Lord,I am so tired.
Body aches from the pain of disappointment and fear.
I wish I could be there with You and not here.
Last year, was so close,so close to touch,
But You wanted me here,for me here their was so much.
I don't want to drown anymore in the pain of my doubt,
Just tell me please what my life is about.
I want to be loved,
with hands of purity that are gloved.
I pray O' Father heal my heart,
from the hands that abused me,yes heal me for their part.
I need You now,I have to have Your healing Hand
to heal me of that word "victim," heal me of that burned brand.
Redeem me Lord of my life and it's scar,
reminding me You are so close,and never,ever,very far.

I am so lacking in the truth,
to find out why you did what you did?
I need answers, not the vacant winds
that inhabit my soul.
Why did you do what you did,
how did I cause this aching pain I feel?
I took care of you,I adored you,
I met your needs,yet this knife in my back cannot
become unhinged.
In days past you looked at me with pools of adornment,
now just discontent.
Can you,will you ever change your mind,
and the song becomes ours,the blessed duet.
I long for you and your warm touch,
is their not one note of our song stuck in your mind?
Now I am alone,breathing just for one.
I miss the sound of your heartbeat next to mine,
Lord, help me to learn, how to say goodbye.

Desiring a child,
softness of skin
revealing the tenderness
of their hand in mine.
Stroking the beauty of innocence
that of yet is not tainted by
the sins of this present world.
Overtaken by the righteous indignation
of protection,
possessing the fierceness of the lioness of her cub,
not allowing any evil into there world.
Mother, breathing strength to encompass
the purity and virtue of her beautiful baby.
Rocking in the darkness of night,but it is
distinguished by the light of those eyes,
looking up at you while giving them warmth and
sustenance.
Please Lord,bless my womb so I may bear a child.
I want to be overwhelmed with love for them.
Compelled to mother their needs,
while being permeated by their love for me.
Please Lord bear me with a strong will,
while I wait for my Precious child.

Tonight I need something...
something more.
I need to dance in the starlight,
I need the stars to put the light back in my eyes.
I need the sky to clothe my bare skin,
giving warmth to my body yet showing
the deep blue in my green eyes.
I want the stars to help me fly again
giving flight to my reborn innocence
seeing the world only in the reflection
of the North Star to always be my compass.
It does not fall or fade
always burning bright just for me.
Tonight I see the stars in God's hand,
the Artist of my favorite Masterpiece.
I need the stars to give me just one more breath,
so I can feel...something.

Man, why do you drive me crazy,
Decisions of your's are more than hazy,
In front of the tv again!
Dear God above... are you lazy?
I try so hard to figure you out,
No...no... not another bout.
Give me a map of your mind
and I promise in turn to be very kind.
Because I realize we are the smarter and better ***.
Please communicate for me to escape my vex.
Should I talk slower,use puppets or interpret dance,
Because in this battle of ours, you can never advance.
So I am Woman and hear me roar
I can nag and tell you the "What For"
With my mind I am a real "Know it All"
Have the answers and will never fall,
Why am I crying,I need chocolate,do you think I am fat?
Hormones? No there is nothing to that.
Battle of the Sexes, who will win,will we ever see?
At this point,don't care, Honey? Pay attention to me!

I wanted to die
desire almost came to pass.
Wanted to hide,
but the darkness was to vast.
I felt the spark of that piercing light,
felt smaller than my fear,
but it was stronger and it gave me might
even with the down pure of the individual tear.
I had to give my permission
to let the light grow
it was my new mission
opening up to the wisdom to let in the know,
that I was not alone
their was someone there,
it was not the world's tone
it was God and He did swear.
Never to leave me or forsake me,
surrounded by His overwhelming Love,
voicing that He could and would be
Loving me from right above.

Regret has been the bane of my existence,
It has guarded me with a gilded fence.
Looking back into my past,
Wishing I would have been in a cast,
As the leading lady of my story,
Where I could show my enlightened glory,
And not the constant darkness of my mistakes,
Making the right choices would I make.
There would be no wrong,
In my Life Song.
But Mankind has a melody of good and bad,
Happy and sad,
And if I live in my past, I will miss out living in the moment,
And I am not willing to continue being my own opponent.
I will learn and I will try,
Beginning to learn about the Why.

Not listening, you don't hear,
Hating this about you,in so much fear.
To make a relationship you must communicate,
Without it you'll meet an awful fate.
Will you understand, will you see,
You need this to really love me.
I know it's not just you,
Because I am to blame too.
We must work and work hard,
Talking to myself as this Bard.
It's going to take effort and lots of time,
But My Love, I am willing to do it for you to be mine.

Alone,I am uneasy to be alone,
I need a true friend to help end this loneliness,
Can anyone truly understand my aching inside,
How I pine for someone to be close to.
Trusted enough to hold my heart,
Loving me so, they never part,
My Soul tells me to be brave,
But it is hard not to cave into the pressure.
I must think like my Heavenly Father thinks,
Hope,Faith,and Believing in my Father,
that He will never leave me or forsake me,
that He always hears and heeds my cry,
that He will wrap me in His infinite mercy,grace,and love,
Strength in that will get me through this night,through the darkness,
That in truth...I am never alone.

Being sick, isn't it lovely,
Sore, scratchy, throat,
Body feels like I'm stuck in a moat.
Boy I feel great more chicken soup please,
No... I want popsicle's, why am I hurting in my knees?
Please take care of me I say with doe eyes,
Who was the Knuckle Head who gave me this dripping surprise?
You? Husband? Oh...by me you will meet your demise.
But before that rub my back and get a new revise.

When we are happy,
We live in the Light,
So why would we leave,
when we are hurting,
and make home in the darkness.
When we are aching and longing
for the Light.

I did not love you,
But I did care,
Told me I was beautiful and fair.
Pain was the weapon you wrought,
Wish I had been taught,
In the dark arts of pain,
then maybe I could have stayed sane.
You manipulated me and lied,
Man I remember how hard I cried.
And even in this time and date,
I can't believe I wonder about a different fate.

It's just you and me,
No family to be,
We catch up and we laugh,
I have really missed that.
Husband, best friend,
Always there to lend,
a shoulder a loving word,
In my personality, never have to curb,
I can just be me,
And you also be.
We just fit hand in hand,
Music we make,our funny little band.
I love you more than words can say,
For you and me, so Thankful for today.

Do you see me?
Explain myself again?
Why can't we have a resume for our Being?
No explanation necessary.
Reader do you understand?
I say hello, they say hi,
Then the beats of silence, can I hide?
Please Lord I am in need of a best friend.
I miss her, could she miss me?
She knew me when,
Probably would not recognize the old Friend.
Nobody can take her place,
I miss that funny face.
But I am in need,
Lost tears not seen.
Look forward?
My Father I am so discouraged,
Don't want to be alone.

Working on me,
So I can be,
more than I am.
Stronger not weaker,
Listen to my Heavenly Father, not the deceiver,
Destined to be amazing,
Always to be gazing,
At this beautiful life.
Be a Giver,
Be a Lover,
Fill my Spirit, my heart, with Faith,
Not the darkness should I bath,
But be clean in the Light,
Giving thanks, that I am not alone.

Listen. Why can't you hear me?
I am right here.
You speak,
I speak,
and yet a misunderstanding?
You are Man I am Woman,
I know we fit,my hand in yours,
My head your chest.
At times speaking is as breathing,
This moment it is like torture...I
don't understand.
What do we do?
Work, that's what.
It's hard, it hurts.
What is the "Why" in this?
Because I Love You.

Light... I need some light,
Smile, a child's smile,
Joy, to possess my entire being,
Peace, to make negative thoughts stop racing,
Faith, to keep me chasing Hope,
Hope, to keep me chasing life,
And Love to be Loved.

Do you see me or do you see her?
She looks like me,
She moves like me,
Speaks like me,
But she is not me.
I hate her so much,
Hate the life she can touch.
She is the darkness,
Can I make a wish to make her go,
Day to day I must work to tell her no.
She is the old man and I am the new,
Living in the Light of God,that is the glue,
To keep centered,really centered on You.
This is not easy,for it is hard,
Speaking this to you, being the Bard.
Heart to heart to let you know,
you my friend are not alone.
We are all broken with two sides,
forever taken in the bye and bye,
I work on the one with the glimmer of Light,
And waiting for the other one to lose their might.

Is it possible,can it be?
Wholeness,all...of...me.
Spirit and Soul,
Can the Light really make me whole?
The darkness feels like it possesses me,
Can Your Light really set me free?
Pain has been a resented friend,
Delusion speaking that their is no end.
In the distance, the still small Voice of Hope
Lovingly speaks,"You can do more than just cope."
Can I hope, can I believe, can I pray,
Just a seed being sown today,
Allowing sunlight to expand it's ray.
Rain comes to water my ground,
Impatient in my wanting to be safe and sound.
Finally it is my Harvest day,
Reaping my destination that Wholeness is on it's way.

Feeling like a bird who has lost it's wing and song,
How do I make the sun shine it's light,
Giving the darkness the fear to leave,
And never return being clothed in Glory,
The Power restores my flight and my voice,
Now I fly higher than high and say ,"Goodbye," to the Weeping Willow

Longing to be a Writer,
a wordsmith of the spirit,
the possibility within my soul,
can I see the ability to really do it.
Aching to grow to become more,
yet so afraid to open my door,
Others will see and make their choice,
Whether or not to hear my voice.