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2.4k · Nov 2015
yellow line fever
Lines of red lights stretch back to my life
How I wish  could make the lights yellow
A U-turn is easy
But impossible when there's no one to turn to
1.5k · Nov 2023
The unseen moons glow
In the dead of night, I questioned the skies,
The desert whispered with elusive guise.
The wind carried echoes of tales untold,
As unseen dangers lurked in the cold.

Stars above twinkled, a celestial choir,
Their ancient light sparking a deep, yearning fire.
The moon, obscured, was nowhere to be seen,
Yet cast shadows, eerie and green.

As I stood guard amidst the desert's dread,
Haunted by the words that the desert said,
The rumble of artillery, a ghostly sound,
Echoed through the night, unsettling and profound.

Uncertainty lay heavy on my chest,
As I faced the unknown, longing for rest,
Knowing I must endure just one more test,
Cold metal in my hands, whispered its own unrest.

Many years have slipped away,
Yet still I'm left to ponder and sway,
Uncertain if what I sought was found,
At the expense of the boy, lost then drowned.

Amidst the darkness and the fight's sudden hush,
The absence of our brother, a palpable and heavy crush,
The grief, a burden to bear,
In the stillness of that night, an unspoken prayer
At the heart regret did tear.

The lights pierce through the fog, my thoughts now clear,
As I sow seeds of lead, releasing doubt and fear.
But deep within, an ember brightly burns,
A hunger for truth, a heart that yearns.

Though the years have come and gone,
I seek the peace I've longed upon,
To find the solace, to calm the tide,
And let the boy lost inside me bide.

A journey through the dark and light,
To make amends and set things right.
"My past is an armour I cannot take off, no matter how many times you tell me the war is over." - Jessica Katoff
1.4k · Oct 2016
second date
i may never find another like you
but thats okay
i only ever saw you twice
but how much you added to my life
is worth a thousand times
with someone who would have meant less
am i fool to fall in love on the second date
or am i just a broken heart
that finally found the glue
what a shame
the life ripped  me away
before i could find an awnser
maybe it was love
maybe it was a hungry heart
geuss well never know
Everyone sees me
But no one knows me
My friends know what i tell
But never care to see what i dont

I go through life smiling
Faking every emotion
Pretending im normal
But when the world falls still
And i have no laughs to mimic

I remeber whats real
What my life is
And no matter how hard i try
I cant fake a smile for myself

My reflection stares at me
That same blank expression it always has
I want to slam my fist into it
Make it go away
Wanting it to do what i cant

I fake me for them
Why cant it fake for me
Show me what i want to be
Not what i am
How foolish one must be
to believe you can live
and not die a little
For life is a beautiful lie
Thats why its such a gift
an empty box
filled with a blank slate
Life death lies truth it doesnt matter were all *******
956 · Nov 2015
Campfire blues
The work was done
Everyone knew the plan
And where to meet
We'd cash our checks
Fill our coolers
And head to the woods
Good friends
Warm fire
Cold beer
Life was simple  
Life was perfect

Now all I have is the memories
The friends are around its me that left
The woods are there
But life moved to the house

But not for me
For me life went away
Away from the woods
From my friends
My warm safe fire
And cold sweet beer

Life went away from it all
I went where the wind took me
Now I go were my country wants me

I miss the woods
I miss my friends
I miss my girl cuddled under my arm
I miss the jokes
I miss the smoke

I miss the woods
The bass thumps
The crowd jumps
Lights flash
I move with them in perfect sync
Filled with a toxic mix
Liquid courage
Smoke of joy
Pills that numb the mind
Finally i feel happy
I jump and dance into eternity
I dance with her and her
Kiss her
Make out with another
Take a diffrent one  home
But when we're done
And i lay there holding her
All that plays in my mind
Is the memory of holding you
When the music stops
And the high wears off
You creep back into my mind
From the hole i forced your  memory into
Your memory scraping at my mind
Till i loose it
Theres nothing left to do but repeat
Night after night
Girl after girl
Nothing i drown you with
Seems to **** your memory
Written at 4am after getting home from a night of clubing and heavy drinking
822 · Dec 2016
Passing cars
Here i sit to ponder at a world lost and deprived of wonder, a park bench my throne fitting for a life so somber, i watch as you pass an ephemeral moment lives intertwine, i come to know you through all that you show, but our serendipity was cursory, as i all to well know l.
I see into your lives moments at a time
In that fleeting second i yearn to be there, ache to feel what you feel. To learn what its like to be another for i will never even know your name or your struggle. Nor will you mine.
Your eyes grazing over the world, grazing over me for i and the bush are both one and the same, both wilt away when the world is cold and shudder when the winds of fate tear away at our shells.
Your smile reflects off the window but it shines to deep beyond the glass pane cutting into mine, straight into my soul ******* me back to a time when my life was as bright as your high beams going forward just as fast stay young stay pure stay happy because when your not the brakes slam on and everything seems to stop.
658 · Sep 2016
When birds tell stories
Across my body a story is scribed
 it tells of a boy that lived through hell innocents dies
The reaper never lies

Follow the crows

Life moves on he grows cold
A gas mask protects
Evils in the air
So a gas mask he does wear

Follow the ravens

A latern alight
on a star void night leads to safe haven
guides him through the trees
Where his fears whisper in the leaves

follow the rooks

Around the castle
the nobelest of the kings men
Straight forward
ready to die for him

Follow the magpies

and youll find the cat and the hatter wisdom in madness
neither matters to the boy
who thinks like the latter
Tattoos are for the person who wesrs them they tell thier story thier not just art thier reminders who you are where your from and what you want to be
630 · Oct 2015
Dreams of fire to fission
What was the man that invented fire
was he a scientist
was he a dreamer
was he a mad man
or simply fool that stumbled upon the future

What was the man that that invented nuclear fission
was he a scientist
was he a dreamer
was he a mad man
or was he simply a fool that stumbled upon doomsday

why  not a mixture
why can one not be all three
why cant I be a dreamer who dreams madly
or a scientist who dreams of the future
why not a fool who dreams of being a scientist
why must I  be one

One would be a fool not to dream
if he dreams then a mad man  be he not to be a scientist
and only a mad man because
some people don't understand the dream
others make the dream a nightmare
the foolish scientist only wanted to share a dream
581 · Nov 2015
Body bags, Battle flags
When bodies lay still
But hearts beat heavy with rage
Loved ones fallen pale and cold
Vengeance beats
In those whose blood is still warm

Mothers wail in anguish
Old men bellow for vengeance
Heroes hear their cries
And answer the call

Drawn over a short life
Sheets stained crimson
Cloak the world
As they’re raised
For banners of war

Evil is a fire
Left unchecked it consumes all
It takes heroes to rise against it
To see what it has caused and stand
569 · Oct 2015
Ageless Broterhood
His eyes are glazed
Locked on something far away
If you stare into them they are deep
In a terrifying way
He is a man of honor
A man of valor
He is a hero
Yet he sits on a curb
Sign in hand
Passed by without even a glace
I stop because I know that look
I take a seat and ask for his advice
He made it back long ago
I ship in a week or so
Young paying respects to old
Receiving the torch
I didn’t have much to give so I gave it all
Because when he was young that’s what he gave to us all
563 · Jan 2016
Hope in the face of fear
Fear soon follows hope
I can see my self doing it
But that does not matter
Will i do it is the question
When it come time to jump
Into the unknown
Trusting my life to a piece of cloth and rope
Will i leep
When the red light goes green
Will i step forward
Or will i halt
In the face of fear
Will it open
Will i fall to doom
A thousand thoughts
In 3 seconds
Was i born a warrior?
Or was i born a man?
I leave for the arny in 7 days facing one of tbe hardest challenges the army has to offer i think i can do it but i fear that all my dreams will be shattered because i am not good enough
554 · Nov 2015
Untitled
This world is filled with locks
locks that trap inside beauty
our mind is the key but if it is closed so to are the locks
open your mind
widen your eyes
and watch as locks fall free
and escapes an infinite amount of beauty
545 · Oct 2015
Numb shoulders
For some it is the heart
It aches at night
It cries for the one who made it beat
The one who made the life it gives worth enduring
It aches, it hurts and sometimes it shrinks
But it is filled with every beat you wish wouldn't come

For some it is the lungs
They quiver with tears
Shed on the bathroom floor
They quake with the body
Shuddering without their arms to hold it still
But they can be filled with a cry of despair, a gasp of anguish

For me it is my arms
They wrap around me but still feel empty
They stretch out at night feeling for the ghost of a  memory
They cannot be filled with a pillow
And a stranger doesn't fit right
They can only be filled by you
The one who makes my heart beat
The one who made me lose my breath
But your not here
So now my arms will forever feel empty
521 · Oct 2016
gental movement
such a gental movement
looking back at me
your hair swishes away from your soft features
exposing what for me felt like the whole world
such a gental movemnet
but it shook me
to my core
every fiber of my being
I ached to see it just one more time
everytime
507 · Oct 2015
out-sanity
How intresting that the word insanity
Is made of, in and sanity
Yet to be it you but be out of sanity
500 · Apr 2017
Unwitnessed Deaths
If a tree falls in the forest
And no one is around to hear it
Does it make  a sound

If a gun goes crack in the night
A soul leaves a body limp
Did anyone care enough to see it

If a young man dies alone in a desert
And no one's back home to fear  it
Does anyone care

If a little girl falls in a pool
But mommy never came home
Does she still get a head stone

If a man dies in a crowd
But noone looks up from thier phone
Wasnt he also alone
If you stay in one place
with no burden on your shoulders
other than that of life
then you will live
slow and steady
some days hard
some days nice
no shame in that life

But if you travel
with a burden on your back
its weight
will draw you to others
they to will carry hardships
they wont share yours
but they will share theirs
and from their story
you can learn
you can learn much from them
the people who aren't scholars
they who aren't great men
who aren't great anything
who are the opposite
broken hurt and beaten
they who are bruised
though they aren't noble
they are wise
in only the way that a broken man can be wise

It is from them
more so than from books
that you can learn about the journey
that we call life
486 · Jun 2018
memories by firelight
Look deep
stare for an eternity
only a second passes
but all is revealed

The flickering lights
future and past
mistakes and laughs
tounges of truth lap
at the air we breath

cinders cast
images of home
warm and welcoming
but able to burn at a touch

Sparks clash
as visions of war
pain and loss
blood and love

Smoke twirls
figures of lost love
dances almost forgotten
faces left to dreams

Fires burn
as brightly as our desires
and as deep as our souls
480 · Oct 2015
Wandering eyes
we ended years ago
you always came back as I was about to leave

held me
till my pieces felt almost whole
kissed me
with a mouth that dripped lies

told me you'd been foolish
that you had forgotten
how I was the one

Then vanish
no reason at all
just checking
to see if the hook was still in

it worked then
but not now
I've grown wise
and I've opened my eyes

I see how you move from guy to guy
how your eyes wander
but always check on me

if mine start to wander
here you come crying of your blunder
473 · May 2016
Maybe you weren't the one
Away from home
I may never see that town again
But in my mind memories race
Of a time when i thought i was me
Always pauseing on you
For years my world revolved around you
Now its off center
And i  cant even remeber
Why i fell into your orbit
458 · Oct 2015
Yin loved yang
A single word translates to every language
For it speaks not to the mind but to the heart
Not understood but felt

Through time man has tried to convey its meaning
But a net of ink yields empty

How does one describe a word that has new meaning with every utterance
and with ever person to whom it is uttered

A word that evokes feelings as  perilous as the sea
As boundless and as unfathomable

Perilous as it my be
There exist moments
When even the sea can fall still
Its waters so tame that even the deepest point may look shallow

If one was to take the plunge
They would gleam the subtle yet stunning beauty
Of the word that shakes man to his soul  

Once you have taken the plunge
You must open your eyes
Finding yourself in a new world
It is deep at times it is terrifying
So vast it can make you feel small


Under water, beams of light dance through the shadows
Their rays cutting through it

For the true meaning of the word is not pure joy
But something of such depth is scares you
Conquering fear so you can bask in the light
Embracing the shadows knowing they will pass

Let it be
Light and dark
Cold and warm
Just let it be, there
The word is love
448 · Nov 2015
A strangers embrace
I keep a list one by one writing a name
I cant remember that nights dame

Over and over again
I find a new stranger to commit a  mortal sin

One night cant fix a heart
One night with a stranger won't un-tear me apart

A name I forgot hours ago
Won't fix anything I still have torment to undergo

Yet time and time again
Here I am ready to commit a mortal sin
418 · Dec 2015
long drag
I take another long drag
And let it out slow
Watching the smoke curl away
Over the water
No where to go
And heading nowhere
So i came to the one place i knew
It aint much just an small lake
And an old dock
With alot of old memories
From when life was bright
But its 3 am and like the world, life is dark
I take another long drag
Look in my phone for the thousandth time
Looking for the wrong girl to fill my arms
I pass everyone because they arent her
I just cant stand to hold a stranger tonight
So i take another long drag
Life feels empty so i fill my lungs with smoke
And my arms with flesh
This year has just been one long drag
Slowly killing me deep inside
Its late and im missing you again
414 · Nov 2015
Collage drop out
I never wanted to go to collage
that was your dream
I never wanted to be an officer
those were your footsteps
but you made me go
made me live in your shadow
I lived under your thumb
I lived in your wake
to scared to brave the waves
without your break
but being alone
living in my own light
while living out your dream for me
I found myself
I found my voice
to say enough
I didn't whisper it
I screamed it
from the top of Paine mountain
and I dropped out
and you dropped out of my life
no I wont have a degree
but better than a degree
you don't control me
it is my path to walk
I don't live for money
I don't live for success
I live for peace
not on earth
but within me
I have things that scream inside me
and only my dream will silence them
I swore in yesterday
I'm the armies now
you don't approve
oh well
I swore you off years ago
I'm on my own path now

I'm proud of me
What I do now you'll never get to see
If you know what college Paine mountain is at then 50 points to you
391 · Oct 2015
The artist
Darkness creeps on a soul
It dwells in a heart

There are no souls that cant fall apart
Hearts wither then disappear
A lost soul and missing heart build the blocks for a murderess art

Eyes once a window to the soul
Peer only into an abyss
Mirroring horrors lovers dare not dream
Showing a past of souls departed
Even soldiers dare not gleam

Thus none would see
For none dare look
Fearing the truth
Fearing the artist
Fearing all with souls departed

Ignorance becomes bliss
In a world of light shadows bring truth
Bitter as events that create an artist

A soulless body might they saved
Never more the path is paved
390 · Sep 2016
Your now and again
The first time i died
It was quick to start slow to end
It was my own fault
Heart ripped out by sin
Good bye cruel world
My dearest friend

The second time i died
It was slow to the draw
Cruel fate played out like a slow crows caw
Till your soul had leapt
My screams echoed in the hall
Hello world i see your still hear
Just as i had deeply feared

The third time i died
It was pain stakingly slow
It started long ago
I died many times
Each time death i got to know
He became my friend
How i wished i could go
 
My heart had left
My eyes had wept
Away my soul had crept
Life went on and my body i kept
Till finally i was put to rest
My last thoughts came
I did not want to go

My dearest friend
I shall only ever miss your now and again
You die many times in life but if you dwell on death then how will you live
389 · Oct 2015
The yellow note
Your memory should be a whisper
Yet it screams in my head
No decibel of music is high enough

I never truly knew fear till you said good bye
I thought our last words would be I love you
I was wrong

I was always detached
Then I met you and I found the ground
Then with my heart you tore out my roots

I said it then I mean it still
I love you and I always will
Not a day has past I haven’t loved you, or hated myself

You’ve hurt me time and time again
But I can’t hold a grudge
It’s your flaws I love

I’m not innocent I hurt you too
I’m flawed but I tried
I wish you had to

I miss those long nights where sleep felt like a curse
The long embraces and slow kisses of good bye
Missing you before I hit the end of the drive

I carried that note for a year
Who knew a piece of paper could weigh so much
How many times did I read it to hear your voice
What a beautiful hell

I gave it back thinking it would help
But sober, drunk, or holding a stranger I still wish I was with you
“this will fade in time”  but they never say how long

I die when you look at someone the way you looked at me
I was broken before you, then you put me back together
I don’t know how but you made me feel alive for the first time

It actually hurts to be broken now not like before this, this is new
You were always there when I was about to break
Now only my bathroom floor catches my tears

My thoughts eat away at my soul but you’re happy so I fake a smile
I know why you can’t look at me
I get it I don’t blame you id hate me too
I do hate me
387 · Oct 2015
Smoke deep in my heart
We were young
The town was old and small
The sleepy roads wouldn't let us go fast enough to be free
We couldn't get out so I got you and you latched onto me

I still remember those nights
Dancing under the stars to Springsteen on repeat
Singing to loud and off key

I still remember the way you'd light your cigarette
Twirling it as you rambled
Its smoke cutting spirals into the night air
The smell it left on you mixing with your perfume
It was more intoxicating than the cheap wine

Those were the best nights of my life
Then we grew up
I don't remember if it was me or the world that got cold
But I'm freezing without your warmth

God I miss he days I felt free
God I miss the days the wind seemed tame compared to me
Dreamers dream a powerful thing

many feel few grasp
The strings of a dream
To thin for thier fein
The voices scream
Play safe
follow the path
conform for a "good" life
Two kids one wife
A square picket fence painted white

life passes
disappointment is left
A void
Hungry for adventure
Turned to starved
Then dead
Now a husk of a man
His life never led


Throw away a  guarantee
for a  mere shot at a dream
unhinged the shackles
and followed your path
not the one ****** on you
By societal rule
Feed your soul dont be a old fool
Revised version of an older poem
Water falls
don't trickle
they cascade
but if they trickled the water would still fall

Niagara falls cascades into nothing
A preachers bottle trickles into an orphans mouth

Both are water falling
Both are beautiful

The moral  is
Even if your  not called a waterfall
Doesn't mean you aren't water falling
Not entirely sure where I was going with this I just wanted to try and write something happy to see if I could
367 · Nov 2015
dusk on the water
*        *             *          *                *                   *      *  *          *    
           *         *         *  *              *        *     *           *              *      *  *   *
  *      *            *           *    *            *              *  *     *          *      *    *    *
                               sun
                         rises can be
                   filled with beauty
                                       but I
                                         fear
                                        they
                                     may              
                                    be  
                       ­           lies                                 a darkness cloaked in an
                                  awe                         ­ inspiring myriad of  light
                                   the              world rarely becomes beautiful
                                    once       it has become covered  in pitch      
                                    but dusk tells the truth you can watch
                                   light fade from the world until all that's left
                                       is a thin line of beautiful light
   That to fades fast but even once its gone your left with countless stars
I'm just a dreamer
chasing disaster

I see it on the horizon
yet gaze in awe
as if it was a sun rise

its myriad of colors
harbor horrors I've yet to conceive

but I don't know
so I don't care
I raise my glass and toast
to a better tomorrow
then drown in the *****
and pray that the sun rise I see
isn't a sun set on my dream

sink or swim
I have nothing left to loose
356 · Jun 2016
Battered beaten and defiant
The day is long and hot
In the evening the soldior hides in shadows
They are long
But thier time is short
Quickly fading sun baring down on him
he toils away till the shadows grow long and stays to see the moon
That is when the battered and beaten man finds himself baring his teeth against the world
And becomes what he was meant to be
A hunter of the night
352 · Sep 2016
Work is never done
Beast of burden
Beast of brawn
Work work work
Toil till dawn

Silence your mind
You dont need it here
Zip your mouth, follow the line
Work work work
Until your time
351 · Dec 2015
Dances always end
Long ago we danced
But you had two left feet
Yet my heart was swept away

Our dance was imperfect
But beautiful
Yet not enough for you

You left the floor
But I found a new partner
Yet you still waltz in my mind
345 · May 2016
Prom night
In the dance of life
The shadows i hide

The light was your reign
A beat never skipped

From afar i did not watched
From near i was not found
Never did i leave my comforting ground

Clothed in the night
Running around
Only light was the distant glow of town
Not for you
Not for them
Going round and round was not for me
I prefered the shadows were i could sin
With a group of brothers none of us kin

I did not venture to the floor
You crept into the shadows
Curious what was behind that door

Still bathed in light
You reached into the night
And grasped a hold of my heart

Your eyes glimmered
Brighter than your dress
I tried but failed to hide and regress

Captivating you were
My soul wretched
But my hand reached

It was rough and scarred
The princess out the castle
Looking for a thrill
Took hold and sealed the deal

You learned of danger
You learned of the darkness

You asked me to dance
It was imperfect
Frustrated you grew
Yet beautiful to me

At first i was a thrill
But i stumbled
And your voice grew shrill

You left you ran
Back to your stage
You found new partners

I still ran the night
But when the music was gone
And ***** was thin
you still waltzed in my mind
Still Elegant
But now a touch of sin
A hunger that only dreamers feel
is a powerful thing

many feel it
but it is ignored
playing it safe
following the path
conforming for a "good" life
then life passes
and disappointment is left

I threw away a  guarantee
for a shot at a dream
unhinged the shackles
and followed my path
not the one I was put on
332 · Oct 2015
Life is strange
No one asked for this
I wasn’t even able to ask
I didn’t exist
It is only because I exist that I can wish I didn’t
Why would they have me?
Why bring someone into this
When you hate it  

Did you think I would love it
Or did you just want someone to love
Thinking that would make it better
You hate the world and yourself
Yet you thought you could teach a child different
I found my self yet again
On the bathroom floor
Curled up hugging my knees
It seemed I'm the only one who would hold me tight
Laying there in a pool of my own sorrow
I looked up
Through the haze of self pity and anguish
And in the darkness that is my world appeared a shaft of light
I thought to my self
"why am I crying"
It occurred to me I didn't know anymore
I had been sad for so long it became my routine
It was all I knew how to do
I had always been empty
Then you made me feel
I was full
Then the world shattered
My heart followed suite
I was still full just with tears
Now it would seem I've cried them all
But I'm not empty
Instead filled
With a darkness
I've let go of the tears
And embraced
The darkness
Its tendrils touch the world with an icy chill
But for me it feels almost warm
I suppose this does make me empty
But it is a strange, deep, and satisfying emptiness
313 · Sep 2016
Load out
My life fits on my back
 But a single bag
The life i led
To where this is all i had
Couldnt fit in a thousand pictures
Or a million words

How do i explain how i got here
How do i explain what i forgot there

With a half empty sack
The load on my shoulders is heavier
Than the load on my back
But heavy that load is not
Compared to the load on my heart
Thats the best i got
312 · Oct 2015
All hark no bite
Be silent, they say
Hark, they scream
Their ears firmly closed
Their eyes shut tight

All you need is someone to listen
Alas none would
So you sit, silent
You and death now smitten
309 · Oct 2015
Life moves ready or not
I sit in this terminal
staring out over a vast expanse of concrete
the morning sun bores through the glass
stinging my half open eyes
red from the long night
trying to capture mist
and say farewell to an entire life

I failed

A few short hours wasn't enough
alas a few years wouldn't have been enough
so many characters in the play of my life
not given a proper adieu
so many places with scenes not yet fulfilled

But the sand never ceases its cascade  
so here I sit waiting for my ride
flying to the next stage
Our generation refuses to "catch feelings"
But we party to music about love
300 · Oct 2015
Hidden faces
A smile is shown
A tear is covered

A  laugh booms out
a sob is  smothered

There's the face we show
And one that's covered

Words of joy ring out
But don't ring true

The face blushes red
But the heart is blue

They walk the earth
Seeing all but blind too
Any ideas on a replacement word for covered I don't like using covered twice but I couldn't come up with a word that fit. thanks
282 · Oct 2015
Deep in not
Deep in thought I sit
Deep in thought as I grit
Deep in thought about the pit
Deep in thought about this s#!t
Deep in thought I’m about to flip
deep in
.
.
.
I forgot
poems that you write in a minute
250 · Oct 2015
A face forgotten
You knew me once
you knew my soul

Then time moved on
you danced on with life
and I was but another face forgotten

Its who I've always been
I'm just that person people know
then fades into the passage of time

ill love you for a night
then be gone in the morning
don't think it was you
its who I've always been

In time you'll dance on
and ill fade
I always have
235 · Nov 2015
Untitled
Music can drown out a hard day at work
Ahhhh but my old friend ***** can drown out my life

— The End —