I have my hands in my pocket
as I paced on the aisle.

Wondering what went wrong.

The stillness of the night gave me reprieve from the raging emotions that're trying to break free from my chest.

Thinking when it all went wrong.

I stopped in front of the old wooden door and stared at it.

Replaying in my mind how you turned your back and ran.

And I told myself, "Love isn't enough."

My cynical persona had shown,
Into the black oblivion it blown,
I looked up the golden light,
I found nothing in my plight

I have waited ‘till morn,
I watched the sun be born,
I prayed for it to come back,
I know faith is what I lack

I walked the windy road,
In a slump as if I carry load,
On a dune I sat,
I welcomed it with a pat

I sat wistfully,
Remembering the day vividly,
I found not my cynicism,
Conviction is my fanaticism.

Love. A word so simple yet its meaning eludes me. Like playing hide and seek. You know it's there, but you just can't seem to find it.

Or am I just thinking it? Maybe I am the one who's hiding from it. Maybe I am the one that it seeks.

Yet I remain hidden.

Because I am afraid.

Afraid not of love, but all that it entails.

I do not think it's wrong to hide from it. But until I am ready, I will keep myself tucked away.

I hope love waits.

I hope love finds its patience as I am not easily convinced.

Just give me time--just a brief respite.

Tomorrow, I will be the seeker.

Tomorrow, I will meet you halfway.

You shine like the stars,
But I wane like the moon.

You burn like a flame,
But I dive under the waters.

Unable to look at your beauty.
Unable to withstand your passion.

My emotions are like the raging sea during a storm,
Uncontrollable and unforgiving.

Lashing out at everything.
Ravaging all that it can.

You are the warm rays of the sun in the morning.
Calming and peaceful.

Bringing joy to those who behold you,
Saving all that it can.

And I do not deserve that. Just as you do not deserve my chaos.

But darling I hope that you do not tire.
I beg you to await me.

Let me search for my anchor, so that I may finally be able to say, "I'm home."

The way you pulled me into the kiss was electrifying.

You embraced me as if I would disappear--tight and passionate.

The affirmation it led me to believe was blissful. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

It was the scene playing in my mind as you try to worm your way out.

Out of this situation I can no longer control.

It was like I'm in a vortex, trying to reassert whatever control I have left.

Trying to swim ashore with all my might.

Trying to save whatever's left in the wreckage.

But it was all for naught.

I saw your face through eyes clouded with tears. Your face was full of confusion, anger and guilt.

I tried to pull you into my embrace but you pulled away.

You pulled away like I was a fiery coal you accidentally touched.

It was then that I got my affirmation: I wasn't enough.

I had to let go.

Each night I look at the bright sky and think to myself: how nice would it be if I could just fly away?

Without fear, and without looking back.

And to leave everything behind. Without fear and shame.

To let to go of things tethering me--feelings I want to hide and thoughts I'd rather bury at the deepest recesses of my mind.

Thoughts so cluttered even I would drown in them: words, images, memories, and feelings.

I would rather escape them.

But all these are part of me; escape is futile.

I could embrace them.

I am not perfect, and I should accept that imperfection is part of me.

I should accept that chaos is not always bad.

I should accept that there is beauty in chaos.

I am chaotic.

I am beautiful.

I can't fathom how a night such as this can bring out the ghosts I've tried so hard to avoid.

Perhaps, they aren't ghosts at all.

Perhaps, I've just been under the sunlight in so long that I've forgotten.

They were silhouettes of cluttered thoughts and feelings I promised I would fix.

They were voices in the night trying to pull me back to reality.

But tonight, I closed my eyes and ignored the ghosts.

Tonight is about the moonlight I bask myself in.

Tonight, I smiled and waited for the dawn.

I waited 'til I felt the gentle touch of the warm sunshine on my skin.

I opened my eyes, and thought to myself: the ghosts can wait.

Dangerous thoughts are swirling inside my mind.

Beckoning to me; begging me to free them.

But I can't.

For if I do, I know that I will be, once again, submerged into a state of nothingness.

And I'm afraid that I will not be able to come back.

You sat on a bench,
In a cold night,
You looked up to the sky,
then closed your eyes

Your little hands held on to the seat,
while you moved your legs back and forth
back and forth
while feeling the cold night air

Little by little,
snow began to fell
you smiled
and began to hum

You opened your eyes
and felt delight
as twinkling lights
filled your sight

In your eyes,
there wouldn't be anything better
In your mind, you thought
"I hope this lasts forever."

My hands are itching to write once again.

But my mind is blank.

Words form a pool of blank ink inside my head that my hands fail to write that first letter. That first word.

It's like I'm playing hide and seek, and I fail to find what I am looking for; or what I want to look for.

It only gets worse.

And the sea of ink, turns into a gray slate of nothingness.

My heart is thumping. But I am not afraid nor nervous. I am not excited either.

My ears aren't covered, yet I can't hear what's going on outside.

The only thing I can perceive is the emptiness inside my head.

The only thing I can understand is the eerie silence of the words that I tried to write.

the relentless gale has once again come into the quiet night,
trying to wake me in my unending reverie,

never have i thought how tiring it would be,
to be the one to hold the onslaught at bay,
of things i would happily keep,
in the deep recesses of my deranged mind.

I thought I have gotten over my insanity.
But it seems that it is the only thing
that keeps me grounded.
I know it's a bit strange to say that,
but the thing is, it is the only thing
that never left me.
And instead of hating it,
I slowly came to like it;
like it to the point
that I don't want to part with it,
because when I do,
I will unravel.
I'll die emotionally.
And I won't be able
get back from it.

I am drowning
in a sea ravaged
by storm.

I couldn't keep up
with the onslaught
of waves.

My arms are getting numb,
my legs are burning,
my lungs are slowly
loosing oxygen.

Try as I might,
I can't swim back
ashore.

And slowly,
I stopped moving
and I let the waves
bring me down.

And I am sinking.

Sinking deeper
in the abyss
of an addled mind.

Sinking in the
comforting hands
of insanity.

Sinking in the lilting
voice of madness.

Tonight,
I want you
to hold me tight
until I forget
all the worries,
insecurities,
and fears
that I keep
inside my
heart
and mind.

Thank you for the ride,
for the magic,
happiness,
and the other
roller coaster ride of
emotions you evoked
in me.

Thank you for the adventure,
for the trail of memories
you left in my head.

Thank you for the book
that you gave me;
for the words and feelings
that we've shared together,
will forever be
embellished in my heart.

And lastly, thank you for
the company. There will
never be an escapade
as adventurous,
as fun,
and as magical
as what we had.

And this is good bye.

But I'm hopeful because,
one good bye will mean
another hello.

i don't know if what i'm feeling is real,
but what i know is that i want
to stay by your side.

i don't know if what i think about you
is real, but i know that what you are
as beautiful as the stars in the sky.

i don't know if what i see in you
is the real deal, but I know that
your eyes shine the brightest
when you pluck the strings
of your old guitar.

i don't know if you are real,
but i know that when you hold
her hand, you are more real
than i ever saw you.

and that crushes me the most.

There are so many things I know,
but you are an exception.
Darling, reading you is as difficult
as forgetting...

You are a repository of enigma.

the more i try to stop myself
the more i get addicted to you
and if this is how it feels
i'd gladly savor it
until i get sick of it

Him: "I'm afraid. Afraid of rejection."

And this is what I told him: "Then you're just subjecting yourself to something that has little or no value. Rejection is nothing but a notion. A norm. Just a word. But we are afraid of it because we give it power. Power to scare us witless. We become fools. Afraid of our own illusions. Only we can break it. Break the illusion, break the fear, break the norm, break rejection."

I am tired.
I just want to rest.
I want to keep my eyes closed,
and my heart intact.
But it's too late for that.
'cause you've already shot me,
and I wasn't able
to dodge the bullet.

I thought I could handle it
but, dear, you left me on the pavement,
and I felt ice cold pain in my chest,
preventing me from moving from
where I am,
I could follow you but I didn't
because, in the end, I know
that you'll still make the same decision,
and I'll be broken all over again.

Sometimes, we have to let ourselves be taken and guided by our feelings. When you feel that you've got to do something, do it. When you feel, that you have to see someone or something, do it. When you feel that you want to get something for yourself, do it. It is not bad to be a little selfish, because sometimes, we give too much to other people and too little to ourselves. We are just humans. We easily get into things that sometimes deprive us of our needs and wants.

So what does the first line have to do with all of what I have said. When I say feelings, it refers to the heart. When the heart speaks, you must listen. Because, when a heart speaks, expect no deception, confusion, and second guessing; expect only purely good intention. Because, when a heart speaks, it speaks the truth—your innermost desire. Because when the heart speaks, it shouts what the soul whispers. Because, when the heart speaks, you are taken care for. And lastly, when a heart speaks, you become the person you were meant to be.

I was too scared
to fall,
I was so selfish,
to give you
my love,
but dear,
now, I am too
scared to
let you go.

It wasn't intentional,
not at all,
but when I entered
the door, the first person
I saw was you.

It wasn't intentional,
not really,
but in that instant
I felt like I connected
with you.

It wasn't intentional,
I'm not sure,
but when I heard you
sing, my heart fluttered,
and I know I was
doomed to feel heartbreak
once more.

That was when I realized,
although the moment
was fleeting, we were meant
to meet, but never fated.

It wasn't intentional,
but I do hope that
you'll let me love you,
even just through your
bittersweet songs.

I have
been pleading
for somebody
to come
and sing me lullabies
to help me
sleep at night

Just one night
is all I ask.

We're two people
not stranger to love,
yet we find ourselves
chasing it uphill,
until we tire and it
gets farther, and farther
from us until we can't
see it any longer.

We're forced to
trudge the trail,
silently hoping
that we'll
find it again
because I believe
that we're two people
not stranger to love.

how i wish
to see
your eyes
looking at me
like i'm the
only one thing
in this place
that will ever
attract your gaze

How does it feel to fly?

Well, I can only imagine. But wouldn't you feel alone in the sky?

But I really think it's fun. Don't you think so, too?

I do, but wouldn't it be better to fly with someone?

With whom?

With someone you cherish.

It's a bit sappy. I don't like it.

Why not?

Just because.

You really have a weird sense of logic.

I don't need your opinion.

We shouldn't even be talking about this. We're grown-ups.

Is that so? But I really think this is a better topic than a typical topic adults talk about.

Like what?

Like politics, education, climate change, and whatnot.

But those are good topics. And you will learn a lot from them.

I know, but it's so routinary and repetitive. It's becoming a bother and
they're kind of boring.

Well, what do you want to talk about?

Something out of the ordinary.

And you think a topic about flying is "out of the ordinary?"

Yes, I do.

How so?

Well, because it is.

Why won't you give me a straight answer?

Well you see, in a conversation such as this, the answer lies on your own understanding. I can't give you an answer because I don't want to impose on you my own understanding. You have to find it on your own.

That's some deep ****.

But I'm not kidding. You see, we think of such conversations as petty or inconvenient. But by conversing with this kind of topic, we can think and imagine further. Typical adult-topics may be seen as something worth talking about, well, I don't digress, really. It's just that, what you say is very limited. It does not give you any chance to make your mind work. What you say is what you know. But the conversation we just held, made us ask, react, think freely, imagine, and moreover, it didn't restrict us. What you think of as petty and childish may be really something extraordinary.

You really are unpredictable, you know that? I didn't think you would be able to think up of such answer.

Well, I tried.

Show-off.

Well, that, I digress with.

People come and go
in a place full of
old relics and bones,
just like a place in
a person's heart,
where love is lost
and memories are
its bittersweet companion.

We all have seen
people,
places,
and different situations
that questions
everything we have learned,
believed,
seen,
and heard.
It is up to us whether to
label those things
as mere fallacies,
or to uphold them
as utter truths.
But this isn't always the case.
The process of acceptance
is not always easy.
It involves a lot of self-berating,
self-loathing,
listless moments,
melancholic states,
and finally,
reluctant adaption,
to the current norms,
notion,
and societal views,
that forces us to change
our views,
our versions of truths,
our perception of reality,
and our own self-image.
We must always beware
those situations; let it not
deter you.
For, dear, you are
what you are,
and what you believe;
your conviction,
your truths,
your freedom from
these mind-altering moments,
will not be taken away from you.
Do not let yourself
be washed away
by the waves of
fanaticism.

Our bodies sway to the music,
twirling,
sliding,
hopping,
on the slick wooden floor.

Our hands clasped together,
in this melody,
our feet draws intricate patterns,
as beautiful as the galaxies
in the expanse
of the cosmos,
on the slick wooden floor.

Our hearts beat faster,
and faster,
blood rushing in
our veins,
our breath mists
as we feel our energies
ebb away.

Our bodies exposed
to each other,
caressing,
holding,
each fingertips,
embedded on our
heated skin.

Our bodies touching,
our hips swaying
to the music
as we dance on the
slick wooden floor.

Our sweat drops,
our clothes crumpling,
as we dance along
on the slick wooden floor.

Our senses tingles,
becoming sensitive,
to each other;
each touch,
each whispers,
each exhalation,
everything within us,
are enjoined.

We move
in sync
with the tempo
of the music,
on the
slick wooden floor.

The exhilaration
of this dance,
will forever
be remembered.

We sat under a star-filled sky,
talking,
thinking,
gazing
at each other.

We sat under a cloudless sky,
holding hands as you lean on my shoulder,
wondering
where we are heading.

We stood under the pouring rain,
shouting,
denying,
hurting,
losing what we have,
what could have been,
and what should have been.

I sat under a starless sky,
blank,
reaching out
to the void,
hoping it would consume,
this unending pain;
hoping it would consume,
this utter dreamless life.