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Katie Ann Jul 2016
there are days
i think i've found
the right ones
there are days
i think i know
i'm not alone
these are not
most days
but i wish they were
i fake that i'm okay with it
truth is
i've been longing for love
but it's hiding everywhere i cannot see.
Katie Ann Nov 2016
I love you
came out of your mouth
for the first time
without the dustings of
obligation.
at 23,
for the first time,
I believed it.
Katie Ann Feb 2017
sipping on something
stronger than water
is the only time
i can feel something
stronger.
Katie Ann Mar 2016
Knees weak
I walked so far to find you
And you walked right past
Katie Ann Mar 2017
i am giving you time
but i don't know
if i'm being patient
or naive
Katie Ann Jun 2016
Thank you for letting me go
For the silence of letting me know
I can move on

Everybody moves on
If you don't
You'll simply be
left behind.
Katie Ann Dec 2015
I really thought I was something more to you
That's all I'm ever chasing
More
I never seem to be enough.
I never seem to have the answers.
What is love?
Will I ever find it?
Katie Ann Jul 2016
to everyone ive ever loved
i never wanted to lose you
to everyone who said they loved me
i wish you felt the same
you ripped your way right through my fingers
and just let me
slip away
you didnt really love me
loving to me means
never letting go.
Katie Ann Feb 2016
I watched the flowers on my bedside die
and I thought of us.
Katie Ann Jan 2017
you wanted me to show you so
i unzipped my chest
took out my heart
and displayed it in a glass case
i waited for you to speak but
you walked away instead.
i should have known
when you told me about your collection of hearts
it wouldn't stop
at mine.
Katie Ann Apr 2015
I put a piece of my heart away for a long time,
You know after a while,
You forget where you put something?
Until one day,
When you're not even looking,
You find it,
And you promise yourself you will never lose sight of it again.
Katie Ann Jan 2016
It's ironic really,
How you like me because I don't want anything from you,
Yet all you do is take from me.
Katie Ann Jan 2016
Disappointment lies on the other side of opening your eyes so I only kiss you with my eyes closed tight.  Seeing people for who they really are is something that has made me lose hope in the past. If I saw you I'm not sure I'd like you but drunk and with my lips on yours I do, and I'm not sure I know the difference. Real and fake are close friends who trust eachother too much without question. You told me you were real but then you didn't stop when I said no and I started to think that all I was to you was just a body. Suddenly real and fake became distinct and all I wanted to do was close my eyes.  Maybe the shame wouldn't feel so bad or maybe I wouldn't feel so bad. Maybe you'd be who I wished you were, maybe you'd be who I saw before I opened my eyes.
Katie Ann Dec 2015
I replay that night more times than I'd like
I kiss you in my mind more times than I care to count
And all I'm left with at the end of the day
Is this pit in my stomach missing you
And the feeling I can't do anything about it
You're out of my control
And that is the most frustrating thing I've had to accept
That we could work out in an alternate world
The one where you would want to try
The one where you would love me
The one that isn't this one
The one that I'd rather
Katie Ann Oct 2015
I'm confused
Beat down
Broken
Breathless.
Try to be real
In an incredibly fake world
And as a reward
You receive
Nothing.
Katie Ann Sep 2016
And in the moments i feel im not alone
Someone rips the rug right under me
Just to remind me that
I am.
Katie Ann Mar 2015
I don't know
If I liked you
Or
If I was just lonely.

What I fear,
Is that I can't feel the difference.
Katie Ann Feb 2015
Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine. I couldn't get the boy to **** me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time.
Richard Siken
One of my favourites
Katie Ann Mar 2017
your love letters used to make me feel
love
and then hate
but now
they are just words on paper
and all they make me feel is
free.
Katie Ann Nov 2015
"You make me extremely nervous"
"Why?" he asked.
She fiddled with her rings and answered,
"Because if you kiss me, it's going to hurt when you leave."
Katie Ann Jul 2016
I dont know how you could see my heart
See how it beats slow
And still make me run to you
Out of breath
Just to see how far i can make it
Before it stops beating
All for you
I think im done chasing other people
Who want to see me die
Katie Ann Oct 2015
I can't quit loving people,
Who don't love me back.
I've never been one to give up,
But maybe this time I should.
Katie Ann Jun 2015
You were the closest that I had gotten to loving someone else,
And I pushed you away.
How I wish you would have pushed back,
And how I wish you would have stayed.
Katie Ann Jun 2015
I love you how I'll leave you,
With all of my heart.
I have nothing left to give,
So they remain strangers.
My heart always belonged to you,
I'm not sure why I tried selling myself to anyone else.
Katie Ann Feb 2017
you told me that you loved me
so i lit a match and
watched the words
go up in flames
in front of me
i swallowed the words
i love you too
Katie Ann Feb 2016
Talk to me
Until you can't see
The sense in taking your life.

I'm here for you.
Katie Ann Aug 2016
You say I've changed when really
I've always been this person
She has always been hiding
My life was like an endless game of hide and seek
Except no one ever came looking
You never found me
So I found myself
Katie Ann Nov 2015
oh how easy it was for you to undress me
caress me
impress me

I'm not a fool
just a girl
still not able to decipher between loves
knowing when it's the real thing
and when it's just people like you
looking to read a front cover
but never a whole book

oh how easy it was for you to tease me
and leave me
Katie Ann Oct 2016
sometimes i wonder
if you are actually too busy
or if
you're just too busy for me.
i already know the answer
but when i accept it
we will be through
and i don't know what my life looks like
without you.
Katie Ann Jul 2016
before i met you
i deserved better
now,
you do.
Katie Ann Aug 2016
I cannot handle hot water being held over me
Either pour it out
Or cut me out.
Katie Ann Jan 2016
I'm simply a souvenir
A memory of where you've been
You're only ever a visitor here
I am not where you'll stay
I just wish knowing this
Stopped me from wanting you to.
Katie Ann Mar 2015
I don't know what to do,
with the things life has given me.
Maybes,
Changes,
And too many "ifs".

I don't know if anybody will ever stay.

Where are you going,
And,
Can I come with you?
Katie Ann Aug 2016
if there ever comes a day
where you don't feel loved
remember I love you
I never forgot you
I remember you every second
of every day
I hope my feelings for you
travel through space and time
comfort you when you're about to sleep
surround your thoughts
and whisper i love you one million times over
Katie Ann Sep 2016
You don't want anything from me
Im not used to that
Normally someone wants something.

Not having to give
Is a nice feeling.
I finally have time to give myself
All of the things ive been giving away.
Katie Ann Nov 2016
my dreams are nightmares in disguise,
tricking me all the time they are
silhouettes that look a lot like love
i slip you on like a night dress
delicate and smooth
hugging my every move
a ghost i've let into my body
breathing my every breath
replacing it with unknown
giving it things that once were my own
unaware if i'll ever see that part of me again
i wave goodbye and
in morning time
im born again
but this face that i don't recognize
still isn't good enough in your eyes
nothing ever is.
Katie Ann Feb 2016
timing told us we were wrong
and we tried anyway
my heart told me you were wrong
and we tried anyway
it's always felt wrong with the ones who ended up leaving but
I can never force myself to walk away first
I don't like giving up on the people that I love
even if they don't love me back
Katie Ann Aug 2016
Feelings climb out of me constantly
Twisting my stomach and pulling at my heart
For once
I wish i didnt feel sick
So nauseated by my emotions
So extreme
Stuck inside
Such a fragile case.
Katie Ann Nov 2016
you wanted to keep me close
so that you had something
but you had everything
and didn't even care
I was whole when you met me
and shrunk to nothing
when you left me.
Katie Ann Sep 2015
Staring at me through blank eyes
What I thought was inside
Turned out to be a spiral of doubt
The only thing that turned out to be real
Was the lesson I learned
The slap in the face
And the reality check
That not all people are looking to love
Some just want the surface
The smudges on the glass
Distorting what you see of yourself
My reflection in you was my self worth disappearing
Apologetic for who I am
And my belief of wrong
And right
I could have loved you
Now you're just one more lonely girl
Too stubborn to be anything else
Just know I could have loved you
Katie Ann Jun 2016
You were never a home
You were never meant to keep me warm
You were just a person
Passing through
Most people
Are just people
Passing through
I've built a house
Big enough for two but
No one ever stays
Do not confuse me as a motel
Just because I am kind and want to love you
Does not mean you can use me.
Who taught you that?
Katie Ann Sep 2016
The love you share
Is one i want
One i dont think ill ever get
Not that it is out of reach
Just that
Everything i end up grabbing
I squeeze too hard
Everything i end up grabbing
Crumbles.
At least
I can watch the people around me
Maybe that will be enough
Katie Ann Oct 2016
I thought I was done losing
Done pretending
Done trying to prove
My heart only wants you
To be happy
If you don’t know that by now
I will never be enough
Nothing will ever be enough
Katie Ann Nov 2015
people know what they are capable of
you knew that you would ruin me
before you even knew me
and yet,
that didn't stop you
Katie Ann Sep 2016
i know what i love
i just dont know
where that fits in the world
i mean maybe it doesn't
and maybe thats the point
but where do i carve space for myself
who will help me once i do
and who will try and bury me to cover up the mark i make?
Katie Ann Dec 2016
there are two sides to every story
it took me a long time to see
what i called our story
you called yours.
Katie Ann Aug 2016
You walk into my mind
You take over
Its beautiful for a moment
And then you leave
And then its torture
Katie Ann Sep 2016
If you look closely you can see
Flowers grow out of the darkest parts of me
Katie Ann Sep 2015
The hole in your heart just keeps getting deeper and deeper.
The further we get,
the lower we go,
and the less hope we have of recovering.
The last time I risked it all,
I ended up empty.
This time I'm playing it safe.
I placed my bet and it wasn't enough,
goodbye and good luck.
Katie Ann Feb 2016
People see my smile and they see
Innocence and integrity
They see one girl in one piece
Not broken in pieces
People see my smile and what they don't see
Is me.
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