Vivid hallucinations,
cause a severe depression.
Hearing the terrified screams,
in my head as I sit here in silence
What a internal sabotage.
I’m going to buckle.

That disgusting buckle,
with terrible hallucinations.
This is your sabotage,
you are my depression.
I’m done sitting in silence,
it’s my turn to scream.

"Do I HAVE to go?"
*The pain in the voice of the unheard.
It's oh, so powerful.

Everything that you put me through
You left me
When I needed you most
WHAT THE ****?!?!
Why would you do that to me?!
Do you understand that I'm in
LOVE with you?!
Why did you leave me
When I needed you most?

Jesus Christ
You have such a pretty face.
I'll die all alone.

Jesus Christ
I'm alone again,
What did you do
When you were dead?

Jesus Christ
I'm not scared to die
I'm scared of whats after.

Jesus Christ
I'm scared I'll get scared
Of What's going to happen.

There's a feeling in the air.
A smell.
The smell of death of
Innocent people and children.
Of killers.
The blood on your hands.
I can't get it off.

I have told myself I'm okay for
Far too ******* long.
I want to disappear forever.
Go somewhere I won't be found.
Where people will give up on the search.
I'm not
Who people think I am.
I'll leave in the night,
When everyone is asleep.
Maybe not. I'm not sure.
"I'll be back later"
"Where are you going?"
"On a walk"
No one will think anything.
*I'll find an overpass,

Climb over it.

And *jump.

At just the right time.

Why am I so sad? What did I
Do to deserve this? Am I a *****?
Am I really what they say I am?
I want to know how they're
Able to do this without any regret

I was buried in this dirt,
Leaving you behind.
Sad, torn, and begging
For me to come back
Into your arms.
I see you visiting my grave,
Your sisters too.
Everything is hitting you
Like a ******* hurricane.
My son, I have lived my life, and
I'm speaking to you beyond
The grave.
You will see my old face again
When you pass through this
Black hole that is nothing.
But my love, I'm
Not hurting anymore. There's so
Much I want you to see before you
Come watch next to me.
Watch everyone you love,
And that have loved you.
Watch your grandbabies and
Great grandbabies grow
As I am now.
I love you my sweet son,
My strong, strong son.
I'm sorry I let you down but
I hurt for much too long.
There's a place for you next
To me that will always be open.
Come sit and watch, then,
Only then, will you see.

The doubt that's in my soul
Is eating me alive.
It's like a bug that
Just won't leave.
It's ****.

As I stand on this highway,
Thinking about the things you did.
The fact that you threw me away,
Makes me wonder. Do I have to bid?
It makes me feel like I'm just a toy.
That's worthless, a piece of trash.
This was all a part of the ploy,
A ploy to make me crash.
I'm so alone,
With the smell of your cologne.

You left me here to die,
There isn't any other explanation.
You killed yourself and you
Left me here.
What the **** were you thinking?
I'm never going to forgive you for
This. Now I have to die without you.
It's going to be earlier than you think.

Ten months ago today
You fell. Your head
Smacked and cracked on my surface.
My hard and rough surface.
I made you sleep,
But you didn't wake
For days.
They removed your skull,
They removed your hair.
They removed you from your dignity.
There's nothing that you can do
But wait for the results.
You finally wake up,
You remember a lot,
There's also a lot that you forgot.
Rage, frustration, the "hurry up and wait" system,
Surgery after surgery after surgery after surgery.
The scar they left,
Slicing your head open so many times.
It's tender and inflamed.
It's never going away.
There's something I have to say.
And that's I'm really really sorry I did this to you.

I'm a goner.
I honestly can't breathe.
Can you help?

This summer is going to be amazing.
After the terrible year I've had,
The terrible mistakes I've made,
The money wasted and the guilt
Earned. It's going to be something
To remember forever.

You broke my heart.
I thought we could just sit and talk,
But you have other things,
And people,
On your mind.
What does it take to be good
Enough for someone like you?
The cherry flavored kisses
We shared, meant nothing.
While you kisses me,
You were thinking of him
and his lips. I loved you,
You know this. I have only one
Question. Did you ever really want this?

Deep in the obis of a poet,
There's a playlist,
Called "Dead Poets"
It's where the songs of their lives
Live. Filled with death, despair,
Haunted memories.
Where no one dares to tread.

Once that poet has gone,
On their own terms,
They search through the poet's
Obis, they find a letter in the notes.
It reads "Love,
I must leave you here alone.
I am sorry that I have forsaken you.
In the depths of the Obis you will find
The playlist I lived by.
Under the name of Dead Poets.
There you will find,
The reason I had to leave you behind
- Your Dead Poet"
They searched the obis,
They found the playlist
In the first words of the songs read
"You Could Have
Foreseen
This"

It's a waste of time,
There is a lot more to do
Than this. I could be laying
In my bed. But no,
I have to waste four hours
Of my day, sitting in the
Library, staring at the wall.

It ruined lives,
It threw everyone for a loop,
Left paralyzed in the bed
lifeless and limp.
No one knew if you would survive,
If you would even
Wake up.
Six days,
Your eyes open.
You mutter the word,
"Waaterr"
Everyone cried,
You spoke!
The road to recovery would be
Long and rough.
If you can walk,
It'd be a miracle.

You have forgotten me,
I've been here waiting for the love
We once shared.

I'll leave you alone,
I'll paint myself into someone else's arms.
I bet I'm a terrible bet,
Not letting you get out of my mind,
Not letting myself out of your mind.
You're the breathe in my lungs.
I'm hoping you can forgive and forget.

If it makes you less sad,
I'll let you live alone.
I'm betting I'm not a safe bet.
But my Love,
Time has gone,
Can you forget?

You know you're only that chipped black nail polish, right?

Save myself, or the one I care most of?
Why is all of this so hard?
How am I to choose with no one up above?
What is my heart if it's only a shard?
There is no one to save me now.
Is it because I drew the wrong card?
I will not soil the vow.
But the stinging bite of the evils in the night
They overcome me with a terrible height
And I still save no one at the end of the night.

Getting drunk on stolen alcohol is the best I've got right now
This smoke burns my throat, really bad.
I why would it though? It's killing me, but, isn't that what I want?
My life isn't treating me like everyone else,
Everyone else is happy, while I'm sitting in the corner of my room,
getting drunk. To numb what I hate, feeling.
I just want to get rid of all the pain in my life, you know? Just end it,
but that involves illegal things. What the hell,
you only get one life to live, why not have fun with mine? Do stupid things
that seem great in my mind, but are just bad.
I want to know how much I can get away with.. But I need friends to do it with.
If I don't then it's useless, I need to build the bonds again.
But all I'm going to do is sit in the corner of my room and get drunk off my stolen
alcohol, and smoke my stolen cigarettes.
It seems to be the only thing I can do, I don't have a car or a job, so I'm stuck here,
in my stupid little corner, full of no hope.

Can't step foot in that room
The memory foam bed
Holding the memories
Sliced by the knife
Once brought to the wrist

Knowing where everything is hidden
Knowing the past
Hurts physically
It's a hurt that can't be explained

Seeing that house
It's physically sickening
Seeing the open windows
Knowing they've been opened
To sneak out
Can't step a foot inside

Tattoos
     Of the soul.
Stains
     Left behind by you. The
Words
     ******* my heart,
Don't you see?
     Words are tattoos,
Can you tell?
     Your words hurt.
They roll off
     Your tongue
Like nothing
     Was even said.
Tattoos
     Of your words on my
Heart.
     That's breaking for
You.
     Hurting me with every
Syllable,
     Slipping from your
Tongue.
     It's a slow ******.
Your lips
     Are poison. The
Soft
     Words that came through them.
Left
     Me speechless with hurt.
You
     still mutter them.
The
     Sweet words you
Speak
     They're lies. I can
Tell
     By the look in your
Eye.
     Wanting things out of
Me.
     You're hurting me,
Stop.

My body is covered
Covered in butterflies
They are my clothes
They are there to stay
You came now
They want to fly away
I don't let them though
They can't leave me naked
Exposed and vulnerable
Open and at risk
For you to take
I look at you
They fly away
I'm naked
Vulnerable
At risk for hurt

Rereading conversations
Remembering the past
You love him
You hate to say it
I'm your metaphorical God
You're depressed
You want to go home
You want to leave the town
You already left
You have to come back
Life is rough
Living as a misfit
No one will understand
Understand your depression
Unless they have felt it
Sadness for no reason
Feeling like a freak
Like a misfit
Because of the way you feel
Yet you have to appologize
For the things they did
They need to apologize to you
For being an ignerent ****
Expecting you to be happy
When all you want to do is cry
You thought you left this town
Tear soaked bed
Makeup smuged pillows
Terrible memories
Terrible mistakes
Terrible guilt
You thought you left it all behind
But you didn't
You have to be the stronger person
Even though you're
Breaking at the seams
You aren't apologizing anymore
For their ignorance
They won't understand
Just wanting to sleep
Cry
Cut
Tear the skin off of their body
The awkwardness
The innocent watching
You hate yourself
And your feelings
You want to go back to where you came from
Leave this town
Leave it a mystery if your coming back
Ever
Or never
You're still stuck
With the tear soaked bed
And makeup smuged pillows
You don't know if you can handle it
I'm here
I'm going to help you
Help you through those terrible nights
That, that I promise you will happen

You get told to **** yourself...
But its a joke...
Right?
Because they're you're friends...
Right?
What's hard about that?...
Right?
They're supposed to love you...
Right?
They tell you you're not a joke...
Right?
But they make you feel like one...
Right?
You aren't supposed to **** yourself...
Right?
You do it anyway...
Right?

To be happy feels fake
It feels like a fake emotion
Like it doesn't exist
All I feel is hurt
Frustration
Confusion
People with happy lives
Are just covering the hurt up
With a mask
Behind that mask
Is hurt and disgrace
My dear, the flowers have died
Withered away
All is left is hurt and death
Every happy story comes to a bitter end

Beautiful
Clean writing
The pen is.
What you write
Cannot be taken back,
Cannot be changed,
Words are permanent.
How magical
Is the pen,
Leaving scars,
Leaving blood.
Blood of the pen,
Scars of the tip
On the paper.

I'm under the knife
I'm dying
In this bed
Of no return

I'm under the knife
It's a fact of life
Everyone wants me to fail
But if you try, you will hail

Love is nothing anymore
It's worthless
I can't even feel
My nerves have been ripped out
You hurt me
That's why I can't feel
You are worthless
You don't mean anything to me
All you do
Is hurt me to no end
I can't look at you
Without wanting to cry my eyes out
Who are you to hurt me like you do?
You aren't one of my parents
There isn't any reason you need to
Stop coming back into my life
Every time you do you hurt me more
You have left scars
On my heart
On my wrists
I didn't do it to myself
You did it to me
Hurting me
Physically
Mentally
Bruises left
Gashes open
The fear of the pain
Fear of you
Stop acting like you care
Because I know you don't

You're never home
Sometimes I like it
I really do like it
You don't feel like my dad
You feel like a visiter
That thinks he has authority
The fact that I'm more scared of
My neurosurgeon than you
What kind of father are you?
You make me hurt
More than is needed
By you being gone
You never talking to me
I've gotten to the point that
I don't even like you
You are ruining my life

I swear
No one would flinch
If I died
No one cares
No one notices the hurt
Burning in my head
Heart
Soul
This life
It's ******* worthless
I wonder how much it hurts
To just end it all

I'm like water
I get used
Then ****** down the drain
Forgotten
Unwanted

I'm happy
I'm sad
I don't know how that works
I want to die
I want to live
It's a horrible battle of power
I want to know who will win
Live?
Die?
It's a terrible feeling
My baby brother is going crazy
Rocking back and forth
Pulling his hair
The feeling is mutual

The first time isn't deep
It's basically just a scratch from the blade
It doesn't bleed a lot
But just enough
To feel the rush

The second time isn't much deeper
"It hurts to much"
But he still feels release
"The pain feels good"
One last slow cut across his wrist

The third time is deeper than before
It's bleeding more
It's hurting less
He loves it more
Hates it less

The fourth time he passes out
He cut deep enough to split the skin
"It makes me feel better"
He explains
"I like it. It puts the hurt on the outside"


The fifth time he goes to the hospital
It's an addiction
Just like other things
He can't stop
No matter how hard he tries

The sixth time there is no pain
He hates having a girlfriend
Then he will need to explain
She will leave him
He couldn't handle it

The seventh time it's his throat
He's home alone
Music blasting
He has a knife
Pressed against his throat
Crying
Hurting
Wanting to be gone

One quick swipe*
It's all over

I hate breaking hearts
I do it unintentionally
I hate when people like me
Do you have to?
Do you like getting hurt?
If you have to be hurt
Like me
I break everyone's heart

Life is a riddle
But you're stuck in the middle

There is hope
You just need to learn to forgive yourself
Forgive others
It’s not all a dream
My dear
I hear your silent screams
You’re as happy as the sun
No one knows your heart is
Black like tar
You starve for the attention
For someone to notice
Life is a dance, dear
It can hurt you
Joyous, yet sad
In the end it’ll eat you alive
Darling just wait,
It’s going to get worse
You ask,
How?

Just one cut
She lied
She did more anyway

Just two more and I promise I'll be done
She lied yet again
She cuts deep this time
He's worried she might be gone

I promise baby, Only one more cut
She feels it in her gut
She wants to die
Say goodbye

I'm so sorry sweetie
I'm just can't anymore
I want to go sweetly
Don't let this hurt you, baby


One last slash*
One deep ****