My heart beats steadily,
My face starts to flush.
When I'm beside you,
I get a big-time rush.

Leanne 11/21/24

The boat floats, the waves toss about,
My favorite thing about this movement,
Is the view with you within the boat.

Leanne
11/23/24

What's at the bottom of the bottle?
Is it what you've been looking for?
Maybe what's at the bottom
is a little something more.
Maybe it's where all your dreams have gone,
Maybe where all your days have been,
Maybe it's a life gone wrong or a life well-lived.
The best thing about bottles
is when they are empty,
they can be refilled with
whatever you desire
What's at the bottom of the bottle?
It's anything that you need!

11/23/24
Leanne

Racing thoughts, uncontrollable thoughts at that, second guessing, stress, feeling maybe to obsessed.
This is what you do to me

**** you Anxiety

Sweaty palms ,heart beating fast, hyperventilating, lips turn to blue, air feels cut off
What do I need to do?

**** you Anxiety

It looks ok from the outer view but deep inside stomachs turning, I break a sweat, feels like all eyes are opened they are studying me.

**** you Anxiety

Take your meds! Did you take your meds? call your doctor that's what he says, it's not the problem cant you see nothing helps

**** you Anxiety

I wonder how normal feels? You mean you don't get flushed? your heart doesn't ache, your whole body doesn't shake?

**** you Anxiety

I guess it just me, this is who I am ,
some pitiful stricken Anxiety lamb.

**** you Anxiety

Darkness

Eyes close, darkness rises.
My life has thrown a surplus of surprises,

Some good, others I wish had never started.
This life I loved, once shown in bright light,
Is now covered by a solace of night.

Will the light shine back upon me again so this **** dark in my eyes can fade into oblivion

With hope and a friendly face and words that take me to a special place,
That place there, it's abundantly clear, the darkness was just my raging fear

His

It's *his presence. Just being near him gives me tingles like a small jolt of electricity. His voice, I hear it and it instantly makes me smile. I know he's near. His eyes, the sneaky way I look toward him and he suddenly looks back. His touch, his slightest brush against me, especially when his hands touch my sides. His words, he always knows what to say and makes me melt into a puddle. His energy, he possesses a pull, a magnetizing connection of his soul. His gentleness, he always wants to make sure everything is okay. His friendship, a close connection that's always been there for the last 22 years. His quietness, it always makes me question what's going on in his mind. His soul, sweetness and kindness linked together with mine. His laugh. Always a joy for me to hear, but even more proof he's quite near.

Thankful he's here ... *his muse

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day she was born,
She had them locked on me like the cellar from the storm.
God knew what He was doing when He placed her in my life,
Just when things got crazy and there was so much strife.
The darkness of her big, brown eyes just pierced straight to my soul,
I delivered a missing piece, once missing, now she has made me whole.
I never thought the day would come when I'd have a precious baby girl,
I believe my daddy sent her from above to send me in a beautiful whirl.
It's never been too easy, yet never has been too rough,
But heaven gave this little girl specifically to us.
And boy, is she a tough one!
Don't cross her when she's mad. She is the prettiest little one I ever could have had.
The heart of an angel and the courage of a lioness,
Nothing has ever stopped my girl. She has always been so blessed.
She has always persevered and pushed on,
Even when she struggles and feels like she can't compete.

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day that she was born,
She took those big, brown eyes of hers and lit up my whole world.
And to this day, I look at her and can't believe she's my little girl. ♥️

It's not all about me
Why do I worry so?
There's more to it then how I feel
I have this urgency to get up and go
Im on a misson I have heart that needs to heal
This heart of mine is beating hard whenever you get near
It's not all about me
So why am I so sad?
I cant help to feel lonely when you are not with me
 I shouldn't ever feel this way It's makes me look so bad
It's not all about me
Then why do I take it personal?
I feel when you don't answer, you don't like me anymore
It's not all about me
Then why do I feel I can't share?
She's the one not married, I shouldnt even care
It's not all about me
One thing I truely know. That when it comes to this heart it's about me.
Your the one who lit this spark.

I'm just shell of who I once was,
I used to be much more
But lately I feel so empty
like I don't know what I'm for
Not to long ago I had alot of fans
People who looked up to me
Because I did so great
Today this isnt right
It's so not the case
I feel like I have let the most important
People down
Like I jumped into the deep end I can't swim
I might drown.
They expect a happy healthy home
But how can you have that
With a loser for a mom who can't seem to get on track
There's so many out there looking to hire
But when I turn in my resume it seems to be set on fire then they go about thier day
Why does no one want me? Do they know I'm a loser too?
I have so much I need to work for so much I don't want to loose.
I'm driving myself crazy like who have I become
I'm afraid I'll forget how to work and everything will go all wrong
I know people love and care for me deeply, if they only knew the hate I feel just at the reflection that I see
I could be talking crazy, it could all be in my mind
I feel like no one believes me but lord knows how hard I've tried.
I guess this is the new me ill have to get use to, being told your not wanted and then ignored by all
I guess this is the valley, no one told me how hard  I would fall.

Looks can come in glances and stares.
They are usually directed at someone for whom you care.
You can send a message with just a little look, enough emotions to fill a book.
All cam be started from just one little look.

Leanne
11/23/24

We are always on the edge of something:
On the edge of danger,
On the edge of anger,
On the edge of laughter,
On the edge of tears,
On the edge of falling—
In or out of love.
Whatever edge you are on,
Just know this edge is safe,
For at the bottom of this edge,
there is no cliff.
All you need is a little faith,
to make it to the end.

Leanne
11/23/24

Whether you reach for a friend or a lover,
Always remember to reach for Mother.
When you reach, hold on tight;
Don't let what you love take flight.
Reach for stars, goals, and one another.

Leanne 11/23/24

Seasons of Change

Change is inevitable; it happens to all,
No one is exempt.
We sometimes must fall.
There are mountains we may struggle to climb,
Then the deep valleys where the vines intertwine.
It doesn't matter if you're there for the view;
It's something that everyone will stumble through.
But it's life we are living; some things you can't change.
Don't fear the long trek or the rugged terrain.
The valleys may hurt you or fill you with fear,
But don't hesitate; your loved ones are near.
Keep pushing and climbing; you'll soon reach the top.
Then once you realize upon looking down,
The trek you have been on is oh so profound.
You notice the trees, the leaves have since gone;
You wonder where time went; its kept ticking on.
For your time in the valley, you never noticed the trees;
You couldn't see the season of change in the leaves,
A Change unnoticed; as you couldn't see, with your head bowed down, looking away from above.
In this season of change, still not knowing why you were placed on this path. Some things don't add up; you can't do the math.
You never saw the beauty; it was hidden by your pain. If you keep looking back, you'll be behind in the game.
The ones who love you also care; if they weren't friends, they wouldn't be there, waiting for you and cheering you on. Giving you comfort with words oh so strong. They have your back as they lead you ahead. They travel this journey with you; not one has fled.
Just keep pushing forward, climb to the top, enjoy all the seasons as change never stops.

The tree on the hill, the strong and majestic oak, has roots spreading out beyond the safety of its beautiful canopy.

Could he be the roots that steady this noble oak tree, protecting it against all in war and peace? He doesn't know he helps to hold her steady in the storm.

Could she be the faith-filled canopy that covers the roots of this righteous tree, offering the beautiful acorn seeds that help share the love and good luck to the deep roots beyond the ground?

Like the oak tree and its roots, they both steady one another without knowing what each other does. Can our souls steady each other and love so deeply without revealing it?

They will always be connected, like the tree on the hill that produces beautiful flowers of hope in the fall, which is when they reconnect by the heart.

They both are like this tree, filled with wisdom. This wisdom gives the oak longevity and slow growth, which makes it so wise.

The longevity of their connection has been there from the start. They both have just hidden it deep inside their hearts.

Like the tree on the hill, the roots and tree are connected like souls mended together.
We may not understand it, but we hold onto this connection, one which we never knew we had.

Just like the oak tree's connection with its roots, she will be there for him, and he will be there for her, like the tree on the hill, taking care of one another from below to above.

Words have been left unspoken, like blank pages in a book.
I keep flipping through the pages, to take another look.
I find the words unwritten; they've never stained the page.
It's only you who can see them, only you know this silent rage.
The years that have been passing, fleeting swiftly by,
Our words left unspoken from our mouths, have been spoken through our eyes.
No one knows the magnitude the unspoken has been to bare.
It's crazy to believe there was another one out there who truly cared.
The unspoken words we've hidden deep inside our hearts,
This has made such an impact on me, as you've been the vital part.
In the silence of the unspoken, you still show that you care.
The brush of your hand, a smile, a gentle hug lets me know you're still there.
This unspoken that's always flowing, yet not heard or seen,
We both know the unspoken is there, but never speak of what it means.
In the quiet, our unspoken waits, never asking or never loud.
Our unspoken is strong and steady, even when the unspoken's not allowed.

Waves

Waves toss me against the tide,
Pushing and pulling at my sides.
I wonder and wait, will it subside?
Can this wave be but a beautiful ride?
The turmoil, the danger, the roughness at sea,
Were these waves meant only for me?

Is rescue coming? Please, hopefully soon.
Will it pull me to safety? Will it be my safe haven and refuge?

Waves, oh, so beautiful, your colors of turquoise blue and pearl white,
But waves, oh, how your danger pulls me into your riptide.

Waves, please be calm, be still, please be at peace.
Let me rest upon your still seas.

When I feel I'm losing, it's the feeling of being a failure, the feeling of losing control the feeling of my emotions that continues to flow.
You're my best friend. I don't have any of those. If I lose my closeness to you, I feel that the darkness will seep through.
I have always won in the game of love. Look at me. I have a golden-prize husband, two beautiful children, sent straight from the heavens above.
I've always lost in the game of friends. I get one then I do something stupid, and then they're never heard from again.
Yes, the past was easy, but this time seemed so hard. Because you're not just my best friend. You're my best friend helping to hold my heart.
We've been passable friends for over twenty-five years. Then all of a sudden, we became close within this year.
You, like all best friends, make me laugh, make me cry, and make me want to curl up in a ball and hide.
This happens in all friendships. Trust me, I've had quite a few, but this is the first one from a friend like you.
I don't want to lose my best friend, who I tell my secrets to, who I create with, and who helps me be creative and make things new..
I don't want to lose you because i'm a silly little goose, one that cries and makes you frown.
But the difference in me as your best friend. You can know I'm always emotionally here for you, like you've been for me.
Please don't take my jealousy to heart. That's on me that's my STUPID female part.
I want the best for my best friend. He wants the best for me, too.
I mean, look what you've helped me through. This has been the most challenging, emotional, and unstable year.
But it was my best friend who got me through helping me to clear my tears.
Our friendship will never be anymore. We both know, who can be with their best friend?  Especially if they will drive you crazy and send you to the moon?
I have a tendency to be a little nerve-wracking.(haha) Maybe that's why I have no friends.
I thought that was over when we became close.
I'll do anything for this best friend. Eventhough I had to learn just because he's a man, doesn't mean he is mine.
But when I feel like i'm losing not only my mind, but my best friend, I feel like i'm losing a shiny pebble oh so fine.
I hope that we can get past this misunderstanding and minor roadblock. You know how hard I fought for you to be a friend, a solid rock.
Please don't let our friendship end this way. I'm actually running out of things to say. (I know, surprise!)
But when I feel like I'm losing, B, I never thought it would be losing you.
Leanne 11/22/2024

If you're wondering where to find me, wondering where my soul went to
My soul is sitting right beside you its wondering what you've been up to
Even in the distance, near deep waters of the sea
My soul is always there for you. I hope you look for me.
If you look into the night sky and question where I am.
It's me, I'm the brightest star, shining down upon the land.
Even in the daytime, when the Sun is oh, so bright.
It's my soul that's behind it, helping spread its wondrous light.
If you keep wondering where to find me even when I'm near.
Don't worry, I'm right beside you.
I'll never leave your side don't fear.

-Leanne
-11-14-2024