I've been keeping my hair short
Because you liked it long,
And I'm not strong enough
To relive the feeling I got
When you ran your hands through it.

So I'll continue to cut off
The ends that are dead
Because you are too
And it makes me feel closer to you
Somehow.

It's 3am
I'm on the couch (too far from you)
Feet soaking in an old cooking ***
Filled to the brim with cold water
Fading in
Fading out.
Morning light creeps in
And I wonder if I've slept at all.

I took your picture every winter
And in the summer it would melt.

I held the pieces in my hands
So you'd understand how I felt.

You said the ice has kept you safe
From the pain shone from above.

Until (me) the sun had come to earth
and showed you how to love.

The past few years have been nothing
But getting pushed down
And somehow standing back up.
I don't know how I do it, really.

It's like a never-ending storm
And I don't have a raincoat.
But walking along, soaking wet
Is soothing now.

Even when thoughts of death
Clouded my vision
And I sought help
I was turned down.

How did I survive?

I'm here,
I'm alive,
I'm trying to live my best life
I'm trying to be the best version of "me".

That's all any of us can do, right?

So I brush the dirt from my knees,
Wipe my hands on my pants
And continue about my day.

Where has your passion gone?
Is it buried down deep?
Are you only letting it out
In the safety of your sleep?

I'm tired love,
Of being your energy.
Find something that fuels you
Since I fear it's not me.

I wish I could ignite the flame
That you've let die
But I'm holding wet matches
That refuse to dry.

Please dear,
Just try...

I feel as though I
May be the biggest fake I know.
Perfecting the art
Of acting like I know what I'm doing when
Self doubt clouds my
Thoughts until I fall apart. But
Every time I think of how lucky I am I
Realize I worked hard for this.

A Raven spoke to me this morning.
He asked, "follow me?"
I asked him, "where?"
His only response: A blank stare.

So I spit out more questions like,
"how do we get there?", "will we be gone long?"
He took a long breath. "My dear, your questions are all wrong."

Feeling defeated, I let out a sigh.
Eyes burning, I threatened to cry
The raven seemed to know why
And took to the sky.

He told me I too could fly,
I only need try.

Is everything okay?
     Everything is great! I had a great day, it's sunny outside, everyone is happy, I love life.

Is everything okay?
     I mean yeah, today was a good day, I got through it fine, it went quick and I learned new things.

Is everything okay?
     I think so, I don't remember anything not being okay...

Is everything okay?
    I don't know, I feel off, did I make a mistake? Did I say all the right things?

Is everything okay?
    Maybe not, is my cat feeling okay? Are my parents alright?

Is everything okay?
     No! I must've done something wrong, I bet everyone is mad at me. I'm lazy, I'm dumb, I can't do anything right!

"Hey, is everything okay?"
     "Oh yeah, totally fine, how about you?"

The holidays are empty.
But let's be honest,
I am too.

Because all I want
For Christmas
Is to spend time with you.

Stale cigarettes
Is the smell of my childhood.
And how burnt out am I
To feel nostalgic at that scent.

It was all carefree
As I played with fire
And I still had you
To call my friend.

But the fire quickly
Consumed us
And our lives
Went up in smoke.

All I want right now is rough *** and rock and roll, a hot bath and a loaded bowl.
To let loose a scream and eat chocolate ice cream.
To say "I'm fine" and have my turn to shine.

Because I detest that I need some rest, I try my best to reach the crest and keep from falling back

D
O
W
N

Am I the only one
That loves others this much?
This instantly?
This intensely

I miss the days when we were young
And inseparable.
Friendships meant more.

I feel like I never grew out of those friendships
But they grew out of me.

All I want is for someone to text me all the time,
Invite me out all the time,
Just want to be in my presence and hang out.
Is this selfish?

I give and I give.
Until there's nothing left
But the wondering if I'm even
A good friend to have.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
Just to find myself
On top of a mountain
Far away from home.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
Just to find you
On top of a mountain
Waiting for me.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
Just to to escape the world.
On top of a mountain
I would find peace.

I'd walk 1,000 miles
And then I'd walk 1,000 more.