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Luis Valencia Feb 20
I hope to find peace
in the still of the night
and the glory of false promises

I see that we hold fast to our merits
in which we find ourselves turning to say
words we often regret
that lay in a bittersweet caricature
or even perhaps a decoy
of whats true

we used to communicate
through tears
and words so heavy
that even cement
had envy in its eye
when it looked upon the flesh
of the very thing we bore
from a devilish tongue
covered in copious amounts
of stale laments
and polished with the
promises we could never keep

I often think of your eyes
and how they used to catch me
now they avoid me
and watch as I fall
to nothing

I hope to find peace
and if not now
one day
I hope
you will catch me again
so that I could slip into
eternity bound to you by a light
made of my own volition
and basked in the aura of the vision
that one day you will hold me
and say you are mine
Forever.
Feb 2021 · 45
A Wiser Girls Lament
Luis Valencia Feb 2021
shall I take each breath and spin it into gold
Or will you only notice me when I'm old
your eye always catches on the fragile girl
who seeks nothing and waits her turn to speak
but I was not raised with rubies nor pearls
so why is it I who you say is weak?
for if  I would have known that love would hurt like this
I would have never given you my first kiss
I would have slammed the door in your face
then be left with my own regression
all I wanted was your embrace
I would have waited my turn to fall into succession
For love can only happen when it is mutual
and I have been far to brutal
In my attempts to catch your eye
I have burned myself down to the wire
I have been bold in my attempts to lie
that the thing I am now left with is desire
to hold and kiss you and make you see
that it was always you that was dear to me
Nov 2020 · 47
its cold without you
Luis Valencia Nov 2020
Ive felt cold before
smooth and soft like silk on a bed of crushed roses
wrapped in blue velvet
patterned like flowers in a garden that never grows
cool to the touch
showered in tears
memories buried with it
Ive felt cold too many times
it sticks and stings like sandburs to the bottom of my feet
relentless and overbearing sounding and ringing like alarms
I want to wake but I feel trapped in a dream
I feel cold
but at least I'm feeling something
numbness takes and claims my body periodically
like an abusive lover whom I take back to lay in my bed each night
wrapping me in waves of grief and swallowing me whole
Im grasping on to anything that will help me feel
but each time I reach out I feel cold
it creeps up on me and consumes me
I've felt cold ever since I lost you
I miss you mom
Sep 2020 · 123
I misunderstood you Love
Luis Valencia Sep 2020
Love is underestimated
Love is complex
Love is misunderstood

Love can hurt
The pain is crushing
Love causes dizzy spells and long nights with strong cups of coffee to follow
Love causes baggy eyes and long drives
Love makes your knees weak
Love forces you to smile when you don't want to
Love makes your head hurt and your lips buzz from excitement
Love is a shapeshifter
Love mends the gaps you never knew you needed filled

when they defined love as an intense feeling of deep affection
they neglected to acknowledge
the intense feeling of dread that can come with it

Love takes root in your pain
Love lets itself grow from the moisture of your tears.
Your heart becomes tender
your feelings are magnified

Even in the absence of those
whom you shared a deep connection with
Love still lingers in you

Love strengthens the body, soul, and mind.
it can be hard to love when the pain is so prevalent
but the pain will subside

Love will take your broken pieces
Love will work its way around you
Love will envelop you
Love will close you in
and form unbreakable bonds that guide you in times of uncertainty

Love hurts
Love heals
Love guides
Love
Jul 2020 · 55
First Impression
Luis Valencia Jul 2020
I remember the moment
I first fell in love with you
It was dark
A soft blue light was glowing
you hugged me and
In that moment
I felt electricity rip through my body
Apr 2020 · 71
MyTears
Luis Valencia Apr 2020
My tear drops stain my pillow
The stains are time capsules
They hold each moment of sadness
And all the words I couldn't say

When I'm sad I lay in my bed
I daydream of a different life
I often see a house
A small one with a fenced in yard
And a garden filled with beautiful pale pastel tulips
The house holds all my dreams
It holds everything I've ever wanted
The worst part about my daydreams is that I can't find the key to the house
But I love imagining whats in there

My tear drops stain my pillow
When I see the stains
They remind me that im a survivor
They remind me that I survived the hurtful memory those stains were tied to

The stains will eventually fade
Just like the hurt
The hurt
Mar 2020 · 2.7k
Tomorrow
Luis Valencia Mar 2020
Tomorrow always felt like it was years away as a child
I would wait in anticipation for it
I fell in love with Tomorrow
Until I started to be pushed toward Tomorrow
Tomorrow drew closer as we got older
I started to notice that Tomorrow began to creep into my head
Tomorrow became a due date
Tomorrow became one of the major things that fueled my anxiety
In my mind there was never enough time between the present and Tomorrow
Tomorrow began to tear at my sanity
Tomorrow inserted itself into the most private places of my mind
It built itself a home there
I never wanted to see Tomorrow
But when I met you
I started to anticipate Tomorrow again
Tomorrow no longer felt like a death sentence
Tomorrow became one of my biggest goals
If I could make it to Tomorrow
That meant I could make it to you
I learned that Tomorrow is never guaranteed
I no longer fear Tomorrow
I embrace it
You helped me realize that Tomorrow is not Infinite
We all will eventually run out of Tomorrows
So instead of worrying I will dream and imagine what Tomorrow will bring
Because at one point in time a Tomorrow brought me you
I wrote this for someone special in my heart
Feb 2020 · 87
Collateral Damage
Luis Valencia Feb 2020
I miss being in love with you
the electricity we once had ceases to exist
you feel different now
pieces of you have been torn away
and locked in a space where I cant find them

i'm reaching out in cloud of mist that your tears have created
i'm aimlessly grasping at the old memories we shared
fighting the cool beads of moisture that sting my eyes
you put up your defenses
you made yourself distant

people say that if you truly love someone distance doesn't matter.
but when that person is emotionally absent
and has placed themselves in the hands
of those that fabricate the idea of being whole
you have no choice but to say goodbye.

I want you near me
I want you to tell me that you care
but you're so numb to emotion
that i'm just collateral damage
and you're to invested in the darkness
to see my light
titled by Renee Alexander
Jan 2020 · 84
Sometimes
Luis Valencia Jan 2020
Sometimes I feel like we lose ourselves in the madness of life. We hold things in and are scared of being vulnerable with one another. I feel like humanity is so desensitized to emotion. We claim to feel things but often our feelings are just fabrications of what we want to feel. I think this is why love is a concept thats foreign to me. I've said "I love you" so many times but I don't think I've ever really meant it. I'm so desensitized to the word that my heart feels grainy and saturated in false ideas.

The thing is you have cleared the fog of lies that crowded my heart. I feel electric when you're near me. That's dangerous for Me. I'm not used to feeling such intense and real emotion. I'm used to going through life on a generic understanding of feeling. Something about the way you say my name makes my stomach jump and my heart speed up. You're causing physical changes my body is reacting to you. You caused my soul to wake up and seek you out. I'm beginning to see things my quality of life is improving. I want change I want to break out of the conformity that society has placed me in. It's all because you reached out your hand and saved me from drowning in my own fabrications of love. Thank you for showing me what true love is. Thank you for showing me that love still exists.
Thank you my love
Dec 2019 · 93
I'm here- prose
Luis Valencia Dec 2019
I'm here but I'm not alive

Even when I don't want to be. I'm still here. I guess what I'm trying to say is I haven't given up completely. There are still parts of me that are whole. There are still things that I love about this earth. I'm not ready to lose it all. I am tired, but I haven't lost my hope. If I can hold onto the good my life will correct itself again.
Dec 2019 · 61
Fragile- Prose
Luis Valencia Dec 2019
You taught me that love is unpredictable. It's scary to think that my heart fell the second I laid my eyes on you. Love is unreasonable. One minute you're thinking about real-world problems then the next you're wondering how their hands would feel placed in yours. You go from worrying about life to wondering how their lips might taste. Love is blinding. It's unreasonable. It's challenging. I fell in love with you. I fell hard for you. I stay up late at night grasping a pillow and holding it close to my chest hoping that when I wake up you'll be there. I know this sounds obsessive but I promise I'm not being unreasonable. My heart chose you, and I've been left with the responsibility of letting you go.  It hurts. You taught me that love was fragile. It can come very quickly and fade away just as fast. It can either linger for years or fade away in months. My heart still beats for you even when yours chases another.
Dec 2019 · 257
Commitment
Luis Valencia Dec 2019
I kissed your palms
And offered you all my praise .
You took me in your hands
And molded my heart
You made me into art
You made me feel whole.

You planted yourself inside of me
Your roots dug into my body
You nourished yourself
From my pain.

You used me as a host
For your lonely soul.
You left when You were done feeding.
When I had nothing left to give.

You left me hollow.
The art is gone.
You replanted yourself.
You found a new host.

I'm left as a blank canvas
an unfinished meal
half of a soul
because You couldn't commit.
If you give yourself to me I promise I'll be true to you.
Dec 2019 · 60
I am, I'm
Luis Valencia Dec 2019
I am under construction
A work in progress
A human being

I'm content
I know what I want
I know who I am

I'm scared
I won't be loved
I've never been loved

I'm worried
That I look sad
That I speak too much

I'm anxious
I know they talk about me
I don't know what they say

I'm breathing
I fill my lungs
I let the air enter me

I'm busy
Overworked
Too tired to function

I'm fine
I need a hand
Someone talk to me

I'm ready to go now
This place is too much for me
I feel like My chest is being squeezed

I need to sleep
I don't want to wake up
I love not feeling

I love you
Please don't leave me
I can't handle abandonment

I feel okay
My stomach hurts
I didn't sleep last night

I'm done
I can't anymore
I'm too tired

I look homeless
No place feels like home
I am homeless

I hate you
You saved my life
You kept me safe

Thank you
Please hold me for 5 more minutes
I really don't want to be alone
Oct 2019 · 75
His game
Luis Valencia Oct 2019
He stares at me
Yet he avoids me
I wonder if he's toying with me

He hides himself from me
I think he's afraid to wear his heart on his sleeve
I want to break down the walls he built  

He tells me that I'm changing
And that he doesn't like it

He doesn't know that when he says things like that he makes my skin jump from my bones

I think I love him
But the way my body rejects him
I'm unsure

I think I want to love him
But he won't let me
so I'm stuck in a perpetual state of longing

its like when I finally move on from him
he slithers his way into my conscious
and makes himself at home
the worst part is I can't make him leave
I want him to stay because he feels like home

With him my heart dies
and my body shuts down

He says he loves me
And I go back every **** time.
Oct 2019 · 160
I'm learning
Luis Valencia Oct 2019
I'm learning
That life isn't simple
It's complex

I'm learning
That smiling can cure a wounded heart

I'm learning
That it's okay for people to touch you
It's okay to need a hug
It's okay to not cry alone

I'm learning
That it's normal to take a day to relax
It's easier to focus when you have a clear mind

I'm learning
That sometimes the person you love
Can't love you back

I'm learning
That it's okay to let go
its okay to say goodbye

Im learning
How to be patient
Good things will come
Oct 2019 · 64
8.5.19 1:44 Am
Luis Valencia Oct 2019
Glass tears cut open my cheeks
When he kissed my forehead and told me goodbye

I was lost in a moment of hesitation
When He pressed his face against my back
and exhaled
In that moment
I felt the warmth of his soul
Encroach on my back like a slow mist enveloping me

He spoke softly
But his words were loud enough to resonate within my chest and trigger my tear ducts in a way that made them explode from the pressure of loving him too much

He said it wasn't over
But the way the moon spread it's silver light over us made me feel like I was being laid to rest

The low humming of love
Ceased to exist
And my chest went hollow
In the silence
In the absence of love
In the void of empty promises
My head was filled with thoughts of love, lust, and anger

You tore me apart like fabric and expected me to sew myself together
Well I don't know how to sew
And I've ran out of thread and patience to keep trying
Sep 2019 · 75
1:28 am 09-15-19
Luis Valencia Sep 2019
I realized
That when the sun sets
My heart beats a little louder

The air flowing through my chest becomes compressed
And the blood running through my veins comes to a halt

The night cues my brain to start thinking
And my heart to stand still
And my feet to stay planted

Trees grow from the ground
And bind me
The words written in their roots
Reflect the inaudible truth of my life

The truth

The truth is I'm tired of living life alone
I'm tired of ruining a moment with my tongue
I'm tired of breathing in stale air
I'm tired of watching life pass me by

I'm tired of not knowing who I am

I'm too tired to figure it out

The truth is
Everything beautiful ceases to exist
When you're too **** tired to see it
Sep 2019 · 60
Untitled
Luis Valencia Aug 2019
Here I am again
Alone in the stillness of night
A group of Fluorescent bulbs light the pavement below me
I feel the clawing urge to run in my bones

The dimly lit town seems to be a reflection of my existence
And perhaps maybe not even a reflection
But a bad omen foreshadowing what’s to come

I stand there alone
Watching as the darkness wisps around me
Latching onto my body with cold hands
Whispering promises of release from a cold and cruel world that knows all of my weaknesses

I'm ready to die
Death is ready to take me
I stand in the belly of the beast
Jul 2019 · 104
The Universe
Luis Valencia Jul 2019
The universe kisses my palms
And lays it's stars inside of me
The universe saves me by
Planting orbs of warm light
In my chest

In the night
gentle beams of hope
Radiate through my skin
Like Fireflies
And lure the darkness away from my lover

The light guides him
Into my arms
Where he is safe
And will never fear the dark again
For when he touches me
The universe will bless him
With the warm light inside of me

He will find his way home
And guide others
How I have guided him
The universe nurtures us
And feeds us the hope we lost
By giving us a light
When the world is dark
Jun 2019 · 238
I don't want love
Luis Valencia Jun 2019
I want to kiss someone
Not for love
But just for the sake of kissing someone
I want a platonic entanglement of tongues
I just want to feel the warmth of another human
I want to be held
Kissed on my forehead and taken care of
I want to feel something
Other than a cold mattress
I don't want love
I want a warm body
I want to sit in silence and be comfortable
I don't want love
Love is artificial
I want something that has no label
I want freedom
Uh
Jun 2019 · 234
In a room at a party
Luis Valencia Jun 2019
I'm in a room at a party
And the only thing I can think about
Is how different I am

I'm stubborn
But I'm too weak to keep fighting
I feel run down
Completely drained

When I speak
The words rush into each other
I panic and feel them string together
The taste of empty words
is like sewage in my mouth

I dress like my skin will peel off if it is admired by someone
The fabric must be loose or I fear that people will call me grotesque

When people are around me
They always hear my voice
But never listen
I'm a cacophony of forgotten lines

I'm in a room at a party
And I'm the outcast
I am different
But that shouldn't make me
An outcast
Jun 2019 · 85
Moonlight
Luis Valencia Jun 2019
Rays of moon light touch her light skin
The shinning beams grasp on to her
Holding her
Trapping her
Comforting her

She relaxes against the light and watches the night sky sprout stars from its deep abyss of darkness

Sparkles of hope
reflect in her hungry eyes
She prays for a chance and she fights for her life
Holding on to the hope
That has kept her alive
That has pushed her forward

Rays of moonlight touch her skin
The shinning beams grasp on to her Giving her life
Giving her purpose
Giving her love

Rays of moonlight
Shinning beams of light
Guide her to heaven
Where she can be at home again
In memory of Simone Mills
Luis Valencia May 2019
I was born
In the month of spring

I've always admired the finer things in life
The touch of silk on my body
And the feeling of soft flower petals
The quiet moments in the midst of a storm
The smell of rain

I was born
In the month of spring

There is a steady beating in my chest
My heart has a unique rhythm
And my soul sings
But my mouth is sewn shut
My voice was taken from me
It took me a long time to get it back
When a man says that he loves you
He can take your voice

I was born
In the month of spring

As a child I mocked the flowers in my grandmother's house
They were stuck in pots
While I was free
But freedom comes at a cost
The flowers had stability
While I was taken from home to home
When I was a child I learned to respect the flowers in my grandmother's house

I was born
In the month of spring

Yet

I was buried
In the winter
May 2019 · 151
Living Lie
Luis Valencia May 2019
People get tired of me quickly
They never stay around for long

Its like I'm artificial
I'm not actually myself
I'm not living my truth
I'm trapped in a mind that babbles
I only respond
I never create
I've trapped myself  

I'm living in a world that is a product of false pretenses
This world is a facade
A mere illusion
A distraction from the inevitable truth
That I am flawed
That I am broken
And I truly cannot be fixed

The senseless ticking of the clock of life
Rings in my ears
I used to feel alive
Now the clock serves as a reminder
that I am being forced to live out my days on a world that is filled with empty promises

I was always told that I'm never guaranteed tomorrow
I was always told to live life to the fullest
But how can I live life to the fullest
When I'm barley living at all
Who am I
Apr 2019 · 615
love is kind of Fucked Up
Luis Valencia Apr 2019
Time slips away
But time was a concept created by man
That makes me think
Love
What if love was a concept created by man
Not some god
Not some other ancient force
But human beings
Who thought that being lonely was a sin
Single people are characterized as
Depressed
They pity us
They think that we can't function properly
Because we are alone
I say
**** THAT
SERIOUSLY
**** THAT
When did it become mandatory for people to find a soulmate
Seriously why is companionship so important for human beings to have
What type of ****** up spirt created this
And why didn't they give us the option to leave
If companionship is required for us to live then I'm
seriously
Utterly
And Completely ******
**** this **** I opt out
Apr 2019 · 354
Cycles
Luis Valencia Apr 2019
As we weep
The flowers grow
From the pain
We rise
But when anger strikes us
We burn
We turn to ash
Once we are ash
We stay ash

We were told by our mothers
That the spirits
That the winds that blow against our skin
Will one day move through us
And take what little of us remains
The wind will soar and carry us
Across fields and streams and mountains

But the winds have died
There are no more tears
No fire burns
And the flowers don't grow

We've killed ourselves
We've killed ourselves
Apr 2019 · 72
Cher taught me
Luis Valencia Apr 2019
Cher once said that men were like a dessert
Luxurious but not a necessity

The man I loved was difficult
He was artificial
He never really saw me as a person
I was an item
An accessory
A thing he could wear for five minutes
When he grew tired of me
He would throw me to the side

Cher said
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.

In my rage I agree with her
He should have been disposable
Yet I couldn't breathe without him
It was like he attached himself to my heart
And when he left he ripped it from my chest
Leaving me hollow

Cher taught me to be independent
Cher taught me to take my strength and love and invest it in something worth more than a man.
Thank god for Cher
I love Cher
Apr 2019 · 667
Unrequited Love
Luis Valencia Apr 2019
It was easy to get lost in you
You were everything I wanted
But through the fabrications of my mind I created a current of falseness
I was washed away by my own reassurance

I felt that I could replace what You couldn't give me

Love

Now I exist
In the skeleton of love
Buried deep where the warmth of you
Can't reach me

The after shocks of your heart beating
For someone else still drives me crazy

You were the budding flowers of spring
Those fragrant flowers I once loved
Now all I know is the foul stench of a rotting tree

You took me
And broke me

Now I have to pick up the pieces
And rebuild Myself
I wish he loved me
Luis Valencia Mar 2019
its late at night
and I don’t feel like talking

I think instead
I look Inside my mind
Instead of seeing you
I see myself

I lose feeling in my fingertips
its cold in the aftermath of loss

Wherever could you be
On this late night

through each shadowed lamplight
I see fragments of you
on every street corner
there is a memory of you

each kiss you laid upon me
is still trapped in the crooks of my lips

Wherever could you be
On this late night

its cold out
and the darkness is intruding
have you left
or have you always been gone
collaborative piece my friend Ryan Will gave me the idea of the phrase "On This Late Night"
Mar 2019 · 229
The Thoughts of A Flower
Luis Valencia Mar 2019
We grow
We rise
We wither
We die
We feel
We hurt
We smile
We hope

Introduction: - the THOUGHTS of a FLOWER
Luis Valencia Mar 2019
Through the pain of dissatisfaction comes the ending of a life worth more than gold itself.
Each breath that a loved one takes is in vain
Through the burden of life we learn new things
Such as the feeling of hurt
And sometimes joy
And when we feel joy it feels sweet on our tongues
Life is bitter
And dissatisfaction is sour
The only release we have from our minds
Is a cold casket
I only ask that if I die soon
If I die young
Please bury me where the peppermints are
For if I were to taste them
They would bring me back to you
And joy would be everlasting
The only thing we would learn from life would be peace
Bury me where the peppermints are
Feb 2019 · 1.4k
EXHALE
Luis Valencia Feb 2019
magnified
the power of love is magnified by those who receive it
yet some souls that I've talked to have been deprived of this love
each breath they take involves a wheeze
they cry and ponder life and wonder
if there is more than this empty feeling
the feeling of sinking and going under
holding their breath hoping for relief
wishing for the privilege that other people have
the privilege to exhale
without feeling every emotion spring up
without shaking and crying on the floor
without wishing for a way out
in life there are two kinds of people
those who can't exhale
and those who can
I wish we could exhale
Feb 2019 · 128
Growth
Luis Valencia Feb 2019
When I wake up
I kiss my mirror
It’s the first thing I do
I make sure my reflection knows
How loved it truly is

When I walk toward new beginnings
I don’t drag my feet
I hold my head high
And walk with a purpose

When I sing I sing with my heart
I no longer mumble
I use my voice to show you everything
I love about this world

I’m growing
Every day
Step 1
Jan 2019 · 176
Goodbye
Luis Valencia Jan 2019
Hello everyone
This is my goodbye

Tears I never knew I could shed so many tears
They cloud my vision and make everything hazey

My head
It pounds and pounds
Thoughts of emptiness
Broken relationships
And taped mouths
Silent I’ve been silent for so long

I feel like my body is humming
But it’s song is shrill and out of tune
Nothing makes sense
It’s chaos it’s just noise
Noise that no one will miss

Hello this is my goodbye
As I sink into the darkness of my mind
Captivated by the thought of ending it all
Taking steps forward but not moving an inch

Working so hard for little reward
Seeing gray clouds when you prayed for sun
Watching as each person you know crumbles in front of you

I’m asking for a reason to stay
I’m asking for a chance to breathe
But all I have is nothing

Hello, this is my goodbye, not my final one.
Not yet.
I’m not stable
Jan 2019 · 316
2:53 am
Luis Valencia Jan 2019
I’m not sure of what I need
I don’t know whether it’s sleep
Or a way to smile
Or a sleeping pill
But these late nights have me feeling like I’m a cloud
High in the sky
Spreading throughout the atmosphere
I feel like I’m stretched out so thinly
That if I were to move any more
I would rip
When I say that I’m tired
Just know I’m not tired of you
I’m tired of battling with myself
Sleep is nonexistent rn
Jan 2019 · 246
Hurt
Luis Valencia Jan 2019
a mist calls my name
and shows my reflection  in a mirror
I am standing tall
loving life and-
making love-
to the only person who matters


the mist pulls me back-
and shoves itś talons in me
Then it whispers of the
insecurities I hold
inside empty spaces
empty steps
empty tears
Emptiness

pain is pain
death is death
hope is hope

but love
well love..
love is confusion

its the random stain on clean laundry
the bruises you wake up with
the moments of laughter
and heart ache,
that you miss having.
I’m in pain
Jan 2019 · 278
24
Luis Valencia Jan 2019
24
Strong shrouded tears
Long and boastful years
Stain the hands of a soul

Hands filled with roses
The smell of dirt fills their noses
A place that is calm and serene

Solidarity describes the chamber
Gone describes the member
To home he lays in rest

When each to their own
Know they are grown
Hold the truth to their necks

A heart beaten and torn
Those of us left to mourn
An angel goes home at last
In memory
Dec 2018 · 866
My First Storm
Luis Valencia Dec 2018
it feels like thunder
the first time always feels that way
he takes me in his hands and i melt
my body is overheating
i try to suppress my pleasure
i'm afraid to make a sound  
he kisses me
his lips are hot to the touch
everything about this is burning
sweat drips from our skin
his hands are holding mine and im lost
im feeling everything im feeling pleasure
the thunder booms
and i yelp and pant
then lighting strikes
it blooms all around us
it raises the hair on our skin
it flashes so quickly
i begin to relax
i feel warmth all over me
the rain begins to fall
and he lays beside me
i grab his hands and kiss his palms
the rain softens
and he pulls me closer
only he can create a storm inside my body
A tribute to the first time.
Dec 2018 · 262
Awake
Luis Valencia Dec 2018
I lay in silence
I feel a sense of bliss here  
Skin on skin
The taste of sin on my tongue
I lay in his bed
With his  blanket wrapped around me

The light peers in through an open window
The wind blows outside
Leaves hit the windows screen
And stick there

He is snoring
My head is on his chest
I love him
I trace my finger along his chest

He wakes with ease and smiles at me
His hair awkwardly sticks up
And he reaches toward me
We kiss for what seems like an eternity
I kiss him as if I’ll die if I don’t
As if he’s the only thing keeping me alive

I could stay like this forever
And if not forever
Maybes a few minutes more
-if we meet again-
-I love you-
Dec 2018 · 626
Restless
Luis Valencia Dec 2018
Dear Anyone

I lay awake listening to the sounds of a settling apartment
It creaks and moans and then goes still what I hate most is the silence
It’s ominous

I lay there in a cold bed
My chest feels tight
And my throat feels like it’s closing
My legs are shaking
My eyes are heavy

I ask for rest
I close my eyes and pray
I feel my hot breath escape my lips
My eyes burn and water leaks from them

I want to sleep
But I cannot
I think about leaving the room
But I’m scared I’ll disturb the silence

Tears try to leave my eyes
And my eyes begin to sting  
I cannot sleep
I will not sleep
Tonight.
Nov 2018 · 96
November 28 12:55 am
Luis Valencia Nov 2018
I miss feeling alive
Everything had a purpose back then

There was music in my heart
I want the melodies back
I want the harmonies inside my head
But alas the record that once played
Each sweet melody is broken
And I am left alone with my thoughts

My thoughts are a prison
Or a labyrinth
Either way I feel like im stuck there
The only time the feeling fades
Is when the sun comes out
And there is work to be done

I force myself out of bed evey morning
And I try to smile and make everyone -happy
But on the inside I’m dying

Im hiding in a facade of happiness
Crying behind a cracked smile
And watching as life passes me by

I miss the smell of dew covered roses
And the warmth of the sun on my face
I miss the quiet moments I used to have
Now thoughts of dark gray cloud any -sunshine

I want to exist
Because existing is way more easy
Than living
Especially when you’re not living your - truth
Oct 2018 · 605
Thoughts in my dorm
Luis Valencia Oct 2018
I smile
Hoping to give someone a reason
To talk to me
I’m ignored

Lately I’ve felt lonely
I have friends
But there is still an emptiness inside of
Me

I look at walls of beige
And carpet floors
I feel like I’m in a cage
Or a display case

Each day I live in a character
Someone who I wish I could be
I feel like I’m not genuine
I’m a clone of what society fixated as normal

It’s exhausting looking in the mirror
And seeing a ghost
Fighting it seems useless
It just crawls back into my mouth
And burrows there

Why must we become someone we’re not
To feel whole again
Jul 2018 · 183
Relapsed
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
Tonight I am scared
I hear voices
They dont like me

Tonight I think about all my insecurities  
The things I’ve done to be loved
The lengths I would go to feel wanted

Tonight I soak myself in hot water
Hoping to drown out the regrets I hold
Blinding myself from reality with steam

Tonight I pull the covers over my head flushing out the rays of light that are supposed to comfort me

Tonight I look at the moon
I wonder how many people are like me
Whoever is just know I’m sorry

Tonight I took one step forward
And a million steps back
I took my pills to sleep

Tonight I relapsed
Relapsed
Jul 2018 · 769
We look
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
I look at you
And I see the future
Of humanity
The pain
The suffering
And the peace

You look at me
And see nothing
For your eyes are blind to the truth
Scars from your past cloud your vision

We look at each other
There is a ominous static in the air
A heavy burden weighs on both of us
The undying love and our insecurities

I want
You want
We want
To be healed
Heal me please
Jul 2018 · 503
You
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
You
You were a work of art
Made from golden strokes of light
A picture of a thousand solar flares

You were a quiet wind
In the still of the night
As the leaves danced in the wind
You followed in their footsteps

You were a queen at a young age
Born to rule
Given every chance to be successful
Yet you wasted it on a boy who couldn’t love you

While you rotted away from a broken heart
Your parents tried to save you
They tried to paint you in gold
And remake the art work
That showed who you were

You took their brushes and ripped them to shreds
You gathered their paint and smeared it across a canvas Of miserableness
You tried to ruin each piece of art they made of you
When you crushed their brushes they were sent to tears
Yet they started painting with their fingers trying to reach out to you

You slowly realized that you were gold
And when you saw the art that showed who you were you began to cry
Tears of golden lace and crimson made way for the shower of rose patches on your cheeks

You are loved
Jul 2018 · 327
How my love may be
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
I feel like my heart is longing for affection
The heart cries and hopes that one day
It will see the light of love and feel it’s warmth

Its cold all alone
I grip my sheets at night hoping that
A warm body will be there
I nuzzle my head into my pillow wishing that it was a warm chest that I could lay on

In my head I see you
Holding me with your arms around my waist
Breathing softly against my neck
That vision makes my body feel warm
It gives me chills
It gives me hope

One day I hope to find someone like the man inside my head
I hope that he loves me and never leaves me
I want someone like him so badly.
Imagination
Jul 2018 · 1.3k
Once. Now. Forever.
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
It was once
In the stillness of night
I saw the eyes of an angel

He watched over me and carried me away
He guided me to mornings
He took my fears away

It was once
I loved a man
A man who was bold

He loved me
He kissed me
He made me feel secure

It was once
I suspected a lie that I realized
It would grow over time

My stomach had begun to churn
Life smacked me from the balconies
Onto the concrete below

It was only once
Those are the words that shot from his lips
The second that he was accused

His face was full of anger
A fist flew too quickly for me to react
A hard hand across a soft cheek

It was once
Then twice
Then three times

It was once
In my home I felt safe
Now im a hostage

Because I forgave him
Because I loved him
Because I needed him I stayed

It was only once
but I let it go on
I never asked him to stop

Now my face has a new bruise
Every night
And he gets what he wants every night

Once I was happy
Now life is hell
the memories of my mother
Jun 2018 · 244
To,
Luis Valencia Jun 2018
To,
To the man who stole my innocence
Kiss my ***

To the men who think its okay for them to ask me to expose myself for their pleasure
Kiss my ***

To the conservative women out there who think *** is unpleasurable
Leave your husbands

To the men who can’t please their wives take ******

To the old ladies who feed the stray cats of my hometown
Live like you’re young agaun

To the children who still dream never lose your minds

To those who are reading this keep pushing you are worth it.
....yeah kind of not sure what this is...
Jun 2018 · 297
sweet lie
Luis Valencia Jun 2018
Taste the lies
On the lips
Of your lover

Tell me it isn’t delicious
The saltiness of lust
And the sweetness of pain

Tell me how you betrayed me
The way your lips move taunt me
They make me shake

I love hearing you say things
The vibrations of your voice
Take the thoughts of longing away

Kiss my hips
Kiss my chest
My lips

Tell me you love me
Even if its just lust
I want your lies

They fuel the fire
Of passion
In me

Even if its all
Just a fantasy
He kissed me once
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