The Scream

All my prayers have gone unanswered.
All my pleas have gone unheard.
The demons from you past have found you.
They take bites from your flesh.
You do not notice the damage.
All I can do is watch.
What separates us is too vast
I scream to draw their attention
I call on them to attack me
They laugh at my helplessness, my sorrow
I scream because I don't know what else to do
I scream because I love you
I scream because I'm scared
Terrified of losing you
Because we are good together
And that frightens you
I can't turn away, can't avert my gaze
I reach out for you, thinking that somehow
Maybe I can pull you to safety or least close enough to protect
I scream for you
I die for you
You think the demons are your friends
You turn away, you laugh as they consume you
And still I cannot turn away
I scream for you to remember
I scream
I scream
I scream
Through tears I scream
I scream for you
Because my prayers have gone unanswered
My pleas have gone unheard.
I have failed you
I scream that I love you
I scream
Until all there is, is my scream

3/25/16
Jonathan Parker Bryant

.
                                      I
                                 scream
                             you scream
                          we  all  scream
                          for ice cream. I
                          scream you scr
                          eam we all scre
                          am for ice  crea
                          m. I scream  yo
                          u scream we al
                          l  scream for ic
                          e cream. I  scre
                          am you scream
                          we all scream f  
                          or ice cream.  I
               scream you scream we all
           scream for ice cream.   I scream
              you scream       we all scream
                  for ice                 cream.

VERSE ONE

You can't take my happiness from me before I do
Sitting in class, barely breathing
Nobody's listening
Everybody's slacking
She's asking us to nod if were alive
Still at first,
Then I nod my head,
Sadly, I am alive.
I'm starring out the window,
Realizing how selfish I really am
I can't leave him here alone
He loves me
And I actually love him back
The poor soul,
Stuck with a ***** like me.


CHORUS ONE

For get that! (Scream whole line)
***** the depression,
The self pity,
I don't need it, or deserve it.
Don't feel sorry for me,
Listen to me! (Scream whole line 2x)
That's all I ask...(repeat line 2x, 2nd time quieter)

VERSE TWO

At home lying in bed
Wishing I was dead
Music blaring in my ears
Not caring about all the people, all the tears.
They want help from me,
They want me to soothe them,
To calm their fears,
Break me down,
Make me feel less than human,
Then build me back up...
Just to make the fall that much more devastating...
I won't help them.
They don't deserve it.
Maybe, if they'd leave me alone,
And gather their wit,
They wouldn't need me.
Separate paths...
Gone in a flash
They won't even notice til' it's too late.
By then they'll have decided my fate.

CHORUS TWO

***** the happiness,
The wishing I could be...
This I'm telling you,
I'm sick of the confessin'
Sick of the depression
Done with the last-stand wanna-be's
Saying goodbye to my fair weather friends!
***** those who say they'er trying,
While I'm left here dying! (Lead into scream from 8th line)

VERSE THREE

Not praying to a God I'll never believe in
Placing plans for what lies ahead
Laughing at all of you when your dead (Scream dead, second vocalist sing dead)
I can't believe you fell so easy,
While I fell so hard
I can't wait so see you brutally mangled and scarred (Scream whole line)
I was stupid to have let you win for so long
You think your safe?
Better watch yourself, because I'm about to do something...
Something I really can't identify as wrong! (Laugh evilly after line)
Leave me alone!
You can't take back the things you've said and done
I want to bury you
And I'm not the only one! (Scream whole line 2x, 2nd time softer)
I'm loading the relief and sharpening the happiness
I'll release you from your high horse,
I'll bring you down back to Earth,
So you can't make anyone's life worse! (Scream whole line)

VERSE FOUR

You can't take this happiness from me before I do
Lying in your grave, still breathing
Nobody's listening, Nobody cares! (Scream Nobody cares)
I wasn't slacking, i did my part!
I am alive, your dying!
And I'm done trying.
I'm starring at the sky.
Waiting for you to die.
Do you realize it yet?
Do you realize how selfish you really are? (Scream whole line, 2nd vocalist sing in sync with scream)
I won't save you.
I hate you! (Scream whole line 2x)
The world is rid of a ***** like you...

FINAL CHORUS

Forget you
***** your regrets
Wallow in your self pity
I won't feel sorry for you,
No, not ever! (Scream Not ever)
Your getting exactly what you deserve! (Echo Deserve with a scream)
No! I won't Listen to you! (Scream whole line)
You never listened to me! Scream whole line)
I could never understand some one to cause so much pain,
So don't ask me,
Because I never could...

Scream.
Scream firelight electric skies.
Scream torrential sideways winds.
Scream nonsense and fortified lies.
Scream names in vain and horrible sin.
Scream ****** ****** and bravos.
Scream lightspeed ways that rip the cosmos.
Scream a universal chunk from your mortal throat.
Scream jellybeans, sweet and sour notes.

Scream and I will hold you
            like you were dying
Scream and I will kiss you
            like it were initiation into the unknown
Scream and I will need you
            like you were never coming back

Scream

Or don’t scream at all

I’ll still do these things

Scream! Scream! To the heavens I scream! For one drop of mercy, I scream! On the parched earth a bended knee raises the dust. Tear soaked eyes refuse to raise the brow. Rivers of love dissappearing upon the cheek. Not a hand reaches down, not even one. As I scream! And scream! From heaven a gentle beam, yet I only scream! The blackest of hearts slowly dies with each agonizing thought. Darkness overshadows the glorious love. Blood runs cold and washes away with a dissappearing love. Upon the cheek memories fade and the ravens devour the soul. And, I scream! For the return of love I scream! No greater agony persist than that of true loves dagger to the heart. For love I scream! For the final breath I scream! For the shadows and confines of darkness I scream! For silence and a deserved rest I scream!

I want to scream at him
I want to scream in his face
I want to scream everything I hate about him

I want to scream until he knows my pain
I want to scream until he feels my broken heart
I want to scream until he goes home every day and cries

I want to scream until he understands how I feel
I want to scream until he understands what he did wrong
I want to scream until he feels bad

Because maybe if I scream at him
The voice in my head will stop screaming at me

pull me through time pull me through rips in the universe that my gods scratched with harsh voices
bask in the pale of ignorance and the lack of structure in my words
bathe in my pretentiousness
and look for the beauty
in the small things
the spot on her nose and the way a pine tree smells
scream scream scream because i'm almost something scream scream scream because i can't feel who i am from the inside of myself scream scream scream because i have lost so much i have suffocated a person inside of me scream scream scream
whisper whisper because i hurt myself today whisper whisper because there's ink in my veins now whisper whisper there's purple underneath my nails and it isn't my own whisper whisper whisper
i'm turning my suffering down so i can fit into the lives of others and be comfortable i cannot bare to take up all the space my body wants me too
what will happen?
i will slip under the quicksand and my body will go back to the earth
which is pretty okay all considering I CAN HEAR A CAR SCREECHING I CAN HEAR A LIFE FLEETING I CAN FEEL THE WORLD SPINNING AROUND ME I COULD JUMP OFF I COULD JUMP OFF IF I COULD FIND AN EDGE

Scream

I scream at the night that offers no sleep

I scream at my arms, hands
that wont allow me to brush my hair or carry my pets

I scream at the bed
the source of safety and rest as it becomes a cage

I scream at these pills and tonics and patches useless USELESS

I scream at friends and loved ones
because they tire of me and recede

and I scream and scream and scream with no sound at all

Solitaire 09/09/09

i hurt so much
i could scream
and when my family
goes shopping
and leaves me here
all alone
i do scream
let out all my pain
i hurt secretly inside
everybody cares but you
and it's so painful
i wail and wail
i weep and lament for you
but then i remember
you don't care
and i scream
scream it out
scream out all my pain
it makes me feel better
but leaves me weak
and it's all thanks to you
because you left me
all alone
and no one understand
because it seems
no one cares
in my real life
or they don't want
to care
because they offer
no understanding
and so
i scream
scream it out
i yell until my lungs hurt
because i scream
i scream out all of my pain
while tears course down
my red cheeks
and fall to my jeans
the tears keep falling
from my slanted eyes
and sweat moistens
my black hair

Whisper to a scream
It doesn't matter anymore.
Whisper to  a scream
My whole life is just a chore.

Whisper to a scream
Someone just come and help me.
Whisper to a scream
All I want is to be free.

Whisper to a scream
I just can't wait to be free.
Whisper to a scream
It won't be that long, you see.

But yet, my whisper to a scream,
I'll still fight to the end.
Whisper to a scream,
I'll fight for you, dear friend.

a hallway.  offices.  tinted sunlight.  
people who have forgotten my name.  
but i am here.  
and then a room.  and a meeting.  
and i am unprepared.  
“you’re up”  says the leader.  
and my lungs fill with heaviness as they all turn towards me.  
my mind screams.  
my throat locks.  

and then a word fights through the scream.  
and i breathe.  and find a voice.  
and then another word.  
and a thought.  
then relevance.  
i am moving.  
and eyes do not wander.  
but the scream fights on:  
they will find out.  

i was connected at one time.  
so the scream would fade.  
but not now.  
these many years later.  
“we could use you again,”  
he had said.  
and i had relented.  
but why?  boredom?  faith?  
the scream of fear vs. the scream of isolation?  
or a familiar voice dragging me back from madness.  
“what have you been up to?”  
he had asked.  
and i had lied.  
and now my mind all scrambled between work and stupor.  

“what on EARTH are you talking about?!”
demands the one who should have taken over for me.  
and the throat locks again.  
and the scream rises up.  
and he knows it.  
but sympathy has no place here.  
so i struggle with the scream.
and find the words to hide the Fraud  
as he shakes his head in disgust.  

and i remember why i left.  
so i wade in the scream until i am done and take my seat.  
and the scream that never dies whispers, “what else is there?”

I scream, I scream,
No one can hear me.
From under the ground,
In the middle of the crowd,
On top of that mountain;
But no one can hear me.
Or see me.
Can you see me?
Can you see the lies drawn
On my face?
That frown forcefully erased
From its place?
Can you see I'm holding
My breath?
Waiting to find an outlet..
And I scream, I scream,
But what's the point?
I'm buried deep
And I'm drowning inside.
There's no way to wake up
Because I'm not asleep,
I'm simply dead inside.
I scream, I scream,
But how can you hear me?
When these voices scream louder
And there's no way to find me.
Are you finding me?
But how can you,
When you don't even know I'm
Lost.
You see me, sitting right here,
Smiling away my life;
Little do you know,
I'm living in my own
Holocaust.

I search for you
In my sleep I reach for you
And my fingers grasp the blankets
My teeth find the plush of my pillow
I scream when I find you're gone

I ache for you
In the night I burn for you
And my fingers try to replace you
My lips tight over my teeth
I scream when I can breathe again

I call for you
In the evening when I get home
And my key still doesn't work right
My hands shaking
I scream when silence is what welcomes me

I wake up for you
In the morning when I'm making coffee
And I wish I hadn't woken up
My mind drifting to dark places
I scream when I find my heart still beating

I stay whole for you
In the moments when the foundation is cracking
And the sink is leaking
My wallet too small to fix what's wrong
I scream when everything remains broken

I live for you
In the desolate hole of our home
And I wish that I didn't
My heart broken
I scream when I know that's what you want

I scream

I scream
For none to hear
Because
There is none to hear
My scream

I scream
For none to hear
Because
I dare not let them hear
My scream

I scream
For none to hear
Because
They have grown tired of hearing
My scream

I scream
For none to hear
Because
There is none who will hear
My scream

There is a scream inside me,
And its Angry.
And its Agonizing.
It is ever so Tantalizing.
There is a scream inside me.

There is a scream inside me.
And it's loud.
And it's deafening.
It just whistles through my emptiness,
Never filling.
Cause it's leaking through my bullet wounds.
Lord Jesus,
Help me.
There is a scream inside me.

There is a scream locked up inside me,
And somebody needs to hear it.

Take this scream out of me, Bwana.
Bwana, take this pain off of me.

This scream can stay no longer.










© 2014 Kendra Bowman

It seems no matter what I do I cannot control my words
And the stories I have grown on my own are hesitant to be told
I feel a block is in my throat
And a numbness in my hands
And the only thing that grows is the frustration toward this blandness
Rigorous in searching this I've found myself no release
And I scream
I scream
I scream for me to find words that I believe
My anger reaves more than I think
I can't find a ******* break and no one can ******* see
Don't you find beauty in my unraveling?
In a mind swallowed by the sea?
Am I capturing the picture well enough for you to be a part of me
I hope you see
I hope you scream
And scream
And scream until you understand the feelings that I cannot help but be
I do not do this for amusement
I don't do it for you
I don't do it for praise
Or for you to find truth
I do it to avoid release in my youth
From a rope
Or a gun
Or a bus on the move
I DON'T DO THIS FOR AMUSEMENT
But boy is it fun
I DON'T DO THIS FOR YOU
But I want you around
I DON'T DO THIS FOR PRAISE
But I love the sound
I DON'T DO THIS FOR THE TRUTH
But it's something I've found
So I scream
And scream
And scream until I write these dreams down