Emptied of empathy
old scars, picked and bleeding.
a half empty bottle of whiskey,
violence in my headscape, escaping unnoticed,
and i wait for the trueness of my own emotions.
they won't come, she said.
they weren't here in the first place,
and if they were i'd throw them out
and lock the door without a second glance.
i know what's missing but i'm stubborn.
i don't let myself have as i'm a have-not,
i haven't had a chance to get out as much,
not like i really did before anyway.
I sleep in your dreams
And awaken in my own.
My own nightmares
Shrill, silent and symbolic,
Now your passage of time.
i won't face my own facts
and flip a coin for :yes: or :no: questions
and hope i get the opposites of what i want
so i stop being a spineless ****
and ;actually do; some self-improving that doesn't just hurt
wondering if i'd done enough to keep myself happy,
this constant pursuance of happiness always just out of my grasp,
i'm still reaching and searching for something.
i want to be so much more than i am,
and i'm not sure being anymore will bring me the peace i want
so desperately, nor will it fulfill, i'm sure.
pieced panel ceiling-aloof, unaligned/
broken bottle drunk neck.
loose leaning retribution-painful and stern/
paradise as senial.
enigmatic electric violense-warmer, lonelier/
painted process of elimination.
aromatic angular pilot-slim and simple/
stupid half-witted brain.
faraway friendship-slightly stable/
hopes for the future.
obediently originating psalms-studied and preferred/
readied and reticulated-never worried/
worn'd through and through.
satiable sanctity-calm, cool/
angular and semiconductive-angles, man/
nuisance noose brain-heavier still/
trivial temptation-fighting demons again/
old moldy records.
youth in riot-pure and satanic/
enslaved and emboldened.
i'd given up enough of myself to see this may just have to be the last time.
i can sleep wholly, warm and perseverant,
cold to the touch and collected, calculated,
;ambivalent; broken to bits for second-hand consumption
;solvent; pieced to placeless points and to absorb
;coerced; begging for some unanswered sole surprise
;preserved; in warding.
I Am Whole.