When you speak I see cascades of life. Life and light tend to look the same. Your light is turquoise and the color of jade sitting just beneath the surface of choppy water. When you speak I feel heat. You have yet to burn me. You are the steady warmth of new born embers of a fire yet to blaze. When you speak I smell salt water. Even with a sting, you’re the most refreshing thing. The ocean is not as paradoxical as your passionately calm surface. When you speak I taste loneliness. Bitter sweet like underripe tangerines. I cannot know this beautiful mind of yours without encountering a cold, rusty, metal wall. When you speak I hear midnight. You know how to play the silences. I hold my breath waiting for the next sentence you’re carefully, mysteriously orchestrating. Whisper or shout; continue to speak to me.
Stare out the window. He gently squeezes my knee. Just keep staring. He changes into 3rd gear. Pretend not to hear him ask if I'm okay. He squeezes my thigh instead. Cant pretend now. His eyes are gentle, searching. Small smile, shrug. He leans in for a kiss. Turn back away. His hand slowly lifts away.
This is everyday. He patiently waits for the mood to change. This is going to be everyday. He cant see the fresh cuts under denim. This is his everyday. He wonders where he went wrong. This is not his fault. His love will run out. So maybe it wont be everyday. He will get sick of caring for the sick.
Pained effort in reaching out. His smile is audible. Lace fingers between his. One, two, three, his secret signal. Theres a lump growing. He is oblivious to the tears. Turn back to the window. His lips warm against white knuckles. Resist the urge to scream. He cannot hear the restless soul cry. Find too much interest in trees zooming by. I think I must sleep alone tonight.
Scream o my soul Howl at the atrocities Pound your fists on the walls of inner prisons Hack away the chains that bind the wounded Scream o my soul Awaken from slumber Make **** quiver with fear at the coming storm Burst fourth with Christ's light burning bright Scream o my soul Feel the depths of sorrow Free the ****** with your passion and love Scream o my soul Arm yourself with truth Sing praise in the darkest of nights Scream o my soul, scream loud, scream out Stop holding your breath lest you suffocate Scream with all your might O my soul Blaze with Heavens holy light O my soul you've been called, summoned, trained, and sent Scream o my soul, scream your battle cry.
My body somehow knows The grief tomorrow holds. I ache and throb But I cannot sob; The urge to cry Stings my eyes. My feet drag heavily In the depths of this valley. Every year without fail I remind myself I am too frail. "You're strong without the numbers," Yet I was too weak to pull you from your slumber. Each March 22nd Feels just like the 1st end, When your heart stopped beating And mine started bleeding. I'd skip this whole day But I'd miss the chance to say: I miss you, lovely little hurricane. It's all I can do to keep sane. The smell of mint Hurts just a hint. The skinny jeans and hair bows I could never disown. I wear your effect On my forearm *****. The pain of loss is akin To etching you into my skin. My hands shake with cold, Though not as cold as a headstone. Oh, how my body knows The grief tomorrow holds.
In Loving Memory of Kelcy Golling. 07/02/1999 - 03/22/2014
The sensation of falling while silently standing alone in a crowd. Cold icy chill running along my spine, confusing the nerves in my skin. Hunger gnawing at the fringes of my curiosity, eating away my insides. Ancient giants pounding their weight against my fragile skull. A magnifying glass focused in on my minuscule existence, observing. A vacuum, void, opaque blackness pressing my fibers into dust. Breathless gasping, desperate pleading on deaf ears again. Don't turn away. Don't you dare turn away. Listen to me scream. Come back. Look at me. See nothing.