A moment

A moment in time
Does this flip on a dime
A moment in time
Hanging on like a lifeline
Does this moment in time vanish
Fast like a breeze
Or this moment we speak of roll like the seas
This moment is yours its all up to you
You spend these moments anway that you choose.
Spend them fast where your holding on for dear life
Let them go like a rock dancing across the ice
However you spend these moments let no one judge you
For I'll tell them they're all wrong.
This moment in time is your choice to have
Dont put this fate into another ones slippery hands.

Leanne10/21/24

Anxiety and Fear

Looks like you’re holding a snow globe so intricate and sweet.
Once shaken, the snow starts falling in big sheets.

For this fragile snow globe is not ever really clear.
When it’s shaken and shaken again, then comes the fear.

You can’t see inside to the beautiful scene.
You start to panic; will the view ever be clean?

You keep shaking the snow globe harder and harder, and then,
The questions and anxiety creep right on in.

Will I ever get to see into this beautiful globe?
Why is it so hard to see through the snow?

Why is it like this, what did I do this time?
I’m always ruining something I feel every time .

This perfect snow globe will never be the same.
Why does it feel like I’m going insane?

I’m a huge mess of tears and fears.
This precious snow globe doesn’t deserve to be here.

I then take a seat and set the globe down.
Upon my face, there’s such a big frown.

I’m upset with myself; what did I do?
I’ve broken something beautiful, shiny, and new.

It’s then when I look at that snow in the globe start to slow down.
It starts to settle back down to the ground.

I start to breathe slower; the tears and fear calm their war.
It is then that I realize what I have done, and all becomes clear—

that I do have some power over my anxiety and fear.

Leanne

My heart beats steadily,
My face starts to flush.
When I'm beside you,
I get a big-time rush.

Leanne 11/21/24

Between the world and me,
a fateful friend,
a flowing fountain.
Between the world and me,
a picture in a frame,
a field of wildflowers.
Between the world and me,
a night that keeps the stars
and hangs the moon.
Between the world and me,
a compass to a map,
a ray of sunshine.
Between the world and me,
a book with a bookmark
marking my spot,
a happy ending to a story.
Between the world and me,
you are a lamp guiding me
into my dreams,
a song without words,
written in stone.
All the wonderful things
between the world and me.

The boat floats, the waves toss about,
My favorite thing about this movement,
Is the view with you within the boat.

Leanne
11/23/24

These **** bottles of pills.
What kind of person have you made me?
When I take these little pills.
It’s only to alter some brain chemistry.

Lately it seems as if they are making me mad.
Quickly destroying all that I have.
These **** bottles of pills,
Yell out from the shelf.
“Please take me I’m here for your mental health”.
The problem with these **** little pills,
Is are they causing a problem, not letting me be free.

Tuning me into a mess, and not letting me be me.
This plastic facud I place on everyday.
Let’s me fake out everyone, Like,
“look she’s okay”.
Really though am I?
Have you seen this whack?

I’ve become obsessive, angry, and an emotional train wreck.
It’s taken over my sweet little brain.
Makes me feel as if I’m insane.

“Take this pill for your anxiety, even though it says depression”
“Oh and take this one, it will help you focus.”
“But keep in mind it also keys you up so your anxiety may be running little a muck.”
“Oh and don’t forget these pills they will settle you down, help you not have another run of the mill panic attack.”

Lets be real for a minute, let me ask you a question, how do you know that?
Only I know the real me and the one whos mind is off track.
Sometimes I feel like these pills are making me lose all control.
Like I have no say in what my brain tells these idle hands to hold.

I just jump in headfirst and keep diving in,
Not thinking of others’ hearts and what I might do to them.
Moral of the story is: Stop blaming the bottle of pills.
Keep control of yourself; don’t let yourself falter.
Find other things to occupy your brain rather than laying your pills on the altar.
Don’t worship the pills like it’s the only way out.

You are the person you were meant to be.
Let’s take away this mental health stigma and stand up for yourself.
I promise you’re really not crazy.
We all suffer from some type of mental health issue; you are not lazy.

What's at the bottom of the bottle?
Is it sorrow, fears, and a life gone wrong?
Maybe what's at the bottom
is a little something more.
Maybe it's what you've been looking for?
Maybe it's where all your dreams have gone,
Maybe it's where all your days have been,
Maybe it's a life well-lived.
The best thing about bottles
is that when they are empty,
they can be refilled with
whatever you desire.
Maybe it can be filled with new, clear, refreshing water that makes you feel fresh and free.
Maybe it's something wrong for you, but it's your only way to breathe.
What's at the bottom of the bottle?
The choice is up to you,
Because what's at the bottom of the bottle is meant for only you.

11/23/24
Leanne

Cover me in blankets
Cover me in warmth
Cover me from heartache
Cover me from storms
Cover me when I'm frightened
Cover me when I'm alone
Cover me with sweetness
Cover me with joy
Cover me with justice
Cover me with peace
Cover me with protection
Cover me while I sleep
Will you cover me always?
Cover me with your amazing grace
I know you will cover me
You don't see me as a disgrace
You cover me because I am yours
You gave your life for me
You cover me every day when you're watching over me
My comfort and my fortune
My eternal friend
You've covered me from the beginning
And you'll cover me till the end

Racing thoughts, uncontrollable thoughts at that, second guessing, stress, feeling maybe to obsessed.
This is what you do to me

**** you Anxiety

Sweaty palms ,heart beating fast, hyperventilating, lips turn to blue, air feels cut off
What do I need to do?

**** you Anxiety

It looks ok from the outer view but deep inside stomachs turning, I break a sweat, feels like all eyes are opened they are studying me.

**** you Anxiety

Take your meds! Did you take your meds? call your doctor that's what he says, it's not the problem cant you see nothing helps

**** you Anxiety

I wonder how normal feels? You mean you don't get flushed? your heart doesn't ache, your whole body doesn't shake?

**** you Anxiety

I guess it just me, this is who I am ,
some pitiful stricken Anxiety lamb.

**** you Anxiety

Darkness

Eyes close, darkness rises.
My life has thrown a surplus of surprises,

Some good, others I wish had never started.
This life I loved, once shown in bright light,
Is now covered by a solace of night.

Will the light shine back upon me again so this **** dark in my eyes can fade into oblivion

With hope and a friendly face and words that take me to a special place,
That place there, it's abundantly clear, the darkness was just my raging fear

In the quiet space of friendship,
is a place in which we fly
Not lovers, but friends under the same
stars in the same big, old sky.

Our bond, like a tapestry, threaded
and woven with care.
A sweet, pure friendship with such beautiful flair—

No need for the moon to whisper into our ear,
for there's  laughter, stories, and music we hear.

It's in this friendship dance that we do.
We both seem like mirrors,
reflecting each other.
A bond that's pure, almost
like sister and brother.

So here's to something that
will live on like space—
this friendship with you,
time cannot erase.

For in the end, you and I wll always be
such wonderful friends.

I'm by the lamp on
the table in the room.
Worried, anxious,
yet happy, but waiting.
Where are you?
I seek you out like
I'm trying to find you in
a game of hide-and-seek.
If I came to you,
would you hide from me?
The sun is soon setting;
nighttime is near.
I know the time to leave
will soon be here.
It's so hard to leave
your magnetic pull.
I hope that soon I'll
sleep and search for you.
You'll be waiting in the
corner of the room.
Morning is coming
It's sooner than I think.
You're the sunrise shining
through the window on me.
I wake up, look around to see—
Where are you?
You're right where you say
you'll always be: in my heart ❤️

Im way to critical of myself,
It’s always something in my heart,I never feel I’m rested.

My brain gets too invested.

It’s like im a ticking time bomb, But not one that explodes.

But one who never knows when,Her emotions start to show.

Sometimes there’s  not a reason for All this silly pain.

It’s all seems pretty trivial,Seems to make me feel insane.

I hate to see my reflection  in the mirror On the wall.

Maybe that could be the problem.It’s just looking at all my flaws.

I never have liked what I see, i’ve always known why.

Can’t I just be pretty, to everyone else’s eyes?

I know looks don’t matter, It’s all just what inside your heart.

When critical of yourself, It’s when these feelings start.

I know I have my issues and probably drive people crazy.

I can’t help I get excited, I’m such a silly daisy.

I know I always ramble about nonsense all the time.

But see if im talking to someone then I’m keeping them occupied.

They won’t be so quick to judge me by how I come across.

Im really not trying to be anybody boss.

I always feel like when I turn my back.

Im the topic of discussion , on all the things I lack.

Will I ever be normal and not so in my head?

It’s starts in the morning and never settles till I’m in bed.

I guess im not the only one with this struggle everyday.

“Take a breath”, “Calm down”, “You’re going to be okay”.  

See, it’s never that easy; it’s not just the flip of a switch.

For if it were I wouldn’t feel like sometimes  I’m  such a *****.

I never mean to come off angry,  or even cut people off.

It’s just another product of one of my many flaws.

So, if you feel like me and are hypercritical, too.

Just know that there’s someone out there who knows exactly what you’re going through.

She's always in her mind,
looking for things she can never find.
She's chasing crazy dreams and wishes.
She's always chasing ***** dishes.
She's always in her mind,
looking for love she left behind.
She's always overthinking every situation,
causing her to wander to higher elevations.
She's always in her mind,
running from troublesome thoughts on the carousel you wind.
She's a worrier, always expecting the worst.
Why did she ever think of these troublesome thoughts at first?
She's always in her mind,
always working and on the grind.
She has to finish what she starts.
When she doesn't, she feels she shatters beautiful art.
She's always in her mind,
looking for ways she can always be kind.
She feels she's doing something sweet
when she gives loved ones things she finds neat.
She's always in her mind,
feeling as if she's leaving people behind,
she stresses over how others feel.
It makes her upset, almost ill.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she feels confined, like a person locked in a room,
like she's chained and faces an uncertain doom.
She's always in her mind,
almost as if she were dressed up and disguised; she puts on a mask to show off a smile. Sometimes it's something you haven't seen for a while.
She's always in her mind,
Maybe it's what she was prescribed.
She sometimes feels crazy and she doesn't fit in.
But boy does she love when she's pulled into them.
She's always in her mind a scary place to be, but if she weren't in her mind, she wouldn't be.

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day she was born,
She had them locked on me like the cellar from the storm.
God knew what He was doing when He placed her in my life,
Just when things got crazy and there was so much strife.
The darkness of her big, brown eyes just pierced straight to my soul,
I delivered a missing piece, once missing, now she has made me whole.
I never thought the day would come when I'd have a precious baby girl,
I believe my daddy sent her from above to send me in a beautiful whirl.
It's never been too easy, yet never has been too rough,
But heaven gave this little girl specifically to us.
And boy, is she a tough one!
Don't cross her when she's mad. She is the prettiest little one I ever could have had.
The heart of an angel and the courage of a lioness,
Nothing has ever stopped my girl. She has always been so blessed.
She has always persevered and pushed on,
Even when she struggles and feels like she can't compete.

In the eyes of my daughter, from the day that she was born,
She took those big, brown eyes of hers and lit up my whole world.
And to this day, I look at her and can't believe she's my little girl. ♥️

I'm just shell of who I once was,
I used to be much more
But lately I feel so empty
like I don't know what I'm for
Not to long ago I had alot of fans
People who looked up to me
Because I did so great
Today this isnt right
It's so not the case
I feel like I have let the most important
People down
Like I jumped into the deep end I can't swim
I might drown.
They expect a happy healthy home
But how can you have that
With a loser for a mom who can't seem to get on track
There's so many out there looking to hire
But when I turn in my resume it seems to be set on fire then they go about thier day
Why does no one want me? Do they know I'm a loser too?
I have so much I need to work for so much I don't want to loose.
I'm driving myself crazy like who have I become
I'm afraid I'll forget how to work and everything will go all wrong
I know people love and care for me deeply, if they only knew the hate I feel just at the reflection that I see
I could be talking crazy, it could all be in my mind
I feel like no one believes me but lord knows how hard I've tried.
I guess this is the new me ill have to get use to, being told your not wanted and then ignored by all
I guess this is the valley, no one told me how hard  I would fall.

Below the tresses of a beautiful golden flame, rests a heart of pure force.
A Leo, lion of the desert land, his loyal friendship, he has over his pride.

A lion's heart Is fierce and true, honest, and loyal through and through.
For everyone Leo claims within his pride, this devotion will not subside.

In life’s bright stage, Leo stands, as a  steady Sage.
Leo guards his pride with royal might, He’s  a beacon of light in the deepest night.

Through life’s trials, battles, joy, and fear, Leo’s heart beats for those he holds dear.
He’ll roar his loudest roar to protect and defend, a loyal lion to all his friends.

My lighthouse in storms
And times of life is you.

My lighthouse is my hope,
When things feel they may fall through.

My lighthouse guidance has helped, me endure the unthinkable
Helps me through times I need, healing and making sacrifices whenever able.

My lighthouse is such a guiding force,
Guiding me toward the correct turns, in the road to follow love’s course.

My lighthouse is stability, helping to steady me in its hold,
Never letting me go, a safe haven for me to live like gold.

My lighthouse guides me at night in my dreams,
Helping me follow all aspirations, always on my team.

My lighthouse is the light in my vision,
Helping to show clarity in all that’s been.

My lighthouse is my security always,
Keeping me safe and under a watchful light, in any unknown doorway.

My lighthouse stays ever steady in its love;
I’m always looking for its guiding light above.

I lie here, chilly from the cold. How can I be sad?
Because I know all it takes is his sweet words to warm my heart like a sweet little heating pad.

Whether a conversation, a whisper, or even in text,
I know he will keep me warm with whatever he says next.

The sweetest words he speaks will melt me in an instant.
I can be right next to him or off into the distance.

This sweet little heating pad warms my fingertips as well.
This beautiful encounter sure feels like Heaven, never could feel like hell.

All the stings and tingles from us, in between—
It’s something I’ve never felt, better yet, something I’ve never seen.

The sweetest warmth of his presence sitting next to me
Is felt when I’m not with him, still melting my soul and setting me free.

This sweet little heating pad brings me comfort in many ways.
I feel this little heating pad each and everyday.

With this profound connection, no one can separate us from a touches sweet and warm
There’s nothing wrong with being beside in this perfect raging storm.

I never thought I’d find something like this in life that was ever missing.
That’s until he showed me who he was and for this I praise God for his existence

I’m thankful for his respect, gentleness, in words and all his manners.
He settles me when I’m anxious and when I’m showing  my weakness like a banner.

To have his presence you’ve felt for almost half your life.
You’ve always been connected but never thought about this close of a connection twice.

How could I be so lucky to get to share this heart of mine?
Sharing my heart with  him, I never knew he would add so much sunshine.

So I’ll keep the little heating pad close by me for today.
Never mind, I’m keeping the little heating pad forever and always.

Stars upon which I gaze from here on Earth,
Each one special, formed in space in its "solar birth."
When I look up to find my "special star,"
In one swift scan, I see you shining so bright, yet so far.
It's hard to find you sometimes with other stars shooting by so fast.
If I could just grab you and keep you, my "special star" in a jar so you could last.
Oh, if I could just hold you right here in this jar made of glass...
I can never touch you by hand, as you're a giant ball of gas.
But if I were to keep you sitting high on a mantle,
My "special star" would be like a trophy in a fine case, only for my hands to handle.
My "special star" is a treasure, so
If you take it from me and then let it go,
My heart would shatter like glass,
My heart would disappear like vapor,
If my "special star" is taken from me, then my constellation would not be complete.
My constellation wouldn't home my "special star" that completes the entirety of me.

Leanne 11/15/24 updated 12/3/24

Within the soundless morning dew,
The earth whispers to me secrets of you.
The golden sun, an artist's painting in the sky,
With boundless colors of hope that never die.

Each blade of green grass, each beautiful leaf, with dew so alive,
Moves to a delicate rhythm, a song to which we survive.
The whole world, a blank fresh canvas, spacious and wide,
Where our dreams and reality sit side by side.

Under the depth of the moon's crisp glow,
Stories of sweet love and friendships grow.
In every beat of the heart, every exhale and sigh,
Shows us the lovely candescence of the human eye.

Please let us just wander and be, hand in hand,
Through the rest of life, on this astounding land.
For in each short moment, so sweet, simple, and true,
Lies within the poetry of me and you.

Nightshade

The nightshade, in quiet darkness,
completely alluring and captivating me.
Even when I've tried to resist its shadowing light,
just as this nightshade flower hides its poisonous face behind its beautiful florets,
so does my connection to you.
The tangibility of this perfect storm almost feels unattainable at times,
but waves of delight wash over me when I hold this nightshade in my hand.
The nightshade grows from the earth like a vine,
twisting, turning, left and right around the edges of my heart.
I am the shadows, the beautiful shadows.
I reach forth, and this nightshade continues to pull me in.
The forbidden hold is earth-shaking.
It's not supposed to be. The danger in the nightshade—
it still will be held in my heart.
Intoxicating and stimulating every emotion within me,
it brings great comfort in beautiful shades.
It reflects a love that is not harmful but enticing.
It's growing in the shadows of my heart.
If I could harvest a garden full of this poisonous beauty that has captivated me,
I would nurture it, never letting it wither or be neglected.
My nightshade, it will always be.

We are always on the edge of something:
On the edge of danger,
On the edge of anger,
On the edge of laughter,
On the edge of tears,
On the edge of falling—
In or out of love.
Whatever edge you are on,
Just know this edge is safe,
For at the bottom of this edge,
there is no cliff.
All you need is a little faith,
to make it to the end.

Leanne
11/23/24

Orbit

Put a satellite into orbit;
The galaxy will watch it with the stars.

The ones set in place for all to see
Tell us stories of who you are.

The influence of this earthly planet,
The way the gravitational force occurs.

In astronauts’ celestial explorations,
This space full of stars is yours.

The way the Earth orbits the biggest and brightest star.
Is the way this satellite orbits among the moon.

Never stopping to settle down,
But knowing this satellite is orbiting around.

Always moving,
I’ll never stop waiting.

The satellite will be coming back around again for me.

Rain falls swiftly from the sky,
Feeling like little knives stabbing into my skin.
I try to duck and find cover,
All I can do is wait in pain until it's over.

Leanne
11/23/24

Whether you reach for a friend or a lover,
Always remember to reach for Mother.
When you reach, hold on tight;
Don't let what you love take flight.
Reach for stars, goals, and one another.

Leanne 11/23/24

I remember beautiful daisies
from when I was just a child.

The world around me seemed
to be so big and wild.

When I was young,
I would always pick the
biggest daisy I could find.

Id walk along the concrete
to see who would be mine.

“He loves me, he loves me not.”

Is what I would say,
as I pulled each perfect petal
from its beautiful display.

Not to harm it, but to cherish
it's wish for me that day.
That’s why I still grab a daisy
every time I see one when I pass by.

Once this  beautiful daisy has  
bloomed. It has a special magic trick
that it likes to do so it doesn’t die.

It’s also been given the name “day’s eye.”

When night comes,
it closes its petals over
the “eye” of the day past.

Then morning  comes and the daisy
opens its petals like a ray,
and the “eye” is ready for its new day at last.

As I’ve gotten older,
I don’t see many daisies around.

If I do, I grab one and
pull it from the ground.

This pretty little daisy,
hidden in the weeds,

Does it really answer
who truly loves me?

I often wish, as I did
when I was a little child,

That life would be just that innocent,
filled with cheerfulness and joy,
like this symbolic flower
does today in the wild.

Seasons of Change

Change is inevitable; it happens to all,
No one is exempt.
We sometimes must fall.
There are mountains we may struggle to climb,
Then the deep valleys where the vines intertwine.
It doesn't matter if you're there for the view;
It's something that everyone will stumble through.
But it's life we are living; some things you can't change.
Don't fear the long trek or the rugged terrain.
The valleys may hurt you or fill you with fear,
But don't hesitate; your loved ones are near.
Keep pushing and climbing; you'll soon reach the top.
Then once you realize upon looking down,
The trek you have been on is oh so profound.
You notice the trees, the leaves have since gone;
You wonder where time went; its kept ticking on.
For your time in the valley, you never noticed the trees;
You couldn't see the season of change in the leaves,
A Change unnoticed; as you couldn't see, with your head bowed down, looking away from above.
In this season of change, still not knowing why you were placed on this path. Some things don't add up; you can't do the math.
You never saw the beauty; it was hidden by your pain. If you keep looking back, you'll be behind in the game.
The ones who love you also care; if they weren't friends, they wouldn't be there, waiting for you and cheering you on. Giving you comfort with words oh so strong. They have your back as they lead you ahead. They travel this journey with you; not one has fled.
Just keep pushing forward, climb to the top, enjoy all the seasons as change never stops.

Emotional release,
A cleansing for your soul.
Sadness has a way to cease;
Happiness is on a roll.
The shock of life’s moments,
These are raindrops of the soul.
Expressing what you feel inside,
No need for noise or attention.
Just showing raw emotion,
Sometimes even in a rage.
These are the silent words of the soul,
The flow of sorrow’s river.
When grief or sadness draws near,
Emotional breakdowns and uncontrollable sadness—maybe fear?
These things happen to anyone.
These tiny little drops of dew,
Like those on the fresh morning green,
Are just tiny teardrops we all have seen.
If you haven’t, don’t say you never will.
These drops fall like a steady rain,
Not to hurt you or bring you down;
These are healing for you,
Like a medicine you release to relieve yourself.
These are your tears.

The color blue,
not just a random hue.
Blue begins the start of each day and continues through the night.  
Blue like the sadness you feel when your not feeling right.
Blue as the tears falling from your cheek when you start to overthink.
Blue like the deep waters; some will tread, others will sink.
Blue like the birds who flutter their wings high in the nest,
and stay snuggled under their mother’s breast.
Blue like the blood pulsing in your veins keeps your body living.
Blue like the color eyes you stare deep they just keep giving.  
Blue like the bluebelld growing in a patch,
just putting a smile on your face when you pass.
Blue like the hottest part of a flame from a fire,
never touch no matter how much you desire.
Blue like the flag that holds the white stars tight representing our freedom and our rights.
Blue like your fingers and toes getting frozen from the weather, making it hard to move
Blue like the moon that Elvis sang about and he swooned us, too.
Blue can be the faintest hue to the deepest hue.
Blue can always look so good on you,
no matter what your mood,
What’s not to love about the color blue?

Hanging in the gallery of my soul, decorating the walls. I’ve hung many canvases, some that you have never seen.

The wall behind me holds a portrait,  painted beautiful with hues of green and blue; this portrait shows things in life that have never been.

Next, you will see a canvas painted with a beautiful bouquet, showing all the things I’ve given away in life.

Look to your left—don’t turn too far, you might miss this tiny masterpiece that some call art. This tiny art piece shows the littlest kidney bean in the palm of my hand. What was once a dark spot on it, now removed, shows how much grace this little thing has produced.

As you walk by, you see a hanging, almost clear sheet; this is what it feels like when people look at me.

On the wall behind the sheet is a beautiful display showing many footprints of everyone who has walked in my life today.

In the corner, on a little shelf, a broken vessel sits. This vessel was put back together without its biggest piece. Though tattered and misshapen, this vessel still shows so much beauty.

On the biggest wall, by itself, you see a boldly shaped red heart painted so brightly; this piece shows how my heart feels when I am being loved just right.

So, as you have walked and wandered in this gallery of my soul, I hope you find comfort and know that not all of your precious art can be sold.

There's a mortal in the room
There’s been alot of space in time
as time has been only but a thief.
The memories keep incircling my head like a flowered wreath.
Suddenly life changed in
the blink of an eye.
I still beat my self up because
I never had him  as “my guy”.
I get excited at every mention of
this mortals familiar name.
But what ****** was the feelings
he had just never were the same.

The only thing that changed now
is there is no lady on his arm.
For this mortal in the room
is like a golden charm.
This mortal in the room
lit inside me a internal flame.
The flame was hidden,
so on the outside
I appeared exactly the same.

Keeping all of these things inside
never made things very clear.
I somehow knew there was an attraction from
him any time that I was near.
But was that all I was to him now,
just an attraction that couldn’t be?
I’ve always been drawn to this mortal  
for my feeling run so free.

It’s crazy how an glance from this
mortal or even a sweet stare.
It’s like a magnetic pull to this mortal
from in somewhere in the air.
I learned things about this mortal I never ever knew of.
I felt a new feeling for this mortal,
this was a different type of love.
From this mortal in the room.


Leanne

There's a mortal in the room
I’m so glad the feelings were never
know about from way back then.
If things went a different way
magine how that would have been.
There’s a reason to this
sudden awakening,
and how this new
friendship had its start.
We were always friendly
to each other,
but never fully connected at the heart.

But this magnetic pull inside our souls,
It’s what changed in us the most.
For this mortal never knew
just what he meant to me,
Only because I never wore
my heart upon my sleeve.
I look back at that mortal in the room,
The one I was afraid to get near.

Me knowing more of his heart now,
Things have become oh so clear.
This mortal shares space
inside my head,
For he’s always had a
place in my heart.
I’m happy I get to say now,
From this mortal,
my special love
I feel for him will never depart.
There’s a mortal in the room,
He’s hard to keep away from…

Leanne

There’s a mortal in the room.
He’s hard to keep away from.
I’m almost afraid to get near him,
for my thoughts he doesn’t know.
If I were to express myself,
he'd probably get up and go.
This mortal makes me feel all shaky inside,
Like a tiny tremor following the earthquake,
I wish in this moment that this mortal would awake.

There’s a mortal in the room,
a sight that makes me quite uneasy.
This isn’t right; he can’t see how
uncomfortable he’s made me
With his trophy on his arm.
I truly wish her no harm,
but if it’s him she walks away from,
I will be the next one on his arm.

There’s a mortal in the room,
catching vibes from the ladies all around.
Don’t they know he’s mine?
At least that’s what I tell myself,
like he’s some property.
But if he was he could live in
my heart forever rent-free.

There’s a Mortal in the room
Seems like I cant escape him.
He’s always here near me,
even at the biggest celebrations.
I shouldn’t even care,
he belongs here too.
For now’s the time life’s changing
into something new.
But still, I always wonder,
is this mortal thinking of me.

This mortal still is present in my
life almost everyday.
Does he know I still see him
as the mortal in the room ?
I still can’t tell this mortal how I feel
for it may cause a certain doom.
Everyday life changes but
one thing doesn’t change.
It’s the fact that I imagine
what if I had his last name?
That will never be the case though,
it's not in woven in the dream catchers loom.

But one thing that hasn’t left is
the mortal in the room.
I see him from time to time now,
he’s often a random show.
But something still kills me,
how did he never know?
This mortal in the room is
like an extension to my mind .
I still get stuck thinking
why did he leave me behind?
There's a mortal in the room

Leanne

Powdered concrete broken down,
Rocks show on the barren ground.
Tiny particles of dust and sand,
The dirt is rich in this poor land.
But you see a **** poke from a crack—
That's just a sign of beauty, new growth pushing concrete back.
The **** bares a sight of simple charm,
The sweetest daisy, growing strong, green leaves for arms.
The beauty this daisy possesses shows such grace;
It shines upon her yellow florets, her face.
What beauty comes from something walked on,
Something that's kicked and never looked upon!
This beautiful daisy, not only a new birth from the ground,
Shows signs of a new beginning and joy all around.

The tree on the hill, the strong and majestic oak, has roots spreading out beyond the safety of its beautiful canopy.

Could he be the roots that steady this noble oak tree, protecting it against all in war and peace? He doesn't know he helps to hold her steady in the storm.

Could she be the faith-filled canopy that covers the roots of this righteous tree, offering the beautiful acorn seeds that help share the love and good luck to the deep roots beyond the ground?

Like the oak tree and its roots, they both steady one another without knowing what each other does. Can our souls steady each other and love so deeply without revealing it?

They will always be connected, like the tree on the hill that produces beautiful flowers of hope in the fall, which is when they reconnect by the heart.

They both are like this tree, filled with wisdom. This wisdom gives the oak longevity and slow growth, which makes it so wise.

The longevity of their connection has been there from the start. They both have just hidden it deep inside their hearts.

Like the tree on the hill, the roots and tree are connected like souls mended together.
We may not understand it, but we hold onto this connection, one which we never knew we had.

Just like the oak tree's connection with its roots, she will be there for him, and he will be there for her, like the tree on the hill, taking care of one another from below to above.

Time checker  

I’m always a time checker,
Looking at my watch to see the time.

Questioning what’s coming up?
Looking always to see if im behind.

I hate to ever show up late to things,
But never like to be to early.

The countdown is always on ,
Waiting for the end of the day for me.

Always Checking how much time I have left before I go to sleep,
Until it’s time to wake.
So I can be awake and refreshed.

And take on another crazy day.
These crazy things I think about!
This silly thing called time.

Isn’t so silly when it goes to fast,
or seems to go to slow.
I hate spending so much time alone,

I love to be around the ones I love.
So maybe I can take a break from being a time checker and spend more time  just going with the flow.

Because there is one thing that’s for sure, time’s a precious thing,
So with me always checking time,
I’m just pushing away this beautiful life of mine.

Under the moonlight, into the deep darkness,
The pale indigo moonbeams shine on all things here on Earth.
The stillness in the air causes the trees to stand alert.
Moonlight shines onto the creek where your dreams overflow.
I'm holding onto the moonlight casting down towards the dirt,
hitting rocks and pebbles like hidden silver treasure for me to search.
Each star, specifically placed in the sky, shines down, sparkling like diamonds into my eyes.
They reach the dull, dark brown hue and make them shine bright and new.
Down here, the nighttime sky guides me from behind,
sure to light the way so I am safe and secure from the deep darkness ahead.  
As I look, I see a white, cotton-like pillow on the ground.
It seems to be be a cloud that has fallen down.
It's not just a cloud that lay undisturbed,
but it's lit from within, like stars and moonbeams were placed inside.
This pillow is hard to resist; the comfort is evident from the sight of it.
I grab it up into my arms and hold it tight.
I carry it inside to sleep with it for the night.
I fall asleep so easily and relaxed with this pillow under my head.
Instantly dreaming of the nighttime sky that rescued me from the darkness I can finally leave behind.

Words have been left unspoken, like blank pages in a book.
I keep flipping through the pages, to take another look.
I find the words unwritten; they've never stained the page.
It's only you who can see them, only you know this silent rage.
The years that have been passing, fleeting swiftly by,
Our words left unspoken from our mouths, have been spoken through our eyes.
No one knows the magnitude the unspoken has been to bare.
It's crazy to believe there was another one out there who truly cared.
The unspoken words we've hidden deep inside our hearts,
This has made such an impact on me, as you've been the vital part.
In the silence of the unspoken, you still show that you care.
The brush of your hand, a smile, a gentle hug lets me know you're still there.
This unspoken that's always flowing, yet not heard or seen,
We both know the unspoken is there, but never speak of what it means.
In the quiet, our unspoken waits, never asking or never loud.
Our unspoken is strong and steady, even when the unspoken's not allowed.

Waves

Waves toss me against the tide,
Pushing and pulling at my sides.
I wonder and wait, will it subside?
Can this wave be but a beautiful ride?
The turmoil, the danger, the roughness at sea,
Were these waves meant only for me?

Is rescue coming? Please, hopefully soon.
Will it pull me to safety? Will it be my safe haven and refuge?

Waves, oh, so beautiful, your colors of turquoise blue and pearl white,
But waves, oh, how your danger pulls me into your riptide.

Waves, please be calm, be still, please be at peace.
Let me rest upon your still seas.

What do you see when you look my way?
Do you see me, or do you see something else?
Do you see all the imperfections I possess?
These imperfections make me feel less.
Like the shell of a girl in a picture frame.
Do you see what I see in the mirror looking back at me?
A body, all deformed but shapely; this body has had two beautiful babies.
What do you see when you look at my face?
Do you see the unevenness of my eyebrows and the squint in my left eye?
Maybe there are enough glasses for it to hide behind.
Do you see the freckles splattered on my face?
The sun hasn't been gentle on this aging face.
What do you see when you look at me?
Do you see my darkened eyes, so deep and dark that the colors almost don't shine?
Do you see this hair? It's starting to thin with little strands of gray.
What do you see when you look at this aging woman who is almost forty years old?
Maybe…me?

What’s the dill pickle?
Why are you so green?
Where do you come from?
Why do people think you’re mean?

You always taste so yummy,
Making my tummy very glad.
When I can’t have pickles, I
Get very sad.

Those green delicious spears such a delightful treat.
Some like them sour, and some weird ones like them sweet.

Pickles are the best snack in a lunch to pack,
Take them on a picnic, or eat them straight off the rack.

The best pickles are the ones straight from the cold.
Don’t forget the baby pickles; those things are so bold.

So when you hear, “What’s the dill pickle?”
Don’t think someone is asking you what’s up.
It’s them showing how much they love this snack.
This little snack you love to crunch.

What it feels like when I can’t breathe.
Like some thief just stole my joy,
Made me gasp for air.
It happens like this,
when I feel like no one cares.
Why am I like this?
So emotional,
Don’t they know it kills me,
to not be normal?
If I breathe in and out…
Like everyone else does.
Maybe I wouldn’t panic,
The endless teardrops barge past, my bloodshot, swollen eyes
Nothing about this is normal
But yet they criticize
Stop crying.
Just breathe.
There’s no need for tears.
It’s like being mocked has become my biggest fear.
It makes me feel insane.
And feel suffocated.
I know im not crazy,
I know im just different.
But for someone who suffers from, PTSD, there’s a big difference.
I have had my struggles and emotional trips. I have obsessive-compulsive thoughts that get stuck like a switch.
Some say it’s easy to handle
Just don’t think about it.
But once something is in my head, leaving doesn’t exist.
So if I’ve ever cared for you, you’re always in my head.
There’s no way for you to disappear even with a single med.
I just want to breathe normally.
I just want to be seen.
I just want to be okay.
I just want to be me.

If you're wondering where to find me, wondering where my soul went to
My soul is sitting right beside you its wondering what you've been up to
Even in the distance, near deep waters of the sea
My soul is always there for you. I hope you look for me.
If you look into the night sky and question where I am.
It's me, I'm the brightest star, shining down upon the land.
Even in the daytime, when the Sun is oh, so bright.
It's my soul that's behind it, helping spread its wondrous light.
If you keep wondering where to find me even when I'm near.
Don't worry, I'm right beside you.
I'll never leave your side don't fear.

-Leanne
-11-14-2024

My heart is like an open window. Every view from inside me is never the same. It seems like the outside looks calm and inviting, but does it really feel that way?
When the rain pitter-patters on the glass or the rumble of thunder rattles, the panes shake like paper. Do I still open it?
I try to be honest, like an open, clear window, and share how my heart truly feels. But words don't come out. My voice can't escape me, like a window that has been forever sealed.
Can anyone really hear me? Do they know the things I'm going through? I feel like my heart is keeping something in.
It would seem so easy to just throw open the window, but everyone would hear the glass breaking the silence in the room.
Do I want that attention on me?
Maybe I'll get to escape it or let this wild heart free. Because it sure has a hold on me.
I have no control what I see out the window just like I have no control over my heart. I'll have to just sit and wait instead.
Only I can see what happens when I open my heart to let it breathe the fresh air vented in by the creaky window frame.
This heart is nothing new. It never has changed. Just leave the crack be on the window pane
My heart is still the same heart; it makes the same beat. That's what makes me the same me. So throw open those windows and let this heart roam free. This heart is like the open window, so please just let me be me.

Leanne 11/1/24

I imagine your hearts in a maze I get to explore.
You have me knocking at every trick door.
At the entrance There's a roadmap with instructions to view.
I look for a loophole I can manipulate myself through.
Is there a hidden or a dark side I shouldn't go towards?
Or is this dark side something I'd want to explore?
You'd give me the spare key, so I can enter whenever,
You'd let me visit inside your heart, now and forever.
This maze could be fun; something interesting to do.
If I continue this maze, I'll visit every room.
I'll learn about you and what makes your heart tick.
Only you could push me away and make my heart sick.
I look into your eyes, like a clear window to look through.
I'm not scared of your heart, for it is safe here; I'll never question you.
In this maze of your heart, I am venturing in.
It's the most amazing journey; to me, you're more than a friend.
I could write all day, every day, on the walls of your heart.
For the walls would be covered with such beautiful art.
Art made by not only me, but we will make this art together.
We could paint and write there forever.
Look at this beautiful mess we've created.
I know in my heart this will last for ages.
Your heart is the medicine that helps to replace,
The feeling I have when I'm not in the right headspace.
The light in your heart, at first, seemed dim.
Was it me? Did I maybe help bring some light back in?
I told you I'd be your light in the darkest of rooms,
because you have been saving me from so much gloom.
I'm thankful to have this wonderful maze.
Since you gave me this heart, I'm busy all day.
I'd never trade it for anything else.
That's why your heart's not sitting on a shelf.
Trust me with your heart, and you can have mine.
Just promise never to leave me behind.

Leanne updated 12/31/2024

You would think I’d learn my lesson on how I make you feel..
You would think I’d give you the space you need
You would  think id take this real.
You would think I’d hear you the first time
When you said I would never be replaced.
But as it appears right now
I think I am such a disgrace.
You would think I’d think more about how what I say makes you feel.
Obviously, I’m not very smart.
I don't seem to pick up on hints; it's not one of my strengths.
But it seems I am now someone you might soon forget.
I can’t believe I’ve made you back away from me
I feel the space between us is too hard to bare
I feel like im losing my best friend
And it’s all my fault, but its not fair.
I apologize for all my aggravating  obsessive charades.
I truly always wish you the best in everything you do.
I never wish you any harm
How could I stand to see my best friend be so numb.
The thought of you alone really makes me sick
I wish I wasn’t such a nuisance, and you would let me back in
Please don’t block me out. Please let me be your friend.
I promise to be there for you, as I said before.
I pray to God above for what is troubling you,
whether it’s me or something else.
I pray for the smothering feeling to be soon released.
Please don’t close the door on us;
I promise I'll let you breathe. I just need you to answer and tell me to stop.
I need you to set some boundaries for me not to cross.
I'm comfortable with you. That's why I talk so much.
But I hate feeling like im nagging and hanging on you like your my crutch
Please don’t give up on me.