If heaven was really real,
Would they let me play along?
I try not to put my head in the clouds,
But sometimes it wanders off...

If were a rich man,
Would I be torn apart?
I like to think I’d have the heart to stop
But sometimes it wanders off...

If I lived in my dreams,
Would I really be well off?
I try not to lose my mind in these
But sometimes it wanders off,

If you ever really noticed me,
Would my conscience keep me clean?
I like to think I have strong will,
But sometimes it wanders off...

If the days drag on to long and I felt I’ve had enough
Would I keep myself on track?

I like to think I hold self dignity
But sometimes it wanders off...

Small towns,
Are hidden gems,
Like the place of peace we go
In Leverett, for portraits
Of pretty girls who know nothing
Of buddhist beliefs,
Other than what their friends say
At dorm room parties.
And the mountains are small,
Lining the horizon we watched
As the sun set on them all
And we looked from the trash room
For the best view
Of the orangey hues
That reminded us we were closer
Than we thought after all.
But this school, and these people,
And the way they view the world
Sometimes clouds the hearts
Of the young people inside
-The cage of education we’ve created-
And I can’t help but feel
You were one of them,
And I just want you to see that.
We were never wrong.
Only the politics of the situation,
Singing Western Mass’ song,
“freedom, independence,
Social liberation
From the sense of responsibility,
Confrontation,
We are a free-love
And no-love nation.”

What is young love?
I can’t even remember.
I thought I knew once, but that was long ago,
And I am too young to recall it now.

I only knew you were drunk
When you tripped in heels
Falling sideways
I caught you
You smiled
And asked me to carry you
Down the street
To the car
Where he was waiting.

Some of you make it look
So effortless.
Love, I mean
In all different geographies.

You desire, I fly higher
With both worlds exploding
And an earth-shattering understanding.
We understood what it took
I understand what we took.
With cold fire burning in our veins
And only the slightest understanding of fate,
Words no longer match the actions
When language means less than Latin.
Understanding is all it took
To find their way home in the fairytale books
But we're no longer story book settlers
Because this book is closed; we've erased the letters.

I literally
Do not understand this
Desire to write words,
Sadly,
About things I’m past
In life,
Distant memories,
And how they affect me,
While I’m so on track,
So right in
The left lane of life.
Learned from mistakes
And choices made right.
But I still do,
I still write
About you,
Every single night,
Like a sickness inside
My heart that’s healed
With scar tissue trapping
You inside,
Your memory,
With all the love
And misery I’ve
Held for days,
Months, years,
And I’m sure it’s harsh,
Living there.
So, I’m sorry.

How can I trust you when I can’t read you
And your history holds truth
Of stories of a confusing heart
Held deep inside of you.
Please tell me dear, will you do it again,
Have you learned from your mistakes,
Do you realize now what love takes-
That its a lot more than just the take.
If I kept you in my heart, would you hurt me,
To make those mistakes again to crush,
Unintentionally, even subconsciously,
Am I expecting a little to much?
While I’m stuck in my head,
Replaying over and over again,
The scene laid before me, before you
With you lying in your bed.
To break my heart would be to end me
In the interest of romance
To accept the call of lover’s lust,
To finally lose that friend.

A key to a lock long forgotten,
Is a key worth holding onto
Because you’ll never know when it will come in handy
To be able to unlock the past.

Feelings turn to confusion
Confusion turns to frustration
Turns to anger,
Turns to action,
Turns to writing,
Turns to poetry,
Which in turn becomes a feeling
That frustrates me entirely.

Words are not
A source of income,
But of outcome,
Because they should
Flow from within you
And if they don’t
Flow from within you,
Maybe you need to
*Turn the faucet on.

I used to love
When you and I
Got too drunk to speak
And watched the stars
From my bathroom sink
In well-lit Boston
Because
Imagination is important
In times like these.

I am all that I am
Because I've been all that I've been

-And will continue to be.

I met a girl,
Who wrote a poem for me,
Took a picture,
And put them together.

It took some time for me to say it
But I loved her,
Nonetheless,
Though the picture was in waiting, lonely.

Today, it sits beside my nightstand,
For my to wake up to,
Her face shining in morning light,
To remind me why I wake up every day.

Her face, the place
I want to say good morning to.
I want to say good afternoon to.
I want to say good night to, too.

I spend all day dreaming
About a love I'll never find
If my head is stuck up in the clouds
But it's so much nicer up there
Than down here on the ground
Where expectations are lower
Than I'm ready to hand out.

The beauty of living life out of the ordinary
Is the view no one else sees.
The tragedy of this lifestyle
Is the lonesome journey to the peak.

I am
A breaker of hearts,
An annihilator of love
A wordsmith in his own mind,
Someone who thinks they’re always right.

I am
Desirable in theory,
Not recognized in society
Quiet in the ways of my life
Someone who you’ll forget in two days time.

I am
A man of music, or was for one life
An artist of some unknown kind.
A capturer of light and moments within
A sealed vault of poetic emotion

I am
The person looking at the stars
The person counting the clouds
The person you walk right by.
The person who’s ready now.

Sit still beauty,  
Through still life imagery
And the golden light
Caught on silver nitrate,
In half a second forever remembered
In a frame above your bed,
Catching dreams as they leave your head
While you sleep alone at night,
Dreaming of him,
Maybe of me,
Mostly of them,
And how the memories affected,
And drew you into the
Beautiful portrait you are today,
And I can’t help but notice that
Sunlight always hits you in the
Most spectacular of ways.

Some men are just there
For the good time,
And that's not me.
Or so I'd like to believe,
But I'm sure they lie and cheat
So I understand why
You wouldn't believe me.

I’m sorry I have chapped lips. It’s cold out, and they’re from kissing you, at a time when you still wanted to be kissed. It was a long time ago, but know your memory is still missed.

And my crooked smile is not of my own design, but of genetic disrepair and a household too poor to fix such trivial tasks in life. I always thought it was “cute,” or so said you. Plus I always thought it made yours shine.

The sense of not being listened to is a lie, I want you to know. Some form of undiagnosed ADD where I look away when you talk and write stories in my head as I hear every word is what I feel. But I heard it all, every single syllable. And I could recite them all.

I’m sorry my stories are so extravagant, because I’ve always been one for the additives of fiction. Since day one my heart has told me to add more, and sometimes I can’t help but look for the deeper metaphor, even when it’s not there. But I’d stop looking, I swear.

I’m sorry I’m seen as controlling, but my friends all look towards me and thats a hard role to displace when it’s become your everyday life. All I needed was a little more time. And some patience, on your line.

I'm sorry I'm cold at times, with the things I say and the way I seem. It's not always easy being mean.

And I’m sorry I’m so driven to become more than what I’m from, and my dreams lie far beyond the mountains and the clouds above. I can’t help but dream, with the mind I’ve been given and the things I see.

But most of all, I’m sorry none of this was enough for you and me. I'm sorry I couldn't live your dream. I'd be your prince charming if I could have been.

You must have had
No idea
What we had
Because you were a fool
To throw it away...



Or so I say.

And so we sit,
Amongst the dudes, bros and half-hipsters
With their overpriced skin tight
Third world friendly workout attire
Under a half fog of cigarette smoke.

And I love your words.
And I love your lines;
While I look across the bar
Towards a television screen
Of onscreen fear and distrust,
To which I must subside.

Your stories, I welcome all,
Overseeing the ocean of information,
But like Columbus, you've never sailed before,
And fear the monsters we can't name,
Their drawings now pencil thin in comparison
To the bombs and the lunatics we face daily
On the news stands we read, and tremble,
Afraid to die
In some new terrible way
The news will commemorate.

But for you, against all odds, I'll keep on
Amongst bullets and bombs,
Through the smoke and the fog,
I'll keep on,
And on
And on.

I drove to work
Under snow covered trees

That reminded me how
Your love once covered me

And kept me cool.

I want you to say
Nothing at all
I want you to say
Everything-
Why the stars
Come out at night
Why love feels different
In day light

I want you to stay
Just for the night
I want you to stay
For my life-
We’ll wake up
To the sunrise
Change our minds
Go back to sleep ‘till night

I’m always the last one asleep,
I guess its because I like to think
And experience all that the night
Has to share with me.
Sitting in the hallways alone,
Watching cold lights line down the corridor,
I think to myself, is time alone time well spent
Or should it be spent with another.
Bass is pumping through my head
The words of another lost poet,
Drifting in and out of happiness
God, I wish I could be like him
God, I wish I could find success,
In the core being of my unhappiness.
But I know it’s not my time
My time to share the limelight
With the words I find right
Thinking alone, tonight.
The world is still spinning,
And I can still taste the pine of gin on my teeth.
Eating away at my strengths
Tearing away my dignity.
I remember when I thought words were power,
And that power was the truth
But then I changed it for what I thought better
The day that I met you.
It all started,
And it all ended,
The day that I met you.

The best part about knowing you’re gone
Is knowing I no longer need to try;
The worst part is
Knowing I no longer can.

Keep me in your heart and mind,
As I’ll keep you in mine,
Though I know it may be difficult
For your journeys this point in time.

Good luck with everything,
I’ll always love you,
I hope happiness is what you find.

And if our paths cross again,
Same place, different time,
A future point in life,

It’s all the same for me if we
Become us again,
Sharing heart and mind.

She was deciding our fate
On the petals of flowers she picked
From her mother’s garden
When she left it at
“He loves me not,”
Convinced herself this was true,
And chose to float away
Like the petals in the wind.

It’s amazing.
I had it all,
And watched as it all fell apart.
Unaware
Of how it would feel,
Running through my fingers
Like sand lost in time,
The memories I have
Barely forgotten.

The difference between me and most guys is:

I won’t drink that ****** *****,
I won’t smoke all your ****
I won’t take you home after a party
I won’t ignore you when speak

That’s probably why you never noticed me.
That’s probably why I seem pretty sweet.
(When I'm next to her.)

In week I’m turning twenty,
A time to end my childhood,
Numerically.
Even aesthetically,
As my face needs closer shaving,
And my body starts enlarging.
My limbs start aching,
And I can’t stay up as late as I want to,
Because sleep is now important,
Not just something impromptu.
Life lessons have gotten tougher,
Harder to see,
Without the blindfold
That childhood held on my eyes.
And the people around me have changed,
No longer innocent
No longer the same.
Having time to build a history,
With mistakes that may long last,
Sometimes its harder to accept them,
When I’m not part of their past.

She’s different,
She’s great,
She’s nothing like
The other 5,000
I’ve ever met,

I say.

I know nothing about you,
Other than you feel alone
And don’t want to feel that way
Anymore

I know you’ve hard your times,
Tough, sad and tumultuous,
But I have too,
And I never left the ones I loved,

I’ll never fully understand
The thoughts that ravage your head
Why your tears fall like streams
Oh apathy coming out of me.

Sweetheart, I love you
And I’ll count the days
Until you’re home.

Every up has its down,
Every black its white,
Because it all needs to turn to grey,
To live a day through night,
And the unpredictability of this pattern,
Falls to place so naturally.
A wise man once told me,
“With beauty follows tragedy,”
And in these words,
I forget their phrase,
Catching me by surprise,
Always.

I was told,
Some line, some time ago
About bravery being not who killed the dragon
But who had the courage to face it first;
Like learning to love the dark,
Or leaving home before it hurts.

It took a long and hard time to get here.
I know I faltered a lot...
But I feel it’s time.
I can finally,
Honestly
Say
I trust you can find someone
Who treats you better than I.

Someday,

I want to sell it all,

And buy a Leica,

And a 35mm lens,

And tour the world,

And show you all,

"That's not what you need."

Snow falls,
Outside, around my feet
As I smoke a cigarette;
But now, I can’t sleep
As I try to,
To the sound of heavy machinery,
Clearing the streets.

It gets
So incredibly frustrating to me
When you use Facebook
As a way to voice
Insecurities
And try to find a voice
In the people full of apathy
To guide you in a sense of
False security.

So please,
Just shut up
And nut up,
(Or get out).
And if you need someone to hear your thoughts
At least find a site
Away from Sam and the gang,
Where nobody knows your name.

I loved a girl once, and she loved me back, for a time. It was academic, in the sense we were together on behalf of academia, but it became apparent to me only one of us fit in, and it wasn’t her.

But I loved her just the same, and when the time came to part ways, my heart was broken in two as she made the final call. So as all lovers do in a face of determined heartbreak, I stopped my love, and learned to hate.

So I hated that girl for a while, and learned to convince myself I was better. Not just better off without her, but better as a whole, in any and every way that would help me ease the pains of heartbreak. The friends I’ve made came in, telling me I was smarter, I was better looking, I was the better candidate for life. And I started to believe it.

And here we are, almost a year later, and I see her across campus and we’ll wave. After months of commitment in convincing myself I’m better, my grades are higher, my jobs pay more, and the circle of friends and power I have around me is constantly growing, overshadowing her own.

I can’t help but stare in wonder at the way she smiles at life, seemingly loving every minute of it.

She smiles at life while I only find reasons to write poems.

I am jealous of you who find love young
And understand how to make it stay
Because I have found it many times
And it always seems to fade away.

“Like your father said, just do what was done unto you”

So I’ll just find someone I could love
Lead them on
Then break them down slowly,
Silently even,
With small actions 

And even fewer words,
Call it a fall,
And tell them
“I’m sorry, I’m not ready.
I’m sorry it didn’t work out,
Maybe in another place in time
Maybe in another lifetime altogether”

I wish I hadn’t had so many bad nights,
And I’m sorry you were there
To catch the stars and the tears,
But I’m glad you were, and I can never thank you enough
For keeping me sane when sanity was just a dream
And every day was a puzzle I was afraid
I couldn’t complete.

I hold my breath.
Clutch my hands.
Taking in a moment.
A lifetime.
Because I’m losing you,
and I know you feel it,
too.
So I promise to write,
poems,
and letters,
and songs,
-as you say you’ll do-
but words on a page from
3,000 miles away
just don’t mean
what they used to.
And the smile on your face,
as you turn and
fade away,
down the dimly lit terminal
at the end of your stay,
is the same one
on the same face
on the first day
you first came home
with me.

There was a time I’d wait for days to hear your voice,
Over the phone, under the table, through the radio
To hear you whisper my name,
And now I long for silence.

The way you sang with the wind as I drove too fast
Down backend roads and up empty streets,
And you thought I couldn’t hear you;
And now I long for silence.

And I waited for days on end by the telephone on my nightstand
Listening so hard for the telltale signs of a ringing heart,
Wanting only to hear your voice call mine back,
And now I long for silence.

Quiet used to be so deafening, like sirens blaring,
I could feel it, I hated how it hung in the air all around my head.
I’ve since found peace in the absence of your sound,
And now I love the silence.

I fell
Across the sea in search for you
In dreams, but never found
A wave work repeating
Because shores are shrinking
And beach property too expensive
For me to gamble
My limited heartbeats in.

So you, like any other landlubber,
Fell to your knees praying
"Oh God, don't let it be true, don't
Allow the seas to swallow me whole,"
Because you felt your life above
The urchins and other bottom dwellers,
And wiped ink from your fingers
As you tried to draw us reason.

But the illustrations
Of land locked trees
Only solidified the fact that
You were never one of us at all,
Us bottom dwellers, members of the sea,
And the power we felt together
Was but lies from a crooked tongue
You wore so well.

I look at old photographs,
Our sun-kissed skin glowing
In the beginning of our final year in schooling,
Soon to turn pale-sour,
As sunshine gave way
To late fall gusts of leaves
And with imminent winter approaching,
I missed your sunburnt touch.