I listen to music
And i’m tempted
To rush over to your
House and run away
With you
Because i’m in love

It’s four am.

I’m sorry.

I sound like him
When he talks about
That baby mama

But i know we’re different

Because we're not whole
If we’re not together

You love me?
no.
But you want me.
yes that's it
you want me.
because when i'm with you
i am small.
i can't help but be a different person.
someone who likes to be told what to do.
i get my fix of sorry feeling.
i get to be punished and pulled apart
until i'm nothing but your words and ideas
i deserve to feel like trash.
i deserve to be your pet.
you ground me.
second guessing every move is intoxicating.
being unsure makes rattles my chest
keeps me on my feet and somewhat scared
of you
and of what can happen
if i keep on listening
saying no feels wrong but still you coddle me
asking why and disappearing to let me know
i have things to work out.
i'm a mess
you foster this in me by speaking empathy.
youre a mess too.
lets be a mess together.

you know
people could call this abuse
but somehow for some godforsaken reason
i eat it up
for those few moments you make me feel good
you tell me who i am
i need that right now
i need you to tell me who i am
over analyze my every word
tell me my symptoms
lets bask in our insane abilities
where your knowledge gives you the upper foot

why do i want you
why do i want this
whywhywhy do i NEED it some days more then others
your validation is a terrible drug
i can't stand it
leave me alone but
don't leave me

I'm sorry
it won't happen again

okay so *****,
fake tans and big butts,
getting it on in the craziest places,
disappointing looks on mom and dad's faces,
Boyfriend after boyfriend makes you feel so great,
on you, the rest of the girls start to hate,
you stole their man, but it makes you seem cool,
who cares how they feel? now you rule!
Master of that Gaping cavern,
that stretches to match your physical patterns,
How do you keep down that horrible stench,
wafting from multiple uses of your lady trench?
Is it pills, cream, or a deodorant spray,
that makes them keep asking for your legs to be splayed?
Oh no..you're starting to twitch
is it a rash that's making you itch?
no worries though, you caught them all before,
warts, zits, and diseases, from being a *****,
but was it really worth getting that teacher arrested?
I don't think that's the way an improvement in grades is requested.
and how about losing your so called best friend,
just because her boyfriend pounded your loose end?
I guess you can be proud of the service you made,
giving every single person a chance to get laid,
yes, which you provide is quite generous,
too bad your existence is cancerous.

Do you ever wonder what it's like to love yourself?
To be completely at peace with who you are inside and out?

Nick fell in love with a loony
This girl was indeed quite screwy
She built herself a hut
out of her ex-boyfriends' nuts
Now nick feels kinda gloomy

My head like
My heart
Open and
Confused.
Willing, scared,
Excited

I feel like I
Was tossed into space
Drifting through stars
Completely lost
On my way too you

This canvas
was better bare

paint already covers it
so who really cares

only get worried
when it starts to tear

I'm just so tired
Of this **** soaked room
And this poorly glued together family
And I'm tired
Of all these issues being ignored
Of the baby being ignored
Of personally being ignored
Tired of
Watching the entire bloodline use different ways to escape reality
And I'm tired of
Heading dad say how bad it is
And hire he's so much better then mom
And then sending us to her house

Maybe one day
When I'm tired of
Being so lazy
I'll just off myself
To make things easier

You bruised my knuckle with your ******.

please say sorry.

Hey there
my sweet baby sis,

I just wanna say sorry
if it felt like you missed,

out on a great celebration
of your special day,

it's not fair to any one
of us the way

things have been lately.

mommy's been shaky,
daddy yells irately,
Maddy changes daily,
and I haven't cared greatly.

But you can bet your happy little birthday cake,
you know the one we made together
with all your favorite candies,
that It will get better.
And I will always be here for you.

I squished a bug
rubbed him out of existence with my thumb
quick, minimal, forgettable experience

I wonder,
are people like that?
Am I like that?

My heart is melting
like the sun disolves
Slowly into the sea
at the end
of a long summer day

I just don't understand why you seem mad when I'm sad

What the **** did I do?

She knows
                  she knows
                                    what you did, Daddy

and you're wrong
                          no longer can you
               be my hero

The lies you told
                      and things you stole
   brought you down
                                          to zero
                                                            ­                                               she knows
                                                           ­                                she knows
                                                           ­ she'll never not know

downed the green pill
with gulp of cheap iced tea
i feel it warm my body
Tired, i'm done
Feeling guilty today
i think I'll just sleep

They came on the radio again

I can't help but smile
They make me think of you

Ahhh being in love

It's hopelessly wonderful

The difference a moment makes
my happy mood it takes
away from me and shakes
up my anxiety and breaks
down my anger until I quake
with fear that flakes
into causing me to create
a poem that makes me feel irate
because its not my family I should hate


It's me.

I write things that are stupid
and she likes to disagree.

I think these rhymes are putrid
yet, they fill her up with glee.

You took time
made sure I was taught

to act responsibly
to not get caught

up in this mess
but your advice was for naught

every time i think about that place
and all the faces
the eyes on me
my skin crawls
i wish i was invisible
i wish i could jump in front of a car
am i crazy.

Too afraid to be creative
Because I know it wont end nicely
people will get upset if you don't
say what they want precisely
and I like my little molds
of phrases that are rhymey
its easy just to talk about popular things
without feeling oh so slimy
just be vague, no taking sides
unless there's an obvious winner
then log off without thinking twice
and try to choke down your dinner.

My Valentines Day was aglow
with a giant cup of froyo
warmth of cuddles and hugs
silly gripping and tugs
that don't mean you're mine
but, honestly, that's fine
cause being best friends
is something that never ends
and I'm already expecting
to hear from you, texting
that you saw this
it's not really something I wanted you too miss
I don't expect you to comment
at any specific moment
but yeah, this is for babycakes
I'd do whatever it takes
to be with her forever
yes, honestly, I'll do whatever

I told myself I'd quit writing on this ******* website
But then I find a way to **** up giving up
My mind's never straight
I need help
but then I'm happy
and its ******* sunshine everywhere
later I'm sad and i dont understand
then im ****** at everything
you, and then me for knowing its my fault.
I'm a failure
someone messed up
the blue prints
gobackandfixit
gobackandfixit
I'm not right
never was, never will be
until I'm fixed
so fix me
even if you need to break me in the process.

I search restlessly for a way to make you see
see that its not okay
I'm not okay
please see that
please
I can't do this anymore
I just want to die
literally
I can't stand it
life is too much
stress
sadness
anxiety
I need help
your help
you

more then anything
i wish i could go go back
to old habits
my skin aches
for the sick
burn across my ankles

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

My heart goes crazy,
explodes with a million butterflies
that carry me away
with those stupid phrases
said oh so often
but always feel oh so special.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Sunset paradise
that gleams in those eyes
and takes me on
the most lavish of vacations
in a single blink.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Skin-soft brush
against me
shoots electric through my fingertips
and jolts my heart,
leaving me dizzy,
wanting more.

You might think this is about you,
but I promise it's not.

Long afternoons spent
in conversation quicksand
"the less you struggle, the less you'll sink"
but no matter how still I stand,
I fall deeper,
understanding and accepting
that there is no escape from this.

You might think this is about you,

but I wish it wasn't.

Bored boredom is boring
through my mind
And random thoughts are soaring
on a straight line
They're luring  
Ideas a million at a time

And its destroying
My chance at making
So I better start toying
around with faking
Before I sound annoying
And tell you that I'm breaking

You are very rude
And I don't appreciate your 'tude
So stop being a lame dude

Extremely ****** at
everyone around me.

so I'll blow 'em up
like balloons at a party

or chop-chop-chop and
make some beautiful confetti.

As I lie here in the Grass
waiting for the days to pass
I get an idea that's quite crass:
How you dance with all that Sass
makes me want to grab your ***.

If I
could go
anywhere
I would
travel outside
my own skin
because
God knows
there's better
then the
trash I am
and the
garbage
I aspire
to be

And life was sprung
where sadness was sung
from the depths of all lungs
to the tips of all tongues

Yet this "cursed" young
was the very one
to which hope was clung
and salvation rung

Although he did not belong
he fought hard and strong
to save right from wrong
until that's all that thronged

My mind needs
needs to get high
high off the ground
ground floor to the roof door
roof door to the ledge
ledge looking down
down falling wind rush
rushes past me as I fly
fly far away
away to a better day
day where I was happy
happy and free

Hands grip
until sheets rip
and words drip
from parted lips

To catch a glimpse
of fumbling limbs
and have hearing dimmed
by pleasure hymns.

Love sick?
Tell me about it
you are a disease

And if you thought
finding a cure
was a breeze

you were wrong
because everything
you do is a tease

to my heart
So if you could
would you please

make a move
or get out
cause i feel like a ******

happy
sad
crazy
depressed
in love
i feel
everything
at once
this rush
is what
i love
and
hate

I'm tired
and strangely wired,
But I'd really like it
if you cuddled me tight.

My mind is blurry
I'm feeling buzzy,
you're the only thing
that makes me feel right.

I wanna write
but I don't have a good story
I could depict something nice
or something quite gory
such as a mouse squeaking in strife
cause his wife is quite whorey
She was caught with the three blind mice
her only retort, a sob story
unfortunately he didn't believe her lie
and stained her fur a sticky wild-cherry
just beat her until she died
he gave her no time to say sorry
now he sits alone and cries
his breathing getting steep
no one can ask why
after this, he'll never squeak.

First of all you're a number one best friend
simply top notch.
(even if you try to constantly rub your ****
on my crotch)
Second, you've got the most posters on your wall
then there are leaves on the ground in fall.
and third, you are the best at doing your best,
you can totally tell you try harder then all the rest
that say the do

sometimes it's easier
to not say anything.

sometimes it's easier
to fix all of your problems.

sometimes it's easier
to just get over it, let it slide off my back.

sometimes it's easier
to become numb to how i should feel.

Because I don't even know how to feel these days.

But in the end
I don't mind getting hurt,
if it means everyone else is happy.

it's just easier.

Dear You-know-who-you-are,
Thank you for everything
you've done and said
to me over the years.
It is very rare to experience
a love (if it was for you; it was for me)
so true and real and deep
these words are not enough to express
how much you mean, meant, and will always mean to me.
No..they are merely raindrops in the sea.
Because not a thing has been created
to give you a proper translation yet.

So just kiss me.

Let yourself melt against me
so I can transfer my feelings through
moving lips and body heat.

Love, you-know-who-I-am