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"grout" poems
Insomnia, Insomnia, I wish that you would die. Why is it that you ****** me? You laugh as you make me cry. Feelings that help conspire, My heart to skip a beat. The pressure of my blood rises higher, To cure my sadness I continue to eat. A monster grows inside of me, His name I do not know. All of this peculiar controversy, Conspiracies begin to grow. Not knowing who or what I am, I start to lose my head. While my head forms it's acidic jam, It soaks up into my bed. Deadly forces fight inside, My brain stops it's function. Unconventional disfunctions collide, Like a sentence without conjunction. Distancing myself from society, I'll sleep forever lonely. Friends are like your enemies, So late to realize they're phony. Love has been lost, Some time ago. I wish I had a companion. Misery, Inside of me. A woman's touch will make, This loneliness inside of me go. Questioning the nature of humanity, I feel I'm betraying the lord. Constant coexisting insanity, Starts when one becomes bored. Boarding up these windows, The storm rolls in above. As peers become your hated foes, Hate transformed from love. Waking up this very day, I notice a familiar sensation, Every dawn is like today, With no spontaneous creation. Night comes about, I fail to sleep, Instead I start to shout. Counting sheep, Is useless, As my heart fails to grout. Insomnia, Insomnia, Why won't you let me be? Too many things exhaust my mind. I'd like to go to sleep.
0
Sep 1, 2016
Sep 1, 2016 at 3:06 PM UTC
Insomnia
family friends since we were small tracing grout in linoleum floors I watched your dad pull those tapes out he drew his weapon you drew yores I can't be mad I say to this day generations cursed my first boyfriend shook his head "I thought I was your first?" there was a lump in my throat and I thought back to that game little frog ran over by the cars you taught me how to skip through lanes first friend that I ever had I still think that you knew better simply "child's innocence" crayon written apology letter floral pattern sheets I was a flower at full bloom until you flung me on that bed I wilted in that room you told me sometimes that it hurts but it'll be super quick that I cannot say anything people will think I'm sick It all goes black soon after that red stain, metal taste, a puncture Did the right thing after the fact though frozen like a sculpture you went on and on again and never really paid those girls carried it with them through 1st and 2nd grade and now I am a grown up with something in me hollow a little froggy in my throat that I still cant seem to swallow I told myself I'd get better through hell or through high water but then felt you pluck more petals when I heard you had a daughter
0
Apr 25, 2019
Apr 25, 2019 at 2:11 PM UTC
"let me show you another game"
If you've not done it then you are a liar too The luxury of the able-bodied to have a sneaky little poo Look left, look right, there's nobody about A peaceful time for what's needed now A better handwash and a cleaner surround, from the ceiling to extractor fan Even onto the white grout I'm not one to judge as I'd been there before From a night in Yates's where they want your key to sniff coke These private, uncompromising rooms have a life of their own, with stories I will not joke The people of most Wetherspoons have a disabled key they use on a daily basis Nothing wrong with them all, the odd one with a genuine NHS bracelet, I tell you now, you really do start to hate it But it is nice to be away from the majority of the public in a life I did not choose Occupied, red dial turned, out come a pair of girls mostly half drunk, always together as a two That is probably why it gets me down, a daily occurrence, it affects us all, These, Disabled bog blues JJB
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Aug 15, 2018
Aug 15, 2018 at 3:19 PM UTC
Disabled Bog Blues
Knife brandished and dusted on dirt rubber grout grown stuck between concrete slabs in parking lot, stabs the oak bark and climbing with hand hold knots and claw bent cramp of forearm strain What if the lake came to life revealed secrets from the last era, before manmade channels and bridges truss and bending On approach grip loosens uncovered, looks echo in time loud, unsure when muffled voices make it past headphones while walking through clouds of regrettable memory
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Apr 19, 2014
Apr 19, 2014 at 9:54 PM UTC
Collarbone, illumine
if i were to bread my tongue with rocoto and cornmeal and twist to reach the andean soil my tastebuds long for so many nights out of the year olfaction and your left-sinus blockage would stay cradled in broken-baguette bread-crust baskets, a trebuchet's missile, naïve to the horn of the world, and brittled to a carcinogenic crisp caped in my earthenblood geysers en el humo, en la tierra del fuego in(fierno) i recount by the tally marks of black felt resorted to in the puddling of spilt tea, (like broken china, you never missed a beat to correct potential error and my memory), i count them to remember the epiphanies standing over a red faucet a gallon water jug, whistling snail-trickle, wishing away the cracks in the grout or the grout itself, wishing away the cracks in the pottery or porcelain facade of which you're so fond and grace with singing cuticles the fingers of a pianist lacking the wherewithal and solid brick gall to answer the ivory's summons i am not a piece of clay, i respond poorly to your sculpture of my surface, covered in oxides and baked in hell's oven, your mountain fire scathes me as it does cedar resin and i am similarly embittered, pooling sap & draining smoke in the embers and dead charcoal of your embrace avant le corps, sans l'âme sans le corps, avant l'âme
0
Jan 28, 2014
Jan 28, 2014 at 9:30 PM UTC
ir(reconcilable) linguistic difference
Specious speculative salacious spectral season Transmogrify trapezium traverse torsion treason Erotica errantry erectile endogenic emblazon Ghastly gnashy grotesque gristly garrison Larcenous lecherous lascivious latent lesson Entelechy ethology exsistentialize extant epsilons Spurious spry squabble subtle specialization Transient transitive tour de force teleportation Encephala enunciate endeavor executant emulation Garish gaudy gambit glitch granulation Lurid livid liaison limpid laceration Extravaganza expletives expeditious equilibration emendation Sly stodgy surreptitious spatiotemporal solicitor Taciturn tactile transcendent tertiary torpor Euphoria eminent equivocal exserted emancipator Garrulous gustatory gung ** gestational gesticulator Lyricism lilt liberation lambaste levitator Escutcheon exergonic epaulet exodus extrapolator Starkness staunch spectacle stolid stultification Telepathy tantamount tractive tellurian transmutation Exonerate euthenics exegesis entourage eradication Groaty gnarly gruesome gristly gastrulation Licentious lewd lacunar laconic limitation Extemporaneous exigency embark embargo extradition Slinky slick sultry stoical snout Transubstantiate torturous temerarious tumultuous tout Eucharist extortion enmity epithet eke out Gross grit groin grove grout Lentic leister lotic lothario levity lout Execrating eventuation evocative evitable excerpt bout
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Jan 19, 2016
Jan 19, 2016 at 3:59 PM UTC
Transpicuous
There's something inexplicable about the way they make you feel nothing. Happiness is fleeting but you are your own mistake you keep repeating. one of these nights might turn out right if you keep your mouth shut like the door you're always finding yourself behind with your back against the wood, muscles tensing as you knew they would. Nose bleeding- when is the last time you ate? It took you an hour to get ready but no one can see all your hard work in the shade. "baby, you look great" is all you wanted to grace you ears but you've got too much on your plate and there are only couples here. They will pay you no mind and you will begin to feel you might have been left behind. you pretend you aren't hungry because it seems more grungy. cigarettes will stain your teeth and smoke will spin circles at your feet as you sway alone; always hanging in the wings you're looking for another drink another triple shot and you sink deeper into the half-assed hope that this will be a night you forgot. Just more meaningless crumbs of these evening hours accumulating into an unusable mass of dried out nights exaggerate another fight you had with your mind- what will you do when they call you out for being lower than the grout in the bathroom baby face like you just came out of the womb your knife is duller than your conversation topic you're a fake- From a mile away can you be spotted. Drained of inspiration plagued by perpetual consternation what will you sample next on your way to a falsified elation. Spending weeks away dragon chasing- How long will you be on mental vacation? They're growing impatient. C.e.M. 12.21.2014
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Mar 16, 2015
Mar 16, 2015 at 1:42 AM UTC
Still Looking
There's something inexplicable about the way they make you feel nothing. Happiness is fleeting but you are your own mistake you keep repeating. one of these nights might turn out right if you keep your mouth shut like the door you're always finding yourself behind with your back against the wood, muscles tensing as you knew they would. Nose bleeding- when is the last time you ate? It took you an hour to get ready but no one can see all your hard work in the shade. "baby, you look great" is all you wanted to grace you ears but you've got too much on your plate and there are only couples here. They will pay you no mind and you will begin to feel you might have been left behind. you pretend you aren't hungry because it seems more grungy. cigarettes will stain your teeth and smoke will spin circles at your feet as you sway alone; always hanging in the wings you're looking for another drink another triple shot and you sink deeper into the half-assed hope that this will be a night you forgot. Just more meaningless crumbs of these evening hours accumulating into an unusable mass of dried out nights exaggerate another fight you had with your mind- what will you do when they call you out for being lower than the grout in the bathroom baby face like you just came out of the womb your knife is duller than your conversation topic you're a fake- From a mile away can you be spotted. Drained of inspiration plagued by perpetual consternation what will you sample next on your way to a falsified elation. Spending weeks away dragon chasing- How long will you be on mental vacation? They're growing impatient. C.e.M. 12.21.2014
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62
Brick-dust tumbles with last reach for light, choked leaves gasping for air. Cigarette ends and spiders come and go like traffic on the road. Violet against terracotta, a Maasai on an African plain - burning thirst. Rain drips along upright canals of grout slurped by parched roots. Crinkled buds like babies’ hands, drenched, unfold.
0
Mar 12, 2013
Mar 12, 2013 at 6:08 PM UTC
Wall Flower
I'm a hung dumpster! Alcohol flask bucket Sacked into the trash can of grocery store monopoly the end of all produce and of production Collapse Coronary killer vegetables Rotting in the stomach Begotten sons of Aspergers eating asparagus the symptoms of collectivism and social surplus. colliding and, The end of evolve. The cities you see are the collecting cells pooling to cesspit trudging on tracheing breath. Collapsing lungs with no space left The cornucopia is over. It fell down with its mortar and grout lain to crust into soil. Traipsed through toil torture and insolence. The Crimea fell next comes bombs next comes Obamba. Capitulation with motor skills Feigning docility and anti-hostility mortar round bills. Mountains from Jerusalem cricket ant hills I am your friend though we owe the same blood I am no different yet I give nothing up I claim all the land just as you do You take and you take and I lose and lose Corruption and solitude Killing people only gets you less friends We are mirror yet very mad at it . My time will be up only but once. This is the one time I'm not scared of death But the glimmer in her eyes laughs me through it.
0
Mar 3, 2014
Mar 3, 2014 at 12:09 AM UTC
Connoted with Capillary
Into his heart she wished to peer To glimpse a shade of his crippling fear. These feelings she claimed as just a murmur to sense Of deep loss, unknown sadness, and loneliness. From where he came baggage weighed him down To where she found him toiling around. Listing and rolling on an open sea A broken man he was, so sure was she. A place to pile pity, sadness, and sorrow high To fill a hole in her own mind's eye. A project, a task, a falcon with clipped wing; Perfect - for a broken man can only be a summer fling. A date written in sand to bring the curtain down Leaves nothing to invest; nothing to lose in a waning town. Help she will not, 'tis not her place For when summer sets - off to another race. What does one do when magnificent marble cracks to its core? Take on the mantle of repair as their chivalrous chore? For when one finds a thing more broken than they Pious self-righteousness illuminates their way. Always the better a thing that is broken For it leaves that which lies beneath always unknown. Talents and treasures in a life yet to live Are the things that a broken man has yet to give. For broken is mended through time and reflection And then is when she might make a connection. Yet a connect is impossible when hubris abounds For painted already is a picture that confounds. Perception turns to reality as mud turns to stone; A broken man always is as she chooses to be shone. Just as a broken plate, glass, or jar are easily discarded A broken man is one who is also easily departed. As fracture turns to crack and crack turns to decay That which is broken knows only one of two ways. To stay broken forever discarded as dust Or to mend, heal, and repair the broken man must. As the swift needle of time sews shut his ripped heart The broken man realizes in this play he still has a part. Realization that his role does not intertwine with her Sets the broken man looking for what can only be a cure. With grout, cement, and epoxy he sets to piece himself together The broken man works diligently to fill in each fissure. And as his new form takes shape he can confidently say A broken man is not forever - only a detour off life's highway. Lost in that summer was opportunity for more. Voices and laughter fading with no encore. A sadness swells in the throat behind the tongue A song left to sing, but no song is sung. The broken man mended whole once again, He'll always look fondly where whence he has been.
0
Nov 16, 2018
Nov 16, 2018 at 1:36 PM UTC
The Broken Man
Into his heart she wished to peer To glimpse a shade of his crippling fear. These feelings she claimed as just a murmur to sense Of deep loss, unknown sadness, and loneliness. From where he came baggage weighed him down To where she found him toiling around. Listing and rolling on an open sea A broken man he was, so sure was she. A place to pile pity, sadness, and sorrow high To fill a hole in her own mind's eye. A project, a task, a falcon with clipped wing; Perfect - for a broken man can only be a summer fling. A date written in sand to bring the curtain down Leaves nothing to invest; nothing to lose in a waning town. Help she will not, 'tis not her place For when summer sets - off to another race. What does one do when magnificent marble cracks to its core? Take on the mantle of repair as their chivalrous chore? For when one finds a thing more broken than they Pious self-righteousness illuminates their way. Always the better a thing that is broken For it leaves that which lies beneath always unknown. Talents and treasures in a life yet to live Are the things that a broken man has yet to give. For broken is mended through time and reflection And then is when she might make a connection. Yet a connect is impossible when hubris abounds For painted already is a picture that confounds. Perception turns to reality as mud turns to stone; A broken man always is as she chooses to be shone. Just as a broken plate, glass, or jar are easily discarded A broken man is one who is also easily departed. As fracture turns to crack and crack turns to decay That which is broken knows only one of two ways. To stay broken forever discarded as dust Or to mend, heal, and repair the broken man must. As the swift needle of time sews shut his ripped heart The broken man realizes in this play he still has a part. Realization that his role does not intertwine with her Sets the broken man looking for what can only be a cure. With grout, cement, and epoxy he sets to piece himself together The broken man works diligently to fill in each fissure. And as his new form takes shape he can confidently say A broken man is not forever - only a detour off life's highway. Lost in that summer was opportunity for more. Voices and laughter fading with no encore. A sadness swells in the throat behind the tongue A song left to sing, but no song is sung. The broken man mended whole once again, He'll always look fondly where whence he has been.
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50
Nestled in a pencil case And snuggled up in fluff There snoozed a tiny pirate man Of legendary stuff He'd spied the hidden secrets And trod the haunted shore Blu-tack Beard the buccaneer Scourge of the open floor He stole a shoe-box galleon And sailed the carpet blue With pencil mast and paper sails And crayons as his crew They forayed on the crooked tiles And crested every ridge Blu-tack Beard the scallywag The raider of the fridge When moored up in the kitchen With all his crew around The captain showed to one and all A treasure map he'd found It bore a chart of distant parts And quite a course it plot It pointed to the bathroom lands And tip-ex marked the spot They crammed the hold with cornflakes To feed them on their trip They pulled hard on the piece of string And weighed the paperclip The crew they dragged their boat aloft On neatly woven hairs Blu-tack Beard the privateer Surmounter of the stairs They heaved their vessel restlessly Atop the final brow The crayon pirates caught their breath And leaned against her bow Then scaled tiny ladders And each took to their post Blu-tack Beard was at the helm And watched the foreign coast Through countless minutes voyaging There loomed the bathroom door They slacked the sail and went below And each took to an oar They pulled a mighty rhythm Till their waxy arms were numb And Blu-tack Beard the plunderer Was beater of the drum But though they pried in every nook And each last inch of grout They skirted round the skirting board They tapped each silver spout Illusive was their bounty And they grew ever the crueller They took their skipper angrily And made him walk the ruler He landed glum and ruefully Amid the ***** socks He heard the merry spiteful sound Of laughing, taunting mocks And saw the sight of mutiny With waxen little smiles Blu-tack Beard the cast-away Alone among the tiles He commandeered a washing cloth And weaved himself a rope He scaled the dreaded washstand And stole a bar of soap He carved himself a coracle And set his sights on home Blu-tack Beard the wanderer Awash amid the foam He slithered down the stairwell And landed with a plan For warmer climes and restfulness A cocktail and a tan And so he met his final port Right then did he retire Blu-tack Beard the pensioner Of the warm spot near the fire
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Feb 22, 2014
Feb 22, 2014 at 4:33 PM UTC
Blu-tack Beard the Pirate
Nestled in a pencil case And snuggled up in fluff There snoozed a tiny pirate man Of legendary stuff He'd spied the hidden secrets And trod the haunted shore Blu-tack Beard the buccaneer Scourge of the open floor He stole a shoe-box galleon And sailed the carpet blue With pencil mast and paper sails And crayons as his crew They forayed on the crooked tiles And crested every ridge Blu-tack Beard the scallywag The raider of the fridge When moored up in the kitchen With all his crew around The captain showed to one and all A treasure map he'd found It bore a chart of distant parts And quite a course it plot It pointed to the bathroom lands And tip-ex marked the spot They crammed the hold with cornflakes To feed them on their trip They pulled hard on the piece of string And weighed the paperclip The crew they dragged their boat aloft On neatly woven hairs Blu-tack Beard the privateer Surmounter of the stairs They heaved their vessel restlessly Atop the final brow The crayon pirates caught their breath And leaned against her bow Then scaled tiny ladders And each took to their post Blu-tack Beard was at the helm And watched the foreign coast Through countless minutes voyaging There loomed the bathroom door They slacked the sail and went below And each took to an oar They pulled a mighty rhythm Till their waxy arms were numb And Blu-tack Beard the plunderer Was beater of the drum But though they pried in every nook And each last inch of grout They skirted round the skirting board They tapped each silver spout Illusive was their bounty And they grew ever the crueller They took their skipper angrily And made him walk the ruler He landed glum and ruefully Amid the ***** socks He heard the merry spiteful sound Of laughing, taunting mocks And saw the sight of mutiny With waxen little smiles Blu-tack Beard the cast-away Alone among the tiles He commandeered a washing cloth And weaved himself a rope He scaled the dreaded washstand And stole a bar of soap He carved himself a coracle And set his sights on home Blu-tack Beard the wanderer Awash amid the foam He slithered down the stairwell And landed with a plan For warmer climes and restfulness A cocktail and a tan And so he met his final port Right then did he retire Blu-tack Beard the pensioner Of the warm spot near the fire
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80
I was once a castaway Of an unforgiving sea I made a castle in the sand To ease the pain in me I made the ramparts ten feet tall The walls were four feet thick I filled the moat with lots of sharks I built it brick by brick I walked the walls most every day No rescuer about But I did not want folks to come in I wished to keep them out! The sand was cast in hate you see The mortar my foe's blood I repaired the walls quite often 'coz My inner tears would flood Within the walls, a prisoner, My anger was my meat My only water my own tears They washed about my feet Finally the water rose, From weeping, o'r my head Their waves erroded at the walls And the SEA was fed! Whilst the walls were quickly shrinking A tide, like floods, came in! All the sharks went out to sea, My destiny was grim! I made a fine, tall castle, yes, Of sand & shells & grout To shelter me within? Oh no! To keep my loved ones OUT! And others unforgiven. And the ones I hated. And other prejudices, yes, That went on unabated... And so I found a Mighty Rock Upon which I stood. I finally found life's meaning, *YES! I finally understood!* Forgiveness? A DECISION. To put pride on the shelf. And freeing up your fellow man You  become FREE YOURSELF. Though for years, I drank my tears, My thirst was never slaked. And hatred's fused & melted sand Does not a DIAMOND MAKE. SoulSurvivor (C) 4/3/2017
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Apr 3, 2017
Apr 3, 2017 at 10:21 PM UTC
Castaway Castle
Your words Would burst up through The grikes and clints *A sweet green grout That took root Under the gray slab* And each word A grass moth Gathering sugar From the Milkwort For the cold days To come. You were always Kind to me In this river of life With its currents And hidden undertows *And the things That scared me into Threading.* I was no Otter I never learned The playful art Of splashing Through the sunny Moments While the clouds Gathered like sisters But you always Got me moving. Using words Like steps Filling my page With courage.
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May 19, 2016
May 19, 2016 at 10:24 PM UTC
Otters and words
i come home crying tears slither down my cheeks i am simply ugly for my nose is too big, horribly wide and contorted my eyes are too small, beads of obsidian on my pale face and my chapped lips are thin like crushed scribbled paper my forehead is too big, i could write all of this down on it if i wanted to why must i seek validation from those who will never respect me, even in my purest form but my purity is not good enough society gazes upon me with it's large luminous eyes i am sorry that my hair is not straight enough or i am flat and when i look in the mirror my reflection cries, its hands reaching out to me through the fractured glass yet why must i weep beauty is in everything, in the smoldering fire which dimly lights my cold room, sending marmalade sparks across the floor, in the grimey walls, grout growing in the cracks and spray paint slowly crackling off, in the failed paintings, where the splotches of cobalt and splashed of marigold are too thick, in the cheap foundation i slather across my face, in the maths equations my brain cannot contemplate, and even in me, there is beauty
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Oct 1, 2024
Oct 1, 2024 at 6:23 PM UTC
beauty
Metal contraption, I dutifully climb into you each day as the sun rises and drive your clunky frame through the hills of a crowded campus to face the questions and stares of the kindhearted and heartless. I prefer you in short increments and, on weekdays only please but I’m strapped into your metal ways at almost all times and jostle along with each bump and crack in the sidewalk. I hold tight to your rubber arms as we travel down the steep hills and plow you through old man winters blinding white ways for long stretches, in between short, fitful summers I’m not pretending that I never curse you, because I do, for sticking in gravel, grass and grout, breaking down every Monday, or your front wheel falling off again and yet you carry me faithfully to and from school and home where I jump to the floor and embrace freedom and movement until I climb again from bed and into mobility and its adventurous ways.
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Aug 10, 2010
Aug 10, 2010 at 4:40 PM UTC
The Companion
I tried to make pasta salad for dinner but my "healthy" pasta was spoiled. The only little critters known to man that are able to microscopically sneak in to prepackaged wheat have won again. So I settled. I figured I'd make up for my starchy negativity by using "veganaise", but, of course, it tumbled out of the fridge that day in my absence And shattered. ....So I settled. Cleaning the kitchen behind my half-satisfying yet I- ate-too-much-of it anyway meal shattered my glass across the tile, Persistent tiny shards just jutting from the grout like my bruised confidence after trying to clean my soul of the filth that holds me hostage. As of today I've gone without car insurance for a month I've been absent from school because my attendance is hard-wired to my lack of a functioning.....wallet. I got caught in the rain this evening wondering how long I've got before defeat catches me by more than a single strand hair, drowning me in a thunderstorm of uncontrollable emotion, pattering and piercing  my consciousness so hard that when I finally got indoors, I approached my filth with open arms of surrender-- soaked, sitting, And settled.
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Jul 15, 2014
Jul 15, 2014 at 9:52 PM UTC
The Most Uninteresting Story of Defeat
My father uprooted the linoleum tile after purchasing the house and noticing carpenter ants. The owners of the house before had laid down their best pine colored flooring in the kitchen back in 1959. I would toddle in and out of the doorway playing with the grout spacers, and reaching for sourdough in the pantry. All while stepping tiny pink sandals around the dead ants. I wanted to help my father, but was too afraid to go near the oven. The oven, whose exhaust fan would snarl like an animal of the night. Incandescent, where they found Sylvia Plath. Stained with oil like a forgotten Jackson ******* Foreboding of it’s adjacent countertop where eventually would lay divorce papers.
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Nov 6, 2018
Nov 6, 2018 at 11:26 AM UTC
The Oven
cherry sweet smoke drifting slow circles barely masks the scent of... burned coffee? or is it mold? it really brings out  the apathetic atmosphere of this windowless waiting room. dimly lit and dingy a single bare bulb clinging to life ...and failing - f l i c k e r s   w i t h   t h e   r a p i d   p u l s e   o f   a   h e a r t   g i v i n g   o u t. while peeling Mint Green paint adds a sense of despair ("*it smells definitely like **** in here*") the grout needs a good scrub to remove the flaking brown stains reminiscent of dried blood and chew spit This. is. where. My dreams languish                                        with  bloodshot eyes                                        with cramped backs                                        awkward and uncomfortable queued up to to die in some forgotten room located down that rather unpleasant looking hallway                                                                      filed away for a rainy day that will never come  ~                                                one dead dream is a tragedy                           a thousand dead dreams are just statistic
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Mar 30, 2012
Mar 30, 2012 at 10:33 PM UTC
My Mind Looks A Hell of a Lot Like a DMV
I've always been nervous not loud enough to say how I really feel about this or that. OCD about strange things like sugar packets and cups on the table and gradients of tea. I could stand up for other people but never for me. Always been quiet about the things that matter and the things tattooed on my heart like that bird on your arm. The things that speak to me in the middle of the night like knocks on a door, Knock, Knock. Wake up at three am because God is yelling at me, but I can't tell any of YOU that because of the bitterness locked in your chest and there's bitterness locked in mine. For all this anxiety that I feel up in front of this crowd, You all make me want to not say things out loud Because as much as any one of you say you accept all things you have never once accepted me. And I'm slapping pavement with bare hands in the middle of the night, red callouses from holding on too tight, begging for a way in when I'm only ever gonna be left out because you've water-hosed me from your bathroom tile like old chunks of grout. I've always been too nervous to say how I really feel, because my God scares people away. So here I am too afraid to look off this piece of paper because my voice has never been above a whisper, and I'm too afraid to see any of you up close and personal, a shake that no public speaking class could ever fix, because these tremors are more like heart quakes, and all your demons are hitting my st-stutter buttons, who ever said you weren't terrifying was a freaking liar you are.
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Aug 12, 2013
Aug 12, 2013 at 8:38 PM UTC
Quiet.
I've always been nervous not loud enough to say how I really feel about this or that. OCD about strange things like sugar packets and cups on the table and gradients of tea. I could stand up for other people but never for me. Always been quiet about the things that matter and the things tattooed on my heart like that bird on your arm. The things that speak to me in the middle of the night like knocks on a door, Knock, Knock. Wake up at three am because God is yelling at me, but I can't tell any of YOU that because of the bitterness locked in your chest and there's bitterness locked in mine. For all this anxiety that I feel up in front of this crowd, You all make me want to not say things out loud Because as much as any one of you say you accept all things you have never once accepted me. And I'm slapping pavement with bare hands in the middle of the night, red callouses from holding on too tight, begging for a way in when I'm only ever gonna be left out because you've water-hosed me from your bathroom tile like old chunks of grout. I've always been too nervous to say how I really feel, because my God scares people away. So here I am too afraid to look off this piece of paper because my voice has never been above a whisper, and I'm too afraid to see any of you up close and personal, a shake that no public speaking class could ever fix, because these tremors are more like heart quakes, and all your demons are hitting my st-stutter buttons, who ever said you weren't terrifying was a freaking liar you are.
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28
if she drops that cookie, i get dibs on the crumb, she's not that silly, certainly not that dumb, come come cahrumb, come come cahrumb, shh, no more droning, lets just wait n see, i can't take it, it's too much, like honey to bee, drop it for me, drop it for me, come come cahrumb, come come cahrumb, drop it for me, drop it for me, ha, its her last bite, to your precious crumb say goodnight, but wait, a little spec has taken flight, and with all my might!! - - gulp, gasp, horror, despair, he was just too big... if only i had hair!!! i would pull it out...!! Rover, you are most certainly a horrid grout.
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Nov 25, 2011
Nov 25, 2011 at 10:42 PM UTC
two ants and a crumb
Cold cement roads And sidewalks Hold the first, dry snow Like grout Between warm patches Of lawn, Speckled with Autumn's Last offerings. The neighbourhood Reminds me to re-floor My kitchen In green-speckled tiles.
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Nov 29, 2014
Nov 29, 2014 at 9:45 AM UTC
First Snow
i sat in the back and watched you crack yourself in two on a well-lit stage like an egg in a skillet           the sound was comforting and there beneath the bell of cascading light you writhed and fried and your secrets splattered on to the backsplash like words upon a page half-hearted lower-case fossilized in the tile grout i gathered up the crumbs with an anxious stomach and a wet tounge       oh           how i lapped it up let it soak in and stew in my belly until the steam swelled and was forced to be expelled      the feast i've with-held so long it's the heart song of the kitchen timer signaling my turn in the frying pan      my time to climb up into the spotlight           and squirm through my own confession         i made every sound from scratch                just for you
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Apr 30, 2013
Apr 30, 2013 at 12:21 AM UTC
a shout out to a fellow poet.
Cold bathroom tiles press against my face nausea, regret, shame, guilt I lie in a pool of thoughts, not blood because it's not liquid but invisible words that pour out of my veins and form puddles of paragraphs growing on the floor Around my wrists and up my arms I've transcribed my pain in ink but it smudges now against uneven grout The vocabulary of my anxiety I've tried so hard to conceal flows freely My biggest fear: that someone will find me drowning in subconscious only to decide that I'm not worth saving.
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Jan 23, 2014
Jan 23, 2014 at 8:36 PM UTC
Vocabulary of Anxiety
Philadelphia warlords slip sideways in a cantankerous bed of grout. The mind denies what the body acknowledges in its treacherous games of hope and wait. Quickened footsteps beat mercilessly on the pavement in a forward-backward pattern that helps no one and speaks to shadows, yet sacred bloodlust and cramping desire provide an outlet for the city lying at his feet. Only a fool speaks softly in a time of war. Rebellious minds harbor fugitives in the explosive hour of the darkening sun Allowing wandering eyes and covered whispers towards holy crosses, ***** on a distant lawn. Dark faces and shortened noses appear at twilight to provide refuge from the "war goin' on outside" taking our own and beating them senseless with shoe-polished silverware and books on secret societies. Yet aside from the divine and acknowledged kinship between us lie two drunken, disorderly dreamers with false hope of vows and six-digit salaries buried beneath violent shouting over fragile egos.
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Aug 17, 2013
Aug 17, 2013 at 11:40 PM UTC
It's a war goin' on outside...
Make one big push Away from the side of the pool I can feel the difference Between tile and grout Can you? Guards at the gate Tell a story of abuse and hate Cry a whole salty sea For my memory Sliced, sautéed sick I am no magic trick
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Sep 9, 2013
Sep 9, 2013 at 5:42 PM UTC
Tile and Grout