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Kayley Godek Jun 2019
Down my hands fall
Away from your familiar face.
The words couldn’t escape
A last kiss stole away my breath.
Every emotion known to man
Sinking down my core into the grassy floor.
How heavy those emotions must have been
For suddenly I could turn.
Away I strode
Returning to a place that cannot be home.

Down through the window
Into a cold empty bed.
Each heart beat crashed
Reverberating through my head.
A loved one lost
Another on the edge.
It is near impossible to text
When your eyes are swollen and red.
“Pull yourself together,
Two do not need to be dead.”

Down to the floor
An alternative plan instead.
Hidden behind old shoes
A tool neither friend nor foe.
Cold metal kissing my skin
The feeling never as sweet as his.
One last message sent
Finally giving in to what I told her she cant.
My thighs crossed with red droplets
Mimicking the droplets on my cheeks.

Down my legs
I watched the tiny rivers.
Each heart beat pumping
More blood out the seams.
Maybe someday I’d learn what it meant
To bend instead of break.
For now however
I’d enjoy the design of porcelain cracks.
Two mistakes made
In a single night.
Kayley Godek Jun 2018
When you speak I see cascades of life.
Life and light tend to look the same.
Your light is turquoise and the color of jade sitting just beneath the surface of choppy water.
When you speak I feel heat.
You have yet to burn me.
You are the steady warmth of new born embers of a fire yet to blaze.
When you speak I smell salt water.
Even with a sting, you’re the most refreshing thing.
The ocean is not as paradoxical as your passionately calm surface.
When you speak I taste loneliness.
Bitter sweet like underripe tangerines.
I cannot know this beautiful mind of yours without encountering a cold, rusty, metal wall.
When you speak I hear midnight.
You know how to play the silences.
I hold my breath waiting for the next sentence you’re carefully, mysteriously orchestrating.
Whisper or shout; continue to speak to me.
Kayley Godek May 2018
Stare out the window.
He gently squeezes my knee.
Just keep staring.
He changes into 3rd gear.
Pretend not to hear him ask if I'm okay.
He squeezes my thigh instead.
Cant pretend now.
His eyes are gentle, searching.
Small smile, shrug.
He leans in for a kiss.
Turn back away.
His hand slowly lifts away.

This is everyday.
He patiently waits for the mood to change.
This is going to be everyday.
He cant see the fresh cuts under denim.
This is his everyday.
He wonders where he went wrong.
This is not his fault.
His love will run out.
So maybe it wont be everyday.
He will get sick of caring for the sick.

Pained effort in reaching out.
His smile is audible.
Lace fingers between his.
One, two, three, his secret signal.
Theres a lump growing.
He is oblivious to the tears.
Turn back to the window.
His lips warm against white knuckles.
Resist the urge to scream.
He cannot hear the restless soul cry.
Find too much interest in trees zooming by.
I think I must sleep alone tonight.
I am not suicidal! This was just a horrible day.
Kayley Godek May 2018
Scream o my soul
Howl at the atrocities
Pound your fists on the walls of inner prisons
Hack away the chains that bind the wounded
Scream o my soul
Awaken from slumber
Make hell quiver with fear at the coming storm
Burst fourth with Christ's light burning bright
Scream o my soul
Feel the depths of sorrow
Free the ****** with your passion and love
Scream o my soul
Arm yourself with truth
Sing praise in the darkest of nights
Scream o my soul, scream loud, scream out
Stop holding your breath lest you suffocate
Scream with all your might
O my soul Blaze with Heavens holy light
O my soul you've been called, summoned, trained, and sent
Scream o my soul, scream your battle cry.
Kayley Godek May 2018
My body somehow knows
The grief tomorrow holds.
I ache and throb
But I cannot sob;
The urge to cry
Stings my eyes.
My feet drag heavily
In the depths of this valley.
Every year without fail
I remind myself I am too frail.
"You're strong without the numbers,"
Yet I was too weak to pull you from your slumber.
Each March 22nd
Feels just like the 1st end,
When your heart stopped beating
And mine started bleeding.
I'd skip this whole day
But I'd miss the chance to say:
I miss you, lovely little hurricane.
It's all I can do to keep sane.
The smell of mint
Hurts just a hint.
The skinny jeans and hair bows
I could never disown.
I wear your effect  
On my forearm *****.
The pain of loss is akin
To etching you into my skin.
My hands shake with cold,
Though not as cold as a headstone.
Oh, how my body knows
The grief tomorrow holds.
In Loving Memory of Kelcy Golling.
07/02/1999 - 03/22/2014
Kayley Godek May 2018
The sensation of falling while silently standing alone in a crowd.
Cold icy chill running along my spine, confusing the nerves in my skin.
Hunger gnawing at the fringes of my curiosity, eating away my insides.
Ancient giants pounding their weight against my fragile skull.
A magnifying glass focused in on my minuscule existence, observing.
A vacuum, void, opaque blackness pressing my fibers into dust.
Breathless gasping, desperate pleading on deaf ears again.
Don't turn away.
Don't you dare turn away.
Listen to me scream.
Come back.
Look at me.
See nothing.

— The End —