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Laiba Jul 2020
My heart is beating so fast
Fast like fast
Faster then fast
The  urge is to self harm
My heart beated fast
My mind acted fast
Officially relapsed after being clean for so many months and its all because i feel low I feel anxious I feel worthless
Im on a soft spin
Momma I let the devil in.
Mother Mary pray for me,
don't let Luther win.
its a substance I replace,
to get some feelings to swim.
in my veins to my brains
I love the way he sings.
I fell again but not low, I'm able to swim.
Asyura May 2019
One more sip, I promise,
But my sips turned into gulps
And I started reaching for bottles instead of cups.
One more inhalation I said,
But a stick was no longer adequate,
So I began buying packs again.
One more slit, I begged,
But now my pale canvas is dyed crimson red
And my drawers, full of rusted blades.
To have grown and matured all alone.
To have come so far on my own,
But all of that seems to have been for naught.
The nights start getting sombre once more
and my mind begins its repetition of collecting cynical thoughts.
A night of relapse
Brings upon months of regrets.
And I’m pushed back to square one
All over again.
Ella Mclaughlin May 2019
It's late at night; I'm supposed to be dreaming

I want so badly to go into the bliss of unconsciousness

I can't bring myself to

I've let a river of red flow once again while sloppy rain drops created puddles

I've done it again; its all my fault
Luis Valencia Jul 2018
Tonight I am scared
I hear voices
They dont like me

Tonight I think about all my insecurities  
The things I’ve done to be loved
The lengths I would go to feel wanted

Tonight I soak myself in hot water
Hoping to drown out the regrets I hold
Blinding myself from reality with steam

Tonight I pull the covers over my head flushing out the rays of light that are supposed to comfort me

Tonight I look at the moon
I wonder how many people are like me
Whoever is just know I’m sorry

Tonight I took one step forward
And a million steps back
I took my pills to sleep

Tonight I relapsed
Jenna Morcombe Jun 2015
This is the second time now that you have left me.
Abandoned, alone, asking myself why. Why am I such a creep?
Why couldn't I keep you?

This is the second time now that you have hurt me.
Emotionally and physically inflicted pain on my self.
I've relapsed.-
And it's not your fault.

Do I just sit here and cry and drown in my own pathetic pity,
Just to be hauled up again by you telling me I'm pretty.
I shouldn't rely on your compliments to make me happy.
You make me happy.

Avoiding you is the worst thing I can do.
Shut my door and scream "who made me feel this sad?!" And the answer is you.
I don't want it to be you.

We're all fixated on finding the one, but
What if my one has another one?

I remember the second time you played for me,
The piano piece as beautiful as your big blue eyes
That My hobby was to stare into as you talked about nothing,
Hoping that one day we would be something.

How foolish of me to fall in love
With the girl I couldn't go a day without thinking of.

Now all the songs that you play, sound as minor as my brain.
And because I love you so much, no one can take away that pain.
pixels Aug 2014
I binge on poems:
Poems about broken glass
And broken people.

I allow myself
A missed meal,
A forgotten snack.

How innocuous,
The blissfully ignorant
Rumble of my stomach.

But I don't starve,
Oh no-
I was a puker.

My greed takes over
In the haze of smoke
And the smell of his cologne.

I'm fine,
I'm fine,
I'm fine.

I'm too fat
To be sick,
thoughts only make sense when they are poems.

— The End —