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  Nov 2017 Andrew Saromines
Xallan
Isolation is not eternal
And certainly not is love-
Both presence of, and lack of, love
Will fade eventually- it's a matter of time
Loneliness is not without words.
But, maybe you do not need romance-
The gods have already built you complete
And you may laugh at these lost souls
Still wandering in damnation
In search of their other half.
Or perhaps you conjecture-
That you found yours but it was
Not to be, and now it is a broken memory
But fret not- for that was a lesson
Rather, on how not to love
And wiser still you may find joy.
But say you have, and all is right
Rarely does the world leave it be
And, complete, you will be broken-
Perhaps, those who will never find love
Are better off, forever alone.
It is perfectly fine to be single and a ******. Don't let society determine your worth by how far you were able to ****** someone. That's ridiculous. Love the fact that you are single and alive and need no one.
Andrew Saromines Nov 2017
I wish to recede into me
To cover every blemish and scar
Stifle every broken promise and empty sentence
Degrade into the nothing I have so tenderly housed in my presence
And when the final utterance of my name has passed the lips of the one speaking me into existence for the last time
I shall know peace
Forget me please
  Nov 2017 Andrew Saromines
winter
the only time
i have ever felt calm
is in the presence of pain.

it laps at my brain
and takes over my body
as i cannot feel anymore

there are times that i adore
the excuse to tuck myself away
as i am washed into a darkness

the world never sits on the same axis
when my soul tries to stitch itself back together
after it splits under too much pressure

i used to imagine that u could breathe under water
as i could make up for when i felt so much weaker
in the atmosphere that waited above me

all my effort strengthened my need to be carefree
but i knew my work would always lead
to my visits to my mind’s coroner

i allow my whole self to wander
finding pseudo relief in jumping to conclusions and off cliffs in my mind
only to find real solace just when my thoughts stop

i have memorized the reactions of when my face drops
and a quiet captures my mind
because it scares me, too

my calmness it different to you
i’ve seen this my whole life
as when i hurt, at first, no one seemed to see

but later, i saw how different pain was for the mind and body
for everyone else it was so separate
but i felt them as if they were alive inside me

migraines that felt like a caged animal trying to break free
my skull shattered as my body overheated
mind and body desperately trying to reject something unknown

it was at these times that i would lay prone
pondered at the ceiling with thoughts
that were so irrational they became logical

there was were my self would dull
my soul turns inside out and i relish
in the nothingness that is sure to come

my body wakes with a rejuvenated thrum
and i start the story all over again
and i stare through once calm waters to see myself for what feels like the first time.
i have a desperate need to be validated
Andrew Saromines Nov 2017
I wake up tired of the sounds and sights and feelings of me
And being is a chore and believing is weak
In the face of my hate for the reflection I see
Not a single thing with which to agree
And that's fine
And this is sad
And I hurt
Quietly
But I scream behind this screen
With letters filled with grief
At least the writings good
Or so I'd like to think
A lie that I could take something so horrid
And give it a pretty face
Could just be ****
I'll sink with this ship
I'll learn my place
Quietly
So I hope the water is warm when it fills my lungs
And I hope I don't bother when I finally succumb
I'll do my best to leave how I lived
So don't break the streak of absentmindedness
While I cease to exist
Quietly
Andrew Saromines Nov 2017
Through a red stained window
I watched a friend lose their head
And coupled with regret I was filled with a hope
That maybe the blade would fail to descend on the neck of the soul in turmoil and end the berating.
The scent of fear finally fading
A sense of complacency
Come to a place that half matches decency
But it's deceit.
The blade calls and falls
Claws and hungers
Hands unbound, hold yourself still
Commence the sentence given in a voice of the same pitch and tone of the one coming from your throat
A traitor to your own
A blade buried home
A mind on the run
Forever doomed to roam
Part if me feels as if it is unfinished but the other part feels that is how it was meant to be.
Andrew Saromines Aug 2015
A stranger says hello
With eyes that appraised a soul
More vast than any ocean known
A woman says hello
With a smile that pierces holes
In a heart wanting to be whole
An acquaintance says hello
With a laugh as rare as gold
Igniting a fire inside so bold
A friend says hello
With a brilliant mind bestowed
Sharing all there is to be told
A lover says hello
With a promise to never let go
To face the world but not alone
But…
With eyes that have become blind
And only a puddle of a soul to find
A lover says goodbye
With a forced smile questioning why
To a heart struggling to stay alive
A friend says goodbye
With a cry so dead and so dry
Carrying the fire away to die
An acquaintance says goodbye
With a closed off mind full of lies
Sharing every tall tale just to get by
A woman says goodbye
With promises to get left behind
So scared of what there is inside
A stranger says goodbye
Andrew Saromines Jan 2015
Yearning for some order I notice patterns in the pavement
Racing lines, creating ties, crossing T's and dotting I's
Grainy memories collide with one another as I wonder
Pondering the source of my observant sense leaving life in sunder
Beautifully benign to me, remembering the sea of color
Yellow, red, green, purple, blue
Reeling up and down and out and through
Galavanting as I grinned, lost in patterns I felt within
Perhaps I long for those times of innocent whim
But now all I see in the patterns are flaws
Yelling their inconsistencies
Rendering my blissful thoughts impossibly apart from me
Pacing mind leaving grooves behind my eyes
Partially lost in myself, watching a slow unwind
Beckoning me closer, one step at a time
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