Born without the gift of intellect
Not a choice, not something to predict
Wishing that he could just be smart
Never knowing it would tear him apart
Never knowing a woman's soft embrace
Cannot remember his family's face
Just a boy without grace
Was he happy? Or was he misplaced?
But then he was fed by the gift of science
Never knowing it was a deadly alliance
Sacrificed his only life
To lay beneath the operations knife
Smarter and smarter Charlie became
A young at mind a foolish boy without a name
Thought a brain to see the world would give him rest
Until he realized normal life wasn't the best
The cold face of his memories shielded by glass
Broken and shattered they began to crash
Charlie soon met despair and desire
But was this his experience to acquire?
Charlie learned that with science came flaw
Yes beneath it, they never saw
Charlie would be back to himself
Just a boy trapped in a man
A secret, not meant to tell

Death was not unfamilar to me. I'd killed my share of things classified as monsters. I wasn't complaining really, my job kept the humans safe. I just felt guilty, I was practically a monster myself. They call us Warriors of the night, we're not Vampires, we are born with extra strenght and a long life span. I was born a long time ago, I was raised to **** monsters that terrorize the human race. Since I was six, I'd been trained to ****. I was a killing machine, best of my kind. Yet somehow, even though what I do is considered an honor, I don't feel proud. I've been doing my job much to long, and lately I'd began getting sloppy with my work. God knows Rowan would be one ****** of boss if he heard about me letting the group of baby Werewolves. I wasn't a complete heartless ******* to **** a bunch of babies.
    I might've been two years ago, before the whole incident happened. I layed my head in my hands, I couldn't go there, not now. I needed a clear head. My small apartment in Master Singu's house was getting messy. I hadn't had time to clean lately with all of the monster attacks that had been popping up lately. Ghouls, Goblins, Oni, Ogre, you name it and it's been attacking. Wasn't much we could do with the Banshee, they were more of a signifier then a monster. A signifier of death, and usually they gave me a heads up if the person who's house it's been surrounding, is gonna die. Banshee were cruel looking creatures, never gotten to close to one, they make **** sure of that. Not sure I ever want to. They were ruled by the one and only, Death. And i will gladly stay as far from death as possible. Haven't heard too many good things about him. Death is one of the Four horsemen. Scariest ******* in the underworld, and I would gladly never meet any of deaths brothers or sisters, what ever the gender their welcome to stay away. There was a soft knock on my door, io glanced at the clock on the wall, it was already three. Warriors worked night shift basically, since thats the time most monsters like to come out.
    The victorian styled door was a black cherry carved wood, with a ancient symbols carved in so no evil spirit couls cross into my apartment, so I wasnt worried any monster was at my door. But I was suprised to see Cameron when I opened the door. Cameron and I used to work the nights together until he'd gone off and gotten married to Sylvia, who was a vampire. Vampires were only considered monsters when they didnt follow the rules. No feeding off of unwilling people, only donors, and they couldnt go around killing people. Their biggest rule though was not to tell any human what they were, Warriors like me had a lot of people to execute.
   "Cameron, never thought I'd see you around here anymore," just as I was talking to him I realized, Cameron looked scared and desperate. Unlike someone who spent his life killing evil monsters that were twice the size of him. " What's wrong Cameron?" He shook his head and walked past me, through the door and into the living room. "It's Sylvia, Theon please help me," Camerons voice was going all thick and his eye's all watery. This was deffinetly something bad. " Tell me, what has happened with Sylvia?" I needed Cameron in his most focused form to help me out, but as I looked at the shaking man I knew he was beyond that. " You remember the king vampire we took down to save Sylvia?" Cameron said quitely, but I knew instantly what vampire he was talking about. That vampire had killed Abelia. I quickly swept that from my mind and focused back on Cameron. " Yes I remember, "  I had no idea where Cameron was going with this. " You remember his brother than, the one that got away, he said that we would both pay. He, ah, made you pay that day. I never thought that he would carry out with his threat. He kidnapped Sylvia, and Sylvia is pregnant, " Cameron almost lost it right there.
    I never thought that, pip squeak of a vampire had it in him, but he was smart and possesed powers we hadn't known about until we had come across them. Their king that we had slayed, had been capturing girls of all species and abusing them in such barbaric ways.
We had to put an end to his affairs, and we did but his brother wasn't too happy about it. He'd done one of his tricks and manifested behind Abelia and snapped her neck. Everything for me had stopped, all I could hear was the blood in my veins. I didn't breath, I could still remember the deafining roar I had unleashed as my monster had gripped me, took the reins and killed all of the mans servants.
Blood had bathed the walls that night, not even the crickets dared to sing. The sun rose late that morning, and I sat inside this very apartment, on that very couch, and cried. For the very first time, I had cried until my eye's swelled shut, until my throat could bare no more. Until I passed out.
    "We'll get them back Cameron, don't worry. For now get some rest, we'll start investigating later tonight, I have meeting to attend," I was going to **** that ******* when I found him. He had taken my only love from me, and he would pay this time, I would make that absoultely certain. Cameron nodded and headed for the door. It was a long way back to his house, and he crossed quite a few bridges. I didn't want him making any bad decisions, " Cameron you can crash here, I have a guest room your welcome here man," I say casually so he doesn't get all prideful. He stops and looks at me for a moment then nods " Yeah, thanks man, and also thank you for agreeing to help me on this I know it's a bit of a touchy subject for you, just know i appreciate it." He made his way down the hall, I listened for the soft click of the door shuting before i went to leave.
    I grabbed my coat, and the keys to my Ducatti and ducked out the door. The hallway was long and at the end of it was two flights of srairs, I lived on the third floor. My motorcycle was parked right were I left it, it was a beauty. Black and red sleek metal and nice leather seats. I loved the bike so much I had named her Racer. I loved to drive fast, and so did she. I tore off out of the parking lot and listened to the purr of her engine on the way to Rowan's , my boss, office. It wasnt to far, but I wasn't in a rush either so i took the long road just to stall. I knew Rowan planned on giving me a partner. Probably some ****** that didnt know his way around a swiss army blade, let alone a sword. Warriors didnt use guns unless absoultely necessary. I loved the feel of my sword slicing through the air. I didn't, however, enjoy the noisy bang of a gun. A sword was like another limb, you have to trust it to take you were you need to go.
    Rowan's office light was on, and I could make out the form of three bodies. Great, I knew it, Rowan was going to assign me a partner.
I hated partners, the only one I'd ever slightly enjoyed had been Cameron. I got off my bike, patted the seat for good luck, and made my way into Rowans office. When I pulled open the door I was ready to yell at Rowan for even thinking of giving me a partner, instead i dropped my hand off the doorknob. " *******," was all I coluld say. I was stunned to silence.

Valor Gates poured her younger siblings cereal, they sat at their broken kitchen table.  The cereal was stale and she wasnt sure if the milk was spoiled.  Her anxiety was through the roof, her mother hadn't come home last night.  It wasnt anything new, her mom was a drug addict, she would go out to the club and not come home, sometimes not even for days.  She wouldnt call, or text to let Valor know she was okay, or where she was.  She couldn't even call the police the times she went missing for days, because she knew they would call child services, and they would take the twins from her.  Angela Gates was the typical ****** mom, got pregnant at sixteen, she had no way to support a child except through her now ex boyfriend Charles,who she had cheated on, hence Valor.  Charles had sacrificed his teen years to try and raise Valor, he'd been a father to her, and she loved him for it.  He left six years ago, a little bit before the twins were born, they also weren't his.  Valor at ten years old had taken on the mother roll when the twins were born. She'd even named them, Andrew and Abigail.  She thought of them as her own.  She taught them how to read, she'd taught herself to read.  She taught them how to tie their ripped hand down shoes, she hadn't learned tell she was eight.  She taught them how to ride a bike, she didn't know how.  She taught them how to swim, she'd never been to a lake or a pool before that.  Valor went to school part time, then skipped the rest of the day to go to her job at the hardware store.  She got payed minimum wage, her paycheck went to the bills, and the small portion left went to the groceries.  She got the twins clothes from the shelter, or from neighbors whose kids had grown out of them.  She hadn't gotten any new clothes, or new anything since two years ago when Charles bought her some clothes and a cheap ipod for her birthday.  Those gifts had meant everything to her.  Valor sat down in the broken stool by her little brother and patted his little blonde head.  The twins were beautiful Andrew was tall for a six year old with short blonde hair and giant blue eyes.  Abigail was just as gorgeous, she already had thick hair to her tiny waist in tumbles of blonde satin, her eyes though were very different.  One was as blue as Andrews and the other was the same mossy green as Valor's.  Valor wasnt a blonde with blue eyes, she saw her self plain with thick long brown hair, and shining mossy green eyes.  She worked out to stay fit, and she didnt get to eat much in fear that the twins wouldnt get enough food.  She dug out a small cheap phone that Charles had boughten for emergencies , the small screen was blank.  Her mother hadn't stumbled into the house and to her room like always.  Valors heartbeat picked up two notches and sh could hear the blood rushing in her ears.  She had a anxeity disorder that also gave her a bit of OCD.  Her OCD was extreme cleaning.  Everything had to be neat, she thought it was because her life was in such disaray that the one mess she did have control of had to be perfectly in place.  
She debated weather she should call Charles and ask if he'd seen her.

Hills on top of fathomless hills  
Where I have built my home
I walked here through the driest desserts
Swam here through the deepest seas
Hiked here through blizzards on mountains
A little piece taken each moment  
Until I reached these hills
At top the rise of the earth
I look out at the universe
I can look out and say
I have been here
I have left my mark
Where it is the most important
I can look at the people building
Their  homes and dreams and goals
And know they to will stand about
Their own hill, they will know that they
Made a difference in the world
Just by breathing the air
By making one laugh
And with that I may stray to the Mothers
Arms
And be sound , knowing I did my part

United we stand
Divided we fall
This Nation is Grand?
No, not at all

Hatred for a human being
Because one doesn't understand
I can't believe what I am seeing
I can't believe this land

Cover our eyes from the truth
Plug our ears to their words
Quiet them down, remain aloof
Pretend they never heard

This can't be the land of the free
The land of the very brave
Tears, fear and death I see
This is America the Grave

All the flowers slung low to the frosted ground,
But one that shone above the others,
That vibrant flower trying so hard to impress,
But the cold frosted flowers paid no mind to it,
The vibrant flower soon discouraged,
Covered it'd petals with dirt,
And soon began to blend in,
Why must we all be the same?
When we are all born unique,
They don't appreciate their own uniqueness,
So they shoot down yours,
This vicious cycle repeating,
When will it end?

Summer, my missed friend
I'm waiting for winter to end
I miss your rays
As you smile bright
I miss the warm days
As I lay beneath your light
I miss the laugher you filled me with
I miss the leaves that flood the trees
I miss the breeze that I snuggled in
And the happiness you granted me
I miss the trips to the lake
And the days spent with my friends
I miss the way the sun would shake
And made the day seem like it would never end
I miss the gentle winds at night
And how I comfortably sat beneath the stars
I miss the summers moonlight
As I lay on the hood of the car
I miss the water wars I would fight
And the bomb fires we sat around
I miss the summer landscape sight
And the heat of the ground
So dear summer please come quick
My soul is in need of your warmth
Your warm smiles so thick
I will openly absorb

The sun is an arrogant thing, always leaving the world behind when it tires of us.

The moon is a loyal companion.

It never leaves. It’s always there, watching, steadfast, knowing us in our light and dark moments, changing forever just as we do. Every day it’s a different version of itself. Sometimes weak and wan, sometimes strong and full of light. The moon understands what it means to be human.

Uncertain. Alone. Cratered by imperfections.

Nothing could've prepared me for the geared up beauty on the other side of the door. " Oh good, Theon you finally decided to show up. Now before you start yelling about how you don't need a partner, I'd like you to meet Quorra. She just transferred from another guild for some personal reasons, and she's very excited to become partners," Rowan was talking but I couldn't take my eyes from her.
     She was absolutely beautiful. Long, sleek black hair with red tips, full pink lips. And haunting green eyes. This partnership was going to **** me.
No way could I consentrate on killing monsters while she was in action. I could just imagine how her hair would spin as she swung a sword. Realizing she'd been talking to me I decided I should probably stop drooling like a twelve year old boy, and listen.
    " When they told me I could be partnered with Theon the great legend I was shocked as much as I was ecstatic . I'm sorry if I sound lame but I grew up hearing stories about you," Quorra's smile was so wide I was surprised her face hadn't cracked.
"Ah yes, I'm not quite as exciting as the stories convey," I was doing my best to look her in the eye. I wasn't the social butterfly that I used to be.
Maybe it was my growing age, while my physical appearance didn't look a year older than twenty five, my soul grew old with the battle wounds acquired by many years of this life. I was a soldier in need of a break but would no doubt be drafted as soon as my feet hit fresh soil. Abelia was the one who loved being surronded by people, I would let her drag me to her dinners and social outings but she was the one who enjoyed them. I only enjoyed seeing her happy. Her eyes used to twinkle with excitement.
   I averted my eyes, in fear Quorra might pick up on my suppressed emotions. " Hardly believable," she smiled softly. Rowan lounged against the wall with a mocking smirk on his face. When Quorra turned her back to me to sift through her bag I flicked Rowan off, not just for that look on his face, but for the future hell I was about to endure.
    Rowan then decided to drop the biggest bomb on me then, while I was already suffering.
"By the way, Theon, Quorra is going to need a place to stay. And since you have that giant apartment all to yourself , I told her she could stay at your place. Is that cool?" even though he put it as a question , there was only one answer he would take. " Ah, ya sure," I said quickly, wishing I could run out the door and not come back.  Rowan took pleasure in my obvious displeasure.
"Thank you Theon, it's only temporar. Untill I get my own place, then I'll be out of your hair ," Quorra said smiling at me tenitivly, looks like I wasn't the only one feeling uncomfortable.
     Grabbing her bag that sat by the door, I turned to go outside. " I have a car that you can put that in, ah , do you need a ride?" Quorra stammered out quickly. It was amazing how fast things could get awkward. "No, you can follow me to the apartment, it's not far from here, " I said briskly .
Outside I noticed a black SUV parked in the darkest corner of the parking lot. Smart, I hadn't noticed the car going in.  She clicked a button that was on her keychain and the lights on the car flickered. "Is the motorcycle yours?" she asked going to the back of the car to pop open the door .
"Yeah, she's mine," I replied loading her bag into the back. She didn't have much on her. So either she came in a hurry , or she didn't keep much on her.  Rowan had said she'd transferred for personal reasons. "It's beautiful, does It go fast?"
She crossed her arms and leaned against the side of the car. Great she planned on talking for a while.
     "Yeah, that's why I got her. I like to go fast it's exhilarating , the feeling," I smiled at her , and my eyes caught a change in her eyes before she looked down. I could've been mistaken but it looked as if she were blushing. " Well we might as well get going," she mumbled and opened the car door.
I chuckled to myself as I walked back to Racer.
I was going to hell, might as well have some fun before I get there.

Outerspace is my only liberation
To break these chains that hold me earthbound
I am a prisoner of this soil
These green eyes wilt
And the light inside dies
These lungs choke on the smog
Of these dusty streets
Give me up to the sky
The only place where my wings are free
And I can fly

See this heart encased by imperfect skin
It masks the beauty that is locked within
Because society has no eyes to look inside
At the beauty that commercials hide

We see perfection as an image to high
That we fight to make ourselves try
to be something that will never make sense
In this sad world that encourages this

We hear names screamed out at us
to morph us into something, while society laughs at us
It's telling us if we fit the role
then maybe you'll be considered full

They tell you to be yourself then list out what to change
And if your opinions are different you're suddenly strange
If you don't look or act or live a certain way
Then you're automatically cast out and shamed

Hold your head up high and press on
Because I won't be conformed to a society
That's hiding me
Because I'm not who they say I should be

Sleek black fur
White boot paws
One strip of white
On her soft black nose
Full fat belly
Of a curious baby
Long white whiskers
Full of milk
Popping green eyes
That make me coo

Loneliness is a bitter monster
It sits on the edges of my heart
Pulling at the strings
The musical song echoes in the vacancy

My eyes belong to a lonely girl
Forlorn in her love and lost in her hopes
That maybe one day
Another heart would soothe that ache

Mourning over the sun fall
That bright, wide eye turns away too soon
And she is left empty
With the blind white eye of the dead moon

Tear stains tattoo her skin
And disapproval scars her heart
When will she be good enough
When will she be free

When will darkness stop taking over
When will the lightness win
When will heartache stop
Coming from the people I let in

When will my voice stop being crushed beneathe the sea?
When will the jokes stop pouring in and drowning me?
When will this life be over I'm tired of the fight
When will the dark surrender its sword up to the light?

Break the silence and hear this lonely voice
When did fear start taking over and become my only choice?

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
      By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
      That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
      But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
      I cremated Sam McGee.

Now Sam McGee was from Tennessee, where the cotton blooms and blows.
Why he left his home in the South to roam 'round the Pole, God only knows.
He was always cold, but the land of gold seemed to hold him like a spell;
Though he'd often say in his homely way that "he'd sooner live in hell."

On a Christmas Day we were mushing our way over the Dawson trail.
Talk of your cold! through the parka's fold it stabbed like a driven nail.
If our eyes we'd close, then the lashes froze till sometimes we couldn't see;
It wasn't much fun, but the only one to whimper was Sam McGee.

And that very night, as we lay packed tight in our robes beneath the snow,
And the dogs were fed, and the stars o'erhead were dancing heel and toe,
He turned to me, and "Cap," says he, "I'll cash in this trip, I guess;
And if I do, I'm asking that you won't refuse my last request."

Well, he seemed so low that I couldn't say no; then he says with a sort of moan:
"It's the cursèd cold, and it's got right hold till I'm chilled clean through to the bone.
Yet 'tain't being dead—it's my awful dread of the icy grave that pains;
So I want you to swear that, foul or fair, you'll cremate my last remains."

A pal's last need is a thing to heed, so I swore I would not fail;
And we started on at the streak of dawn; but God! he looked ghastly pale.
He crouched on the sleigh, and he raved all day of his home in Tennessee;
And before nightfall a corpse was all that was left of Sam McGee.

There wasn't a breath in that land of death, and I hurried, horror-driven,
With a corpse half hid that I couldn't get rid, because of a promise given;
It was lashed to the sleigh, and it seemed to say: "You may tax your brawn and brains,
But you promised true, and it's up to you to cremate those last remains."

Now a promise made is a debt unpaid, and the trail has its own stern code.
In the days to come, though my lips were dumb, in my heart how I cursed that load.
In the long, long night, by the lone firelight, while the huskies, round in a ring,
Howled out their woes to the homeless snows— O God! how I loathed the thing.

And every day that quiet clay seemed to heavy and heavier grow;
And on I went, though the dogs were spent and the grub was getting low;
The trail was bad, and I felt half mad, but I swore I would not give in;
And I'd often sing to the hateful thing, and it hearkened with a grin.

Till I came to the marge of Lake Lebarge, and a derelict there lay;
It was jammed in the ice, but I saw in a trice it was called the "Alice May."
And I looked at it, and I thought a bit, and I looked at my frozen chum;
Then "Here," said I, with a sudden cry, "is my cre-ma-tor-eum."

Some planks I tore from the cabin floor, and I lit the boiler fire;
Some coal I found that was lying around, and I heaped the fuel higher;
The flames just soared, and the furnace roared—such a blaze you seldom see;
And I burrowed a hole in the glowing coal, and I stuffed in Sam McGee.

Then I made a hike, for I didn't like to hear him sizzle so;
And the heavens scowled, and the huskies howled, and the wind began to blow.
It was icy cold, but the hot sweat rolled down my cheeks, and I don't know why;
And the greasy smoke in an inky cloak went streaking down the sky.

I do not know how long in the snow I wrestled with grisly fear;
But the stars came out and they danced about ere again I ventured near;
I was sick with dread, but I bravely said: "I'll just take a peep inside.
I guess he's cooked, and it's time I looked"; ... then the door I opened wide.

And there sat Sam, looking cool and calm, in the heart of the furnace roar;
And he wore a smile you could see a mile, and he said: "Please close that door.
It's fine in here, but I greatly fear you'll let in the cold and storm—
Since I left Plumtree, down in Tennessee, it's the first time I've been warm."

There are strange things done in the midnight sun
      By the men who moil for gold;
The Arctic trails have their secret tales
      That would make your blood run cold;
The Northern Lights have seen queer sights,
      But the queerest they ever did see
Was that night on the marge of Lake Lebarge
      I cremated Sam McGee.

Heaving chest
Blood leaking from heaveans mouth
Scared shacky hands
A forienger to this strange land
Of shadowy plains
And rip shattering pain
Eyes so brave
No tears in the blue pools
Strong soul
Ready to escape
The cage your body holds about it
Whisper in the nights wind
Just be silent my love
Hold on to me
You'll be okay
And the bombs blast in the backround
Of his cries
As she, his love dies
With a note that she had carried through the
War feilds
My love ,
Hold your tears for another day
I am brave
I will not be scared when my
Light
Shines in my eyes
And my reaper takes me from this
Land
Of breathing
I will not be afraid to
Face what lies before me
I am strong my love
Be strong to
Fight for our will
Fight for me to
Always hold my love with you
As a token of grattitude
For all that you have done
And will do
And in my last breath.....
I love you

A soft flutter in the top of the trees
Beauty as the flowers are swarm by bees
Counting the cracks on the crooked ground
Dodging the birds as I spin around
Every sound slowly comes alive
Frantically the squirrels dig up nuts they use to survive
Gorgeous patches of fine green grass
Hastily jumping to avoid the broken glass
I take in the smell of the spring
Just listening to the birds sing
Kind eyes from passing friends
Loving embraces you never want to end
Meeting the soft sunrays with a warm  smile
Never closing my eyes, just watching the sun a while
Over the hill I quietly lay
Patiently waiting for the vanishing sunrays
Quiter the world seems to fall
Resting their heads in the treetops so tall
Slowly the sun sinks lower
Towering for a minute the sun grows slower
Until it fades into dark blue skies
Vanishing before my green watching eyes
When the last glimpse of the golden globe disappears
X-rays of the stars fall leering
Zenith well passed in the open grass of the clearing

I find it ironic how most dystopian novels are about a utopia
A world created to be perfect because ours failed
A world full of control, uniformity, perfection, no reflection
No identity, no war, no lust, maybe lust. Maybe just lust.
Broken, failed, oh how this brave new world derailed
It's a mishap, a hit and a miss, a world full of "ignorance is bliss"
Hidden from the view,
Or maybe just hidden from you
Oh yes it's quite ironic how the perfect world is ours,
Which we find so imperfect as we stare up at the stars
And wish for a world that we could just be one
Because everyone belongs to everyone

They asked me a question
One that sounded so easy
They asked what my Utopia is
But answering this made me queasy

With every pro came a con
It was not simple at all
Of course I could say a world without
War, starvation, poverty, and hate
But what is a life with out a bridge to cross
Without a sad memory or loss
With out a struggle with a victory
Or a smile and a misery?
You see this is why I answered to them
My Utopia is where I am

Moonlight dancing at the top of the hills
Throught the trees the light spills
Long black dress, sleek and shimmering
Trails behind me , green eyes luminescent in the night
My hair long in swirls down my back
Hand to bark
Breath to the chill of the air
I can feel it
I was here
In another demension
One that I traveled to
I came here , I just wanted to see you
Bare feet intertwined with the grass
I dance
Dance with the silence
Dance to my heartbeat
Dance to my breathing
Hands raised to touch the sky
Dark in its slumber
Close my green eyes
And picture a wolf
Black to match the night
And a star , of white placed
Between my green eyes
And when I reopen them
I stand on four paws
I feel free in my new skin
Tall in my new fur
And I run to the song of my paws
A howl above another
Alpha to this lone wolf pack
Into the distance I'm enveloped by
Dreams crescent arms

How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?
Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure

Was he the one causing pain
With his careless dreaming?
Been afraid, always afraid
Of the things he's feeling

He could just be gone
He would just sail on!
He would just sail on

How can I be lost?
If I've got nowhere to go?
Searched the seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

These days drift on inside a fog
It's thick and suffocating
This seeking life, outside it's hell
Inside intoxicating

He's run aground like his life
Water much too shallow
Slipping fast, down with the ship
Fading in the shadows

Now a castaway
Blame all gone away!
Blame gone away

How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
And how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me not

Forgive me
Forgive me not
Forgive me
Forgive me, why can't I forgive me?!

Set sail to sea but pulled off course
By the light of golden treasure
How could he know this new dawn's light
Would change his life forever?

How can I be lost
If I've got nowhere to go?
Search for seas of gold
How come it's got so cold?

How can I be lost?
In remembrance I relive
So how can I blame you
When it's me I can't forgive?

Monster they yell
Because they do not see the beauty
Evil they yell
Because he has power
Dragon he is
Strong wings
Loyal mind
Tall neck
Ready to be risen  
From his slumber
His bones are restless
His wings itch
To slap the wind
Dragon roars
People scream
Poor dragon
Doesn't know what it means
Just wants
To be accepted
But people can't see
Beyond the flesh
His structure
They can't see
That he is
Just another creation of this world

Goodbye soft air
Goodbye mother tree
Remember my prayer
Remember me
The sky's arms
Will hug me tight
I won't be scared
When I leave tonight
I've lived a lifetime
Full of sadness and pain
Full of laughter and love
And there lies no shame
I am tired
So tonight I sleep
Rest my head on this pillow
And fall in deep
Goodnight bright stars
Above my head
Do not cry
Keep the tears unshed
There's no sadness in my heart
Please I've woven theses
Small piece together
That had fallen apart
Goodnight goodbye
Rest my soul tonight

The hallway seemed to sway with the motion of the tears filling my eyes. I tried to keep going to get to the door, but I collapsed there in the hall. The weight crashing down on me. She was dead. My only love was dead. I’d been with her for six years and we’d been waiting to get married. That was all over now. They had killed her. I laid my head in my hands and let it all go. I fell spiraling down into the darkness at the edge of my consciousness. My very last thoughts echoing in my head as I slipped into this grief coma, they would all pay, they would pay.

The clock on the wall ticked loudly as I made my way to Mr. Jefferson’s office. The hallways were empty, an unusual thing for a Monday morning in a business firm. I tried not to let it get in my head. I had a job to fulfill. If I didn't get this one right the boss would surely wring my neck. She wasn't the most understanding person, and tolerated no mistakes. A dark cherry wood door lay at the end of the long hallway with a silver plate spelling out Mr. Jefferson’s office. All the other doors I had passed had, had similar ones.
I knocked on the door quietly waiting for an invitation inside. I took a deep breath and steady myself. Telling myself I had to do this. There was still no beckoning to come in so I knocked louder, but was only greeted by silence. I opened the door quickly and peered in. Mr. Jefferson laid slumped over his paper work in the messy piles on his desk.
A bullet through his head. Well this was just great now the boss had another reason to chew me out. I closed the door quietly and made my way to the body. Blood spilled from the back of his head and off his shoulders dripping into the puddle on the floor. I took my phone from my pants pocket and called Leo.
“Hey, Leo we got a problem, Jefferson’s already dead. They’re a step ahead of us. What’s my next move?” the line was silent for a minute until he replied, “what was the cause of death?” I looked at the back of Jefferson’s head one more time to make sure that was no other abrasions. “Bullet wound in the back of his head, no sign of struggle either.”
“Alright, I’ll inform the boss. You should probably make your way back to the headquarters. I can tell you now the boss isn't going to be happy.” I sighed I already new that. The ***** had been riding my *** all month now. It wouldn't hurt her to give us all a break once in a while. I closed my phone. I made my way out the door. No doubt someone else would find Jefferson and would immediately go for the video tapes.
Luckily I didn't come here alone, I brought my computer genius along, that could erase us from every tape and cover his tracks. I gave a polite smile to each person I passed and had to fight to walk calm and smoothly out the front doors. Brain already waited inside the car looking anxious. We were both fairly new to the working in the field. Usually the boss assigned me on small assignments. I got inside the drivers side and pulled out right away. “Jefferson was already dead when I got there, bullet wound to the back of the head, what I don’t understand is how no one heard it, or why he didn't struggle,” I told Brian. “Maybe a silencer on the gun? And perhaps his lack of struggle was because there was a gun pointed at his head?” I thought it over. It was possible but that was different from all the others. “They usually cover their tracks better than that though,” I looked over at Brain whose face was crinkled by his deep thoughts. “Maybe they were in a rush?” The wound had looked freshly made. “Perhaps,” I said still mulling it over. “I suppose we’ll just have to wait for the police reports.”

As I had figured Liana was furious. “How is it that four out of seven of the people I've told you to get information from then take out have ended up already dead when you got there?” She spit angrily in my face. Liana was a scary lady but she didn't scare me.
“I don’t know you tell me,” I said and smiled at her. I could feel the audience behind me stop what they were doing and cringe. “Do you think this is funny?” Liana said quietly.
Her face had gone rigid and her fist clenched so tightly at her sides, the knuckles had turned a ghostly white.
I knew which battles to fight and which to surrender. “No, nothing is funny,” I spat out clenching my jaw. I really hated this stupid job. If it wasn't for Liana keeping my brother alive I wouldn't be here. And just as I thought it Liana cheerfully reminded me, “do remember darling, your brothers life lies in my hands. One wrong move and it’s bye bye brother, understood?” Her dark eye’s drilling into mine. The feeling of hatred seeped from my body as it was overflowing inside me now. “Understood,” I growled.
“Good, now get out. I’ll call you when I have your next assignment.” She turned but stopped to look back,
“ and next time do not mess up,” then walked back into her office slamming the door.
I let the breath I had been holding out and left quickly before they all burned holes into me with their heavy glares. I made my way to Kyle’s room. The walls were painted dark blue with small silver stars painted all over. I had painted it for him, he loved the stars. “Kyle?” I said shakily looking down at the boy. His tiny body shaking in pain. He wouldn't eat. The vomiting broke his bones sometimes. His bones stuck through his skin like his skin had only been draped over his frail bones. The tears flowed from my eye’s and down my face. He was only fifteen.
He was so sick, I just wanted him to be okay. Healthy again. The reason I’d signed up to join this place was because they promised to save him. They said as soon as I finished the biggest assignment they would heal him. But I grew more and more doubtful.
Kyle had been infected, by the scientist. A super parasite they’d created. It caused brain disorders, like anorexia. Kyle’s brain was being attacked making him suicidal and making him believe he was anorexic. Making him believe he had to do these things. When it first started he was only depressed. He began cutting himself. When I saw the deep cuts in his arms and on his stomach  I asked him about it and his answer had been, “I didn't want to do I just had to“ . At the time I’d misunderstood him.
Now I knew. He literally had been forced by the parasites inside his brain.
His eye’s were closed and I could see the struggle it took for him to intake each breath. His arms, thin ropes, laid at his side. It took a massive amount of energy and strength for him to even turn his head. “I will fix this Kyle, believe in me when I tell you that, I love you.” I kissed his cold forehead and left shutting the door slowly.

Cold air bites and nips
At my bare fingers
Big soft flakes of the first snow
Land on my face
I look into the sky
Flooded with endless amounts
Of falling flakes
Swirling
And dancing
Until they reach the ground
And melt to water
I surprise myself
When I giggle
And shake the snow from my hair
Treading on down the wet sidewalk
My feet numb
My coat bound tight
Maybe this year I'll give snow
A chance

My eye’s so drenched in my evident pain,
Cry! Cry I do
My heart shakes with my sobs
How? How can you relate
If I try so hard
But you do not care
You are only here to break me
Farther apart
Split me
I am but a lowly servant
To this castle of heartache
Where one will not leave unscathed
My hands grip the table for support
I have seen one to many
Crumble like the old stone out back
I must stay strong with only my shoulders
To hold this, wait!
I can be strong
I must be! I must
Or I will fail myself  
To be swept out in the current
So unforgiving
Swinging me so violently around
As you have done
My heart unbelieving
My ears I thought deceiving
But no the truth before my unseeing eyes
Oh I wished were lies
Take me away
Please I beg
My soul can not bare much more
Of these harsh cynical words
I try I truly do
Why oh why am I at blame
At the bottom of your shoe
When it meets the pavement
Crushed and forgotten
Like a memory wiped away
Like chalk on a chalk bored
All that is left
Is the smeared image
Blurred, of who I used  to be
Erased forgotten
In the rear view mirror
The chilling realness of it
Leaves me in utter despair
Belated emotion
Running their cold hands
Down my back
These tears seem fresh
But they had only burrowed inside me
I cannot hold on
I fall to my knees
How? How have I gone on
Knowing you have been untrue
You did not love me
You did not believe
You took from me
You hurt me
I am not here for entertainment
So I shall leave
Just as one before me had
Just as I had picked you up
From the dust beneath your feet
I am a slave in your steel grip
No longer will I sit by
And lower my head
I will stand and raise my chin
Instead, I am no weak child
I am strong and mild
So beneath this moonlight
I will leave
With no goodbye
Do not search
I am not here
I have left
I will never come back
I am not so easily persuade
As you stand in the door
And yell
You cry
But this act is over
Draw the curtains

By tomorrow we'll be turned to sand
Just the outline of our out stretched hand

By tomorrow we'll be devoured by obsolete
Out of date and forgotten with no competition to compete

By tomorrow we'll be swimming in our hopes and dreams
Unaware, without a care, and spiraling down without a means

Don't bring tomorrow

Worthless...
Never perfect....
Shattered tears on floors made of mirrors
Reflecting my every imperfection
Shard by shard
I chip away
A worthless sculpture...
Never good enough...
Never beautiful...
Cracked
Scarred
Mangled
A mess
Scraps thrown together
Eyes look at their reflection
Hatred
Questioning
Infected
Neglected
Self loathing
All in a moment
Close those forest green eyes
One tear slips past
Hopefully the last
We all want
What we can't have....