One more sip, I promise,
But my sips turned into gulps
And I started reaching for bottles instead of cups.
One more inhalation I said,
But a stick was no longer adequate,
So I began buying packs again.
One more slit, I begged,
But now my pale canvas is dyed crimson red
And my drawers, full of rusted blades.
To have grown and matured all alone.
To have come so far on my own,
But all of that seems to have been for naught.
The nights start getting sombre once more
and my mind begins its repetition of collecting cynical thoughts.
A night of relapse
Brings upon months of regrets.
And I’m pushed back to square one
All over again.
It's late at night; I'm supposed to be dreaming
I want so badly to go into the bliss of unconsciousness
I can't bring myself to
I've let a river of red flow once again while sloppy rain drops created puddles
I've done it again; its all my fault
Tonight I am scared
I hear voices
They dont like me
Tonight I think about all my insecurities
The things I’ve done to be loved
The lengths I would go to feel wanted
Tonight I soak myself in hot water
Hoping to drown out the regrets I hold
Blinding myself from reality with steam
Tonight I pull the covers over my head flushing out the rays of light that are supposed to comfort me
Tonight I look at the moon
I wonder how many people are like me
Whoever is just know I’m sorry
Tonight I took one step forward
And a million steps back
I took my pills to sleep
Tonight I relapsed
This is the second time now that you have left me.
Abandoned, alone, asking myself why. Why am I such a creep?
Why couldn't I keep you?
This is the second time now that you have hurt me.
Emotionally and physically inflicted pain on my self.
And it's not your fault.
Do I just sit here and cry and drown in my own pathetic pity,
Just to be hauled up again by you telling me I'm pretty.
I shouldn't rely on your compliments to make me happy.
You make me happy.
Avoiding you is the worst thing I can do.
Shut my door and scream "who made me feel this sad?!" And the answer is you.
I don't want it to be you.
We're all fixated on finding the one, but
What if my one has another one?
I remember the second time you played for me,
The piano piece as beautiful as your big blue eyes
That My hobby was to stare into as you talked about nothing,
Hoping that one day we would be something.
How foolish of me to fall in love
With the girl I couldn't go a day without thinking of.
Now all the songs that you play, sound as minor as my brain.
And because I love you so much, no one can take away that pain.
I binge on poems:
Poems about broken glass
And broken people.
I allow myself
A missed meal,
A forgotten snack.
The blissfully ignorant
Rumble of my stomach.
But I don't starve,
I was a puker.
My greed takes over
In the haze of smoke
And the smell of his cologne.
I'm too fat
To be sick,
thoughts only make sense when they are poems.
— The End —