I'm drunk
I'm very drunk
Not on beer or *****
Or wine or margaritas
But I'm drunk
But on what Nero?
What'd you get sloshed on?
I'll tell you
I'm drunk of a mixture of bitterness and lost hope
2/5ths of romanticism and no one to share that with
A shot of insecurity, and a tall glass of stress

I need to get sober
I'm tired of living through a constant hangover
So tomorrow I stop drinking my emotions
I'm throwing that bottle into the ocean

Now this topic has ground on my brain lately
but I feel I should discuss it at least once, and hopefully not lengthy.
See, I agree with feminism and I do my best to treat everyone equally,
black, white, whatever it's all the same to me.
So Tumblr feminists, I'm calling you out because being extreme behind a keyboard seems to be your specialty.
You spend days with square eyes
Filling Tumblr and discovering lies
Women this women that
Telling all of your little facts
Now Let's get back on track,
First of all demonizing straight guys won't solve **** and most likely will get you nothing but flak but I guess you can think that all guys are complete ***** I'll give you a pass to that,

Second of all who made up that free bleed thing?
I mean I know that time is unpleasant but allowing yourself to bleed in say a public pool I'm almost positive isn't hygienic

Now before you think I'm some chauvinistic pig,
I do think that the pay gap shouldn't exist, and I do think oversexualization of our daughters isn't anything positive

However I will say that I'm for equality, not matriarchal or patriarchal or giving someone with different parts between their legs special treatment

So stop overreacting on this
Just because you are different then boys on the way you ****
Love your soul and not your gender
Stop making every guy a *** offender

See, I really didn't wanna do this.
idve left this alone and let it die
if you didn't keep perusing and prodding this petty *******
Look, I made an honest mistake
and apologized thinking that would be more than enough
now you've angered me and I won't let your affront go unanswered you blithering cxnt.

see you're my family and it breaks my heart to have to tear you apart with my personal form of artistic expression did I mention that there is such a thing as being too sarcastic you spastic ***** with a head clearly made of boron and all the appeal of a goron

Lust
Im drunk off of your body
and my hormones
I keep imagining us laying in bed
together, us growing more aroused
our bodies heated, the passion increasing
with every ******, and wanton moan
Us kissing each other like lovers
and ******* each other like insane rabbits, every minute more
passionate than the last
Me letting you ride me like a motorcycle, caressing and grabbing your tight a$$

If I could be a character
In film written word or in video game
I'd have to choose the character
From which I got part of my name
Alucard, yes the Damphir son of Count Vlad Tepes
I would if I could become this powerful walking pile of vampiric unholy flesh

Now you may be wondering why?  Why would I walk down his path?
Well dear reader, I'm very glad that you asked
You see, when I think of Alucard, Castlevania I confess comes to mind.
Symphony of the night more specifically, but I'll save that game for another time.
In the game he battles against insurmountable odds, just to answer the question
Is it truly right to follow the fate to which you were destined, even at the cost of many lives?

DelBear 3030, this ink abuse is for you
A silent guardian of my sanity that's got my baseball team on you too
You don't judge, you simply abide when I'm talking to myself in my room lost in Depression or feeling especially despised

Del, the Funky Sox Bear you're a friend who's seen me laugh, cry, write, create And destroy
You've seen me through almost all phases, you're more than a toy
A silent fuzzy diary, I couldn't ask for a better friend,
Del The Funky Sox Bear And Nero, White Sox until the end

Where'd you come from?
where are you going?
tell me lover,
are you lonely
the seas are cruel
as time go by
the waves roll and crash
on an infinite time
maybe a parallel place
where we go to meditate
is where you've come from
the east or west
show no restraint
from blowing us away in a Boeing
to being so gentle and dear
Like mothers milk
the queen of the sea arises and provides
her life giving love and so it flows
the queen of the sea goes where she goes
I'd still like to know
Where'd she come from?

I could take all the sickness from my heart and write it to my evil twin in a message and she wouldn't judge me no matter how late I send it
I can be the most depressed or depressing or cry my eyes into a stupor And I'll still get a response saying "I believe in you you're super."
Lord knows I've been a diary or a journal to some of my friends
now I have one of my own I can talk to like I was writing with my pen
So Misty, thank you honestly for putting up with my crazy self
I probably wouldn't have woken up today if it wasn't for your help
you've been more to me than a book on a shelf
You've been a friend, mentor, and a mechanic to my damaged self,
Been more consistent and reliable than the police when I needed help

:)

Gray and Gloomy
like this rainy day
is most likely how
my heart will stay

I keep wanting something
but I'm not sure what
to fill this void
occupied by tears of blood

I feel as an outcast
among my own people
most nights find me crying
underneath a steeple

So Gray and Gloomy
is how I'll stay
If somebody brought sunlight to me
Like a fool I'd push it away

I know I'm nothing, to you and to me
In fact if you did an X-ray you'd probably find a tombstone in my cold and dead chest cavity
I have tried resting but I can't do that reliably
Because my brain, while my most valuable ***** is sometimes, if not almost all the time 
My biggest liability
My inability to remember is very hard to forget
Forged in foggiest messes is maybe where my head is currently set
I'd go to my own world but I'd be driven mad by being alone
I don't know what to do and what to look for in my own zone...

Why is it that reheated fries are so disappointing
Why is it that everybody I like lives so far from my home, *****?

Why do the good die young, why are the evil immortalized
Why does the sun go down, because I can't sleep at night

Why is it that if a bunch of people like something, it's automatically overrated
Why is it that common sense is so rare, but stupidity is hotly debated

Tales from the subway

When you think about it the subway is the best way to observe human life
You see people from all walks and skin tones getting to their destination
If you're like me occasionally you'll encounter the homeless and the visibly forsaken to that mentally ill lady in the last car, we love you dear just keep it down please
And the ***** hippies feeding bread to their dogs, you teach me to value clean
To the Chinese woman reading English aloud haltingly, you show us the reality of immigration
There's the young man with the daycare T-shirt, dispelling stereotypes, one stand at a time
Everyone is here, and everyone has a place
Here on the subway
Just make sure to grab a seat, because you're going on a mental journey
So many ideas, so many places to see, so many new things to learn and experience,
much thanks to that girl who brought out a new confidence in me,
It's plain to see I love the subway

A new girl moved next door,
I helped her carry some of her boxes in
She was very nice
Little did I know what was in store
 
A few months had gone by
She was starting to settle in
One weekend, I was drawing, when I heard a spraying noise
I looked down and saw the girl
Washing her car, her attire, or lack thereof, making a lot of noise.

She looked up at me, saw me watching
She bit her lip and moved her bikinis string flossing
Teasing, and tantalizing, I slowly walked away into my room
It was kinda early but I contemplated pleasuring myself, at least before I go out this afternoon.

Right as I got up to get lotion
There was a loud knock at the entrance to my home
I answered the door and said who is it
And it was her, completely disrobed.

Wait Nero, how does the story end?

As I'm sure you're aware
Ive always felt that the bee gees harmonies
And melodies
Are near without compare
But as i hear the song
You know which one
I crack inside a bit more
Because i think of her
And how she can't be near
Here with me
So we can be two lost souls
Intertwined for eternity
I can't understand why fate loves to ***** with me
The distance between us already boggles the mind, one would think that'd be enough
But she's going away, for at least a month...
Its hard enough with consistent communication
But this just adds a bit more fire to this situation I'm placed in

How deep is your love you ask? For you deeper than an ocean

a subtle tease
soft red lips
a confident strut
the swaying of hips
an hourglass shape
control she takes
of a crowd but she only chooses one
has every man excited
like the firing of a gun
a husky voice
whispering, tantalizing the ear
the mind wanders in lust
anticipating more to come
the heat in the moment beginning to sear

They say love makes us do some crazy things
I just wish our lives intertwined
That'd be amazing
I'm like a dog with no bone or a cat without nip
A joke with no punch line or a wet floor that can't slip

I can't help it I'm crazy about you
You saved my life so you know I'd never doubt you
But I physically pain when you're away
I ache And hurt, and masquerade like I'm okay
And let's not even talk about hormonal situations
I said you're my superwoman, but even I need saving
I get it, you have responsibilities and stuff to maintain
But me without you is simply insane
I can't stand to think of someone else holding your hand it eats me up inside and today I woke up with tears in my eyes...
disguised as laughter and jokes

I'm like a nicotine head trying to cover up that he smokes
Or Tommy Chong taking Vicadin when we all know he tokes
Or a crack addict with no pipe
a straw with no berry
You're the Apple of my eyes but they close day by day... And it's scary

My dream....

My dream is an elusive  mistress as I seem to consistently miss it
It's a constantly running wonderland rabbit
To be frank, I need to stop splitting hares about it
Anyway, I wanna become a skater, or sedated I'm not sure which.
Nah I'm just kidding I have a desire to command concrete
Either with inline blades or a four wheeled board,
Whichever I can pick up first
And whichever I can allow to inspire and enhance my verse

A skating poet huh? I like it

You've felt it haven't you?
That stabbing feeling
Right to the chest that seems like it has
Absolutely no chance of healing
I know, getting told No is a part of life
But hear it too often and it'll dig into your confidence
Like butter bowing down before
A hot steel knife

I'm already rather socially awkward already, so getting shot down makes a bit of painful sense
But I'd trade more than a few dollars to get out of my shell, i mean what the hell it's like trying to appease Mike Pence,
But then if someone does take interest, in me I'm like a falling stock in a market you can't trust easily, because I'm like a puppy that's been kicked repeatedly trying to find a sense of self, and learn how to once again love someone else


Is it ever going to happen for this pathetic whelp?

Thank you very much
for teaching me feelings are a crutch
for educating me to how my dreams will get crushed

Thank you for enlightening me
to get rid of my heart you see!
It's simply nothing more than a tool
others use to hurt you you fool!

Thank You for forging my armor
to make me stronger for much longer
opening up it seems will just get me hurt
so thank you for forging it, you did admirable work

Thank you for killing my once happy self
the world was trying but it just needed help
now I have all the happiness of a caged elf
or a nobleman lacking in wealth

The wind rattles the branches
Leaves crunching underneath my feet
Like polite small wind chimes
Filling up the streets

The temperature dropped suddenly
From swimming and tanning to cuddling in a matter of weeks
Yet as these observations rub through my head
The whispers in the wind carry ideas, dreams and plans, each one unique.

Stop Waiting on others
to verify what you bring
the table is more than
of letting love ring
verify with yourself your amazing
Stop. Waiting.

I had to learn the hard way
love yourself before others
than though it won't always be easy
it's worth it too keep the pain smothered

I'm not saying you won't get hurt
in fact, it's a part of life that you will
however take this verse
and apply it where you will

love yourself
then love someone else
Because that's how you're going to stay yourself

"Come on page, where do the words fit?"
In the puzzle that is my brain, i ask as at
The table i sit
My hairs have split, like cheap ****** Remy
But then again maybe my idea bulb isn't lit.

"Come along pen, why can't you write?"
We've been up with this piece since last night
I ask myself again, this is really starting to frighten me, i know i might be pressuring myself too much,
But that's where the best moments come from, in the clutch.

"Come on heart, where's your spark? You usually flutter in the act of creating art!"
But alas no wings flapping, and no adrenaline rushing like a spotted chameleon
Just stone faced cynicism like a gremlin

Is it weird that my hero
Is found in actual comics?
Gambit, the raging cajun is my hero
Much like a mathematicians is Zero

He's operated on both sides of the law
And he had caused horrible catastrophes
And owned up to his flaws
That and come on, The Kinetic Cards are just outright cool
And I can never get tired of the character, even when he's being a tool

So Gambit is my hero
I'm a comic Geek I'm proud to admit
At least I owned up to my nerdy habits
That as a kid made my mom's wallet split

What do I do
With these fantasies occupying my mind
I find its easier to express them in rhythmic rhyme
Because not doing so will make me feel like I'm overly drunk on wine
I'll admit that I'm kinda crazy but these thoughts make me rather hazy
And certainly you're not making my libido lazy
So what do I do
With these fantasies of you?

what are you truly afraid of. don't be shy spit it out
we all have fear, that's not in any doubt
Are you afraid, of heights, snakes or dogs, cats maybe? bugs? or the occasional frog?
what about tight spaces, lonely areas or clown faces?
come along son I haven't got all day,
drop your guard and let's play
you won't get anywhere if alone your burdens you bear
what are you fearing right now... I won't judge you I swear.

What am I afraid of? that's an interesting question
And I thank you for asking in this interview session
Not to many things cause me to shake in fright
I dislike tight spaces but they don't give me the shakes
I'm creeping out by clowns but not just the face
I guess the only things on this earth I'm truly afraid of
Are loving with no purpose, just being someone's favorite doll
The only other fear that I care to mention
Is if one of these writings of my invention
doesn't touch someone, in some way shape or form
I'd hate too write for no reason, it's like not facing a Dawn

To the lovely Lady in the buffet
oh right, I went to a buffet yesterday
I was standing in the dessert line and
this chocolate beauty caught my eye,
a million thoughts ran through my head, like does she have a guy?
Anyway, I wanted to place in an order for her
lay her down on the table and lovingly devour her

I stood frozen for a second imagining what I'd do
anything and everything I guess it's true
I wanted nothing more than to eat her ***** like lunch
get up and **** her over the counter,
serve her my **** like brunch

good God how'd I think like this in a restaurant
a buffet at that
well lust can take over,
at the drop of a hat

Shout out to the outcasts
Your individuality will outlast
Shout out to the mediocre ones
You have talent but you don't feel good enough
Stay with it love, develop your craft and grow into the best
Here's to the underdogs,
The ones who feel they don't belong,
And for so long have been hiding away and starting to decay,
Don't settle for the nutshell and say it's just as well,
Rise higher than the tree wild and free,
They don't know who you really are don't let them take it too far,

Why can't i shake
This playfully ***** ghost
That i play host to?
I can ignore it for some time
But i find that i always hear
My innermost fantasies in my head
I guess you could say romance isn't dead
But quiet as its kept i love hearing my
Name in your breath
As we kiss and we playfully caress
Each other's lips, hips and *******
Stimulating a sensation that's just the best
Foreplay on our body as well as our minds
As i kiss up your thigh you say your hot wet hole is all mine
As i slide inside i whisper you look and feel divine

Boy, this ghost has me in a bind

Nighttime is upon us
the kids are all in bed
thoughts of sugar highs in the morning
now dancing in their heads.

But what's on my mind
isn't of the family friendly kind
I'm thinking of her soft flesh
against my body, in a seductive grind.

Laying on my bed with her controlling my body
Rewarding me when I'm good, spanking her when she's naughty
I must be a tomb raider because I intend on exploring her body,

I want to touch and caress every inch
of those dangerous, treacherous curves
Give her ******* a slight pinch
and feel her body tingling and stimulating all of my nerves.

After the 4play is done the real fun can begin
I want to go down on her and lick every inch
I want to be inside her
my god she's driving me mad with hormones and desire

I can't afford attachment
Because my peace of mind is too costly
Not that I don't truly care about anyone
It's just that nowadays it seems like trying to be nice
Is Like playing Russian Roulette with a submachine gun
Now it seems like playing with people's emotions is the latest form of fun
and you can't stop people from feeling, it's like trying to move the sun
So I can't afford attachment, I'm going to save myself excess pain

I wish I could pay for love as my tears fall down like drops in the rain...

Call Me a sentimental fool
but I miss you
our conversations
those goofy nicknames we had
for each other
how we'd talk on the phone
I just don't get it,
You've gone for no reason
I wanted you for a lifetime
but maybe we were destined for a season
but I still dream about you sometimes
and quietly worry about you, and those lovely blue eyes
those rosy cheeks that were sweet like an innocent cherub,
Call me a sentimental fool,
but **** it aura, I miss you

If Overthinking was a contested sport
I'm sorry but I'm sure I'd have 8 gold medals and be endorsed
It's something I wish I was nowhere near as good at as I am of course

If self doubt was a state of mind.
That'd be a constant for me I'd find.
I don't know why, but I'm always quick to criticize
Myself, my playing of music and most of all my rhymes.

I guess if I was a film I'd probably be pulp fiction
Out of order and nonsensical to some,
But to someone with a similar sense of vision
My tatters would be silken robes
And she'd be Cleopatra maybe... I don't know.

So I was hanging with my friends the other day
We were on a sledding hill where we talked and sat
I stood up for a second and one of them said,
How'd you get those marks on your back?

So i sat down again and indulged them,
I regaled to them this very ****** tale
It all started in my living room on a cold winters night
I know that description is stale

So It was hockey night in my house,
At the time no one was home
When I heard a loud knock at my door
I wasn't for long alone

A lovely girl I've known for a little while
Red hair, cute dimples and brown eyes
I invited her in and we began to eat
After we were finished I returned to my hockey night,

I was focused on the game, but she got my attention
I was wearing loose lounge pants, I failed to mention,
She took my member out, and played with it teasing
At this night it was her I would be pleasing

We started off on the couch, kissing each other, on my crotch she began to grind
I bit her lip and ****** on her neck
I was lust drunk and she was my wine

She slid my pants off of my body,
and she looked me dead in the eyes
She said "This here, is mine for tonight, and right now I'm going to ride"

She was so warm and so wet, it almost drove me crazy,
She bounced on me slow and then slightly faster,
She was definitely far from lazy

I was getting more and more excited, she wanted me to take control,
So we moved onto the floor
And I slid myself in and gave her *** from my heart and soul

But alas all good things must come to an end
Even great *** cannot last
So she rode me again, *******
And I released all over her tight ***

If I had something inspiring on my mind don't you think that I would've written it by now
I love being a writer but sometimes it gets me down
The pressure escalates like the water in the everglades to top myself, like pulling miracles out of my head is a miraculous act
I can't turn water into wine And I can't turn stacks of hay into clever punchlines
I guess what I'm trying to say, like Dr. Mccoy  is that I'm a writer not a magician
I can only take what myself and others have gone through, and turn it into something relatable, that maybe just maybe someone will take something positive out of what was written

The spell you cast took me by surprise
you hypnotized me with those come hither eyes

I wanted you, that feeling I couldn't give away
but in my head you took root, most likely to stay

I stayed to myself for awhile, that May have been a mistake
because now a lot of my attention you're starting to take


you're like a hip-hop song, smooth, flowing and classic
to pleasure you for the night, I'll take measures ever so drastic

To my ladies with a little extra meat on your bones
There's no reason you should cry or think you'll forever be alone!
If you don't have a Barbie doll waist
and if you have a bit more jelly in every place
You know what that means, you have a whole lot more ****, and when you were built to contain
All of the love, passion, and ****! that's what you were built to maintain!

Now to quote the late great Freddie Mercury
His music is something I hold very dear to me
And this is dedicated to my thick women with style by the pound
and I quote, "Fat Bottomed Girls you make the rockin world go round!"

At Notebooks end.
So we’re at this notebook’s end. The pages are full to bursting in there and to celebrate the ledger of poems and lyrics and half formed ideas I’m going to write down this freestyle of topics I haven’t discussed herein. Let’s begin with my senpai she knows who she is she picked the topics out that’s how special to me she is. She was the one who picked these topics out that’s how special to me she is. But I have to ask her finally to be mine because people like her come around once, maybe twice in a person’s lifetime.
Anyway let’s get into the real meat of this freestyle I think I’ll start with my room and its many strange residents that I acquired over the years via dumb luck gifts or just spending dead presidents. I have shorted out headphones that only seem to work with a binder clip two guitars and my grandpa gave me a bottle that contains a ship I have two vinyl pop figurines 1 of Batman and the original robin who later became Nightwing. A sewn pouch full of spare guitar picks additional sketchpads that are totally rad and an N64 console with a messed up controller and a lagging joystick. And last but not least I have on my Bed rest Del the Funky Sox Bear and his little brother Shawn Hawk aka MF.
Now that my room is covered let’s get into the nitty gritty about my hometown Chicago the second city. Warning to all tourists its pronounced S-E-A-R-S tower even though it’s spelled Willis. Anyway I was born and raised here like DJ quik and his hometown of Compton no offense to the man but in my city we have our own definition of Stomping. There just isn’t any city on earth that is quite like mine I have a lot of love for my home more than I can ever hope to fit into one rhyme.
Now onto two more topics that Echo picked out. Laughter and sound, Is it possible to accurately describe these two parts of life in a verse that’s been written down? God only knows because we’re going to find out. Laughter is life’s most potent medicine releasing endorphins that make us feel good all over. But as it can be medicine it can also be a poisonous mask because many people including myself over the years have used laughter to cover up the tears from a broken heart of glass. Speaking of laughter it’s a most wondrous sound emanating from humans occasionally rolling around on the ground. Sound technically speaking is vibrations that travel through the air that surrounds but for me its fuel to write my musings down.
Last but not least let’s address the blue sometimes cloudy and sunset blazed sky, now heights and I don’t really mix in just not that kind of guy. But on the back of a calm endearing Zephyr I would love to fly.

A death in the family

There's been a death in the family
Another relative of mine occupying a grave
It hurt to watch your life come to a close
And it still hurts to this day

Grandma, although you departed during my infancy,
All the stories dad told me about you
Hold your memory forever close to me

And Grandad, your vinyl collection is
What inspired my constant musical nerdiness
I keep all that you taught myself and my dad about music near my heart, very close to the vest

When summer comes
I hope the sun shines bright
I hope I have lazy days out and with friends long memorable nights

I wish for finally breaking my self crafted mold
I don't want to die old crusty and alone
I hope I can find the boldness that only hot weather and small bikinis can bring

When summer comes to Chicago
I hope my city can act right
With another Stanley Cup  (hopefully!) To celebrate, I hope my summer is bright

As a black guy,
No, no as a black man
I feel disheartened often
Not just by media or pressure at home
Or at the office
But by our chocolate to caramel skinned sisters at times
How?  Well allow me to describe this through rhyme.

I know we guys can be a//holes at times
But forever saying we aren't anything drills into our minds.
And if you wanna avoid a heartbreak then here's what I suggest,
Pray over it, then consider your options like an instagram or Snapchat post at best

And moving on if you complain about the selection among your ethnicity
Then get mad when we say "Enough of this" and date outside that group that doesn't make sense to me
Fact is there's a stigma around mixed relationships

If someone makes you happy, no matter what their skin color then why trip?  Let them be happy

Like common said back in the day I used to love Her, all of her from her head to her feet she meant nothing less than the world to me. But sadly it was never meant to be between you and me distance can sever heartstrings. It was distance and jealousy and past pain that corrupted her and killed it. ****...

Let me go back to where it all started, we met through Facebook, the venting place of the brokenhearted, it started strong we hit it off fast and our feelings for each other grew as strong as the grass. We talked everyday consistently, my heart was there with her because she was so far away from me.

But what was once sweet turned bitter as our love crawled down the *******, I tried my best to keep it going but from my eyes tears started flowing.

But honestly that taught me several valuable lessons, for one thing jealousy should be the last and deadliest sin. But if there's one piece of advice I can give,
To everybody out there, learn to forgive.

Feeling Frisky
And you're looking ****
I keep looking at you
And your features bless me

My eyes drink you in
I swear I can feel a buzz
You may have heard all of this before
But I'm telling you again just because

It's so tempting, to just run over
Grab you and absolutely ravage you
And believe me it's hard to control this urge
But I guess you'll never notice me
So I'll put these feelings down in verse

You know I'm no good
for your heart mind or soul
so I guess that's why you're not bothered with me
you saw ahead and didn't even let me know.

You know I'm no good
I can't bring anything to the table
you saw that I'm a horrible waiter
and ran like a stallion from a stable

You know I'm no good,
you saw through my glass chest
and through to my broken spirit
and destroyed me for the best

Let me start off with a story that's pretty easy to tell

Boy Meets Girl
Boy and girl talk
Boy and girl become friends
Girl is already dating someone but it's fine
Girl gets heartbroken
Boy sticks by her and cheers her up
Girl is thankful for support
Boy develops crush
Boy is confused, he has feelings but doesn't want to hurt the friendship
Boy finally decides to tell girl how he feels
Girl responds with "I like you but not like that"
Boy, naturally hurt, decides to stay around, thinking he'll have a chance with her.
Girl dates another guy.. gets heartbroken
Boy plays crying shoulder again
The cycle repeats himself
Boy finally gives up on girl and moves on.
Boy Meets another girl, Girl he had crush on realizes that he would've been husband material had she seen it
Boy and girl never speak, wondering what would've been.

So ladies take a small lesson from this story
If you're looking for someone to appreciate all your glory
If you want someone to appreciate the happiness in your space
most of the time, what you're looking for
is right in front of your face.

Never give me money
I won't ever spend it right
Never give me money
I'm an idiot who's wallet never is wrapped tight

Never give me money
Because I have to make that frivolous purchase
Never give me money, because no matter how much I have I'll still feel worthless

Never give me money,
Because I'll end up with unpayable debt
Never give me money
Because sadness sprouted and took root in my head

Never give me money, I can't say this enough
Never give me money, even when times hey rough

Sadly i wont get to meet you
Or touch your skin,
Or hold you and comfort
As loudly you wail and cry,
I wont get to watch you grow,
Into a beautiful human being i know,
But
I can confirm that you wont have to cry,
That you won't have to see the craziness the world brings
You wont have to have your spirit cracked and shaved,
And you wont walk into the train along with the brokenhearted, downtrodden and crazed,

Would you have been a niece or another nephew? That i may not ever know
But I'll see you soon one day,
And i hope you're a happy little angel, playing on the clouds like snow

Hello, I'm nobody
I wish I could become someone
but I guess that won't happen
my minds exploded
damaged or dead making repair
Almost impossible

Again, like I said I'm nobody
so I guess no one will notice
If I take  myself away.
Not ending myself but shutting down
never Again to know the light of day

I said before I wish I was someone
people cared about
But I said before, I'm nobody
and that no one will ever doubt

Once there was a heart,
it was stomped on, stabbed, stitched clumsily, it was obviously falling apart
it was that close to giving up.

Then along the path the heart net a queen,
the kind queen stitched and repaired
a heart that had been brutalized throughout the years
and loved it until that heart was pristine again

Then the queen had to go away,
but right where she met it the heart stayed
it didn't care about the distance it just wanted her back
he couldn't bear having to try again only to have its fragile cast cracked

It had found it's mate of the soul, it's reason to go on
it found a love and affection that carried it to the stars and beyond
some say it still wanders around.. asking to this day?

Queen? my queen? where are you? will you stay?

You can't love me i
Know this feeling all too well
When the heart reaches

Out for someone so
Perfect in your clouded eyes
That you'll do what they

Say in a heartbeat
But love is a drug and
You were my rehab place

So i know that you
Can't love me at all, 'cause
In my heart there is

No space for myself
Let alone someone else so
You cannot love me,

No
Way

Lately I've been crying internally externally I'd seem weak even though I'm already sensitive and rather meek but I've been lonely ****** can Ikik really blame me I found love that I no longer seek but we haven't talked recently I mean we don't have beef but it'd be nice if we spent a bit more time together like wu tang getting cream I mean I hate sounding clingy but I miss my lady can you blame me she's amazing entrancing like a hypnotist I swear we're into ***** **** but we've not been talking lately ugh I hate her job I know she has to work but she's my lantern in life's bog but anyway enough about my relationship issues now onto my constant sadness I hate parts of what I've become it's like I honestly thought I'd be much different from what I am I thought I'd be able to do much better socially and emotionally but I'm one depressing ******* I swear dating sometimes leaves my heart plastered on the wall in my room like it was another enemy in doom with gloom and staying almost exclusively in my room
okay I'm done now I've gotten more of these sick emotions off my chest and into the ocean that is the internet