacroix
Speaking up every now and again to spike my mind with your alcoholic knowledge
And you would succeed in intoxicating me with your passion
As you always have

We take our time and get lost in the city
Spill our glass hearts full of wine at night and get lost in each other
Not in the dream, but the truth
After all, who's to say there would be any time

And if there isn't, I'm content in knowing that cheap wine is enough
And that books can be read on any grassy knolls
And as long as I'm in your fast, talkative presence
I could get drunk on your passion whenever you flow

So, there I was
Caught in your moments
The way your hair swooped to the side by itself
A natural perfection

At work we'd find time for cigarettes
And I would find more reasons to write poetry
In every contortion of your eyes
I day dream about our moments in third person

So, there I was
Struck through the chest with a hot iron arrow
Torn, once again, at a crossroads
Holding my composure so you couldn't catch on

So, there I was
Tucked between the spot where your shoulder and neck meets
Stowed away in your heart when you spoke of art
There I was, all along

I didn’t understand the lilac girl you spoke of until I met her
Love wasn’t real, but a fun idea
Like playing house when you’re young

I didn’t understand how a moment could be complete bliss and yet so morose
Until I noticed her understanding of me

But we both had our own worlds.
And so I guess love is still just that,
A fun idea

As it turns out, juxtaposition is the most powerful word
The sound of the word holds it all
The meaning of the word does the same
And in itself can describe our ways

When I say "our" I mean us. Humans.
Human emotion is profound
It's loud
It's soft
Juxtaposition
It's harsh
It's calming
Juxtaposition
It's all at once

The reason I bring up the word we've discussed
I hear it in music the most
An oxymoron in every note
But some songs are just opposed
And songs hit harder when they're juxtaposed

Life hits harder
When it's juxtaposed

We met in 7th grade
You were as silly then as you are now
You were as sweet then as you are now
It seems my love wouldn't fade

You're hair was long and everyone told you how beautiful it looked
The thing that caught my attention though was your TMNT t shirt

It's weird how even then it felt like we were meant to be in each other's lives
It's odd how now I still feel that way
But it's stronger than friendship

I'm in love
And I don't think we will ever be together

Your anger pushes me away
I don't think you see all the little things it does to me
I know it's hard to understand
Why my anxiety keeps me at bay

But can't I breathe?

Can't I take a lung full of fresh air and turn it into the world?

Your anger pushes me away
And I don't think you see that it makes it hard for me to stay

What makes a house a home?


In spring I rember the trees flower blossoms coming in
They were white and smelled of iron
I thought they smelled funny
But now I miss their scent

In summer I remember the sound of our skateboards
Every bump on the ground and our uphill battles
The runners we passed gave us ***** looks
But we laughed because we knew we meant no harm

In fall the house smelled of warm, sweet pumpkins and swirling cinnamon
we would decorate for the spirits and it would lift ours
There were many early mornings and late nights
Video games were in full swing

Winter gave me insight
The snow fell and brought a wise silence
I would trek just to go to the store even though I didn't need anything
I'd meet my friends in fields to play

So, what makes a house a home?
It's our memories
Our smiles
Our love

As we get older our mentality starts to shake
It's hard to not feel dazed
It's tiring to go the extra mile

When we were young the days felt great
We were thrilled by a gust of wind on a beautiful day

When did you last acknowledge the wind?
Fate is dead, but maybe that's ok
If you want to feel like a kid again
Take control of your fate

I still saw the hope in humanity
Even after my father went to jail
I still saw the hope in humanity
Even after we were broken into and were violated by those young men
I still saw the hope in humanity
Even after the twin towers
And I still see the hope in humanity
As I clean the broken glass up from my car
And I hope they needed that music equipment more than I

It saved my life and I hope it saves theirs

"Would you like to know my story?"
I sit across from a man far from boring
Like a noir film, the man was painted by his black silhouette
And tattooed on his arm was "Never Forget"

"I'm a bounty hunter, you see."
He said as the double bass bellowed
"There's not really a destination set out for me."
I could see that the nicotine had turned his nails yellow
And his face distorted as he remembered a past
A far off land where the moments would last

He told me about his life as a cop
And that sometimes he came to this jazz club to make the thoughts stop
He'd let the drums beat out his anger of a partner that left him for dead
And the piano would lift him back up instead

When all was said and done I told him "Good night."
Something felt different about my life
As I walked out the rain would start
It seems everybody can be a piece of art

I started smoking again
Tell me if you can relate
To the feel of a cigarette enveloping your brain
There's a chill that rolls down your body
Then a moment of slight pain
In the back of your throat, then your lungs inflate

A vice that's Juliet where I'm Romeo
We **** ourselves just so we feel grown

Or is it like a lover you've grown tired of?
But you can't quite quit when push comes to shove

No

It's more like a therapist when I need advice
That is the relation between me and my vice

There's a theory
     That when we die in one plane of life
We are brought into a plane where we are
                               Alive

                     It occurred to me
                       When you left
      I felt new and it felt wrong even yet

                        So just maybe
           I'm not used to this new body
      It explains why my steps feel sloppy

There's a theory
     That when we die in one plane of life
We are brought into a plane where we are
                               Alive

A soul uncrushed that once was
The moon rolled down our backs
I was so far from home and yet it felt comforting
To know you were the one to have what I lacked

A study of "Blue in Green"
A cigarette I hid from you when I left
The smoke trails flow with the piano
And settled when you took effect

I saw the blue in your green eyes when you said you must go
College only seemed to hold all my woes
I swore it off with the rising rage of a crescendo
But then again "Blue in Green" reminded me of home

A year starts as a whole life
It moves to a ninth
Then, an eighteenth and you're scared for that life
A twenty-fifth wondering "Was I right?"
Before long a year draws on

They change and morph until you're only the same at the core
They go from fiftieths or more
And even though you've worried and mourned
Don't let a year stop you from walking through a door