Fluttering eyelids give away
your quiet slumber in the summer sun.
I wonder what your dreams are made of,
silken memories?gossamer ghosts?
Plundering pirates?

I see the younger you as you sleep,
helpless like a newborn, still as a millpond, but
somber thoughts must have invaded, you've
wrinkled your brow, I lean over and caress your face
you ease back to Lethe, oblivious to my watching.

I want to see the images that are racing through your mind
I want to smother you, until I alone own you, you're mine
I want to rediscover all over again why I fell in love with you
I want to feel that first flush, rush of rapture
I want to know that you want that too.

The summer sun is fading into umber tones
The earth has been warmed, and the lustre of
The day is nearly at an end. Yet, still you slumber.
The sun has taken a somber tone, it's time to wake, go home.
The lover at slumber, needs to become my husband again.

It's hard to hide a smile
When you should feel defiled.
Is it wrong to give my soul,
act as a ***** in the bed and
reconcile your acts as nothing but
worthwhile?
My skin and mind are afire
we're lying side by side respirating shallowly
admired, reviled and inspired I let myself wander
with thoughts of our beguiled afternoon.
Love affairs are seedy, needy and just
without my lover I'd feel nothing but bile
for the man I let slip a band on me.
I want to stay awhile, but the room will
be needed by the next coupling.
And, until next time I have to veil my
vile, yet necessary secret
And that I do with guile and style.

You left, and I
lament the
remnants of your
scent.

Hush, and feel the flush
and crush upon your body
as the air is expelled in
a gushing, rushing torrid of
****** memories.
Damning you to want more,
you want to thrash at the bedclothes
needing to find that release once more.
Yet you lay there spent in the morning's
hush, laid upon the chest of the one that
has made your heart sing, ears ring and
left you corrupted at the core.
The rise and fall of in sync breathing
is the only sound in the room
hush, hush, hush.

****** me. Yes you, You
reading this poem, this plea.
Come take me, fill my senses with
sights and sounds and smells
Come hear me moan
hear me coo
See my blood quickened pulse
throb as you stand close
****** the whole of me
nibble at me, caress me, taste me
honey sweet I lie at your feet
I no longer want to be an ingénue
I want to be reborn, seduced by you
Crush your lips to mine
Crash into me

I consider perfection a collection,
a collection of never to bees
buzzing over ridges, known as
wrinkles.
Singletons looking for systems in
order to find
the right one
Not the right now
Millions of kisses going amiss
Reclusive, exclusive people
unobtrusive civilians, waiting for
the impulse to collect and recollect,
the calluses of love.

My need to write is like a prizefight
One scribe, one pen enters the book
Hopefully hundreds will turn up for a look!
If not the fight hasn't been in vain, I'll probably
realise my pomposity, at pretending to be a prodigy!

Consciously though I prophesy this, my right wrist
in all honesty, couldn't conduct a pen to solve a mystery!
Yet, still my need to scribble words overtakes sense,
hence, at the pretence of being a poet, I actually don't know it!
That last bit rhymed!

Pretentious
Meaningless
Semantic
Gibberish
Jargonised
Words
One
D­oes
Not
Understand.

Darkness, hides a shallow shadow.
Hiding from bright light.
The shadow moves slowly almost
hallowly along the narrow paths.
Head bent in friarly supplication, but no
kindness or peace follows this hollow shadow,
the shadow follows a dim tallow light
candle flame dim, he knocks at the door
13 Miller's Court, as far from a court could be,
he enters the room, a grate, a kettle, a bed, a settle
a painted doxy, a Catholic cross.
He takes these things in along with the broken pane of glass
the pane of glass will not be the last pain, 13 Miller's Court
will see tonight.

My depression is a transgression
against me, and mine.
I never asked to be contaminated
with this strife.

My depression is a possession
of evil, of illness.
I never thought I would be
rife with highs and lows.

My depression is a progression
of good and bad thoughts.
I never wanted to be
violated with cries and lies.

My depression is a weapon
against all who suffer its woes.
I hope the afterlife takes this repression
and nullifies it's effects.

My depression is mine but
suffered by many. We are pulverised,
neutralised and modified by our own
minds and medicated to keep sated.

My depression is Legion
a wickedness to the self.
A circle unending, unbending,
curving toward suppression of oneself.

Whoever said they'd like to live forever
never considered the barbarity that would bring.
The bearer of living forever never forgets
the pain forever brings
They alone would be the holder of
existing alone, the finality of their
forever is the fatality of terror.

Money makes the world go around
So the saying goes,
But sorry to burst that bubble
Not even love does that
Dusty, *****, lucky, love
Stalls the world, when it turns sour
Love tuns to hate quickly and
Money mummifies us, wraps our corpses in bills
Beauteous, mellifluous love lets doves fly
Unlucky money make doves cry
Superfluous love, yuppie money
Comely money, plush love
Neither wins.
There is no versus, there is no fight
Both are emotional dynamite.

In whiskey sodden dreams I feel silky bedclothes encompass
my flimsy pretty negligee clad body
Whimsy takes a hold, bold dreams drape my mind
My dimly lit boudour welcomes the vibrancy of the dream
Unblushingly dis inhibited by the sweet sickly whiskey
I feel frisky, risky, risqué
I want the silkiness of the dark dimly lit night to
ignite, I want flimsy, gipsy, filthy, ***** love.
In whiskey sodden dreams I feel my inner *****,
in dreams I can open the door.

It was unfair that I loved you first
It was unfair that you and I were cursed
It was unfair that with no one around we were free
Just you and me, joking, talking, knowing

Peers are just the first form of abuse we suffer in this world
Words hurled, lips curled,
We drifted apart, whispers became louder than shouts
I found out that you'd kissed her

I didn't cry, you weren't mine to cry over
I didn't show emotion, that takes time
I didn't pursue anyone else, I insulated myself
I didn't experience anything but loneliness and bitterness

Facebook show me those peers
Reveal their lives, their pain, their happiness
She's on the social network, she runs, drinks wine
Is married, is a mum

I look for you on there, you're not
I am, but if we find each other again
Life has had the last laugh
We are both married. Unfair.

Black pain comes with the rain
Rain bouncing hard
Covering the yard with chronic drops
Unhappiness, an empty black hole
Threatening to collapse inside itself
Into nothingness.

To the people that love you
You are perfect
In order for you to see what they see
Takes more than a mirror.
All you see is a reflection
A copy of you caught in time.
You see the flaws
You remember the hateful things you've done
You hear your past crashing down on you
You understand that your face is not the face they see
Your face is an ever changing mask, a lie.

The vampire is at the door
The wolf is in the yard
The ghost is in the house
The lunatic is baying at the moon
The siren is off the shore
The serpent is in the grass
The pain is in the heart
The killer is in you.

From the cradle to the grave
We're manhandled and manipulated
Manoeuvred like chess pieces
Arranged in columns, in  statistics, in order
Our worth is determined by skilful orientation
Influenced by others, employed by others, used by others

Faceless, nameless, featureless, utilisers that
Make sure we are kept within our boundaries
Yet, all these words have one thing in common MAN
Unscrupulous influence unfairly deployed
Ensure that our managed manhandling is exploited by the MAN.

My hand became yours in marriage
My mind and soul remained mine

Your family should have become mine
My family became yours

Was it that you were the first born?
First born son

I was also a first born
First born daughter

Your mother's talons had dug in deep
Not in you but me

Every look she gave
Every snide remark

I tried nice, I tried too hard
I showed my talons, and my talons were sharper

I cut deep, like a bird of prey
After all mother in law, remember

Only the bride wears white
And a man is a son until he meets his wife.

Reflecting on life, on becoming a wife
Constraints of a marriage
That will end in a carriage
And me in the back boxed in
Awaiting the ground all damp and brown
A coffin with flowers atop
Flowers not in the ground growing,
But, dying and withering along with the cadaver
Already dead, already going off.

Do you think of the body in the box?
Do you reflect on a life that is lost?
Or do you just turn up on the day
Stare at the display, and know sooner than you think
It'll be you in a box, full of stink?

My feelings of hate border on revulsion
Repulsion bordering on abhorrence,
Course through my veins
My blood is thick with ill will
Sociopathic thoughts fire my personal hatred
Hate is more powerful than love
Love hurts hate kills.

I stubbed a toe today
It brought back unwanted memories
Intense, unguarded, pain shot through me
Like a lightening bolt
A bolt from the blue.

Unpleasant sensory and emotional experience
Transferred themselves to a stubbed toe.
I withdrew my toe
I withdrew myself
I boxed up the pain again.

Do you see them?
They see you.
Do you hear them?
They hear you.

Yes, you see them
Out of the corner of your eye
Yes, you hear them
During the silence of a ticking clock.

You'd rather not see or hear them
You'd rather they sleep a quiet slumber
You'd rather they didn't talk to you
You'd rather the professionals were right, you're mad

But, you and they know otherwise
They are only seen and heard by you
To others they elicit that "someone's just walked over my grave feeling
Like children at play their cruelty knows no bounds.

Hollow out a pumpkin
Hollow out my soul
Scoop out the insides of a pumpkin
Scoop out the inside of my soul

Thin ice covers my body
Thin ice covers my soul
Outside of myself
Outside of my soul

Cavities, devoid of truth
Sunken, reverberating footsteps
Echo hollowly
Emptiness, devoid of even emotion

A void between hollow valleys
Spacious sepulchral sound
Deeply indented
In my hollow soul.

Brittle love broke today
The love was only one way
A thousand shards
Glinting in the rays
Of once a love so pure
Now shattered, tattered and
Fluttering in an aged breeze
The love is gone
Such is teen emotion
All is so intense, heightened senses
Truths yet unknown of life
Thank you for reminding me
That my torn and shredded love
Turns to strength given time
My torn and tattered past
Defines me now
I love with no strings
I understand my crushes, the longing and truth
I feel sorry for the teenage me
She that mooned, stared and let life pass by
For no return, no end
You cannot go back
Brittle rose tinted glasses shatter
When true love arrives.

I'm sleeping, dreaming, suffering sensory deprivation
Inhibited, relaxed, circadian rhythms coursing through
REM, renewing cells, awaiting the terror of the night.

I wake, here you come, slowly, announcing your presence
Until you stand over me
I cannot move, immobile

I cannot scream, mute
I cannot fight, struggle or defend
I feel you, looming above me

Thrashing will only alert you to my knowing of you
I calm my breathing, relax my posture, think of the coming sun
Advertising my lie that I know you are here.

You lean forward I smell your foul, fecund hot breath
Your infertile want of me by you, but I want him
You are not him

Slowly, you pull the sheet down
I remain still,knowing that you do not exist
A memory of long ago, of my helplessness

He, is asleep beside me unaware of you
Of your torment night after night
I want him to turn in his sleep

To face me, take me into a lover's knot
Show you my tormentor that you failed
Failed when I was 18, and will fail now I'm 39

But, he sleeps the sleep of the innocent
You keep trying, night after long night
And, I will keep eluding you.