Why do I think I loved you,
When I didn't even like you?
I find all of the reasons I can to hate you:
Your condescending humor,
Your manipulating smile,
The way you made me feel small, smaller than I've ever felt before.
All of these are real reasons,
Valid reasons,
Truthful reasons,
But I think the biggest reason,
The saddest, and really only reason,
is that you didn't love me back.

Your lips touched mine
and just in time
I pulled away.
I almost fell,
but the thought of you catching me
scared me half to death.
Just because your lips are filled with good intentions,
doesn't mean your heart is too.

How can I please you?
How can I please you?
How can I please you?

By losing myself.

Sometimes,
when you look close enough,
you can find tears in the eyes of your heroes.

Right when we get close you're ripped away.
The tears I have can't show the hurt in my heart,
They aren't enough.
The pain I feel will never be exposed for others to see,
They wouldn't know what to do with it.
Trouble is,
Neither do I.

I see the stars in your eyes and I forget,
That this is what darkness looks like.

The tears that fall on these blank pages will remain
unseen
unheard
and unjustified.
I'll only know of the pain that brought them about,
and the source of their infidelity to my heart.
Only in thought are we not alone,
but only in sharing our thoughts can we cure our sickness.
I'm weak,
all I want to do is shut down,
People are counting on me,
People are counting on me.
So I speak.

I'm just a cloud in a dark sky and
The only stars I see are in your eyes
The more I stare,
The darker I become.
I said I didn't want to lose myself but,
I feel like getting lost in you would be worth while.

You were the closest that I had gotten to loving someone else,
And I pushed you away.
How I wish you would have pushed back,
And how I wish you would have stayed.

Your eyes are about as sharp as the knife I always imagined piercing myself with.
So look away,
Unless you want my blood to be on your hands.

I sat in fear of rejection,
Wanting you to pull me close.
We both knew we were wrong,
But for once,
I wanted wrong to be right.

I love you how I'll leave you,
With all of my heart.
I have nothing left to give,
So they remain strangers.
My heart always belonged to you,
I'm not sure why I tried selling myself to anyone else.

You'll find a girl
much simpler than I,
much softer to touch,
much sweeter to smell,
but I don't know
I will find a boy
fiercer to love,
or nicer to look at.
When I look at you,
my world stops,
my heart opens,
and there is no place
I'd rather be.
I know you'll be able to find another,
but I'm just hoping,
that maybe,
you'll choose me.

I was wondering why
The other day
Why they were ten steps ahead when
Last I checked
We were heading down the same path
On the same train
We had seats beside each other
Didn't we?
That's when I realized
We were standing still.
I stared at you for a year,
And when I finally came to blink,
Everything had changed.

It would be nice
if our eyes
never ran dry,
I would have never
had to blink.

I put a piece of my heart away for a long time,
You know after a while,
You forget where you put something?
Until one day,
When you're not even looking,
You find it,
And you promise yourself you will never lose sight of it again.

If only heaven had a mailing address,
Maybe then I could send all the letters I've written to you,
Maybe then you could know how much I've been struggling living in reality,
When my thoughts of you seem so real.
I'm hoping that all of the things left unsaid,
Are sitting in the space between here and there,
Between where you are and where I am,
And you've read them all a million times over.

Sometimes I feel like I'm losing,
But then I think there's nothing to be won.
My friends have lies in their eyes and stabs in their hearts from the ones they truly loved,
Who they thought loved them back.
Does anyone know what the word means anymore?

I used to love you,
Before I knew you,
When I thought you were someone else.
Now I see you,
And I wish I kept my eyes closed.

You're the only thing I thought could make me feel better,
But here I am fine,
And where are you?

I don’t know what hurts more, you moving on or my inability to.

Resistance. You don’t even realize you’re restraining yourself until one day you wake up and haven’t had an emotional connection in you don’t know how long. You associate *** with repetitive motion. You thought you knew who you were and you thought you were this passionate being. You look in the mirror and hate what you see so you avoid mirrors altogether. You want to cry but that’s the worst part. You can’t even shed a tear. "What a terrible thing to have to feel things so deeply". What an even worse thing to feel nothing at all.

You may have disconnected yourself but the thing is,
this shell of a person is who you are now,
and you can't even bring yourself to care.

I can't quit loving people,
Who don't love me back.
I've never been one to give up,
But maybe this time I should.

When the storm ends we are left with silence, which sometimes, is even more painful.

Feelings climb out of me constantly
Twisting my stomach and pulling at my heart
For once
I wish i didnt feel sick
So nauseated by my emotions
So extreme
Stuck inside
Such a fragile case.

I'm lost between what I said and what I did.
The separation from my words and actions,
Lets me stay calm and in the body I live.
I don't feel at home here.

Where am I going?
Point it out on a map.
In this head of mine I am already in the clouds,
Counting stars,
One, two, three.

Until the world goes dark,
I will keep counting stars.
One, two, three.

the scars will remind us
of where you came from
and why you are here.

timing told us we were wrong
and we tried anyway
my heart told me you were wrong
and we tried anyway
it's always felt wrong with the ones who ended up leaving but
I can never force myself to walk away first
I don't like giving up on the people that I love
even if they don't love me back

Thank you for letting me go
For the silence of letting me know
I can move on

Everybody moves on
If you don't
You'll simply be
left behind.

I dont think ive ever felt love in romance
So i focus on friends
And i find it hard to say what I mean
And i find it hard to tell you how i feel
Because sometimes im not sure
And my feelings are covered in fear
Of what you will do with them
And what you could do to me.
I just hope you have the patience to wait
Because i will tell you
I just need time.

each page of our story
gave me paper cuts
by the time i was finished
my hands were sketched in blood
reminding me of every time i tried to turn a page
and you refused.

I just want someone to tell me
It's okay to be myself
When I don't think it is.

And in the moments i feel im not alone
Someone rips the rug right under me
Just to remind me that
I am.

if there ever comes a day
where you don't feel loved
remember I love you
I never forgot you
I remember you every second
of every day
I hope my feelings for you
travel through space and time
comfort you when you're about to sleep
surround your thoughts
and whisper i love you one million times over

you told me that you loved me
so i lit a match and
watched the words
go up in flames
in front of me
i swallowed the words
i love you too

You were never a home
You were never meant to keep me warm
You were just a person
Passing through
Most people
Are just people
Passing through
I've built a house
Big enough for two but
No one ever stays
Do not confuse me as a motel
Just because I am kind and want to love you
Does not mean you can use me.
Who taught you that?

there are days
i think i've found
the right ones
there are days
i think i know
i'm not alone
these are not
most days
but i wish they were
i fake that i'm okay with it
truth is
i've been longing for love
but it's hiding everywhere i cannot see.

i know what i love
i just dont know
where that fits in the world
i mean maybe it doesn't
and maybe thats the point
but where do i carve space for myself
who will help me once i do
and who will try and bury me to cover up the mark i make?

"You make me extremely nervous"
"Why?" he asked.
She fiddled with her rings and answered,
"Because if you kiss me, it's going to hurt when you leave."

Her petals were always the first to be noticed,
their sweet smell and softness distracted strangers' eyes.
She managed to blossom for a while,
entertaining their idea of her perfection,
but after a while,  
her thorns would ***** the flesh of those who dared to come closer.

All have ran at the sight of blood.

Will anybody ever stay?

i thought having you over was a good idea
i thought loving you was a good idea
you taught me
sometimes good ideas
are actually bad ideas
disguised  
in soft lips
using words without meaning
now my room is outlined with thoughts of you
in the darkest shade of grey
and no matter how many times
I bleach these sheets,
your memory is a stain I can't get out

to everyone ive ever loved
i never wanted to lose you
to everyone who said they loved me
i wish you felt the same
you ripped your way right through my fingers
and just let me
slip away
you didnt really love me
loving to me means
never letting go.

I dont know how you could see my heart
See how it beats slow
And still make me run to you
Out of breath
Just to see how far i can make it
Before it stops beating
All for you
I think im done chasing other people
Who want to see me die

I cannot handle hot water being held over me
Either pour it out
Or cut me out.

You say I've changed when really
I've always been this person
She has always been hiding
My life was like an endless game of hide and seek
Except no one ever came looking
You never found me
So I found myself

You walk into my mind
You take over
Its beautiful for a moment
And then you leave
And then its torture

The love you share
Is one i want
One i dont think ill ever get
Not that it is out of reach
Just that
Everything i end up grabbing
I squeeze too hard
Everything i end up grabbing
Crumbles.
At least
I can watch the people around me
Maybe that will be enough

You don't want anything from me
Im not used to that
Normally someone wants something.

Not having to give
Is a nice feeling.
I finally have time to give myself
All of the things ive been giving away.

If you look closely you can see
Flowers grow out of the darkest parts of me

sometimes i wonder
if you are actually too busy
or if
you're just too busy for me.
i already know the answer
but when i accept it
we will be through
and i don't know what my life looks like
without you.

I thought I was done losing
Done pretending
Done trying to prove
My heart only wants you
To be happy
If you don’t know that by now
I will never be enough
Nothing will ever be enough

my dreams are nightmares in disguise,
tricking me all the time they are
silhouettes that look a lot like love
i slip you on like a night dress
delicate and smooth
hugging my every move
a ghost i've let into my body
breathing my every breath
replacing it with unknown
giving it things that once were my own
unaware if i'll ever see that part of me again
i wave goodbye and
in morning time
im born again
but this face that i don't recognize
still isn't good enough in your eyes
nothing ever is.