Until a time after I’ve fallen
Down towards the sky
Another ounce of courage
Breeds endurance beyond demise

Until a time after I’ve fallen
And I’ve nothing left to sing
Search for past capacity
It’s why I’ve done such dreadful things

Until a time after I’ve fallen
Having broken what I pledged
I’ll remember who brought me up there
And pushed me off the edge

What I wouldn’t give to be pushed again

You

Feeling none

Feeling me

Never

And ever

Might I be so lucky

A cage of physicality
A maze of what’s beyond
Within my mentality—beyond all that might be
Fainting—a surplus of despond

Lone from all
Tightening walls—spawn phenomenon
Foregone capacity beneath their fall
Où est mon monde?

Loving you’s a battlefield
Mines scattered beneath the surface
Minds rattled—can’t you tell?
Better mind my own business

You were right: It’ll never go away
I’ll forever be lost within my dreadful haze
If there’s a beyond, please show the way
I’ve no vision within this melancholic maze

I’ve tasted without my tongue
Remember those flavourful fantasies?
All the songs that I’ve sung?
Untethered, unto little tull from my knees

Echoes like a canyon
Flooded like the sea
Louder than a waterfall
Crashing down on me

My mind is divided
Between was and is
Two moments in time and
I want none of it

Don't send me back
Rather speed me up
Having fallen from my track
Now in search of a shortcut

But to what?

Fire casts no shadow
But soot may stain the wall
Your love burns so shallow
That I've no soot at all

Now I cast a shadow
As your flame burns another

How high must I swim to
So that I may be uncovered

Please...

Don't leave me to drown
Rather burn me alive
I'll be craving our sound
Beyond the day I die

Left in the dust
Missing our lust

The love
Your touch

The smell of your hair
Too much to bare

Naked is my heart
My chest: ripped apart

No more colours

Choking to drowned

Surround my being
Feel my heart beating
For I cannot

Where are my feelings?
Only thoughts

I want emotions
To feel unbroken
Flow from within
Extend my essence

It's midnight
I turn to face you
And you're smiling
Eyes shining as they soak into mine and
I'm part of something

Your number is blocked
For you
I cannot resist me
Resisting us

The bottle's been drained
Buying in bulk
I can't
Restrain
Refrain
Contain

From us
From it
From was
From capacity

So I'm giving up
Not on life
But on living

It's too early

For lucidity
For now
For your memory

Endow me with unconsciousness
Capacity for unaware bliss
Atrocities are my waking moments
It's too early to be writing this

It's too early

For living
In melancholy
Amidst amiss purgatory

And yet
With these and without this
I'd be bawling

Soles spotted with blood

Soul knotted

Oh—suffocating flood

Wash the pavement

Saddening memories of love

I'm lost in what I can't compose.

What is between every thought?
Are minds ever silent?

What of my time is wasted?
How can I determine if my time is valuable?—if any time is.

Where are you?
Who are you?
Are you?
Maybe it's you.
Maybe it's nobody.
Maybe it's somebody else.

I have infinite answers.
To infinite questions.
But within the plethora: an infinite amount lay beyond my grasp—how is that so?
It merely is.

But maybe there is one answer.
To all the philosophical enticements.
To all the pleasures and pain.
To all there is.

It's merely absurd.

But what to do in response?
Respect?
Spite?
Laugh?
A combination of these and all there could be?

All that I do.
Distractions against this.
Distractions against my familiarity with what is unfamiliar.
Self-awareness: a cursed gift.

All of this.
All there is, and all that has the capacity to be.
It's because I'm lost.
Lost in what I can't compose.

Bottles like bulimia

Heartbreak like ******

And together

And alone

I'll
    
      drown...

If love is a desire for what one is missing,

Then I'll love you forever.

You arrive
I survive
No more lies
Crushing surprise

I see darkness
Emotional mists
Fight for stardust
Within our midst

Release my grasp
Nothing good will last
The past is the past
And my present is crass

I've accepted my reach
Rejected thoughts of beseech
Internally I seize
Control over my capacity

The world merely is
Fulfills my every wish
For tonight, I am free
And tomorrow, I still shall be

Whether stranded at sea
Or at home with my tea
Alone: I am happy
Foralways, I am me

Every bed is built for two

Twist and turn—
we construe

Tug the quilt and take my side

Skin hotter than hell
Feet colder than ice

Back to chest—
a beating throne

Turn,

and break your breath
against my own

In this single built for two

An instinctual desire?
Something to repeat?
Serenity on fire
Truthful entities which we seek

All in your head?
Or too, the object?
Crawl out from dread
It matters not: what you elect

Eternal or finite?
Contingent on us?
Emphasized by night
Sights of lingering stardust

To make life less dreary?
To keep us afloat?
Possibly a distraction
Merely some cosmic joke

Everyone in their own way
Who you can’t live without
Lighting your flame
Burning up doubt
The welcome stowaway
Drowning your drought
Grey to bouquet
Who you’re thinking about

Ignorance is Bliss;
Knowledge is Freedom,
And Freedom is what You make of it

I left what was right—behind
Right behind—all that's left is dry
Left to right—I write to remember
all the love I left to die

Reflections—all I left was right
Mirroring eyes: "it's alright he left"
Full of fright—these leftovers cry
You brightened my world
and I left you behind

Stories are to Scheherazade—protection from a looming King, as love is to all beneath the deepest sorrows of life.

Inducing pleasure
Beyond earthly measure
Time's tether—I searched for you
Unearthing treasure
Oh!—how such flavourful fantasies came true

You've pulled me from darkness
Enlightening all that surrounds us
Such soulful connection surmounts trust
Shining stardust—loving eyes sparkle

"What raw lust!"

Caressing touch—
Together, we tremble
Together, we are bright
Willfully I succumb—all-encompassing light

May our ties forever be tight
A life together—free from plight

tHE bEAST lIES dORMANT.

You stumble upon a cave.
Cool breath purges from its mouth;
Waves producing shivers—
Shadowed by curiosity?
Cremating all doubts.

And for one last time,
Reason dictates how you behave.

“Come in, oh ripe blood.”
tHE bEAST’S vOICE tRICKLES oUT.

Amalgamated teeth—hung above,
Saliva drip-drops unto the ones below.
Under your feet,
A tongue of damp-dark snow.
Although... last light lies within,
Hence who’s to claim it isn’t so?
Eyes strain—a distant glow.

tHE bEAST lICKS iTS lIPS.

Slight stumble—
If only you could sense these ***** tricks!
Again steady…

aS tHE bEAST iS tOO.

Desperately you reach for the light,
Blinded by its cathartic might,
You grab tight.
Oh!—how the cave grows darker than night,
Depreciating sight.

tHE bEAST’S hUNGER iS sOOTHED.

Relentlessly you paw for a way out,
But the beast’s mouth has long since shut;
Infinite rut—you scream and shout.

Suffocating loneliness
Drowning—deep seas of nothingness
Clenching fists
Squint through an emotional mist

Everyone will wallow
But what follows such sorrow?
A repeated pattern
As the rings circle Saturn
So too—your mind attempts to fathom

                                                                     Around and ‘round(?) them.

Trip, chase, flip, brace
Circle back
Nothing lies ahead
But dread and your tear tattered torn face

Push aside pleasures
Once valid safety measures
Empty—to be forgotten forever?
Unfortunately never

                                                                         Reach out—take a chance.

I…

Miss what once was, us two
Left stains of sadness, residue
Let words become lost, misconstrue
Feel excellently engraved, worn tattoo
Am at the end of your line, long queue
Was stupid, so Boo outgrew
Did all that I could, untrue
’m stuck—skin tugged, like glue

But all that choked through was—
I miss you

Seen—and scene

The cycle begins anew…
Ten hours and forty-two–

.                                                                                         Beyond the mirror,
                                                         ­                                      I gaze leftwards
                                                       ­                                                                 ­—
                                                               ­                                  fazed inwards.



I hope in such a
reverse reality. . .
you are too.

Fly–Floating away
Toes gripping the earth

“Not today.”—and I sway

Rush 2 grab what little I have
                                                            ­                                  Are you mad?
3 to 1
And the bottle’s gone

Fictitious lawn
Fumbling home
Stare deeply—oh dead-eyed drone

Screams turn to whispers
My mental blisters—take haste and heal
Inevitable scars?
And still I a–peel

Shoot up
                                                              ­                              Good morning.
Blinded by salty I’s
Higher eye rise

                                                           ­                            You must be mad.

Surprise!
Skies contaminated by cries
Ensuring an anticipatory demise
No way to sur–                                                             ­                     prise!

Heart drops
Incohesive thoughts

Towards regrets
Plunging until the earth is met

Shoot up—Grounded
                                                     ­                                           Not for long.
And I sway

A fair-weather friend
No care clever
Comes back again

Life goes black — guillotine
If happiness lacks — fear indeed

Digs up the seed
You cry and plead
A non-religious creed
Claims you impede

But all connection is artificial
Not a thing is crystal
Clear that true connection may be sincere

“STAY AWAY!”

Maybe It’s fear
A frightening reflection of sobbing tension in your mirror
Lightening conviction and they’re nowhere near

Making amends — forever against
Never friends — ongoingly tense

Dread soothing blood red
Be careful where you tread

And be wary of a fair-weather friend

Sick beyond repair
Quick to find despair
Unprepared and perpetually scared

                                              Nobody cares…

Of free will and intent?
Impossible—Creed’s quill inquires to how sadness is sent
Minds invent what we seek to prevent

Immensely powerful
Silent yet loud as hell
Indistinguishable to the outside world

Preventable pain?

                                         Worthless piece of—

“SHUT UP!”

Only voices of malicious disdain
Vivid out and inside your brain

Then other people start to complain
Barely aware friends flee and place the blame
Deemed insane for an uncontrollable pain
Fight to get better but it’s all in vain

Why fight it? Jump in front of that train, splat-crack and your blood
                                                    can drain.

And it’s scary

                                  No, it’s not, you're just a *****.

“Woah!” I exclaim. “Don’t be so derogatory.”

                                                I’m not sorry.

Always take care of yourself
Just don’t put words in my mouth

There are already enough scheming to get out

Crying eyes
Never dries
Forever masked by my devilish disguise

Time and repeat again

Closing distance
Beyond the blur
Intrusive screams and seething slurs
Makes no difference

Time and repeat again

Fleeting retreat
I’m in too deep
Tear tattered sheets
Just following trends

Time and repeat again

Hoping for miracles
Choking on eerie tolls
All in my head
Tearing full — unaware (and repeat) I tread

Time and repeat again

Subsiding pain but repeat I’m drained
Infinite circle —  REPEAT! I’m drained
And again and time and repeat

Crying eyes

Am I sorry for my pain?

Insisting it breeds
Persisting I flee
My brain barred within festering inquiries

Please…

I fumble with an uncontrollable external internal
I crumble as darkness outweighs ever impending nothingness
And I chase after bliss

Am I sorry for my pain?

Looking for light
Bottling fireflies by night
I gaze above—Moon. Stars. Satellite?  

Fazed by love
Yet blazing blood
Causing craze in floods

Maintaining glance
Chained in trance
Craving chance

Am I sorry for my pain?

It takes time to change
Look after yourself while I’m deranged
Fostering pessimism is less than vain
Guessing system—now who’s insane?
Just watch where you place the blame

I’ll never be sorry for my pain