I turn 23 today, and iv never felt so ******* alone in my life. Sure my friends take me out. not because they remember it's my birthday, but because I had to make the plans, and even then some bailed. I waited all night to have the love of my life wish me a happy birthday, and nothing. Maybe because she knows the only way ill be happy is if she gave me another chance... Which wont happen, so she stays away.
I just wanted one day for people to actually think about me so im not so forgotten and hurt all the **** time.
This isnt really a poetry site for me, more like an anonymous private journal, so one day someone can relate to my struggles.
The one day where your supposed to wish for yourself outa the whole year, I normally wish for my dad to make it another year... But i want her back more then I want air to breath.
Im stupid I know, but love is stupid.

I may not live alone, but no one knows where I go, when I go there.

If i were to have a heart attack, or struck by a car, how long would it take for people to find me?

how would anyone know it was me, other then my drivers license?

I don't know if I can stomach my parents or friends coming across my mangled or burned body to claim that it's me.

My deepest fear is that I die and no one remembers me, or I die and not recovered for quite some time...

I hate being alone, and no one to think of me, no one to care till im gone.
I play life on the safe side just in case...
I dont know why I bable to this site..
Maybe I figure strangers will listen over the people I think about..

With one last attempt
He reached out to her
The words came out numb, as he spoke
Destiny hit like lighting bolts
Striking down with divine force

The world paused when they met
Colors were vibrant
Senses all in tune
She smelled of fresh rain in april
Had a luminous glow of sun shine.

She told him its too late
he was her hardest heartbreak
with a blur she was gone.
An end to an era...
The wind began to blow

Songs of sorrow hit the tops of trees
Colors ran together and faded
The dark side of love was clear
Light has escaped his soul

his body was an hour glass, and his broken heart infinitely fell like the sands of time.

Soft jazz warms my cold heart as love begins to fill my vains.
Thick, bold, and beautiful love loosens these lips as i spill every notion, and flirtation she throws my way.
A pedal dance plays intertwining these two lost souls, it's been life times since they have gotten to dance.*
My eyes awake, i gasp for air for I have found life's calling. *Bathing in loves embrace soothes every wrong I ever did.

No matter how much pain she brings me, looking at her smile settles the twisting sea inside me.
No matter how much I want her wrapped in my arms, such beauty should be seen by the world.

Tears still fall
Memories will fade
Life is but a masquerade
These masks we wear
To hide our fear
The pain is real
Scared to feel
That we won't heal

I had a woman who I thought ignored my beast like shell and saw the Prince I was on the inside, as I called her my beauty; *now my meloncoly heart must break all over again longing for the day when she comes back to me.

I hate how you sought me out to ruin my happiness.
I hate that I wasnt strong enough to see your plot.
I hate that you stole my paradise from me.
I hope that we will dine together one last time in hell. For sinners like us, who lie, steal, and cheat to get what we want, you will feel every last bit of hate I can muster.

She was my everything, and you couldnt handle it. She was better, and beautiful beyond compare.

You foolish little girl, who tricked me time and time again, you may have made me lose my one an only, but that means I have more time to focus on you, to feel hated and lonely.

I fight and hate my way through my days, I love and feel when I can. Im a hurtful man pent up inside my mind. No conclusions to a end. I push on, NO PAIN I tell myself. Just go harder and harder. I scream inside for attention. Im crazy, I have no reason to fight and hurt, no need of attention... all I want to do is go the distance.
no ones ever gone the distance in my family. Be someone, somebody, its not about fame or fortune. Its about persistence and never giving up to get what you want. Not having a breaking point, striving to be better then yesterday. No pain, just keep moving forward...

My heart aches
It breaks
My soul is torn
Urges to be reborn

Erase the pain
Keep my mind sane
Think of me less
Speak no more of this mess

Set my love free
Where it wishes to be
Look ahead and smile
Cast away all anger and denial

Escape from the sadness
Suppress the madness
Forgive all those you know
And leave to where you choose to go

Words have been said
Or better yet read
But the last I say to you
Is find happiness in whatever you do.

Vague blows to my mind
Memories make me unkind
Bitter and shallow to the core
All this laying in bed has made me sore

shameless ***
With strangers just met
fulling a void just isn't the same
Without our conversations to keep me sane.

Struggling with hello
Picture you wearing those stilettos
Holding the pillow at night
Isnt you gripping me tight

a wolf in sheeps clothing
Turns into a sheep with self loathing
wolf inside frightened to see light
Future Looking dim and bleak, losing sight.

Yes after all these years, I still keep your photo in my wallet, hoping one day you will come back to me.

Its not that you take up all of my mind, I have moved on, you more or less mame up a small portion in the back crevices of it, like a filing cabinet with a really long drawer.

Filled with Memories and wishful occurrences.
I am happy that you are still there.
Reminds me that it happened.
I am happy you and I are different now, shows me growth really does take time.
Most of all I am happy and you had no part in it🙂

I hope he is not like me, that he understands how much you are.
The gravity you have on a relationship is so amazing, maybe because it reflects on the person you are.
He better make you happy, not laugh, or have good days, but if happiness was a currency he would make you wealthy.

He better never, miss treat you, because I'll have something to say if I ever find out. I hope he understands the love and caring you bring to the table, and it's not something to take for granted. I hope he knows that your smile takes away bad days, the way your so positive helps with the stressful days.

I hope most of all that he knows your a beautiful girl with insecurities and he has to be patient with you, your body will never live up to your expectations and thats ok, your an unstoppable force that will never stop doing the right thing, geting better for your self, and showing the one you chose to love, what love actually feels like.

So to you my friend, although the girl you have around your arm is the love of my life, shes happy with you. It's taken me along time to come to terms with that, take care of her shes a broken dish, but shes put back together with melted gold. Which means, although at one time she was perfect and brand new, her mistakes have made her way more attractive to the right person who can take her flaws and all.

She was my adventure
My peaceful car ride.
The music loudly flowing through the speakers
She was the sun in my eyes
The jolt of the steering wheel
The abrupt stop of the car
She was the tree that wouldn't move
She was everything in my passenger seat.
She is but a painful memory of moving on.

In my hour of darkness, no, your not there. And tho, I reach out to you, couldnt lend a hand...
I struggle to put words on paper, my thoughts are else where.
My motivation has left me alone with black thoughts of just frustrated emotions.
This writing puts me no where closer to archive a goal, yet my ramblings of of my shadow, the man I used to be, is all thats left to speak. That person is tired, tasteless, tattered, worn, stale... yadda yadda...
You need something new to read, I need new emotions, to write about. Excitement, joy, wonderful creations in between these lines of gibberish.

I hold a piece of your heart in mine, problem is you have a piece of my heart to. I root poetry get myself out there, now I write poetry to speak to you. I truly hate myself that I keep loving you unconditionally while you have left.

The only reason why it hurts so bad because the two halves of a heart long for each other to be close again until they are okay with loneliness it will hurt

Subscribe to my vibe, rolling to the sea.
It comes with the tide thats pulling at me.
The ride I ride screams with glee.


As a freak I blend in,        with the geeks.
A fine *** woman,       *i seek.
Iv been celibate,       for about a week.
Man that future,    sure looks bleek.

Blonde wavy hair she has,
What id give, to pound that ***
Ride or die, ill be smoking that grass,
Livin up in rockin roll heaven will be a blast.

The love for a girl begins a new.
The sun breaks and the dawn strikes,
Shards of the sun Pierce the darkness
She is mine
The day is mine with her rays to blot out the dark recesses of my mind.
The heart bleeds to live, to love, to hurt and feel.
To embrace life undaunted with her smile lighting the way.  
Hands held close,
music of the wind sings the tune of death
Life goes on
The wrinkles of our love decay with time
Soon once more
She will light the fire in my heart
The day beings a new
          the love is passed on.

Mind is flustered, with silly emotions.
Body is clustered, with progressive motions.

Lick your lips, tease my eyes.
I do flips, you dont care for my cries.

We share lustful touch, mood swings slurr.
I kiss you in clutch, vision starts to blurr.

After we conclude, you leave with regret.
I get defensive and rude, leaving should be a safe bet.

Id rather you stay and build us, there's more to learn here.
I won't go without a fuss, for this I know is clear.
I hope to see you again, in the day this time. This is where we begin, I'll end this poem in a rhyme.

The literal *******.

I find myself not caring about anyone or anything, just what she is doing.

Days like today and nights like these are the worst.

I can't stand day dreams of you anymore. All I want is to talk to you.
See how your doing.

My only regrets were lustful thoughts and being too young to recognize what love is.

I am not an angry person, ill walk up to that bridge from time to time, but never cross it.

I feel like that is what makes me stand out, defines me as a person. My inability to to rage out.

Don't get me wrong I can get mad, and be mean, but im not a person to be angry for more then a short time.

I do hold a grudge for a long time, its like how my mother taught me how things hurt... If I touched a got stove id only do it once, thats how I take in people.

Other then select family, there are two females I can forgive timeless times and keep getting hurt, but never angry.

I was once asked to choose who I would save among the two, of i had to choose... I guess now I would just turn and keep walking.

As I drown in a sea of *****, I reach for love with every breath. But when I had love I missed the woman and awkward mornings, I crave so very much. The grass was greener but after I stopped giving it the emotions and fuel to be green it died like the relationship I got out of. I want what I cant have. We are so tech prone I can get a girl like I can get pizza... one call and 15 mins later I have some hot piece at my door ready... without any effort.  Why try? Why do dates, hold hands, love? When I can feel all those emotions in one night cuddle if need be and not worry about fights or drama... but I still seem empty inside... am I really my own worst enemy? Is my Achilles heel inside? My heart, only touched by ones I can barely choose to let close? Or is it all just noise.

Unto the breach dear friends
together we fight depression
May we ask ourselves
why they don't want us?
The real question is why
do they only want themselves?
Even the mirror struggles looking at such indifference
they're emotionless desire for Beauty
has left them blind and bitter
yet we still wish we were special enough
to feel Grace from their presence.

I fell in love with a stripper, is that wrong? society tells us that they're not even people, "oh they have diseases" "look at her shes not even smart to get a real job" well I have talked to a beautiful soul and it came from none other then a stripper... "gasp" she changed me, yeah shes a freak like me, but shes smart, out going down to earth, nice, and she likes me. Out of all the guys she chose me. Someday you have to actually get into trouble with the girl next door... I wake up, I find that my stripper is karma, that my sins indulge in more abuse to my head whilst dreaming, for I have no control. I have my own personal movie theater... I close my eyes and take in what a **** show is upon me. Am I careless to my insanity? I think not, the crazy pills only make me want more of the horniness exposure to my eye lids I drug for. My stripper, my karma, my not so in love... love.

My vague understanding of relationships and women have put my heart in a bind. It seems that my head and my heart can never get on the same page, let alone what my ***** has to think. It's frustrating to find someone and the timing just isn't right, whether it's on your behalf or theirs. The things you could be missing out on or what they could be missing, so you play it safe, so you can do the things that you want to do, be free. In all reality you're missing out on the one true thing that matters, finding each other...

Oh to dream,
To have a life of love
To dream of the freedoms
that money buys
Fancy cars and loyal friends
Oh to dream,
To dream that money buys
get out of life free cards
Oh to dream,
To dream that everyone wants you.
Me oh my, to dream we never die
That money Brings bright blue skys
Where the root of happiness lies