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"unused" poems
If I die in a school shooting I'll never go home again. My room will sit unused, A capsule frozen in time, A snapshot of how I was. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my dog again. She will sit at the front door Waiting for me and wondering, Why I never came home. If I die in a school shooting I'll never graduate from high school. My yearbooks will sit stacked Stopped short of their goal, Missing years that should have been. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my mom again. She will sit distraught, Planning a funeral For a child taken from her. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my friends again. They'll sit together, missing me. One empty seat among them, A constant reminder of their loss. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my little sister again. She will sit through high school Knowing I can't guide her through, That she has to figure it out alone. If I die in a school shooting My school will be stained. Pools of students lives will sit, Blood tattoos on the brick structures, Marks of death ground into it. If I die in a school shooting Everyone will wear black. They'll send their thoughts and prayers To a town marred by death, Forever to be the home of a shooting. If I die in a school shooting Will the world change? Or will I become one of hundreds   Of kids who have to die? What will it take? If things continue this way Children will have to live in fear. They'll look over their shoulders Always worried and wondering, If they'll die in a school shooting.
0
May 29, 2018
May 29, 2018 at 4:02 PM UTC
If I Die in a School Shooting
If I die in a school shooting I'll never go home again. My room will sit unused, A capsule frozen in time, A snapshot of how I was. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my dog again. She will sit at the front door Waiting for me and wondering, Why I never came home. If I die in a school shooting I'll never graduate from high school. My yearbooks will sit stacked Stopped short of their goal, Missing years that should have been. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my mom again. She will sit distraught, Planning a funeral For a child taken from her. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my friends again. They'll sit together, missing me. One empty seat among them, A constant reminder of their loss. If I die in a school shooting I'll never see my little sister again. She will sit through high school Knowing I can't guide her through, That she has to figure it out alone. If I die in a school shooting My school will be stained. Pools of students lives will sit, Blood tattoos on the brick structures, Marks of death ground into it. If I die in a school shooting Everyone will wear black. They'll send their thoughts and prayers To a town marred by death, Forever to be the home of a shooting. If I die in a school shooting Will the world change? Or will I become one of hundreds   Of kids who have to die? What will it take? If things continue this way Children will have to live in fear. They'll look over their shoulders Always worried and wondering, If they'll die in a school shooting.
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50
When we met, love Obnubilated me. I became bananas about you. I wanted to be luculent. Just to be Pauciliquent. I however felt like a blatherskite. You probably thought I was a glaikit. Did I sound like a meacock instead? If so, it’s due to kakorrhaphiophobia. I might have operose my feelings. Did it seem like I wanna mamaguy you? You behaved like a frondeur. Your callipygian body looked extramundane. Your hair looked ulitichous. Did you feel like I lusted your Callipygian shape? I foresaw a love that won’t flatline. If it does, it will be eucatastrophe. Now we’re together, I’m disenthrall from Misogamy. You’re a deipnosophist and a mixologist. I’m edcious. To keep you happy, I share a boffola. To me, love felt like a Humdudgeon.
0
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 6:46 PM UTC
When we met (using rare & unused words).
Imagine that I could write a salve, compose an ointment of verbal herbs to heal, even mere protect the already-torn-so-easy mental flesh, just to disguise/hide the multi-colored bruising our fickle mistress-in-common provides when you are down so far another bruise joining the cast like a  floodplain subsuming one more feeding creek bed into the shapelessness of indistinguishability imagine that where atoms hide eternal between creation and destruction, borrow brief the set exact you require to restore the taken years from fathers/mothers/brothers/sisters, children, return that which went unused by the uninvited, unseemly human whim of war and lies for no gain imagine that the deep sinkhole of despair that ***** one in, years in the formation, appearing in instance, and worse does not drowns but leaves helpless, unable to climb out, and all our scratching digs us in deeper until we cannot be, seen or heard or just be imagine that a check comes in the mail, payable left open for filling-in, in the amount of full restoration, with no additional fees of guilt needed for deposit and cashing/caching out: and you wake up and the stony chest is breathing lungs free imagine that and I do; for I am the smoke of return and rest, sky inscribing, knowing precise needs and the screams and the years unfair taken, they are screened through the five perceptions, and the word weaver sets the loom for each peculiar requisition, no imagination needed imagine that you lament and anger demand verifiable proofs mathematical, cursing the knights of false hopes with untethered regret I do not imagine that; hear it and accept; my task, imagine that, making you imagine that, thus commencement of repair begins when we imagine that for this how new healthy cells  are born quiet-now,  go, imagine-that, now*
0
Aug 18, 2018
Aug 18, 2018 at 1:02 PM UTC
imagine that
Imagine that I could write a salve, compose an ointment of verbal herbs to heal, even mere protect the already-torn-so-easy mental flesh, just to disguise/hide the multi-colored bruising our fickle mistress-in-common provides when you are down so far another bruise joining the cast like a  floodplain subsuming one more feeding creek bed into the shapelessness of indistinguishability imagine that where atoms hide eternal between creation and destruction, borrow brief the set exact you require to restore the taken years from fathers/mothers/brothers/sisters, children, return that which went unused by the uninvited, unseemly human whim of war and lies for no gain imagine that the deep sinkhole of despair that ***** one in, years in the formation, appearing in instance, and worse does not drowns but leaves helpless, unable to climb out, and all our scratching digs us in deeper until we cannot be, seen or heard or just be imagine that a check comes in the mail, payable left open for filling-in, in the amount of full restoration, with no additional fees of guilt needed for deposit and cashing/caching out: and you wake up and the stony chest is breathing lungs free imagine that and I do; for I am the smoke of return and rest, sky inscribing, knowing precise needs and the screams and the years unfair taken, they are screened through the five perceptions, and the word weaver sets the loom for each peculiar requisition, no imagination needed imagine that you lament and anger demand verifiable proofs mathematical, cursing the knights of false hopes with untethered regret I do not imagine that; hear it and accept; my task, imagine that, making you imagine that, thus commencement of repair begins when we imagine that for this how new healthy cells  are born quiet-now,  go, imagine-that, now*
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32
By my dear angel Sandalphon as he has been lead in my hand, leaving a clear trail of a cursive writing on a transient sheet of paper, A crimson sight, so black that one would be caught in trance, reflected by unnatural light of a lamp flickering in the dark of the night, as his feather releases a sweet scent of fresh yet unused ink, Together with Zadkiel's blooming and happy memories I then am capable to write such down, in an attempt to create poetry, focused, The sound of scratchy, itchy, rasping echos through this room I inhabit, but already left spititually, engaged in the world of fantasy, Word by word, the paper is penetrated by this pen, pleasantly, thoughtfully, gently sliding over it to not damage it by accident, There is no need for haste, heartache nor rush, not is there the need to be concerned about this angels work, duty and his mission to accompany me throughout each and every writing which unfurls, Alike a story from my mind, from my emotions, deepest wishes, cast on the physical realm with his help, And once his strengh weakens, fades, loses might and goes out alike an dying ember he will be dunked in fresh ongoing determination, so that he can repeat his duties with exuberance, joy Casting a smile on my face once literature has been created, As then I lay my dark knight, my servant for the night to rest, Until another poem has to be written and his duty awakens him, After all, in this dreamlike tale it is well to remember; You don't have to die in a dream ~ Umi
0
Mar 28, 2018
Mar 28, 2018 at 6:00 PM UTC
Angel Sandalphon
By my dear angel Sandalphon as he has been lead in my hand, leaving a clear trail of a cursive writing on a transient sheet of paper, A crimson sight, so black that one would be caught in trance, reflected by unnatural light of a lamp flickering in the dark of the night, as his feather releases a sweet scent of fresh yet unused ink, Together with Zadkiel's blooming and happy memories I then am capable to write such down, in an attempt to create poetry, focused, The sound of scratchy, itchy, rasping echos through this room I inhabit, but already left spititually, engaged in the world of fantasy, Word by word, the paper is penetrated by this pen, pleasantly, thoughtfully, gently sliding over it to not damage it by accident, There is no need for haste, heartache nor rush, not is there the need to be concerned about this angels work, duty and his mission to accompany me throughout each and every writing which unfurls, Alike a story from my mind, from my emotions, deepest wishes, cast on the physical realm with his help, And once his strengh weakens, fades, loses might and goes out alike an dying ember he will be dunked in fresh ongoing determination, so that he can repeat his duties with exuberance, joy Casting a smile on my face once literature has been created, As then I lay my dark knight, my servant for the night to rest, Until another poem has to be written and his duty awakens him, After all, in this dreamlike tale it is well to remember; You don't have to die in a dream ~ Umi
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14
She was cold My mind She was bored She put on her boots Took her cigarette And went out Strolling among stony faces No face could wear a wrinkle No ear could bear a ring There were lots and lost of smiles Some pink some red unused and still brand new all over the streets She touched her lips to make sure she's wearing them She had rings too and so many wrinkles then there were some smiles piled up in a puddle She bent to take off her boots and let her toes touch some they were cold and wet She started a vague monologue to make her bear the city she was bored with She wanted to leave she let other smiles took her cigarettes suddenly she realized a sad face there was a stony face but he was sad as if he was not made of stone with no smile but with a mask She detected a slight wrinkle under the mask and a monologue to bear the city too she told to herself oh God we would make more and more wrinkles and bear the city till the train comes
0
Sep 15, 2013
Sep 15, 2013 at 4:35 PM UTC
Soulmate
As I sit here, at the dining room table and stare over decaf coffee at the screen on my Mac my eyes are drawn, once and awhile, to the picture sitting on the buffet in the butler's pantry. Before we continue you should know that "butler's pantry" in this case means the "third bedroom" that we saw in the listing on Realtor dot com before we bought the house and that, in the usual real estate-ese, is an optimistic label at best. But I was talking about the picture. The picture sits, slightly askew, in a carved wooden bowl given to us by my wife's boss as a housewarming present. It, the bowl I mean, came with salad tongs or forks, depending on what it is that you call them, made of water buffalo horn. They sit in the bowl too and, although she'd never admit it, I know that the thought of serving salad with water buffalo horn salad forks... lets just say..... doesn't appeal to my wife. Right, the picture.... It sits in on the buffet, in the carved wooden bowl, next to another wood bowl. This one full of carved wood fruits and vegetables, which evidently, includes sugar cane. When my wife's dad moved from his house to an assisted living facility the kids, my wife, her brother and sister, took turns going down to help him move. My wife was the last and dad insisted that someone "had" to take the fruit. But, the picture.... It, and the wooden bowls full of fruit and unused salad forks, are surrounded by both faux and real glassware and placemats which all sit perched on the top of the buffet as precariously as refugees and all of their belongings on the deck and roof of an overloaded fishing boat chugging from their homeland to some place that is hopefully better. The picture... It was painted by my father-in-law and, of all the others we have in the house, is one of my favorites. It sits on the buffet, askew in the carved wooden bowl with the horn salad forks, amid polycarbonate and glass drink ware, and placemats, unframed for some reason. All of his other works came framed but this is one he did not... and did I mention that it is one of my favorites? I like his choices of frames on all of the other pictures we have, but this is just canvas, stretched over a frame, sitting in that carved African wooden bowl with those salad forks made from water buffalo horn on the buffet next to the other wood bowl full of wooden fruits and vegetables, and wooden sugar cane, in the butler's pantry.
0
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 9:51 AM UTC
The Picture
As I sit here, at the dining room table and stare over decaf coffee at the screen on my Mac my eyes are drawn, once and awhile, to the picture sitting on the buffet in the butler's pantry. Before we continue you should know that "butler's pantry" in this case means the "third bedroom" that we saw in the listing on Realtor dot com before we bought the house and that, in the usual real estate-ese, is an optimistic label at best. But I was talking about the picture. The picture sits, slightly askew, in a carved wooden bowl given to us by my wife's boss as a housewarming present. It, the bowl I mean, came with salad tongs or forks, depending on what it is that you call them, made of water buffalo horn. They sit in the bowl too and, although she'd never admit it, I know that the thought of serving salad with water buffalo horn salad forks... lets just say..... doesn't appeal to my wife. Right, the picture.... It sits in on the buffet, in the carved wooden bowl, next to another wood bowl. This one full of carved wood fruits and vegetables, which evidently, includes sugar cane. When my wife's dad moved from his house to an assisted living facility the kids, my wife, her brother and sister, took turns going down to help him move. My wife was the last and dad insisted that someone "had" to take the fruit. But, the picture.... It, and the wooden bowls full of fruit and unused salad forks, are surrounded by both faux and real glassware and placemats which all sit perched on the top of the buffet as precariously as refugees and all of their belongings on the deck and roof of an overloaded fishing boat chugging from their homeland to some place that is hopefully better. The picture... It was painted by my father-in-law and, of all the others we have in the house, is one of my favorites. It sits on the buffet, askew in the carved wooden bowl with the horn salad forks, amid polycarbonate and glass drink ware, and placemats, unframed for some reason. All of his other works came framed but this is one he did not... and did I mention that it is one of my favorites? I like his choices of frames on all of the other pictures we have, but this is just canvas, stretched over a frame, sitting in that carved African wooden bowl with those salad forks made from water buffalo horn on the buffet next to the other wood bowl full of wooden fruits and vegetables, and wooden sugar cane, in the butler's pantry.
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55
First things first I'd like to apologise I'm sorry I'm not the good Indian girl I was bred to be I'm sorry I don't make round rotis I'm sorry that the tongue I use to speak punjabi is broken and hides in my mouth unused until desperately needed I'm sorry that I don't cook and clean efficiently enough to be wifey material Sorry that I love who I love and don't hate who I was told to Sorry that I can't follow gods blindly and not try to sneak back stage to see their shining gold adornments and blue body paints and multiple arms in full and bare glory and scandal I'm sorry that I'm actually not sorry for any of this I'm sorry that these are false and empty apologies I am unapologetically whole A human not just a race A female not a trust fund or business transaction I filter out the good parts of the culture I'm from and the ones I identify with I'll wear docs under my saari no apologies I'll grind on dancefloors and do the best Bhangra dance you'll ever see unashamedly Hareems and hoodies Bindies and pin up eyeliner Hedonism and head in the clouds My ambition is Ambedkar untouchable My drive is a salt march surging silently non violently through cities My hometown pride is built in concrete and rickshaw dust, Prejudice and Bollywood lust
0
May 14, 2015
May 14, 2015 at 1:25 PM UTC
Heritage
My hate is the unused love The love that was not accepted Everyone saw that quiet, lonely shell But merely flicked it away I walked alone I sat alone I had this love This unwanted love No one to give it to No way to show it So I learned how to hate This love turned sour Covered in black Scrape away the darkness, You'll end up back The hatred filled me like love once did And like love, There was no one to give it to Like always, I was alone So the hatred simmered The darkness calmed down And turned dark blue It was sadness Suffocating sadness The muggy air filled my lungs Condensation pouring out of my eyes The love was being chipped away Was there any love at all? And here I sit With a line for a mouth And tired eyes I'm still alone
0
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 11:07 PM UTC
Unwanted Love
Ears pressed cool against glass tables and vinyl flooring words score high drained slowly slow like wasps caught in guttered draining not like velvet names etched in casing, but weathered like bricked and beaten graffiti – Waning like wax always melting Tools: spelling and grammar – uncheck Don’t fret too many gerunds grounding air suffocating hearing between the lines that past lower truths out straight in dirt and stinky face: eyes drawn with pensive staring lines drawn global remains of words unused: boycott form because it isn’t daring. Adopt sonar because it traces the smokestack between eaves drop and scrap metal hearing like thorns prickled cut by cleaver. Clink, clink, clank. Unlatch cellar doors of images fixed in meaning: glances slanted heads poked out behind legs enchanting ink under eyelids. Clank, click, click. Wishing: Sunday morning came to rest and the cat perched rest without the windowsill and the space between my legs lost meaning. Forgetting: Painted houses haunting furniture misplaced, training lessons in memory fading.   Dreaming: Sounds dipped in vegetable oil, Van Morrison in teething states caring. Still lost without my last breathe wondering…
0
Mar 2, 2011
Mar 2, 2011 at 1:31 PM UTC
THERAPY IN WRITING
I think I started writing you away before you were gone I wanted to make sure I could let you go before I did I wanted to feel numb when I pushed you away so I wrote I put you on pages, typed chapter titles for every single time you looked at me I wrote until you were a novel, read you until you were no longer novel, and put you on a shelf so I could start waiting to forget about you, a memory trapped in unused synapses and after I shut your final chapter but before your pages had started to collect dust, I realized what I had done See, I had taken each word from within me, harvested my heartstrings, plucking them and mixing them to make ink, The pieces of you I kept in my heart sat as words on a page, aging while my heart, once strong, felt too empty and cavernous to beat under the weight of the sigh pinning down my chest In all of my preparing I had forgotten that I am human I forgot feelings aren't like a fountain there's no faucet you can turn off to keep them from running through your mind no way to stop them from flowing back through your mouth when you try to swallow them, mixed with *** in your best friend's basement, days after you forgot that you can't turn off a rainstorm you can try to catch the raindrops in a bucket but the bucket you'll need is big enough to drown in you can try to hold out an umbrella but if the wind is hard enough you're still going to end up cold and dripping, tearstained and shivering waiting until the sun comes out I forgot that I can't control the weather, or anything other than myself for that matter The end of a storm doesn't equate to the appearance of a rainbow I realized that just because my fingers twisted around yours until they melted together doesn't mean you'll forgive me and that you left tattoos on me that only time will fade and we're both going to be mad I found out that every song that ever reminded me of you doesn't cease to exist I have to re-watch movies because they're different now, somehow, and just because my hair is probably still all over your clothes and I talked to you every day and you gave me months of memories and thinking about you is gut-wrenching doesn't mean that I won't spend days praying for patience and hoping for healing because **** it, letting you go doesn't mean I don't miss you*
0
Mar 16, 2014
Mar 16, 2014 at 10:02 PM UTC
I think I started writing you away...
I think I started writing you away before you were gone I wanted to make sure I could let you go before I did I wanted to feel numb when I pushed you away so I wrote I put you on pages, typed chapter titles for every single time you looked at me I wrote until you were a novel, read you until you were no longer novel, and put you on a shelf so I could start waiting to forget about you, a memory trapped in unused synapses and after I shut your final chapter but before your pages had started to collect dust, I realized what I had done See, I had taken each word from within me, harvested my heartstrings, plucking them and mixing them to make ink, The pieces of you I kept in my heart sat as words on a page, aging while my heart, once strong, felt too empty and cavernous to beat under the weight of the sigh pinning down my chest In all of my preparing I had forgotten that I am human I forgot feelings aren't like a fountain there's no faucet you can turn off to keep them from running through your mind no way to stop them from flowing back through your mouth when you try to swallow them, mixed with *** in your best friend's basement, days after you forgot that you can't turn off a rainstorm you can try to catch the raindrops in a bucket but the bucket you'll need is big enough to drown in you can try to hold out an umbrella but if the wind is hard enough you're still going to end up cold and dripping, tearstained and shivering waiting until the sun comes out I forgot that I can't control the weather, or anything other than myself for that matter The end of a storm doesn't equate to the appearance of a rainbow I realized that just because my fingers twisted around yours until they melted together doesn't mean you'll forgive me and that you left tattoos on me that only time will fade and we're both going to be mad I found out that every song that ever reminded me of you doesn't cease to exist I have to re-watch movies because they're different now, somehow, and just because my hair is probably still all over your clothes and I talked to you every day and you gave me months of memories and thinking about you is gut-wrenching doesn't mean that I won't spend days praying for patience and hoping for healing because **** it, letting you go doesn't mean I don't miss you*
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52
Creatures crawl from under the roots of trees and bugs scatter from the pockets of the lost to the cadence of sprinkling rain Silence in the woods of missused life brings out the sounds of wind screaming past the tightened ropes and rusted knives Those who walk through the aokigahara forest hear a symphony of life that persists through the maimed, a festival of tents and people strung up like decorations as if it was meant for a parade Nature reclaimed the unused death of unwanted bodies and the rain drained flesh from bones, simulated hell and suicide is what's found soon after passing the warning signs in red and white marked zones.
0
Mar 31, 2016
Mar 31, 2016 at 2:23 PM UTC
Reclaimed
My Solace when every aperture is a tunnel narrowing, a light pin diminishing when nearing, when the desk drawer yields up unused theater tickets, for performances concluded yesterday, when the denouement is nothing new but worse, revealed in the coming attractions trailer, when the rusted unborn poem notion is almost done, but remains unpublished, for no beginning, no title, can be found, Then I recall the cornucopia days, when poems spilled forth like there would never be a when they wouldn't, I revisit my old friends, couplets, twins and triplets, seeded inside every tear, happy or sad, sweetly and freely, my old friends, reread, words rearranged in new combinations, old poems, plants bearing new fruits, re-titled all of them, one name, a collection entitled, My Solace.
0
May 18, 2013
May 18, 2013 at 3:59 PM UTC
My Solace (visiting old friends, poems from long ago)
Vulnerable is what I am When I let the real me outside It's not safe, sometimes, to be so carefree Should I risk hurt, or play safe and hide? But people who love me keep asking me To open my heart up to them I don't know why that's so uncomfortable I guess vulnerable is not what I am The few times I've worn my heart on my sleeve My words never came out right So I've practiced being less vulnerable And kept my real thoughts out of sight People keep saying to use more words But I fear I'll be misunderstood Maybe I won't express myself right Or I'll say way more than I should Words, I've found, are containers for thoughts I don't know why I sit here and hoard them When I store them unspoken, my thoughts sit unused Unshared—a container unopened It's a little like having a pantry of food And keeping it all to myself Food's meant to be shared, and if it is not It helps no one—just rots on the shelf And that's how it is with my words kept inside If love doesn't share them some way My thoughts stored inside these containers called words Can spoil and turn bitter someday I used to complain that people didn't understand me And for that I would silently resent them But the silence, I now see, is of my own making— If they don't know me, it's because I haven't let them
0
Jun 18, 2014
Jun 18, 2014 at 1:29 PM UTC
Vulnerable
long ago, I could tame a lion with the click of a pen, watch the teeth burn to ashes in his jaw, and his gums bleed, dripping with every word. drip, drop. funny how lions are a symbol of God. funny how, I used to glance into the cold black irises of my strongest demon, and tell myself I loved him. every boy I've ever written for seems to vanish before the novel ends, before the sun sets, before they think- maybe, "it's safe to leave her before she falls in love" little do they know that love was my oxygen, love was my unused journal from a lost friend, love was nothing until I met you. you cannot be another night without razor sharp stars in the sky. you cannot be the hundreds of songs I can no longer ******* listen to. you cannot be another Willow Springs- another road I think I've traveled, I've seen children pray on the corners of Italy; I've seen mountains breathe and thought it would be my last time kissing their snowy tops. I've seen straight into the amber eyes of the lion as I lay under fluorescent lights with sixteen pills rattling in my stomach, thinking maybe, the King of the Jungle will release me with His jaws of life. but the truth is, you are the only god I believe in. you are my savior, you are the King of the Jungle and the closest thing to heaven I will ever know.
0
Jul 1, 2014
Jul 1, 2014 at 1:35 AM UTC
Royalty
I understand. That you are frustrated. Alone like a dot. In the puzzle of your routine. I know. How thoughts can become clocks. The terrifying performance of repeat. I share it. Your idea of total estrangement. Blonde avenues without a silver soul. I believe you. Those sharp ideas to break free. To be ruled by pure impulse. I’ve got your back. That plan to draw meaning. To assist others to pleasure. I realize that too. That you’re at the edge of the night. That you’ve got goosebumps as stars on your skin. I do not deny it. The vastness of every unused minute. Cold, the cold bored instant. I share your opposition. To the lake of doubt that drowns the hope. To the ache of death that drives the howl. I understand. How small a part of life can sting. I know. That you are frustrated. Alone like a dot .
0
Nov 20, 2018
Nov 20, 2018 at 10:17 AM UTC
The sweet mess
Three days, is what the HR rep said, somewhat sheepishly, As if she was fully aware that boxing up one’s grief In a span of a few dozen hours Is a matter of wishful thinking And certainly she sympathizes (Indeed, as she speaks, She spreads her hands in such a way As you half expect doves to come forth in full flight) Empathy being their stock in trade, But the law and the handbook say three days, And then you need to have your head ******* back on and looking forward. Eventually, the mail brings fewer envelopes Marked with embossed flowers And subdued and tasteful stamps, The usual flow of solicitous inquiries, Pre-stamped and pre-sorted, Inquiring as to your credit needs, The condition of your windows and siding, Resumes apace, and more than once, In fits of inappropriate black humor and frustration, You scribble, in bold thick strokes of a marker, The addressee no longer resides at this location. You return to nine-to-five, Though your ghosts keep their own hours, Stopping by to visit on their own schedule alone, Prompted by the tiniest of things: The dog scampering to its feet in a hurry, As if someone was at the door, The discovery of a long-unused pitching wedge Standing expectantly in the back of the closet, A song from long ago which was beloved When you lived in the pairing mandated by Noah Before you entered the shadow world of ones and nones. Sometimes you give into the giddy madness, And rise to waltz around the room, Careening about unsteadily, clumsily As you have yet to completely master The difference in weight shift and distribution That is required of a solo act. The timing of these visitations Often disrupts your schedule and sleep patterns, And you think that perhaps tomorrow you’ll call in.
0
Nov 28, 2017
Nov 28, 2017 at 10:38 AM UTC
sick day
Three days, is what the HR rep said, somewhat sheepishly, As if she was fully aware that boxing up one’s grief In a span of a few dozen hours Is a matter of wishful thinking And certainly she sympathizes (Indeed, as she speaks, She spreads her hands in such a way As you half expect doves to come forth in full flight) Empathy being their stock in trade, But the law and the handbook say three days, And then you need to have your head ******* back on and looking forward. Eventually, the mail brings fewer envelopes Marked with embossed flowers And subdued and tasteful stamps, The usual flow of solicitous inquiries, Pre-stamped and pre-sorted, Inquiring as to your credit needs, The condition of your windows and siding, Resumes apace, and more than once, In fits of inappropriate black humor and frustration, You scribble, in bold thick strokes of a marker, The addressee no longer resides at this location. You return to nine-to-five, Though your ghosts keep their own hours, Stopping by to visit on their own schedule alone, Prompted by the tiniest of things: The dog scampering to its feet in a hurry, As if someone was at the door, The discovery of a long-unused pitching wedge Standing expectantly in the back of the closet, A song from long ago which was beloved When you lived in the pairing mandated by Noah Before you entered the shadow world of ones and nones. Sometimes you give into the giddy madness, And rise to waltz around the room, Careening about unsteadily, clumsily As you have yet to completely master The difference in weight shift and distribution That is required of a solo act. The timing of these visitations Often disrupts your schedule and sleep patterns, And you think that perhaps tomorrow you’ll call in.
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43
m*any days I feel it isn't worth it it is better I end it I just do not fit right Small disappointments unfilled expectations make my daily lessons I am no longer surprised gifted with so many unused liberties armed with many facilities having all basic amenities why still unsatisfied? my thirst for what? but compare it to so many of them where do my problems stand should my opinions even matter God still has to hear my many complaints every other day No wonder he doesn't listen, I wouldn't too. Blessed with so much wasted it all on being this bitter self I hate my present state draws the ugly future and the only cure is to feel gratitude on the things I still have on my conscience who still cares*.
0
Feb 26, 2018
Feb 26, 2018 at 2:07 PM UTC
Counting Blessings
remember your first bicycle? i was so happy, so eager to learn, i remember going through so much pain falling on my face, picked up by my dad as i cried and he kissed my feet saying 'there, it's all good now' but then the bicycle ended up being my life for a few short years but then it is too small, and i was too big i have grown, and it hadn't. so i said goodbye and put it on the corner of the garage. bought a brand new one. i realize now, it's kind of like you and me. you have grown, back then, and i hadn't. you've made other friends, and i hadn't. that's why when i'm not what you wanted, not what you needed anymore, you left, little by little. you replaced me, just like the yellow bicycle that leans onto the wall, unused and forgotten.
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Mar 19, 2017
Mar 19, 2017 at 1:17 PM UTC
my first bicycle
Early. I became the bottom of a shoe. Worthless, unwarranted, but there, needed. Rubber and worn, worn away to the thinnest part, and still used. Hands became words, and hugs became extinct, tears became invisible, the 'childhood' was erased. Diabetes became my mother, known as rejection, and depression, her twin, known as rage. Insulin and Fluoxetine became my equally demanding toddlers; I was feeding a family of 6 at the age of 8. Later. I watched my brother become a tortured child, in his sleep - the sound of his waterproof sheets would keep me awake, as i lay worried that his screams were words he could not utter at his age. I watched my sister grow cold as she watch her house burning down around her, and crying tears at the loss of her childhood, her eyes burned at me. As i looked in the mirror, when i cried, i would flush the toilet just to hear what it feels like to be washed away. Disappeared down the drain. I shrunk 4 inches in 4 years, one inch for each bottle of poison, that said 'drink me'. I shrunk 4 inches in another 4 years for every word that said 'eat me'. I shrunk so that I could not grow, up. Later still. I became broken, hard to 'fix'. I became lost, without a cause. I became the rebel, odd-one-out. Family grew fractured, broken mirrors lay on all our floors, that we skirted around, lest we should bled it all out, what had happened. Relationships broke, one after another, after, another, after, another, after.... Faces lost feeling, words became laws, feelings became problems, love became, raw and unused. We dissipated, dissolved, into a million pieces of broken, into the world, held together by very thin words of 'family' Now. I am not a child anymore. It's time to be heard.
0
Dec 12, 2013
Dec 12, 2013 at 7:01 PM UTC
As children should be seen and not heard...
Early. I became the bottom of a shoe. Worthless, unwarranted, but there, needed. Rubber and worn, worn away to the thinnest part, and still used. Hands became words, and hugs became extinct, tears became invisible, the 'childhood' was erased. Diabetes became my mother, known as rejection, and depression, her twin, known as rage. Insulin and Fluoxetine became my equally demanding toddlers; I was feeding a family of 6 at the age of 8. Later. I watched my brother become a tortured child, in his sleep - the sound of his waterproof sheets would keep me awake, as i lay worried that his screams were words he could not utter at his age. I watched my sister grow cold as she watch her house burning down around her, and crying tears at the loss of her childhood, her eyes burned at me. As i looked in the mirror, when i cried, i would flush the toilet just to hear what it feels like to be washed away. Disappeared down the drain. I shrunk 4 inches in 4 years, one inch for each bottle of poison, that said 'drink me'. I shrunk 4 inches in another 4 years for every word that said 'eat me'. I shrunk so that I could not grow, up. Later still. I became broken, hard to 'fix'. I became lost, without a cause. I became the rebel, odd-one-out. Family grew fractured, broken mirrors lay on all our floors, that we skirted around, lest we should bled it all out, what had happened. Relationships broke, one after another, after, another, after, another, after.... Faces lost feeling, words became laws, feelings became problems, love became, raw and unused. We dissipated, dissolved, into a million pieces of broken, into the world, held together by very thin words of 'family' Now. I am not a child anymore. It's time to be heard.
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25
*The Warm Yellow In This Freezing Sunrise, Reminds Me Of The Marigold We Picked, And The Greyish Brown Of The Dirtied Snow, Reminds Me Of The Woodticks You Picked Off Me, The Lights Of These Passing Cars, Remind Me Of Your Bona Fide Smile, And The Crows In The Trees Remind Me Of, The Crisp Mornings On Your Terrain, And Now I Realize There Is No Word Loud Enough, No Song Too Masculine Yet Gentle To Wish You Goodbye, And There Is No Poem Beautiful Enough, To Lead You Properly To Your New World*
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Feb 1, 2013
Feb 1, 2013 at 8:46 AM UTC
Suspenders Unused
Grant me patience. Remove my haste. Let me revel youth and not let it waste. Grant me power and the means to use it Help me see worth in powers unused yet. Grant me success free from acclaim let me keep my spirit and you may keep my name. Grant me vision to see what my eyes don’t And help me mend all that these times won’t. Grant me miracles and grant them often on the grave of hope let the daffodils blossom. Grant me acknowledgement on an endless list of names remembered not for what I was but rather what I became. Grant me forgiveness for the prayer I have ranted. Grant me gratitude for having taken much for granted.
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Oct 11, 2013
Oct 11, 2013 at 11:22 AM UTC
Prayers of the Ungrateful
The television blares, it blinks, it shakes A cup falls out of the cabinet, it flies, it jumps They shatter. Someone's banging on the door, they scream, they holler She's laughing in your ear, a witch-like cackle Ha-ha-ha That's all she's says, that's all she does You keep your head facing forward, don't dare to look around It's all madness, the footsteps on the ground Who's creeping down the stairs, you didn't have guests Who opened the window, who made such a mess? The laughing The constant laughing like chimes, it intensifies Cold sweat, warm tears, Your body is paralyzed in face of your greatest fears Do it! Punch a wall, kick a desk! But sweetie, there is no time for rest. We must go, we must hurry! They're almost here! Who? You feel dizzy. Not another surprise please, I beg you, not another. The room starts spinning, the ceiling circles you like a volchar. The small man, with the elf-like features, he's tugging your arm He's pulling you, as she laughs with such insanity your stomach churns. Who are these people, what is this hell A piercing scream is released into the air, You believe it was your own, but with all the creatures yelling in your ear, you can't be certain. The noises crank up, the objects fly off the walls The TV changes from loud channel to channel, from voices to white noise This is the worst, this is the peak But suddenly it all stops with a screech. The tv is in its place, normal channel, normal news All the items are in their spot, all organized, all unused There is no laughing. There is no man. There are no footsteps. There is no pulling hand. But it was all there. You know it was. Silence. Eery silence. Now you're left in the confusion of your own mind. But perhaps you've been there the whole time.
0
Jan 13, 2014
Jan 13, 2014 at 11:02 PM UTC
Paranoia
The television blares, it blinks, it shakes A cup falls out of the cabinet, it flies, it jumps They shatter. Someone's banging on the door, they scream, they holler She's laughing in your ear, a witch-like cackle Ha-ha-ha That's all she's says, that's all she does You keep your head facing forward, don't dare to look around It's all madness, the footsteps on the ground Who's creeping down the stairs, you didn't have guests Who opened the window, who made such a mess? The laughing The constant laughing like chimes, it intensifies Cold sweat, warm tears, Your body is paralyzed in face of your greatest fears Do it! Punch a wall, kick a desk! But sweetie, there is no time for rest. We must go, we must hurry! They're almost here! Who? You feel dizzy. Not another surprise please, I beg you, not another. The room starts spinning, the ceiling circles you like a volchar. The small man, with the elf-like features, he's tugging your arm He's pulling you, as she laughs with such insanity your stomach churns. Who are these people, what is this hell A piercing scream is released into the air, You believe it was your own, but with all the creatures yelling in your ear, you can't be certain. The noises crank up, the objects fly off the walls The TV changes from loud channel to channel, from voices to white noise This is the worst, this is the peak But suddenly it all stops with a screech. The tv is in its place, normal channel, normal news All the items are in their spot, all organized, all unused There is no laughing. There is no man. There are no footsteps. There is no pulling hand. But it was all there. You know it was. Silence. Eery silence. Now you're left in the confusion of your own mind. But perhaps you've been there the whole time.
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36
"You're the Ariel to my Prospero" He says grinning with dagger pearl teeth that could nibble my ear or easily rip out my heart. Ignorant of his mundanity He does not know of those who came before. Names are relative. "You're the Puck to my Oberon" "You're the Tink to my Peter Pan" Heard 'em all. Plight of the Manic Pixie Not Dream Girl. Charming Sassy Childish girl. Sidekick Extraordinaire. But lower than Robin to his Batman. Messenger, Trickster, Mischief Maker. Companion. Adventurer. with a temper ten times his size. A power unnamed. Unused. Never Enough. Never enough to Want to challenge her master. ProsperoOberonPeter I will drink the poison for you. I will sink the ship. I will find the ****** flower and enchant the Fairy queen. Follow orders, then twist them. With some glittler and a devilish smile. Crazy Tiny girl. Too pixie to hold on to Catch me Boy! Alreadycaughtnoneedtocatch. Little ****** Manic Pixie Yearning for a kiss a touch a word. When you're a manic pixie there's no trio no male sidekick to choose over the hero. But the hero gets the girl. Manic Pixies live to serve. Not dignified or wise enough for Royal Athena. Not ruthless enough for the Dangerous Diana. Without the darkness of the Morrigan. Virginity isn't a choice. It's part of the job description. Could I be your ladybird?
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Feb 1, 2014
Feb 1, 2014 at 11:46 AM UTC
Manic Pixie Not Dream Girl
From the age of seven, I decided it was easier to throw myself against a wall than to cause any harm to the stuffed animal under my arm. I attribute feelings to everything that can be touched or confirmed by science – on May 23rd, the wind wanted a companion, by July, it lived with a birdhouse, in a happy yellow – and so I fear hurting a chair, suffocating my hairbrush through tangles, angering some blankets left unused at the end of our bed. I do not fear hurt, I fear causing it. I smack my head with a fist when mother says that sometimes punching pillows can help ease pain because I need to stay on their good side.
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Jul 20, 2013
Jul 20, 2013 at 6:40 PM UTC
nothing is inanimate, everything can leave
Vague recollections, Of curio collections, Salt and pepper shakers, unused crystal ashtrays, reflecting rainbows of northern prairie light on days bright. A prairie girl, did you miss the place near the Arctic Circle, your home?  Did Odin and Freya call you away from here to there, or was Thor, or Loki the thunder in your angry voice that I feared and may have hid under the steep basement stairs, quietly in the dark hoping you were unaware. Some of your children, and your spouse, left before you did, I know that was tough, and a shame. You were tougher, though, you did suffer in you aging frame. I know you loved us all, I know you knew me too, very early you said of me "he is a sensitive child", which I have found to be all too true, many years after you have gone I miss you, grandpa and dad, Audrey and Vic too. Did you all find Valhalla at Heaven's Gate? So I will not stir up the past, nor will I hurry, through each day, for I will remember, and smile at those memories that brought me joy, prose and rhyme not of a child, but a Viking man. ©DWE032013
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Mar 3, 2013
Mar 3, 2013 at 3:02 AM UTC
To my Grandma, Astrid