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Dec 2018 · 538
Sixteen
Jessica-Amaya Dec 2018
I know I'm not old.
But I am older.

Older then I use to be.
but some days I still look in the mirror
and wonder if I'm still sixteen.
I still feel sixteen!

Last month I turned nineteen.
Just yesterday I was six years away from being nineteen.

and now I'm in college
and expected to know how to do everything.

Next year I'll be twenty
I don't think I'm ready

Life's going by too fast
Someone hit the breaks
before
I


crash.
Nov 2016 · 566
Changed
Jessica-Amaya Nov 2016
I’m not the same person I was when I was 14.
Being hurt so many times has changed me.
In good ways and bad.
I get hurt but I don’t cry much.
People who hurt me aren’t worth my tears.
I’ve realized that I care more about people then they do about me most of the time.
I’ve distanced myself from these people.
I deserve better.
I’ve become self motivated.
Being self motivated all the time gets lonely
Sometimes I feel numb.
Numb because I’ve been hurt so many times that I don’t feel much.
I just shrug my shoulders and try to move on with my life.
When I was younger I would have cried for hours.
Thought about how it was all my fault that this happens to me.
I’m not that girl anymore.
Now I know that I’m not going to change for anyone.
I’ve gotten this way of thinking that I’m actually worth something.
And I still don’t know if it’s true.
But I’ll keep moving forward.
Keep doing what I’m doing for me
I think about if my 14 year old self would be proud of me
proud that I don't let people hurt me anymore
Or if she would be scared because I’ve gone numb.
Jan 2015 · 558
My Past
Jessica-Amaya Jan 2015
I was just a 12 years old
When all my friends suddenly just turned cold
Thrown to the side
I cried and cried
Over the people I missed
Even though I was the one they dissed

They told me no one would ever love me
And I would grow up to be a big dummy
And it was true I wasn't good at school
But I got through and now I'm passing all my classes

Though it may seem that I've moved on
I'm still having nightmares about those days when I wished I was gone
Even though I know they can't get me no more I still wake up crying remembering how it felt to be ignored
Remembering those days when they made me so afraid
I felt so betrayed
Because these were my friends
Or maybe it was just pretend

So here I am I'm still broken
But at least now I've spoken
Sep 2014 · 1.4k
You kept everything
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
You know all my secrets
You know those things I could never tell

You know who I love
You know who sat next to in English yesterday

You know all my problems
You know who my bestfriends are
You know who I hate
You know what I think of everyone
You know everything
And yet you don't tell a soul

You don't gossip and share my secrets with the world

I love you for this
I wish we shall never part
Because if we do that would break my heart

I love you dairy
Kinda weird but I love my dairy and I do write just about everything in it from my poems to just weird stuff that goes on
Sep 2014 · 758
I'm lost
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
I don't know what to do
I'm lost without you

I want you to take me away
Take my breath away
Look into my eyes and tell me I'm yours

I still think about you
Still think our love was true

I'm just another star in the sky
Cept this one doesn't shine
Sep 2014 · 3.9k
All that needs to be said
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
Yes I have curls on my head
Clothes on my bed
but do these things really need to be said?

I have art on my walls
I admit I'm not very tall
And no that is not all

I've got spanish in my veins
I've got looks that amaze

I've got lazy in my brain
A daddy that walks with a cane

Yes I have curls on my head
Clothes on my bed
And that is all that needs to be said
Sep 2014 · 2.7k
The hallway
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
I push and shove as I try to get through
Having to deal with people stepping on my shoes
No one wants to be late
Pushing and shoving trying to get to thier class that awaits
Sep 2014 · 362
It's time
Jessica-Amaya Sep 2014
I'm hurt
I'm upset
I'm done

I can't do this anymore

I can't keep going everyday thinking about you
While the only thing on your mind is her

I wish I was her
I wish I meant what she means to you

But I don't
And that's okay
It's time to move on
To keep walking

One day you'll realize what you missed out on

And you'll come back

But I won't be there

Ever again
Because I'm done with your games
Your lies
Your hugs
Everything

Goodbye
It hurts a lot but I've spent to long on you and it's time to get on with my life
Aug 2014 · 4.5k
Bestfriend 2
Jessica-Amaya Aug 2014
I miss the way things were

The way we use to hug

And tickle eachother

The way you use to come up behind me and spin me around

I feared out friendship would become a chore and so it has

You no longer enjoy talking to me

You no longer hug me or tickle me

Or try to make me feel better

I miss the way we use to be but I have to and am going to move on

I don't belong to you and nor you to me

So long old friend
it's time for our story to come to an end...
Aug 2014 · 2.4k
Pride
Jessica-Amaya Aug 2014
My life isn't the most fascinating but I live it

I don't dress the cutest but I wear what I wear with confidence

I'm not rich but I'm grateful for what I have

I fight with my family sometimes but I know I'm just lucky to have a family

My life isn't the best nor the worst but its okay and I love it....well most of the time
Aug 2014 · 1.5k
Untitled
Jessica-Amaya Aug 2014
I'm the girl who wants to be someone else

Who wants fame just to be loved

Who falls in love with the wrong people

And ingores the right people

The girl who tells herself this year will be different
And it never is

The girl who acts tough but is the most sensitive girl you'll ever meet

Who is embarrassed of her hobbies because she fears she won't fit in

The girl who is called unique but doesn't believe them
Aug 2014 · 683
I love reading
Jessica-Amaya Aug 2014
Reading takes me places

It can take me to another planet even.

I fall in love with fictional characters

And others I think of as my best friend  

But when the book closes I know it's time to snap back to reality.

Because when I read I'm not even in my life I'm in a totally different world with totally different people
Aug 2014 · 5.8k
I hate you but I love you
Jessica-Amaya Aug 2014
I'm mad at you
But I miss you

I don't wanna talk to you
But I need you

I wanna push you away
But I want you to hold me

I wish I could forget you
But at the same time I want you in my  life forever

I love you
But I don't want to
Jun 2014 · 9.9k
Bestfriend
Jessica-Amaya Jun 2014
Your my best friend

I tell you everything
And I know you will always be there for me.

But sometimes I wonder
if just maybe deep down under
you think, like me, we were meant to be

Our friendship just seems like such a bore
And I fear one day you'll see it as a chore
and that is why I would rather be so much more.

I would rather hold your hand
And have you be my man

And I be your girl
and I'd let you play with my curls
that you tell me you love

Your my best friend  
and we might not ever be anything more
but I will still be here in the end...
Jun 2014 · 18.6k
Not good enough
Jessica-Amaya Jun 2014
Sometimes I over think
Every single little thing

I wonder if anyone could ever love someone as different as me.

I get sad
I get mad
I get depressed
I get stressed

I fall apart

It tears me apart thinking I'll never be good enough for anyone.

— The End —