The shadow person is back.
With the shadow hat and cloak and blanket that makes you oh so comfortable.
Forever inviting, to a place you swore you wouldn't return.
I'm still here existing.
Blowing the dust off the happy mask to wear.
So the shadow person can have me.
Who know's when the sun will rise in my eyes again,
Maybe a week, or two.
I think the shadow person knows, but he keeps secrets for quite some time.

If the bud of the rose soon
Dries and dies apart on the ground
Is it better to clip it at the source?
Or is it better to bloom unbound?

the best day of my summer
was of course, spent with you.
yet all we did that day,
was nothing new.

we went to lunch
at the end of the pier,
surrounded by ocean
Catalina was clear.

you took something from me that day
without your knowledge.
i did the same to you-
we needn't acknowledge.

since that day on the sea,
i've not been the same.
i gave you my heart,
and you gave me your key.

I walked along a sturdy path I knew would serve me well.
But the little girl thought differently, only time would tell.
She took some leaps and fell down hard, wishing for some help.
Yet her secret desire, was to acquire what she had lost in the hand she  was dealt.
The young girl believed she had to persist.
And in the end, she was happy again (a twist).
But happy to her was far below what she desired.
Because the little girl wandered off the path that would guide her.

You taught me what love is
At such a young age
Now that it's over
I have you to blame

The thing about twilight
(That's oh so blue)
Is the moment no time lapses,
And I'm together, with you.

Too many times I wonder
If the life I live is true..
Full of hope and disappointment
An avalanche, without rule.
When I'm conflicted in my mind,
I only ask myself one thing:
If the life I lead is happy,
Why question what will be?

To you, my true, my sweet--
Your love once kept me safe
In the misery I keep.

Your touch, like fireflies,
On a warm Winter's night,
Now hangs in the hollows
Of the dreams I hold inside.

The sun may beam and glow
Day by Day
But without you by my side,
I only see the looming clouds;
Gray. Gray. Gray.

I can never tell you what you mean to me. For you to see the truth in my words, in my position, will be a stretch. I know you view the world with jaded rosy glasses. But you like them. They still fit. They're comfortable. I get it. Perhaps that is the chasm that I couldn't see from the beginning. Because I forgot my glasses. I saw everything. And now everything is upside down, spinning. Has it always been this way? I panicked. I'm paranoid. I've been hurt, deeply, too many times. I was a doormat for so long I became one, to my core. And that's when I knew. Break it off now, there's no way it'll be reciprocated-it never is. I thought you would be the one to prove me wrong, but I fooled myself. Because you fooled me. The ******* hormones in my brain were having such a good time getting to know each other that they forgot where the hell they put the keys and where they were going and what year it is. How? Why? When?

My soul sings for you. It cries for you. But you will never know this. I tried to walk confidently on the frozen lake, but you were quick to remind me that our weight together will make us fall in. Apart, a small distance, we can be together. But only sometimes for a short while.

Do you know I love you? I am, truly, in love with you. But hey, I don't know how 'serious' you'll take me. I'm just a silly blonde girl. Like the blonde you dated for a month before me that felt the same way. We're all the same to you. Our love? It's something dreams are made of. Ethereal is the only word in this world that comes close.

All I know, is that I'm done. I'm done in the way that scares me inside. Because I'm not alone now. My shadow friend is back. I haven't seen him in two ******* years. Can't say I've missed him, but he's back here now. The ball isn't even in your court. I think we both lost the ball, or maybe, just maybe, the ball left us.

It's a full moon tonight,
My favorite night each month.
Because all the faces hiding in the dark,
Are illuminated at once.

Is the greater evil in that of knowing?
Or is the lesser evil in the known?
To know the difference would be a delight,
but alas for now, I say goodnight.

I was elated today
High on my own demise
Only to realize,
I'm not entirely surprised.
It's you who's brought me back here
To a place I visited once before
It's nothing you could image—
Darker than before.
It's all making sense
And come full circle once more
You saved me from myself
Before this all began
You haven't a clue what you've done
But that's the beauty
We were never planned.

I miss waking up to you in the morning sun

That beams and shines through the pane--touching your eyes.

You await for me to awake
With your soft, subtle, grace.

A lonely man still wakes in the morn,
I miss waking up to you
My kindred soul.

That's it; the stare.

Knowing I was done for,
     right here, right there.

Your eyes mesmerized my paralyzed life.

And gave me the courage to not blink once,
     but twice.

Even in my depths of despair
I was never unlucky
Loving you

there is still love after your death
that trickles from my tears
and the sound my string quartet makes
from the symphony where my heart once lay.

there is still life after your loss
though the flowers aren't quite as vivid
and the way the sun beams peak from the clouds
no longer chokes up a sense of joy, but sorrow.

there is still chaos from the clarity, that was you--
no matter the love
no matter the life
and no matter the heartbeat, it's not you.

no joy will suffice like the melted time
and melted lives we once knew.

and--
if there is still love after your death,
why must the sun run from the moon?

I'm exceedingly afraid of the day-
I gaze into someone's eyes,
and see a new future entice,
where my reflection once dwelled.

Nothingness hugs me
Nothingness puts me to sleep
Nothingness understands me
Nothingness lets me weep
Nothingness is my enemy
Nothingness is my everything
Nothingness isn't you
Nothingness is always me.

You made me love you
Don't you see?

I crave your soft caress--
Outlining the valleys and hills
       on my supple skin.

I crave your hands and fingertips--
Intertwined in mine.

I crave your kisses--
You give upon my forehead,
when I'm half asleep in a dream of you.

I crave your breath--
As you breathe in mine.

The trouble with reality is:
To live we must be plugged in
To breathe we need perfume
To function we o.d. on coffee
To love we use "ILY"
The trouble with reality is
That we can't change it at all
For the reality we are living in
Is a house with cyber walls.

I lie half awake, still dreaming of you.
Your aura calms me,
enables me to see.
finally...
All of which I've wanted,
is now in front of me.

The sweet gust of flame
comes and tickles my nose,
the scent of the same candle
we will both always know...

I wonder what you're up to,
when I look at the moon,
like the slightly cloudy nights
when I was standing beside you...

Like the flame that flickers
as the candle is soon to go out,
my love for you fluctuates
from distant memories, to now...

What clouds my thoughts most,
is not the web we wove,
but how we should move forward,
in this garden of thorns.

To pretend we're both happy
would be deceiving to both;
Should the rose be cut for pleasure?
Or should the rose be left to grow?

Once you start to miss me,
I'll be long long gone.
You had your chance to prove it—
With time, you thought wrong.
I wanted many a time to tell you,
But in good conscience
I knew it was just I.
I'm not one to be foolish,
But I simply cannot say goodbye.

What is the point of the morning,
Without the morning dew?
What is the reason for rain,
Other than to wash and anew?
Can there be a life
Beyond the one you feel?
Is there another place in your mind
That can be just as real?

Part I:
I, on the shore, so longing to dive in
Felt your race car fast waves
As they licked at my skin.
I must admit, I was afraid
Of what the murkiness hid
But what intrigued me more
Was how should I run in

Part II
Immersed in the water
Both frigid and wild
I felt a calm sense of self
A peace, an everlasting smile
Basking in your glow
We fed off each other's auras
What is the tide without the Moon?
The ocean without it's shores?

Part III
Shivering, teeth clenched
I was unprepared for this swim
I only wanted my feet wet
Now I'm left alone to fend
It's not the ocean I despise
For leaving me questioning and cold
It's the reminder of the choice I made
To race into the unknown.

I catch myself, at times, stuck inside my thoughts and dreams...

For my dreams are where we're together forever—

Where I can create anything for the time being.

I dream of smiles everlasting,
And creating bundles of joy.

I dream of our lives together,
Intertwined for all time sake.

I dream of no one else's arms
Otherwise my heart would break.

I dream of growing old with you
Forever gazing in your eyes...

I dream of staring into eternity
Without ever saying goodbye.

I dream of nobody else anymore
For you have seemed to make—

My dreams are all I desire to have
So please, never let me wake.

Drifting through this realm
That we dwell
Never did I believe
Or imagine
Our souls would cross
And align, so well
Once a lone ghost
In this cold reality
We call home
I can only hope for your return
But for now, we remain
alone...

This moment I'll keep with me forever,    
       and there's nothing you can do.

Glancing over at the shore-
I see home,
I see my past,
but I don't see you.

Looking out on the horizon, the colors drip from the sky--
       melting into one another, kissing the day goodbye.

To you I turn, frolicking in the waves.
You needn't say a word, I soak up your embrace.
You laugh at me and smile, nothing can wipe the grin from your face.

I'm enraptured by your aura,
You had me before you knew.
My soul is drawn to your spirit-
The one light I see that's true.

For this moment is all I've wanted, and there's nothing you can do--
     But enjoy this moment with me, and carry it on with you.

Let my love cloak you,
and keep you safe from your sins.

Love is a transcending force–beyond this world's bounds it creeps through the crevices of your soul, staining your heart forever.

Love can give you more than you could fathom: joy, happiness, fulfillment. Yet what is so beautifully extraordinary about love, is that it is also capable of the worst kind of soul ripping sorrow unlike any other.

To love, is to make a promise to another, and yourself, to always acknowledge within you to respect the capability of it's power.

It is not something that can be discarded, or forgotten, which is why losing love is a reminder of a reality you never thought possible, or imagined...it is greater, a fleeting reality as sublime as dreams.

You rattle me to my core.
i tremble;
i fear;
what I desire-
is what you desire.

When did you get to decide
when
my
heart
*beats