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Phoenix Nov 2021
My flesh is suffocating
Smothering my soul
I can feel my bones
Hollow and heavy
My arms;
Fingers;
Legs;
Toes;
Neck;
Skull

I am trapped
Stuck inside a suit
Designed of organic materials
Meat and flesh
Designed to rot away one day

My flesh moves
As if with a mind of its own
As I sit, trapped behind my ribcage
As if my own personal jail

I see
I hear
I speak
Yet i cannot

I am here
But gone
I long for home
As I lay in my bed

A feeling of emptiness
As if floating in space
Drifting through the world
I cannot understand

My soul
My spirit
Gasping for air
Grasping for a tether
Hoping to the gods above
Please don't let this be my demise

My flesh is suffocating
Smothering my soul
I can feel my bones
Hollow and heavy
Phoenix Jul 2021
Hollow
I am
Hollow

Inside it echos
Sounds bouncing
Back and forth

I feel nothing
My insides ripped out

Trapped in my body
Unable to escape
Unable to touch it
Not in control

Body is on auto pilot
I just watch from inside
I can't feel my body
I see it move
But its not under my guide

I'm so very tired
I'd like to rest
Sleep does no help
Death might be best

I won't hurt my body
As it has done no wrong
My soul aches inside it
Yearning to be gone

I'll sleep for awhile
And hope the pain goes away
For my eyelids are heavy
And I'd like to stay
Phoenix Jul 2021
Nothing
An empty shell
Everything carved out
Carved away

Trapped inside
As if inside a hollow tree
Don't touch the sides

Wanting escape
Wanting freedom
Tear away skin
Tear away flesh and bone

Rip out my throat
Rip out my heart
******,
Gory,
Mess

Chained
Bound
Cycle repeated

Restless,
Anxious,
Depressed
Nonstop aching

Being here
Belonging nowhere
Yearning for home
And not being alone

Trapped in this body
Of flesh and bone
Of sin and agony

Free me
Let me go
Let me out
Phoenix May 2020
Step back
One
Two
Three

Blink

One hundred ten
One hundred eleven
One hundred twelve

Wait
Backwards?

Too many steps backwards
Not enough forwards

Clouded judgment
Blurred lines
Reality
Thoughts

Which ways up
Which ways down
Mind bending
Heart bleeding

Lost
Confused
Scattered
Muddy

Quick sand surrounds me
Gripping me
Dragging down
Everything heavy

Drowning
In mud
In quick sand
In concrete

Immobilized
Dehumanized
Miserable
Alone

Suffering silently
Fighting internally
Struggling

Pushed it off
Pushed it away
Now its here
Its going to stay

Isolation
Quarantined
Life in a bubble
Heaven

Reality
Caged
Locked internal
Panicked

Flash back
Throw back
Sent back

Progress made?
Or lost?
Phoenix Oct 2019
The Sleeping Giant awakens
Peeling open his eyes for the first time in a couple megaannum
Mother Nature embraced him the
moment he laid to rest
But she calls out to him now
For Mother Nature was withering away

The Sleeping Giant lifts a hand
Shaking away the dust and dirt
Careful not to disturb the plant life
growing there
He slowly moves
As if his joints were cemented together

Carefully he stands
Moving Mother Nature's blanket
Setting it softley on the cold ground
For she calls to him, and he must answer

He stands, towering as tall as a mountain
Stronger than graphene
Mere mortals had written stories about the Sleeping Giant
But they were forgotten a few millennias ago

The Sleeping Giant did not forget
He had laid to rest in Mother Nature's
embrace
Hoping the mortals would remeber him
But time had passed, and they had
forgotten

Time is a mortal construct and therfore does not apply to the Gods
The Sleeping Giant only rested a short
while
But generations upon generations of
mortals lived and died during his
slumber
And Mother Nature's pleas for help
awoke the sleeping beast

He stood atop Everest
And wept at the sight before him
For the mortals had broken their promise

Mother Nature was dying which was why she cried out
For mortals created machines
And destroyed more than saved
And the Sleeping Giant was awoken to
protect his beloved Mother Nature
Phoenix Apr 2019
19
19 years old
Not quite old enough to drink
Not quite old enough to rent a car
But I'm old enough to choose my president
I'm old enough to decide the career I want for the rest of my life

I'm forced into a situation
Of choosing my path
Of finding who I am
Of knowing who I want to be

I can't even decide what I want to wear in the morning
I can't decide what I want to eat for breakfast, lunch, dinner
How do you expect me to know, what I want to do 50 years from now?

Technology continuously grows
Changing the times
Which leads to change in the economy, in the communication, in the culture

What happens if I chose a career
Then it has been phased out
I'm in debt
I'm empty
I'm lost

I'll be 30 years old
But 19 again

So many options
So many careers
So many
So many
So many

So many options and I'm drowning
How do I chose?
How do I decide at 19 years old?
How do I decide?

And how dare you?
How dare you force me to know?
How dare you force me to decide?
You call me a 'millennial'
You claim my generation is the cause of your economic downfall
You claim my generation is the cause of so much change

Have you considered,
We have watched what you do?
We have learned from your mistakes?
We have learned
And we refuse to go down the same path

I am 19 years old
I don't know who I will marry
I don't know where I'll be in 1, 5, or 10 years
I do not know

And I believe that's okay
I'm just venting because I'm frustrated with trying to decide my college major/minor
Phoenix Apr 2019
Stuck inside myself
The vicious claws dug in
The beast awoke
And I might choke
Which will cause me to cave in

He's been sedated
For so long
I forget he was even there
But now he's back
And he has attacked
And has ripped apart my brain

Worthless
Disappointment
Pathetic
Weak

Continuous­ly fighting
Clawing and scratching
Tearing apart who I am

I've worked so hard
And come this far
Just to be dragged back down again

Sedated for years
And I fought through my tears
Yet here he comes again

He's back with a vengeance
On a mission to wreck this
The progress I've made seems pointless

I wak up in the morning
And want to stay in bed
Finally succumbing to him

The time I stop fighting
Is the time I start dying
And the beast would finally win

But I've played this game
And its quite the same
As before this bought of destruction

If I keep fighting
He'll keep trying
But eventually I will win

Times will get better
As I work even harder
To get through this rough patch

I don't see an end
But I know it'll come
Because something will eventually give

Whether it's him or me
We shall soon see
May the strongest force win
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