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Beaux Jan 29
One after another
One step after the other

They walked from life
In strides of anguish
With steps of pain

They hid from us
The horrors within
Their secret wish

One after another
One step after the other

They ran from life
With a bottle of pills
With a gun to the head

Six months ago
Dressed in red
She was finally free

Three days ago
Clad in blue
He was finally at peace
Last Tuesday a family friend took his own life. Not even a full 6 months after an old friend of mine did the same. I’m tired of hearing about death and loss. I’m tired of feeling like this. It’s exhausting being this sad all the time
Beaux Sep 2021
I can’t look myself in the eye
I can’t gaze upon my face
Reflections are my enemy
Pictures are my fear
Poisoned by standards
Intoxicated by privacy

I stand here wondering
I stand here asking
Will I ever be unmasked?

Mask my face
Mask my name
Mask my home
Mask up
Don’t forget it
Don’t let them see
Don’t let them know

Break a mirror
Punch a wall
I don’t want to see
I don’t want to know

Red wine
Rainy day
Stay inside
Stay away

Don’t leave and you’ll be okay
9/23/21
Beaux Aug 2021
In pink she skips through the grass
She laughs at the butterflies
She basks in the warm sunshine

In white she soars through the sky
She jumps with the summer sun
She runs with the winter winds

In black she walks through the dark
She cries with the midnight moon
She screams at the stars above

In red she rests in our hearts
She sits among the flowers
She stands among the mourning

If only you could see us
Together again for you
All of us in black and red

If only we could show you
How many people love you
All the lives you’ve touched and changed

If only I could call you
Tell you how much I miss you
Tell you how much I love you

You didn’t have to leave us
You didn’t have to do it
You didn’t have to give up

I’m begging you to come back
I’m begging you to stay here
I’m begging you to live

I’m sorry for all the pain
I’m sorry for all the loss
You deserved to have better

Living was hard, I know it was
I’m so proud of you for trying
I can’t wait to see you again


“Who can say if I’ve been changed for the better? But because I knew you, I’ve been changed for good.” -For Good, Wicked
8-28-21
Last month a friend of mine took her life. She was 19. I can’t begin to describe the pain of it. I miss her more every day. Hug your friends. You never know when you might lose them.
Beaux Nov 2020
Livin’ and breathin’ is all that I got
Take a deep breath got my stomach in knots
Can’t tie me down, no you can’t enslave me
Hopin’ someone will come out and save me
Fear and depression are clouding my head
I’m closing my eyes, I think that I’m dead
Fighting for sanity, fighting to lose
Fighting for the chance that I get to choose

Running from something I can’t recall
Too many steps and I’m gonna fall
The buildings edge is right in my sight
One little leap and I can take flight
Lost in the sounds and lost in the pain
Know what I’ve done’s been done in vain

I’m haunted by the past of me
A ghost of who I used to be 
Their mistakes are all that I can see

I’m running, I’m running

I hate the scars along skin
A memory of where I’ve been
They’re white lined trails of my darkest sin

I’m running, Im running

Screaming and crying filling my ears
Covered in burns from venomous tears
Im breaking mirrors, I’m screaming in pain
Can’t go on living, theres nothing to gain
Losing myself in the ruts of my days
Breathin’ in smoke with eyes blurred by the haze
Once a week poison killin’ me slowly
Devil on my back, they call me unholy

No where to go, got hounds on my trail
Begging that somehow I will prevail
Imagine a life where I can rest
Instead I’ve got this weight on my chest
Got these voices, they callin’ my name
No one around me, no one to blame

I’m haunted by the past of me
A ghost of who I used to be
Their mistakes are all that I can see

I’m running, I’m running

I hate the scars along skin
A memory of where I’ve been
They’re white lined trails of my darkest sin

I’m running, Im running
I’ve been writing with the intention of putting a beat behind my words. I hope y’all enjoy.
Beaux Oct 2020
I can’t do anything right
I can’t do anything outside
I can’t leave
The voices in my head are screaming
Cover your face, don’t let them see
Cover your face, hide what you are
Mask up, keep it on
Paranoid about my privacy

Days on weeks
On months
On years
Hiding away from the world
They’re always asking
They’re always wondering
They want to know
They speculate

Anxiety attacks
Hands shake
Breath halters
Heart thumps

Don’t let them see
Don’t let them know

Hide away hide away hide away

Don’t show them what you really are
I ******* hate myself
Beaux Oct 2020
Anxiety
Insecurity
Self hatred
Fueled by staying inside
By never seeing people
By wearing a mask

Full face
Half face
No face
Hide behind the cloth
The screen
The walls

Privacy
Intimacy
Fear
Leave me anonymous
Unseen
Invisible
I've developed extreme anxiety around publicly showing my face. It's gotten to the point I can't drive without a mask or go get my mail. All the mirrors in my house are covered. Seeing myself ruins my day.
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