That night, the back of your head was such a sight to see. Your worn-but-new sneakers slamming against the pavement was a symphony, the volume decreasing with every step. Your hands running through your hair in angst after being gelled to your forehead by sweat. Lastly, you throw your head over your shoulder for one.
Last.
Look.
You were the devil in disguise under the muted yellow street light. Your expression sent a thousand messages, but mine only expressed one.

I’m free.

sixteen
Innocent and sweet
But only to you
Was I seductive and a treat

seventeen
You said to your mates again
“What I would do to her if she was legal”
What a bad first impression of men

And it didn't surprise me that
you cheated on board games too

Every time we went out
I saw you searching for someone new

I wish I trusted my instincts
I wish I knew all of my thoughts were true

But you will never understand
what you put me through

You move your piece three times
when you rolled a two

Despite all of this
I still gave my hard earned win to you

I'm seeing you around again
But this time, not as it seems
Now i can see you walking down the streets
Of my imaginative and delusional dreams

In my dreams, you would hold me
Like you always said you would
Way before i pulled away and
Said all of these words neither of us understood

You live in,
A broken home,
With a shattered window,
And a disconnected phone.

You travel with,
Your broken feet,
With rough pathways,
Leading to a blocked off street.

You see through,
Black and white eyes,
With a look so unwelcoming, tiring,
As you're badly disguised.

You sing as,
A bird in the woods,
Soothing and caring,
But fading away from the neighbourhoods.

I listen to your broken voice,
On a broken street,
With your broken eyes,
Hearing your broken heart beat.

And now I'm slowly breaking,
Make room for me,
Because with you on a broken street,
Is where I'm destined to be.

As he called out for help
He wasn't surprised to find
The waves crashing in
And out of his mind

He was aggressively shoved
And lost in the cold sand
But he didn't miss the opportunity
To take the winds hand

Swept off his feet
He glides back into the sea
His mind aches with sorrow
Disappointed of what he couldn't be

But tonight he would cry out
For anything stronger than himself
Just so he could be
Restored back to his normal health

The waves take him further
And he falls deeper into his head
Afraid and shocked to see
If this road will get him dead

He's had enough now
There was nothing left to find
He fell too deep into the waves
Crashing in and out of his mind

There's no doubt you're a lier
Just a boy who plays with fire
Not a fraction of desire
To aim any higher

There's no doubt I'm an inspiration
Playing on your broken-hearted situation
I could never cancel the operation
But from you, I never got an explanation

There's no doubt you're pleasing
Played with your heart, my hands are freezing
My mind in your hands, you're squeezing
But never would you be so appeasing

There's no doubt that I'm a cheat
With your soul with mine, we'll compete
You know I'll never admit to defeat
Even while I know we're bittersweet

There's no doubt that we're fighting
Our minds are colliding
Even though none of this is exciting
Your arms will always look so inviting

There's no doubt we like to pretend
That maybe I’m more than a friend
And you’re just a hand to lend
But everything has to come to an end

Theres no doubt you were a lover
Helping each other to recover
At 1 am, you’d make me shudder
Maybe theres time to rediscover

compare me to the sun
compare me to the sea
tell me how i should act
tell me how i should be

the sun will still shine
the waves will still move
I will still be living
whether i win or lose

but your world is darkened
by the lack of sun
and forever it will stay that way
whether you've lost or won

so compare me to her heart
compare me to gold in her core
tell me how to love you
but I won't play that role anymore

Somedays I like
Drinking coffee with the rain
I like the hot sensation on my tongue
And to watch rain fall again and again

But somedays I wake up
Without anything to do at all
So I lay in bed, think of my purpose instead
And figure out why I am so small

It hurts to know
The days I spend in bed
Nobody will run for company
They put me to the back of their head

Maybe just once
Id wake up with a call or text
Just to remind myself
Maybe I couldn't be alone next

But somedays I wake up
Wishing my loneliness to disappear
But tomorrow I won't wake up
Because now my final date is clear

Tonight I will surrender
To myself I say, "it's for the best.
So somedays now I won't
Have to go back to rest."

Because this loneliness
Cannot be cured
It's inside my head
Never to be assured

Inside my mind
A single soul standing alone
My thoughts only staying around
But never to call my own

Somedays I don't wake up
Somedays I don't even rest
Because my loneliness will stand alone
It's really for the best

heavenly wrist
drips from its core
sleeping but renewed
once it starts to pour

heavenly wrist
i love the lace
around and around
your wrist I chased

heavenly wrist
what is this new colour?
and what was that
sudden shudder?

heavenly wrist
did something go wrong?
did the drips from the core
last for too long?

heavenly wrist
veins no longer show
blood has stopped
it's heavenly flow

heavenly wrist
heavenly wrist
why did it
end up like this?

the flowers in your hair
are not fortunate enough to meet your eyes
instead they only ever sit on your head
and improvise

my notebooks are empty
because i do not write
i only memorise your moves
and poetry happens at sight

Miracle factory
Fix me till I'm cured
Change my thoughts
Until I'm reassured

Miracle factory
Please do not give in
I'm always staying strong but
My weight is about to win

Miracle factory
Why did you let me go
I'm not repaired, I'm nothing compared
To the emotions that I don't show

Miracle factory
Now that you've shut down
I've search for self esteem but
It's no where to be found

Miracle factory
I'll always say goodbye
Because once your gone, my weight wins
And eventually we'll all die

Miracle factory
Fix me till I'm dead
You haven't changed my thoughts but
You've overlooked them instead

I feel as if there is no end to this life
I know there may be many choices
Openings, endings
But I am stuck wondering which one is for me

voices calm me
they never alarm me
they try to harm me
but I just hide

it's hard to work with
but it's always worth it
to feel the relief
that I feel inside

it's a struggle to
always run
it's a struggle to know
where i come from

voices excite me
my room ignites
the flames worry me
but I just hide

hide, hide
constant run
constantly running
until we see the sun

we don't stop
for no one less
because our souls
will undress

my room ignites
my poetry in flames
the voices bite
but I just hide

lonely star,
don’t be sad,
you’re the first friend,
i’ve ever had,

i hope you can,
look over me,
as i look up,
its you, i see,

glittering, sparkling,
lighting up my sky,
please, my friend,
don’t say goodbye,

because if you leave,
who will i see,
and who will suddenly,
watch over me?

i need the guidance,
i need the light,
that you give me,
during the night,

lonely star,
don’t disappear,
its important that,
you’re always near,

because without my light,
without my star,
i guarantee,
i won’t get far,

lonely star,
now can you see,
what you have,
done to me?

I’m crashing into,
an emotional state,
that you, lonely star,
helped me create,

lonely star,
you helped me see,
that in the sky,
is where i want to be,

i hope we find,
each other again,
because after all,
you were my first friend

I'm at home, all alone
But please do not come around
Because alone is what I like to be
Without new faces or new sound

I'm at home, all alone
I think you know my address
But please do not come around
Because I will only love you less

I'm at home, all alone
You believe that no means yes
But please do not come around
Because I look like quite a mess

I'm at home, I'm not alone
Please don't say to me
That you misheard what I said
Because I could hear you clearly

I'm at home, please go away
I did not want you to come around
Because alone is what I liked to be
Without new faces or new sound

I'm at home, now alone
You've left me at my address
But please do not come back around
Because now I love you less

On cloudy days
She was the sun
Hiding away
And away from the fun

On winter days
She was the rain
Falling over
And over again

On night skies
She was the moon
Out to be shown
But shown too soon

On hot days
She was the heat
Fighting and fighting
To struggle through beat

On clear skies
She is the sea
Floating and floating
Over top of me

On gloomy days
She is the sun
Hiding away and away
There's nothing to be done

On miserable days
She said her goodbyes
Waving and waving
To me and her lies

On cloudy days
I sit and pack
Maybe the sun
Would bring her back

On winter days
I miss her so
Thinking and thinking
Of ways to let her know

That in the summer
She was my sun
Keeping me up
And enjoying the fun

And in winter
She was my coat
Keeping me warm
And staying afloat

On miserable days
She'd smile away my tears
I wish she was here
To recover from her years

On cloudy days
I feel like the salt
In cursed ocean water
It's all my fault

I wish that I could fly
I wish that I could lie
I wish that I could cry
I wish that you would tell me why

I wish that we could dance
I wish we'd followed through the glance
I wish we would take the chance
I wish that we had romance

I wish that I could sing these words
From across the room
And as soon as you hear my voice
Your camera would focus and zoom

I also wish that you were the one
I really wish we could have fun
I really need to know if you're done
Do you know where I'm coming from?

Because this heartache is killing
And I'm not willing
To stay through a sitting
Of a show that I'll end up quitting

And one last thing

I wish I was alive
I wish we could survive
I wish you could revive
I wish I wasn't a ghost

Each flower
I picked for you
I wished and wished
For your words to be true

But even the stems
Knew you told lies
Slowly, they shrunk
Without saying their goodbyes

Each flower i picked
Reminded me of your eyes
And the stems were are strong
As your permanent lies