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Poetic T Apr 2018
I got pills I got to take,
so I'm going to take, take, take them everyday.
I have ailments that  I have to feed,
so I'm going take which everyone needs
I got pills.

All these pills piling up on my desk,
stacked like the pyramids higher than my chest.
all these kids running around,
I hear them Grrrr.. so I lock my pills up sound.
The pharmacy is open to my needs,
she just rolls her eyes to my relapses.
Says she's going to leave me, 
if I don't bring the cost down below twenty G's.

oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my
Gosh ****, gosh **** gosh, gosh ****
Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my  

I got pills I got to take,
so I'm going to take, take, take them everyday.
I have ailments that  I have to feed,
so I'm going take which everyone needs
I got pills.

Woke up this morning aches in my neck,
gout in my foot, what the heck.
opened the cabinet, pills all gone,
crack addict snuck in,  took the lot.
Jumped on my bike, tire's flat not a good start.
no license for a car, ailments mean ill have to walk.
standing behind some old dude chugs out a ****,
pills got laxative effect, I think I better not laugh.

Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my
Gosh ****, gosh **** gosh, gosh ****
Oh my, oh my, oh my, oh my.

I got pills I got to take,
so I'm going to take, take, take them everyday.
I have ailments that  I have to feed,
so I'm going take which everyone needs
I got!

"groans in loud noises, Aaaaaaaaaa"

And my stomach, my stomach
I said my stomach!
Pills make me want to eat food.

I got pills I got to take,
so I'm going to take, take, take them everyday.
I have ailments that  I have to feed,
so I'm going take which everyone needs.

I got pills I got to take,
so I'm going to take, take, take them everyday.
I have ailments that  I have to feed,
so I'm going take which everyone needs
I got pills.

Mama got pills, daddy got pills,
                                yo sister got pills,
      yo auntie got pills.


I got pills.

Yo uncle got pills, Everybody got pills, everybody got pills.
Well took me two hours to write but was fun to parody this piece
Crushing Love Jan 2015
1 pill: Nothing really serious.
2 pills: To distract my thoughts.
3 pills: To numb the pain
4 pills: To get me high.
5 pills: To make me sleepy.
6 pills: To knock me out.
Sleeps for 3 hours
wakes up

7 pills: To cause poising.
8 pills: To send me into the hospital.
9 pills: No returning..
10 pills: To end it all.

*Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. Now I'm gone
sian b Apr 2014
one pill
two pills
three pills
four.

how many more
before i hit the floor?

five pills
six pills
seven pills
eight.

i think that i
can already see the gates.

nine pills
ten pills
eleven pills
twelve.

this war is ending now,
the one with myself.

thirteen pills
fourteen pills
fifteen pills
sixteen.

sorry mom
i'm a ****** up queen.

seventeen pills
eighteen pills
nineteen pills
twenty.

wait,
how many?

twenty one pills
twenty two pills
twenty three pills
twenty four

and now i am asleep
upon the floor.
um
I took a few pills
in the hope that they would take away my pain
They did for a little bit
they made me so high that I couldn't feel anything
When I awoke the next morning
the pain hit me like a car
So I took a couple more pills
but I didn't get very far
Once the effects of the pills wore off
and there was no more high
The pain got incredibly worse
to the point it made me cry
I took some more of those **** pills
too upset to pay attention to the dose
I never woke up the next morning
I was stuck in a coma
The doctors pronounced me dead
without the breathing machine I wouldn't survive
Yet something inside me said otherwise
causing me to stay alive
I woke up after two days
of living in a comatose dream
The pain came crashing down on me hard
but it felt good to feel something
Once I was able to breathe on my own
the doctors explained to me what had happened
They told me that I had overdosed
as my family stood in the background crying
They asked me question after question
wanting to know why I took the pills
I told them that I didn't know
even though I knew the truth
Life threw me a few curve *****
I wasn't quite ready to catch
I thought the pills would help me
instead the brought me closer to death
The doctors sent me to rehab
a place I had hoped to avoid
I had a chance to change my life
or endure another unplanned suicide
I wasn't sure where to go with myself
I just wanted my **** pills
The pills didn't benefit me
they just made me more emotionally ill
The pain I faced hurt like hell
that is when I missed pills the most
The more I confronted my pain
the more I began to feel like myself
I learned that pills didn't help me at all
they just fed the things that were hurting me the most
My waking up in the hospital wasn't a miracle
it was God's way of giving me the chance to save myself
One year later I found those pills sitting in dust on my shelf
they reminded me of my near death experience
and how much they put me through hell
I flushed those **** pills down the toilet
for a minute I stood still
I never in my life would have thought
that my life would be forever changed by a pill.





This poem is dedicated to the following people:

To the friends I lost due to their addictions with pills and other drugs. I miss you terribly and I wish you were here with me today. I think about you all of the time and my heart stills aches for you all.

To the friends who have overdosed on pills and survived. I am really happy you are here and I am so proud of you for getting the help you need to live your lives to the fullest.

To the friends who are still addicted to pills and other drugs. I really wish you would get help because I miss you, I think you have so much to offer this world and it hurts to know you are wasting your lives hurting yourselves. I love you very much and I always will.
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: August. 20, 2014 Wednesday 3:01 AM
Anonymous Freak Nov 2016
They can prescribe
Pills to make you sleep,
Pills to make you happy,
Pills to stop the anxiety,
Pills to make you
Walk around
In a drunken haze
So that you can't connect
With the world enough
For it to hurt anymore.

They could give me pills
To help me get through work,
To make me smile at strangers,
They could give me pills
To fix my insomnia,
They could give me pills
To drown out the loop
Of anxiety
I'm constantly
Trapped in.

But could someone give me pills
To stop me from hurting him,
Him,
The thing I love most.
I'm like a white hot iron,
Sinking into his flesh,
Making it sizzle and
Bubble,
Making smoke curl up
In curvy pictures.
Can they give me pills
To stop that?

They can prescribe pills,
To stop your sneezing,
So help make your second
Personality
Shut up,
To stop your mood swings.

But can they give me pills
To stop me
From being so tired
From fighting every instinct
Of dysfunction I have?
I'm an artist of self destruction,
My brush strokes are skillful,
And aged with experience,
The colors make it stand out,
When you focus on it long enough.
Can they drug me until I forget
I can't even tell I'm hurting
The man I love
Until it's too late?
Can they give me pills to tune out
The reality that my own father
Molested me,
And that it will haunt my actions
For the rest of my life?


Can they give me pills to stop that?

CAN THEY GIVE ME PILLS TO ******* STOP THAT?

It's a whip that stings across my back,
And face,
Constantly,
It thrashes at my body,
It will always be there,
And if you get too close
You get hit too,
And I have to watch you,
Praying you'll leave me.
Why do they think I don't let people in?

Because they can't prescribe me pills
To stop that.
Monica Sep 2016
Sad all the time?
Here's a pill

Self contious about your weight?
Take a pill

Over anxious?
Pills all around

Slept too much?
A pill will help

Didn't sleep?
A pill will solve that

When will society
Get it through their thick skull
That pills won't solve everything

Sure they help
I'm not saying they don't
But they can't solve EVERYTHING

I'm severely depressed
I'm extremely anxious
All
The
****
Time

So they give me pills
Little pills
Big pills
Capsels
Tablets
Different shapes
Different colors

I still feel empty
I still feel hollow
No matter how many drugs
These doctors force feed me

I'm so accustomed to it
My body shuts down
If I miss a day's doseage
I'm so accustomed to it

I have to remind myself
Almost everyday
That all these pills
Aren't magic pills
They won't magically cure me
No matter how much I long for it

I started this path
2, almost 3, YEARS ago
Yet I'm still here
At the bottom of the pit
No hope
No faith

So many stupid pills
So much false hope
So much anger
And depression
And anxiety

They may help you
They may help him
And her

But they don't help me
I feel like I'm immune
Like my mental state
Built a wall so thick
That even drugs can't help me

Now when I say pills
And drugs
I don't mean illegal stuff
I don't mess with that
I mean the prescriptions
Doctors write to get paid

I follow the rules
All the directions
Everything
And my heart is still chained

I'm so sick of this
It feels like a game
Like a giant lie
That doctors tell me
So they can make money

"Take this and you'll feel better."

"That didn't work?
     Try this one."

"Lets up the dosage.
    And add this pill."

"Have three more pills
    on top of those two."

"Take all of these pills
     twice a day.
         With food."

"It's very important you take it."

Right
I have to take all your pills
So I can be 'normal'
So I can be happy
And fit into your broken society

It's such a twisted game
A joke so funny
I forgot to ******* laugh

**** your pills
***** your problem solving
You can't fix me
With all the worthless, expensive, pills
DCM Feb 2016
Drowning my antidepressant with a cup of tea, waiting for sleep to overtake me.
I've learn to ignore the begging of my stomach, I only have enough energy to feed one *****, and my heart is screaming for attention.

"If you take these pills you'll get out of bed" One pill two pills three pills four.
I'm out of bed and on the floor, crying silent tears.

"If you take these pills you'll worry less"
One pill two pills three pills four.
No weary thoughts cross my mind,
I'm indulged in sleep that seems to be the reason why.
Isn't this medicine supposed to keep me out of bed?

"If you take these pills you'll learn self harm isn't the answer"
One pill two pills three pills four.
I haven't binged in a week, I've been too busy with a panic attack spree.
If this isn't self harm then its self sabotage.

"If you take these pills you may have some side effects"
One pill two pills three pills- a
years supply later.

My face is stained with tears.
That seems to be the only thing I feel.
I think I'm done.
Or so I  wish it was done.

I take four green pills.
I'm addicted and scared.
I reach for more by force of habit,
Before I finish I'm consumed by darkness.


...

No I didn't overdose on anti psychotics,
but i've had my last dose of self pity.
Diagnosed, but not cured.
Enough with the pills.
Enough with these journal entries, and pitiful pep talks.
Enough with self indulgence.
I'm ill, not dead.
Sixteen years lived,
Two years defining me as anxious and depressed.
Its 2016 I call this "The Awakening"
If you fight for your sanity your drug intake won't define you.

One pill two pills three-
Who's counting?
Medication and therapy can help but ultimately it's up to you to get better. The scary things is it's not a demon nor a shadow it's all in your head. You didn't choose to have this disorder but you can choose to fight it.
Chloe Nov 2014
Everywhere I look, there's an emptiness
where you’re supposed to be.
I told the doctors how I see nothing in everything,
so they prescribed pills to help me see.

My room is always so cold
but your breath was so hot.
I told the doctors I still feel it on my neck
so they gave me more pills to make it stop.

I took the pills for years
but they haven’t helped at all
So I stopped the prescriptions
and started my downward fall.

The doctors will never fully understand
that I will always look for you everywhere I go.
Antidepressants and mood stabilizers are making my mind a
bomb, ready to blow.
Bea Mecum Jul 2018
Pills to make your mind feel stable
Pills to do what you aren't able
Pills to make you fall asleep
Pills to keep what you can't keep

Little round chalk colored pill
I swallow you to make me still
Little round unimposing pill
Where did you learn such a skill

Pills for you on the table
Pills to make you feel stable
Pills to keep what you aren't able
Pills with your name on the label

I swallow you one at a time
When I swallow you I swallow my mind
When I swallow you I will not find
any kind of thought to bind

Pills to make you feel stable
Pills because you aren't able
Pills right there on your table
To hoist you high upon a cable
ArianaRusso May 2014
Take your pills, go to therapy,
Take your pills. go to therapy
“get better”
Take your pills, go to therapy,
Tell yourself you’re getting better

“You’re getting sick again ariana, we will raise your dose”

Take your pills, go to therapy

“Am i getting any better, am i healthier? do i look sick?”

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

“Why are you doing this to yourself Ariana?”

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

help
“how do i get the maggot thoughts that crawl into my head and tell me i’m inadequate, trifling?”

“It’s all circumstantial, and that is what we need to mend and patch”

Give me your mental diagnosis-diagnonsense
Go ahead, tell me what you’ve espied when you sat oneself down and perched your virtuoso intellect in my head

“oh yes, you comprehend
you understand
Everything.
You know me deeper than i know my self”

“We are getting somewhere, we are moving forward you are progressing!”

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

You must be pleased as punch you’re finally fixing me
dismally i disinform you, i lied

Why you may inquire? Not one can understand ones speculations or thoughts unless they are legitimately situated in my chamber of a lugubrious trench filled with distasteful maggots which leave dolorous contusions-bruises and thoughts that leave me questioning reality, questioning my essence, questioning myself

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

If i were in deed reviving from the sorrow i would no longer have these god awful scars and bruises

You can’t tell me i am not out of ones tree
when
you
scarcely
know
me  
At times I’m not sure if i even know me____________________­___
Robert Cathey Jun 2016
Just got out the hospital
These pills took control.
I'm sitting here with a sore throat
From a tube filled with charcoal.
I took 20 pills
I guess it wasn't quite enough.
The pills dared me to take them
I actually called their bluff.
They call out to me
They say I should end it all.
They say they could heal me
They say they won't let me fall.
They claim they could end the pain
They'll take away the misery.
These are the things I hear
When my pills are calling me.
My pills promise me peace
They promise me tranquility.
They tell they'll help me
But I listen with uncertainty.
My Father will be disappointed
My Mother would cry.
The pills tell me
Be selfish
You know you want to die.
My kids would be devestated
My wife might blame herself.
My pills say forget them
Only think of yourself.
Think of this pain
That you really want to end.
My pills tell me they love me
They are my true friends.
My pills have only my best interests
They claim they'll help me through.
They tell me:
Robert we want to get this
Dark cloud away from you.
My pills say the best release is
For me to be dead.
Are they really calling me
Or is it all in my head?
Maybe one day I'll listen
Next time they call for me.
I just hope the pills will do as promised
Take away the pain completely.
Laura May 2018
It's all cranberry juice and pills
Zoloft pills
Little tiny tic tac Zoloft pills.
Insurance pays for most of it,
But there are a couple crinkled dollars in my pocket that pick up the rest.
They're supposed to help.
I should be able to get out of bed,
And do daily ****.
But all I do is grab more Zoloft,
And take my daily ****.
The cranberry juice helps the **** not burn,
But the cream doesn't do anything for the hemorrhoids
That come from trying so hard to **** out the food I never eat.
It all just hurts nowadays,
So I have to take pills.
Pills on top of pills
And pills after those pills.
It all just hurts from laying in bed all day.
But I never get up.
Just to get more tiny tic tac pills,
And to take my daily ****.
Most days I forget,
But sometimes I take 6.
Twice the prescribed won't **** me.
I'll **** myself before any little pill does.
Echoes Of A Mind Mar 2016
Taking pills again
Filling my body
With this and that...

Taking pills again
Loosing the development
Which I had...

Taking pills again
Now I can once again
Focus on homework...

Taking pills again
Now my mood will
Become less cheerful...

Taking pills again
To delete the traces
Of you...

Taking pills again
Now I'm myself
From before I meet you...

Taking pills again
Man... I really wish
That I didn't have to...
Just something random which I wrote
Holly Jan 2015
Pills, Pills, And More Pills.
As my life moves on,
More diseases come along,
My journey  is soon to end,
But more, and more will be fed.
A Mareship Sep 2013
Polka dots

Little beads

Rain drops

Cloudy seeds

Pastel pink

Lipstick red

Take too many

Wind up dead

…….

Pills for mania, laughter – blue,
An inappropriate colour,
But what can ya do?

Pills for thyroid, goitre, shakes,
Bottle green like the bottom of lakes,

Pills for pain, black –  red  - pink,
Pills that can’t be mixed with drink,

Pills for anxiety, phobias, fears,
Fleshy coloured,
Like children’s ears,

Pills for dreaming, dozing, sleep,
Pure white
Like counted sheep.
Cat Fiske May 2015
I have no voice,
Because I have been vomiting up pills each and every morning,
getting into my old anna habits you may say,

I don't wanna live on an ADHD diet,
the pills **** with me,
I'm 174.0lb please,

I am a little heavy,
but it's to the point where,
I was 220,
and I could barely breath,
when I had a panic attack,
so my mom is helping me lose weight,
but pills that make me starve myself,
are ones I wanna do without,
so I ***** each day before I eat,
after I consume the pills,
because she won't let me get off them,
you think im crazy,
but I've lost my weight the way I wanted to,
changed my eating styles,
getting rid of the junk food,
eating healthy,
trying to get over some of my sensory issues,
without having to take a ******* ADHD pill for the last month,
I've lost more weight doing that,
then skipping a meal because I had no hunger,
due to medication,
But I'm being healthy about it,
But I'm also not,
because I told you,
I ***** my pills everyday,
so I'm losing my voice,
like I did,
*In my elementary school days,
NOTE: I am not vomiting my pills, I am just yelling at my mom over them, why I have no voice, But I'd love to of lost my weight the right way, and I have gotten desperate enough to do that, but still she refuses, so, I can really get off my meds, plus I need them even more now I have a concussion, but I just want to do it the right way, not just the way bc I am taking pills and they have a side effect that's helping me out with another thing. but I thought it be a good way to compare my feeling on weight loss and how they're different from before, I am also a over/binge eater. so I have problems with that. eating is something I do to cope with things so its not good, so I am trying to stop eating and cutting and burning and all those things at once when I am upset, and its very hard. I've been making people food when I'm upset. but that cost a lot of money so I cant keep doing that.
Pills pills
I cannot taste
Pills pills
I cannot feel
Pills pills
Down the drain
Now go on you beauties
Come turn me pale
frankie crognale Dec 2013
she was in love.
she was in love with a boy.
she was in love with a boy who didn’t love her back.
she was a beautiful girl when she was sixteen.  she was the most insecure girl you’d ever meet, but you’d never know because her award winning smile hid all of the insecurities. black curly hair, olive skin, beautiful big brown eyes, cherry lips, and naturally aligned perfect teeth.  she knew she was beautiful deep down, although she hated to admit it, because of an unfortunate series of events that occurred in the past.  she was the happiest girl you could ever meet, or at least that’s how she came across.  she acted as though nothing was wrong, when in reality, a lot was wrong.  she knew her peers thought of her as a person who tried too hard to be different, but that’s who she was.  she was different, and she knew it.  
he was a breathtaking boy when he was 16.  he was just as insecure as she was, but you'd find it hard to believe, since he was so picturesque. blonde hair, pale skin, pacific ocean eyes, bright pink lips, and very white teeth.  he didn’t know he was breathtaking, because of an unfortunate series of events that occurred in the past.  he always thought of himself as a person without a place, even though he believed everyone had a place in the world, he just hadn’t found his yet.  he bottled things up inside until they sunk low enough to go out of view, until he forgot about them.  he knew he had a place, he just didn’t know where.  he was different, too.  just as different from everyone else as the girl was.
she told him everything.  more than she told her other friends. more than she told her best friend of fourteen years. she didn’t know it at first, but she would fall hard for him, harder than when she fell off her longboard the first time.  just like that first fall, it would hurt.  it would make her bleed, and it would transform her.  from it, she would become a better person, and definitely a more cautious one.  she wasn’t aware of it yet, but he would change her in two ways.  for the better, and for the worse.
the background knowledge of this tale isn’t important.  all that needs to be known is how she has now fallen in love with him, harder than she’s ever fallen for someone.  however, he’s since moved away.  how far, you ask?  3,000 miles across the ocean.  her love for him has grown dramatically since this, and she’s told him, but he doesn’t feel the same way.  he’s said it straight to her face, on multiple occasions.  to directly quote it, “the feeling is there, but it just isn’t prominent.”  naturally, this kills her inside. the hardest thing to endure is watching the one you love, love someone else. in fact, this makes her want to curl up in her comforter and cry, and hopefully never come out.  she loved this boy, and she loved him completely unconditionally.  no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn’t get him to see her that way.  the only time he ever takes any interest in her is when she’s undressed. she would use her body for love, and he used love for her body. she was blinded, and she didn’t want to see him using her, so she refused to believe it.  she’s confronted him about it, and he’s said he isn’t using her, so she was convinced he wasn't, mostly because she could never make herself believe he was lying to her.  
he knew everything about her.  he knew her full name, which not a lot of people did.  he knew about her past; the past that involved a small wrist and a large blade.  he knew about her future; the future that involved a small apartment in new york and a job at vogue. he knew about the husband, or wife, she wanted, since she was bisexual.  only he knew that. he knew how much she loved him, as well. he was well aware of that, but obviously he didn't know how much it would **** her inside to know he didn't think the same of her. he didn't think it through. if he did, he would have saved her a lot of pain.
she was sitting in her bedroom one day. she was thinking mostly about him. she kept playing the sweet things he'd said to her in the past back in her mind, and suddenly she found herself smiling and feeling warm inside. she loved him. she loved him more than anyone she'd ever loved before. just as she was thinking, he messaged her on facebook. her heart fluttered, she couldn't wait to see what he said.
"i have to talk to you" his tone was stern, which somewhat scared her, since he was never sincere like this.
"okay sure, what's up, deary?" she always called him deary, it was the most natural response for her.  she was trying to lighten the mood a bit, as well.
"as you know since i've moved here, my feelings for you have somewhat gone away. and with that being said, i've found somebody."
she could've sworn she heard her heart fall down to her feet and break into one million tiny pieces.
"you have a girlfriend now?"
"yes."
she logged off of facebook without answering his message, and went to the corner of her room where a tiny piece of her carpet was cut into a square and ripped off the floor so it could be lifted up. she lifted the piece of carpet up to reveal a bag and a blade. a tiny plastic bag, and a tiny metal blade. a tiny plastic bag that had an assortment of different pills in it, and a tiny metal blade with dried blood tracing the edges of it from her past. the pills were things such as ibuprofen or acetometaphine, and the blade was a replacement blade from her dad's razor, since his was sharper than hers.
her past wasn't particularly something she liked to remember. she had once been suicidal. she had cut herself. she had intentionally burned herself. she had snapped a hair tie against her wrist during school. she's tried ending her life with those same pills. she kept them there if she needed them.
as of right now, she needed them more than ever.
she opened the bag, got two bottles of water, and began to swallow the pills. one by one.  as she swallowed them, she found herself taking the sharp piece of metal to her wrist.  she caressed it gently before dragging it across the noticeable scars, going deeper and deeper with each ****.
after about thirty five pills and twelve lacerations, she began to get terrible stomach pain, and her blood wasn’t clotting any longer.  she strayed away from her wrist and moved down to her hips, her v-line, and upper thighs. she could feel her demise coming, but she wanted it right then.  she didn't cry as she threw the pills down, her heart was too heavy, her body too frail, that she couldn't produce the tears, even though she wanted to.
twenty more pills.
three more cuts.
five more pills.
two more cuts.
one more pill.
and just like that, she was gone.
about an hour or so later, her mother knocked on her door. she made sure to leave the door unlocked so her mother wouldn't find her and be angry. her mother hated when she locked her door. she walked in, and once she saw her daughter laying on the floor near the piece of torn up carpet, she collapsed to her knees over her top of her. she noticed a small paper laying next to her body. she unfolded it. on it was this:
"you know, it’s funny. now everyone will care. now he’ll love me. if you all had felt this way when i was alive, i wouldn’t be dead."
it’s almost like she knew her death would be one of the biggest news highlights of the year in her small town.  it’s almost like she knew photos of her would be everywhere.  it’s almost like she knew her suicide note was going to become the most viral thing to hit the nation in four years.
her mother had no idea what that meant. she couldn't think anyway, for her teenage daughter had just mutilated her insides with common household drugs.
with the little energy she had left in her body, she stumbled downstairs to where the telephone was. she dialed her husband's work number, and was completely hysteric when he answered the phone. he told her to calm down, so she tried to. when she finally stopped crying long enough to get words out, she told him.  he said he was about to leave his office. he didn't care about anything else in the day, he just had to get home. he had to get home to see his little girl for the last time.
her mother told her friends, and the entire town was a complete wreck. memorials were hung everywhere. pictures of her death note were posted in newspapers and on street corners. a segment was even on the news about her. she had never felt loved in her life, but when she died, everyone turned into her friend. girls who called her fat and ugly in middle school said she was beautiful.  boys that called her obnoxious and annoying said she was fun to be around.  teachers who told her she would never get into college and didn’t have a future said she had her entire life ahead of her.  just as her suicide note said, if they had all acted this way when she was still here, she wouldn’t have left.
the boy messaged her one day, wanting to tell her something again. when she didn't answer, he sent her another message. he obviously hadn't looked at his facebook news feed in a few days, considering everyone's status was about her, and there were pictures of her everywhere; pictures of her and her friends, her and her beloved cats, or her alone.  looking at the pictures was painful for everyone, since her beautiful smile was only lived on in the pictures now.  her eyes sparkled in the photos, but not as much as they did in real life.  now, the photos were all that was left.
he sent her another message, saying this:
"well if you aren't going to answer me then i guess i'll just tell you. i broke up with my girlfriend already. i realized a few things when i was with her. she isn't you. i love you, i really do. i hope you can forgive me and i hope we'll talk soon.  bye babe."
he only called her babe when he felt closest to her.  some days, where they would flirt a lot, they would both feel warm and fuzzy inside and completely loved.  neither ever admitted it, but they both knew exactly how the other felt.  among the pet names and multiple kissy faces, they had great conversations.  they were so open around each other, neither of them had ever been like that with anyone else.  she knew she was made for him, although he didn’t realize it until after it was too late.
after he sent it, he decided to check his news feed. he saw the pictures and status messages. he couldn't believe it. he didn't know how much he hurt her. he killed her inside so much that she actually killed herself. he was the one that always made her feel better when she was feeling down. he's the one that got her to stop hurting herself. she told him once that she was going to stop for herself, when subliminally she stopped for him, because she knew he didn't like it. she didn't think he could ever love her with the cuts up and down her arms, so she stopped making them. she was alive because of him, but now, she was dead because of him.  he gave her a reason to want to live, and a reason to want to die.
life was still odd for him after her passing. he'd think about her often. she would come to him in dreams. he’d listen to her favorite song, which was one of his favorite songs as well, called “i wanna be yours” by the arctic monkeys.  he introduced her to the arctic monkeys, actually.  he never realized how much the lyrics meant to her, the more he listened to them he recognized the relevance of them.  he's sworn he’s seen her on street corners in his city. he knew it couldn't be, but every time he thought he saw her, tears would well up in his eyes and he'd have to turn around and go home. he didn't speak to anyone, nor did he tell anyone about her, especially not what he felt for her. everyone would think it was out of pity, pity for her and her death. he regretted making her feel worthless when he told her he didn't love her, because he did, and they both knew that.  she always knew deep down there was more feeling to it than he said, but she couldn't get past him saying those things. and that's why she killed herself.
years passed. he never found anyone, and she decayed in the beautiful tiffany blue dress she wears for eternity. it would've been her 25th birthday when he first went to see her at her final resting place. there was a photo of her on her stone, one of the last pictures ever taken of her. his breath was taken away by her beauty, she had the same warm smile he remembered when he saw her the last time. her eyes bright with playfulness, and her cheeks round and rosy. he could still hear her laugh. it was almost contagious. he was in love with her all over again, and she wasn't there to tell.
although, she was there. she heard every thought inside her head and saw every emotion he was feeling. she regretted her decision. she hated herself for not being patient and not going with her instinct. now, they could never be together. they were made for each other, and they both knew it.
he flung himself onto her burial site, weak at the knees and tears down his face. he missed her just as much as she missed him. he regretted never kissing her when he had the chance. he wanted to take back every time he ever told her he didn't love her. she took her life because of those things, and he was too pessimistic with the thought of "i'll never see her again" stuck in his head that he couldn't hear what his heart was saying.
he never married. he continued to visit her, almost every day. he couldn't stand to not see her, even if she wasn't there. she visited him every night as well, just to watch him sleep. she still thought he was the most breathtaking boy she'd ever seen. and she was just as beautiful as she was before. just as beautiful, and just as breathtaking. just like when they were 16.
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I took some pills to pass the time
Don't you worry they were mine
I took some pills to pass the day
I wanted black, was tired of the gray
I took some pills to pass away
Please dear friend don't be in dismay
I took some pills to go to the void
Don't look up what would be said by Freud
I took some pills, the deal is done
Please don't bother yourself to come
I took some pills, now I'm floating away
You'll have to look for me another day
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John Niederbuhl Oct 2016
Doctor, Doctor
I've trouble with my eyes

Then take these blue pills,
That's what I advise

Oh Doctor, Doctor
My bones are all sore

White pills I prescribe
They'll hurt you no more

But Doctor, Doctor
My heartbeat is waning

Take red pills for that
You'll soon be regaining

Please Doctor, please
My mind fades away

For that I have gray pills
You'll be sharper today

Its quite shocking Doctor,
My ***** is murky

Take these yellow pills
They'll clear it by Thursday

I mope around Doctor,
My mood's really flat

These rose colored pills
Will take care of that

You must help me Doctor,
In bed I'm a flop

Then try these long capsules
They'll liven things up

Tell me please Doctor,
What's inside these pills?

Why medicine, of course,
To cure all your ills
Ilunga Mutombo Aug 2018
Anxiety Pills popped
skin temp dropped
Depression sky rocks  
Mind feels numb
Mellow from popping pills I shouldn’t swallow
One pill, two pills, three pills, this is how love kills, chasing cheap thrills, to end up on reels
Pride suffercated, ego tested
Limits ignored
Emotions battle back
as I stimulate myself with techniques my counselor taught me, they don’t seem to help
as my heart still feels empty, this pain truly has taken the best of me, and introduced me to my inner enemy “me”
Breath in and breath out
Deep inside the demons want a chance to shout
Wrist full of memories
Blood loss reminding me of near tradgeties
Anxiety kisses my neck while depression traces its ***** hands all over me
This is a ******* I hoped to not be in
In the end I *** pure emotions
Give it your own means. Three stories combined in one poetry piece.
Nat Lipstadt Aug 2013
Sittin' On The Dock Of The Bay (Razor Blades, Pills, & Shotguns)*

Sittin' on the dock of the bay,
Watching the sun slip, Simon-says, slide away,
Cheeks blushing flushing from orange ray-guns,
Drinking blush rosé to oil our eyes
For the subtle story the sky shortly will reveal,
For the subtle story the sky shortly will revel.

Grievous judgement to make,
Thinkin' skills possessed to praise,
When but yesterday I easy confessed,
At the Blue Canoe I did not.

(The clouds were magnificent. No, I cannot write a poem about the cloud colors. Their shape shifting inexhaustible.  Mine eyes high on their creativity.  I'm just not good enough a poet to tamper with that sky.)*

If you courage enough to
Call yourself poet, then
It is audacity, not blood,
Warming your extremities,
So foolishly try, always be prepared to fail.

No impulse. We pledged that tonight, ours,
One hour of sunset over Silver Beach.
Brought the wine, forgot the pillows,
So Abraham & Sarah went prepared to sacrifice
All feelings in their butts for the greater glory
Of love and one of nature's great poetic challenges..

The conundrum~miracle of every sunset
O'er bay, lake or ocean, is its special,
Only-In-Nature unique way of customizing
Its descent just for you.

No matter where one observes,
No matter where you worship,
Wherever your temple, mosque or church situé,
Tennessee, Rhode Island, the Philippines,
Germany, Colombia, even in the ole U.K.,
(yes, you, know it, yes you)
The very same setting sun we all see,
Sends a magic dazzle gold orange path invitation
To the exact spot you are voyeuring,
One sun, all destinations equal before human.

How can that be?

Trepidation and tremblingly,
The clouds.

She leans on me, a perfect fit,
My back resting against a pylon,
So we see the clouds
With common exactitude,
But it is a quiet time, silence only shared.
Images stored silently within ourselves,
For we see the formation, man, woman,
Precisely and exactly, totally differently.

The clouds.
An armada moving imperial and imperiously
At a stately speed, saying I am awesome, fear me.
The largest cloud bank is an aircraft carrier,
Miles long, painted horizon blue-grey unsurprisingly.

The small white wisps, fast destroyers, stealthy submarines,
Moving fast to protect the mother ship,
Running random to confuse enemy radar and the
Pathetic, limited, human eye.

The colors.
Here I fail willingly, unashamedly.
So many sunsets, so many hearts,
All different, all the same.
Lacking knowledge, I cannot tender,
I cannot offer you tenderness to love
Enough,
The variety of oranges, gold, varietals interspersed
By the pinks, the cornea, singed,
And mock myself for all my meager brain yields is
Good Humor creamsicle comparison...a delicious irony

You who write after midnight
Of razor blades, pills and shotguns,
And not marked two decades even, on this planet,
You want hard,
Write a poem about a sunset in ways never done before.

You, who are wracked with despair
Speak to the man with no job for months
And mouths to feed and a life insurance policy.
Speak to me.

I want to tell you to get over yourself,
But you reject that old saw. Ok.
Get onto to yourself.

I have walked the hallways of deep despair,
Heard the bells ring between periods that signal only the next
Hell,
And to this day, still do,
But still I try to write external of sunsets and greater glories.

How many lives depend on you? Are you proud of your weakness?
Do you hate me yet for acknowledging out loud,
We are both cowards?

I have five mouths to feed,
Before I parse a morsel.
Two less than two,
What do you have but to
Grow yourself?

Yeah coward.
Too yellow to write about a
Yellow sunset, cause that is hard in a way incomprehensible
Until tried.
Or the passing of your mother who could not speak clearly
But you, thru her eyes knew that she had poems to yet recite.
Run away like I did ashamed with frustrated failure.
Why should I coddle, give you easy soft?
.
If you come here to share, well and good.
If you come here to find comfort, good.
So gaze upon these words and feel
The love that only experience has earned.

What do you know of heartbreak?
Imprisoned for decades in a loveless life,
I walked by the water nightly,
Yes, the same waters where I CinemaScoped
Yesterday's sunset, and walked away.

You can read about if you look it, look me, look here,
Look up!

So do something hard, something external.
Fail but love yourself more for just having tried.
Then try something else.

The saddest poem ever wrote
Was not yours, where you titillate with daring words
Razors, pills etc.,
The saddest poem ever writ
Was this one, a meager vanity to capture a
Sunset that keeps trying every day to
Surpass
Supersede
Its previous glorious failure,
Like we should too.
Keep trying

Now, I shall rest,
For I know that soon I shall see, feel, think,
Of something new that will make me eager to
Write a new poem.


August 3~5, 2013
When I am less tired, I wil edit the typos. But life is full of typos, but sometimes you just gotta not look back, even if you leave a trail of typos behind you. But writing this has mentally exhausted me in a different way.  I will rest from writing to recover. Dig out some old ones, maybe

If you courage enough to
Call yourself poet, then
It is audacity, not blood,
Warming your extremities,
So foolishly try, always be prepared to fail.
Broken with no where to run in a maze but with every wrong turn you break down just a little bit more you see life is a game but this game has a twist it starts with a me at only 13 years old 1 cut 2 cuts 3 cuts 4 when will it be over I cry 5 cuts 6 cuts 7 8 cuts 9 cuts ten aw now they is satisfied with the blood slithering down her arm 1 month later 1 pill 2 pills 3 pills 4 5 pills 6 pills 7 8 pills 9 pills ten with dears streaming down her face she croaks please make it stop 11 pills 12 pills 13 pills 14 now she has her fill found by her parents rushed to the hospital now for the mental hospital stay her heart starts beating rapidly when she sees his face how beautiful she thought till the day she was worrying about him instead of her she finally broke it off then tried to end it again then one day she finds herself dancing with amazing people she loves not expecting what might happen four months later but this time she won't get saved... She is dancing across the room scars cover her body she hides her pain with her fake smiles she clings to anyone or anything that shows a remote amount of affection her anxiety controls her life she fights for as long as she can till her last night she decides to end it one pill for being a freak a second for all the lies she was told a third for staring at her plate but not touching it a fourth for her sexuality a fifth because of her father a sixth for all the boys that played with her heart a seventh because she thinks she's fat an eighth just because there is no going back a ninth for all her imperfections a tenth for all the abuse in her life an eleventh because she desperately wants to stop breathing a twelfth because that's when death started calling her name a thirteenth because she had no friends a fourteenth for being so ungrateful a 15 because that's the age she doesn't want to see they tried to save her but it was to late she made up her mind... See I told you this game has a twist.
Allen Wilbert Mar 2014
There lived a man in Shady Hills,
sits home all day, popping pills.
Morning, noon and night,
not any real food in sight.
Drinks water from the tap,
too wired to take a nap.
Percocets all **** day,
Vicodin is the only way.
Xanax in the night time,
****** he buys for a dime.
Oxycontin, he keeps hidden,
his hiding spot is forbidden.
Takes Abilify for his mood swings,
taking Amphetamines gives him wings.
More skinny than a rail,
in life he sure did fail.
Ecstasy, he keeps under lock and key,
he doesn't give away any pills for free.
At thirty he ended up with cirrhosis of the liver,
he didn't care about his new founded quiver.
Popped pills til his death,
at least he never smoked ****.
Died at the age of thirty two,
in his stomach was pill stew.
Just another sad lost soul,
popping pills will someday take a toll.
JustChloe Nov 2014
Pills and potions
Pills and potions
What a notion
Overdossin
Drink so my beer your eyes stop soaking
Get so high you never stop floating
Pills and potions
Pills and potions
What a notion
Two pills to greet the morning
To wake up from the night before
Before the morning's over
There'll be at least four pills more
Her children never see this
Mother keeps her secret well
But, just in case she slips up
Father makes sure he, too. doesn't tell
Yes, Mummy is a pill freak
A suburban ****** in our midst
It's more common than you realize
I've names here to make a list
By ten she's popped two more pills
The kids are safely off at school
What the parents do not notice
Is that the children are not fooled
More pills again at lunch time
Then it's off for tennis at the club
Two more pills when she is finished
Just before her tan and rub
You see, Mummy is an addict
She eats pills like most eat cake
She's a really super actress
Miss one pill and she might break
Two years ago she had a problem
She was drinking, never touched a pill
Then she went to "camp" to dry out
that's where she found her brand new thrill
Daddy, he keeps her secret
lets her fool the PTA
You see, Daddy is her doctor
He makes sure that she's ok
The kids are home before mum
She's popped two to mellow out
She's the only mum their friends say
No ones ever heard her shout
Once the pills wear off, what is next
What addiction shall she feed?
She's tried ***** and now narcotics
What will help her fuel her need?
Daddy's mummy's little helper
Keeps her secret and his too
You see daddy has his own diversion
And she's only twenty two!!!
themarsbeing Apr 2018
[Him]

I was napping
Woke up all of a sudden  
Don't know why I feel like
Something bad is gonna happen
Now I need to find my pen

Been battling anxiety & depression for few years
And there's more that you probably don't wanna hear

No one knows how much pain I bear
All they see are the fake smiles I wear

Somedays all I want is someone near
Sitting next to me and I hope they would say
Don't worry! Everything is going to be okay
Today is not the end, tomorrow is another day

You know, when **** happens
I am not able to find what I had once

Both good and bad moments I had tons
Now it's just darkness

And that's why I write
To bring the light into my life so I can fight
my enemies who are hiding in the darkness of the night

And one day I might run out of ink
And when it does, I don't think
there will be much left of me
And the leftovers will be swept off to the sea
of bipolar depression, mania, and anxiety
Man! I don't want that for me

Truth is, I just wanna be me
Like this, on a writing spree
So, I can stay forever free
And rest under the shades of poetry

So here I am
At 3 in the morning
Awake as night, trying to fight
All the demons inside my head
So, I can move ahead
And leave my enemies mourning and trembling, in dread
And end this chapter once and for all- dropdead!

I know it's easy to say
But the reality is somewhat different
There's only one way
And when I look ahead, I only see the end
I simply pretend to be happy all the time
The only time you get to see the real me is when I rhyme

At nights, anxiety and I are a team
For me, sleeping is like a dream
You know what I mean- that **** never happens
Because racing thoughts never slacken
And when my days blacken
Uninvited thoughts come to my mind
They pull up the roller blinds
Letting darkness enter my mind
I close my eyes but they make me blind
And when they hit rewind
I go back to my past to find what I left behind
And what I always find is more thoughts intertwined

I always find it hard to fall asleep
I even tried counting sheep
But **** it! It never worked, I just keep
thinking about things that I don't wanna think
I told all of this to my shrink
Because of this ****
I'm not able to keep my life in order
Even he doesn't know why I developed this disorder

Somedays I can do many things
Somedays I cannot do anything
Somedays I feel like a king
Somedays I feel like I'm nothing
Somedays I cannot even do the simplest thing
Feels like I'm always on the brink
Slowly shrinking to nothing

Anxiety hoodwinked me into thinking
That I'm a distraught soul
And my life stands for nothing
but pain, stress and worrying thoughts


I know I worry a lot
Even about the fraught relationships I've got
I'm not able to hold all these thoughts

I'm slowly slipping off like a broken rope
I'm tired, I tied a million knots
but there are novemdecillion thoughts
So, a couple of pills I pop
Still no hope, I'm an undying mope

It doesn't matter how many battles I've fought
This time I lost, I'm not a dreadnought
Don't know how many more rhymes I need to jot
down to stop my mind from getting trapped in nomadic thoughts

I'm cutting my veins on both my arms
Death clouds on top of my head- my blood flows
There are blood spots on my bed top
Wait a minute!
What the heck am I writing?
Is this a death note?

Next morning, the dead wakes
With ******* headaches
My mind and heart are having a debate
I hate me when I can't think straight

My mind is a prison and I'm the inmate
I don't wanna repeat my mistakes
I doubled the pills I usually take


While making decisions, I contemplate
Every possible outcome I calculate
But I'm extremely anxious, I change lanes
Followed by the unknown, no nameplates
They tailgate, I'm in a dire strait

Au fait with this mess but I conflate
Everything I've got, I don't take things the way they are
But I have to go very far
Oh, wait! I think I'm carrying too much weight
Need to stop hauling freight
Before I break down, I need to hit the brakes

Somehow I reach my office but I'm late
It's like a disaster waits for me at the front gate
And as I step in, I'm gifted with more
I slowly open the door
Feels like this day I've lived before

I'm shambling towards a dangling bait
All I can do is keep on rambling. Wait!
Have no idea what's written on my fate
I don't know why my heart is beating at a faster rate
I'm not able to concentrate
Even the simplest thing I complicate
I hope there's someone who can relate
to all the tales I narrate

So, here I go again
I sent a text to my friend 15 minutes ago
Why didn't I receive a reply yet?

Maybe the network is slow or maybe the text didn't go
I should check my phone now; Oh no!
It has been marked as read 10 minutes ago

Did I say something wrong? I don't know
Maybe I did or maybe I didn't
I check my phone hoping new notifications it will show
But it didn't; I think something's wrong

Should I text a hello?
So I sent a few texts in a row
My mind's in overdrive as more thoughts start to flow

Maybe the phone's battery's low
And like this, I go, there is no stop
Oh god! What should I do?
Feels like everything is falling apart

This feeling is not new
Still, I'm worried to go through
I wish there was a how-to guide
to peacefully & happily live your life

I just wanna be carefree and happy
But I know, it's never happening
Maybe the day I die will be
The happiest day in my life


[Her]

My mind is on overdrive.
I can't let go of this anxiety clouding my mind.

Incessant worry all the time.
People telling me "it's okay, you'll be fine."
They don't understand how anxiety affects my mind, my body.
My whole life.
Most of the time I just want to crawl in a corner and hide.

Irritable and restless, my mind begins to race.
I can't concentrate.
My breath runs short and I feel like I can't breathe.

Peace and quiet is what I need.
But the world keeps spinning around me.

My face turns red.
Inside, I feel a sense of dread.
I tell myself to quit while I'm ahead.

Just let my worries go.
I wish it were that simple.

Every day is a battle
when you are fighting against yourself.

I have an inner struggle
buried deep inside but hide it well.

I bury it so deep,
no one can tell.

I am in a brawl with my demons all the time.
No matter how hard I try,
I can't escape the darkness of my own mind.

I feel trapped.
I feel alone.
I feel like no one can hear my screams.
Too often I get lost in vanishing hopes and unreachable dreams.

Happiness dangles in front of me like bait
dangling in front of a fish.
I wonder if I will ever experience true bliss.
Or if it will always be hit and miss.

Happiness likes to tease me.
I try my best to live freely and be happy.
Anxiety and depression take over every time.

My mind is never pleased.
I can never fully be at ease.

My brain is self-destructive.
Always beating itself up.
I just want to tell it to shut up.


I wish there were a switch I could flip
to turn off the anxiety in my mind.
If only shutting off my anxiety was as simple
as hitting a light switch.

We can't all get what we wish for.
I accept my anxiety as part of me.
I manage it, I live it every day.
There are days where I really struggle.
Others where I'm okay.

If you're okay, take a walk in my shoes
Let me tell you a secret, only a few people knew.
Now it feels like a lifetime ago.
It started because of my depression and anxiety.
When I was a teen I used to cut myself.

I never told my parents,
that I used to take a razor to my wrist.
It was a feeling I couldn't resist.

The razor called out my name.
Every bad thing that happened in my life,
I was to blame.
Cutting myself was a way to escape
To a temporary place where only I could go.

I could give myself the pain I deserved
for everything that I did wrong and those
that I hurt.


Cutting myself gave me temporary relief
from all the pain I harbored inside.
From time to time, I took the razor to my arm.
I was already ******* up I didn’t think it would anymore harm.
I hide it well, covered my arm in long-sleeve shirts. So, one could see a trace of my hidden pain.
I wanted to keep it tame.
Under wraps, so my life wouldn’t continue to collapse.

My whole life was a charade, one big lie.
I faked smiles and happiness.
Yet deep inside, I wondered how long I would have to go on like that.
I eventually stopped because I realized I was only adding to the chaos of my own personal hell.

And on a night where I was dark and depressed.
At my bitter end.
I downed a bottle of prescription pills.
Luckily there were only five left.

I felt the pills lurch deep within my body, begin to leave side effects.
I was on edge and wondered what would happen next.

Taking five times more than my recommended dose.
Almost left me comatose.
I learned my lesson.
I will never do that again.

Sometimes I tell myself anxiety is the price
I must pay for all the mistakes I have made.

I know that isn't true.
The thought fades.
But my anxiety remains, locked in place.

Anxiety is like having a demonic voice
In the back of my head.
It fills me with worry and self-doubt.
Tells me I am better off dead.

I get so frustrated.
I don't know if I want to cry or shout.
Sometimes I do both.

I vent to others and let it all out.
Yet I don't feel like they truly understand
unless they have experienced mental
Illness themselves.

Anxiety is an illness, but it is not like the cold or flu.
Medication can help it, but it will never truly go away.

I don't want to be dependent on pills.
My whole life I have tried to handle
depression and anxiety myself.

This might be the time to ask for help.
To realize I'm not alone
Mental illness is a solitary battle but there is hope.

— The End —