i don't know
what is wrong
with knowing
where you want to go,
where you want to be
and who you want to be with.
why is it
that every time i give too much
i get nothing back,
and when i dont give anything
things seem to fall in my lap?
maybe my short coming
is that i want to love a good woman
and i want to be a good man
but i haven't learned the one lesson
that will help me find the way
to her.
i spend too much thinking
about how its going to be
and i forget to live for me,
at least for a little,
just for me.
but that is also a problem,
for when a good woman loves me
i don't know where to go,
i don't know what to do,
or how to learn to love her.
i like her company
but im not ready, and panic,
and end up hurting her.
how do i make up for it?
i give everything
to the one with a shortcoming
and the whole thing starts over.
and then i start
all over again,
i want a good woman,
but im not a good man,
i am not ready
and i know she's not ready
because we've all got
shortcomings.

It's been a while since I left
And you made your own life,
But it wasn't until today
That I got rid of the bitter after taste
Of what was once our love life.

You and I were the best of friends
And you told me all the things
You needed to get off your chest.
I was your pillow, I was your diary,
And for a long time I kept my silence.

But unlike a pillow or a diary
You knew the feelings I kept inside
And though you harbored them too
You could never be anything to me
As we were, as you said, "platonic."

When your world came crashing down
And your bed was no longer a comfort
For all of your tears, I came running to you,
As fast I possibly could to try and put together
The little pieces that were left of you.

I remember the first time we held hands
And everyone around us gasped and stared
Because what you and I, mostly I, had dared
To do was already a mistake, waiting to explode
A few day after, two weeks ahead.

For a long time I cursed every time
I said your name, every time I saw you there
With a smirk in your face, as if you were amused
By the pain and agony, the suffering
That was clouding my judgment in those days.

I had lost everything, traded it all for a love
That was never mine to begin with.
I gave up on some fiends, and I had made enemies
That threatened my very existence
All for a few days of dying out laughter and kisses.

What I didn't realize at the time,
Things I figured out after a few other
Failed relationships, is that I came on too strong.
I can't believe I had held on so tight
I had made me into something dark.

Everything you had known about me
Had turned black, and I didn't know
How to trust you behind my back.
I had lost my best friend, you had lost
Your diary and no longer had a pen.

I was too eager for you to be
The perfect girlfriend for me
When my heart had gone bitter
From the lack of attention
I thought I deserved for me.

It wasn't the first time,
And it wasn't the last,
But it did leave an impression
That I will never forget
And will always live in my past.

It helped shape my future
And get to know who I really was.
I hope that I was more than enough
Of a good friend for you to remember me
After you're married and give birth to another little one.

I guess I was just trying to catch up
And reminisce on the adventures
That we had as a teen aged boy and girl,
Wanting to be comforted
By each other's unconditional love.

There was a girl
With a plaid skirt,
A red bow,
And lovely pink cheekbones.
She carried a smile,
Sometimes a laugh,
When we ran through
The church parking lot.
She was so fast
In her white stockings
And little black shoes
That it became hard
To keep up with her.

I wonder when,
I wonder why,
She stopped playing tag,
I wonder how it was
That she forgot
How to run.

I miss you, my friend,
You were the best there ever was.

I think it's easier
To write with a broken heart.
I think it's easier
To write out of anger.
It seems like I
No longer have anything to write,
I am no longer angry
And I have a whole heart.

Sometimes I want to write.

that glare, i cannot forget,
it latched on to my memory.
the sway in your walk
had my stride in lock
(and my mind in awe)
the first time we met.
i keep playing this record
of a distant spring dream
to which you were the star
in my movie screen.
i see the moon
and try to hold on to a time
for it is now a small wrinkle
under both of our eyes.

The winter night
Has taken over my body
From the tip of my fingers
All the way to the rough of my heels.
I am numb from the face
And my shiver is strange,
My jaw will not sit still.

I've been wanting to cry,

Not for any one particular reason,
I don't really know if it's because I'm happy
Or sad.
My life is great,
My family and friends are beautiful people,
But I feel out of place.

I'm here,
But I'd rather be elsewhere,
I am satisfied
But I'd rather be overflowing with joy.
Everything I eat
Had never tasted so bane,
Every color had never been color-less.
I'm am grateful
For what I have,
But there is something else
I haven't felt,
Not in a while.

I think it's Love.

Love that's not earned,
Love that isn't a word,
Love that doesn't want more,
Love that is grateful,
Love that is genuine,
The kind of Love
That hugs you so tight
You cry because you are reminded

That you are not alone.

I used to chase you
All around the atmosphere
But I would never reach you.

I finally paused
Looked down at the pastures
And fell in love with a flower.

She danced around
Always waiting on me.
She's made me happy.

How long has it been?
It's been about five
Years since that thing
That you and I had

The parties the laughter
And the fun that we had
The singing and clapping
To our favorite band

It all turned to dark
When you said goodbye -
The Color of Roses
Now turn into black

What did you say
When I saw you last?
Hope you find that someone
With who it'll last

All my affection
Just wasn't enough
You ran to someone
Who isn't even your type

Maybe, just maybe
I thought you'd come back
But I guess it was you
That got the last laugh

Black and white
You left me to die
The girl of my dreams
The only girl in my life
The one that made it worth
Living this life

I don't sleep well enough sometimes.

I think about all of the things that I'm doing wrong in my life.
And how there aren't many rights.
I'm not a leader, I'm not a follower. I have no influence, no one has influence
on me.
And I think,
how could I make things better? But I can't.

Because it's like quicksand. The more you desperately seek an escape,
the faster you sink in. And I just sit here

Waiting until I can no longer breath.

We sat down. I kept my lips from moving as I was watching yours. I wanted to hold you but you kept a two foot distance from my hip to yours. I clenched my jaw. I could not bare to witness what I was about to be run over with, but I could not stall. I knew the words before you said them, and I couldn’t stop rubbing my knee.

I stood up thinking about what I could say. I tried to reason with you. I tried to reason with me. I held the bridge of my nose with my jaw trying to weather away a few words. You tried to hold me close but my body couldn’t move from the poison you delivered with your touch. You said things. I couldn’t process them all. My ears would not listen.

I had to go. I opened the door. I wained left though I should have gone right. Actually, I wanted to run straight through the wall. I made fists with my hand I kept shaking my head. I’m not sure what I was trying to get rid of. I turned around to look at you. I wanted to hear more. I waited to hear you say something, but I dint hear a word.

I left. I knew you hadn’t felt a thing. Not a tingle. Didn’t fret. I came home and on my way to bed I saw my bottle only a twist of cap away. I thought about what you had said. In went the first. I thought about what I had said. Now in went the second. Then I thought about what I should have said and in went the last two in my bottle.

I walked back. You were very nice and I could tell you were pleased to see me. I could’ve cared less for your hospitality. I was at your door and you were right in front of me, and you were nothing. I was very blunt to tell you deserved nothing, and I saw your same poison run through every inch of your cold body.

You shut your door. I had a crooked smile in my face. I knew I had injected you with the same grief, but it was bitter sweet. One second second I was relived, the other said silently that it was a mistake. I laughed from the venom still in my veins, and I felt pity. You had darkened my heart, but I felt pity for me for having fallen so low.

I'm in the passengers seat,
Forehead against the window.
The driver is the other me
Who's lost his sensibility,
The ability to get a grip
Of real life and its implications.
I'm in the passengers seat,
My hand on my seat belt.
The driver is the other me
Going 140 on the highway,
Without even realizing
That I am with him.
I'm in the passengers seat
Eyes close and mouth wide open.
The driver is the other me
Losing control at wheel,
Breaking the lanes's lines
And crashing into a body of water.
I'm in the passenger's seat
And I'm submerged under water
Wishing I hadn't been at the wheel.

It's raining out today.
It's a hot cocoa-
Wrapped in a blanket-
Wearing white socks-
Kind of day.

Yeah, it's that kind of day.

It's raining out today.
It's a warmth on my palm-
Warmth to my chest-
Warmth to my toes-
Kind of day.

(There's a tap near my window,
There's a roar out my door,
There's a light in the sky, and yet,
I feel alone.)

And yeah it's that kind of day.

I  take a step out the door
I sit out in the cold
I take a breath of fresh air
With socks gone all went
I look up at the dark ---
    And I wait.

Yeah, it's that kind of day.

You are off limits
No need for reminders,
But it doesn't matter
Because you were once with me.

I don't get angry
I don't get jealous
It doesn't bother me
It doesn't harm me any -
I am not stressed

I had you all to myself,
Many nights you slept with me.
I kissed your body,
Your face, your lips,
I kissed your soul,
And from head to toe
You were for me.

I made love to you
Before he did,
Before him,
I made you go crazy,
Before him
You trembled in fear,
And that first time
I was your teacher -
I helped you to feel,
That is why now
You can go on
Show off a little
Of what you learned
From being with me.

The best poems are the honest poems, not because they’re good (necessarily), but because of the relief as you read them. There is nothing to hide in the in-betweens of poetry because everything you say is carried on by the words that are in it, there is nothing you couldn't say because they were written within the boundaries of writing (and no one ever wanted to read it anyway). Except somebody will read them, and they will want to know more details so they will kept reading once you’re done writing, and they will fix themselves pretending they weren't reading and then re-reading because it would be crazy to be writing about them reading a poem. And those are the best poems because this is that poem.

Love like you want.
You know I can tell, right?
Live what's left of Life,
Memories take some time.

When you visit the beach,
Draw a heart on the sand for me, okay?
The things I said will fade away.

Going...going...gone,
I'm sorry I could not stay,
But I promise to come back;
I will suffer the same pain.

I cant begin to describe
How helpless I feel right now.
I know that I can move on
Because I have done it before,
But I always ask myself
Why I should.

I know you don't love me,
In the way that I did,
But then again
I don't love you either
As I don't even remember your face.

And yet,
I want you to be the one
To carry my heart,
Because I rather you have it
Then have it lingering around.

I guess what makes me
Most upset after all
Isn't the fact that you left me
Or left my heart broken in two
It's the fact that you left me...

You left me alone.

Why do you feel so far away?

I wish that you would save me.
I cry out by day, but you don't answer,
I cry out by night and you're not there.

There's people looking down on me,
They make me feel like less of a man.

Do not be far from me
For trouble is near
And only you can help me.

It was us two
With arguments
That weren't new.
It was us two
Minus my ego,
Just yours.
Was I right,
Or was I wrong?
My chest caved in,
I can't breathe
Out of my lungs.
You left me,
And I missed you;
I needed you,
Not just a picture
From my cellphone -
All I had
Were some tissues
To cry into.
I was lost
And you forgot me,
I called out to you
In the darkness and
Now that my eyes
Have adjusted
You want to call me.

I'm good here,
Thank you for asking.

It's me again.
I imagine this being a letter
That a Navy man writes to his woman
Six months after being over seas.
I can't imagine the joy that it will be
When you open this and kiss the letter as you're done reading it
(In this case it would probably be a screen)
      But no matter how you get this
Or how you think of how it should be
I want you to know that you mean a lot to me.
I know that you matter,
And you should know that you matter,
Because it's not everyday that I put things down on ink.
I've been thinking about you,
And the future me.
That One that gets to be together with you
In a future not too far from here (I hope).
I've seen some things, and
Experienced some things,
And it may be just a now-kind-of-thing
But I haven't experienced anything like you.
You have goals and ambitions
And you won't admit it
But you see your future
And how bright lit it is.
I just hope that it's me that you see
Standing next to you,
And you beside me,
Because it is you for me
When I squint my eyes and look at my blueprint.
The truth is that I don't know that you know
That I like to think about you
And all the wonderful things we could do,
Or all the wonderful things we could be.
In my mind I like to think
That you will be there for me,
And I can be there for you for whenever you need me.
There's not a whole lot that I can offer you
But I can assure you
That I'm working on being that someone for you.
There's only so much
I can work on at once
And only so much I want to accomplish
But I know that someday
I'll be able to adorn you
With all of the things you could ever want from me-
From letters,
To poetry,
To songs,
To jewelry,
To books,
To cars,
To houses,
To lipsticks,
And all of the things
A beautiful woman like you would ever want to see.
But who am I to promise a forever
When we can't even handle the now.
I feel so far away,
But still -
It's nice to think about.

Do you believe
The reason why
You hurt so much
Is because your
World is just?
That because we care so much is
That we lose ourselves
And train of thought,
And don’t follow the way
We must?
Or how do you describe
These fallacies,
These rules that come
As prophecies?
By trying to catch
Fleeting fantasies?
No!
Open your eyes
And see for yourself
That all of this
Is vanity!
How dare you speak of love
When those feelings
Have made you lose sanity!
Those are not
Obtainable conjectures;
I’m sorry but it isn’t love
You need lecture in.
Love is perfect and you are not,
How can you condemn
What you have not?
It is not meant to please you
Or relieve you
From the solitude
That seeks you!
It is only to be found
Once you’ve known
How to hurt
And to enjoy
The pleasure of being
With her
Or without her!
You must first learn
That people will treat you
Wrong
And displease you,
But understand one thing,
And one thing only,
Love will find you
Once you’re ready
And you will never,
Ever,
Be lonely.

inspire me to write
inspire me to dream
i want to feel
that feeling again,
when i hold you
when i kiss you,
on the lips again.
dont turn your back,
dont turn against me,
i want to know that you're there
when im going down under.
i miss you
and you miss me
i know because i know you
just as much as you know me
so dont turn your back,
dont turn against me
i want to see you tonight
and make you whisper my name
when i get close to you
and put you against me.

You were there at the beginning,
You were THE beginning.
I didn’t know much of anything:
What to say, or how to say it.
I never held your hand because
    I was always too nervous,
Too nervous to even talk to you.

How pathetic.

You were my beginning, and you were my end.
I wonder what you’d think of me now.

"I think we should just stay as friends-" She said.

"What? Why, is there somebody else?" I replied.

I knew I was wrong to have let you off three months before,
I don't know who was at fault anymore.
You took the keys to his car, the keys to his apartment
And I thought you were just being nice.
I thought you needed a break
I thought you'd come back
And ask for me again,
But I gave you the green light
To "follow your heart."

But you know what,
I know what you haven't realized -
That behind your puppy eyes
And a smile wide enough to back them up
You know, **** well, how to play a man.
Your credit cards (that's right, I know)
You needed someone to pay them off.
Does he know? Bet you haven't told him -
You're just wanting for him to propose.

You didn't have to tell me
His parents owned a dealership
To know that your end game
Was to help him save your credit score.
*******, and your stupid little game
You manipulative "******" *****,
I got to know the person that you really were.
He doesn't stand a chance
Knowing what you really want,
And that you're playing him straight
Into losing half of his inheritance.

To tell you the truth I'm not sure about what I grieve.
I don't know if it's you or myself to blame,
I was too easy and only used half a brain
To realize that money was the only thing
You cared about and made your hear content.

How do I say
What can't be said
Or feel
What can't be felt?
To which you say:
"Well, how DO you feel?"

I don't know that this is real.
The fact that I have, or had,
All I could have wanted,
and yet,
I feel
Like I had nothing.

Nothing ever happened,
I never had anybody.
I asked nobody to lunch,
And gave my heart
To nobody.
Yeah that sounds about right-
No one or no body.

I had no one at my apartment,
Under the sheets
Was not a body,
Not a soul,
Not a woman,
Not nobody
Shared a pillow and a blanket.

So...
"How do I feel?"
I ask my self
And everybody,
Because if nothing happened,
With any body,
It only means that in this story
I was nobody.

imagine life without the sky
imagine life without the stars

would it be the same for you and i?

if the sun didn't give off it's heat
it the moon didn't light up our nights

would we be here alone you and i?

when the sea no longer gave us wind
when the earth didn't tremble at our feet

would we be together you and i?

impossible feats are things like these
unreasonable thoughts that run with ease

never mind the selfish thought of you and i...

Forgive me,
My silence is all that I have.
If we were speaking of money
My silence would be the change
For every dollar I've spent.
Forgive me,
For not having enough to spend.

If I had the money,
And my money could speak,
It would speak of your eyes
And the glance I can't buy.
If I had the money,
It would speak of your lips,
And I would be rich.

i want to talk
about
the last kiss that you gave me.
i didn´t know
at the time
that it was a kiss of betrayal,
but it wasn´t
just a kiss -
you uttered
those three horrible words
that i had been dying to hear
from you,
but only, if only,
if only i knew
that you had utterned the same words
to somebody new.

its been a couple of days.
i have been sitting here
but haven't been all there.
i am not here
as you are not either
i am not here
as you haven't either.

i won't wait
i will not be there
i will be somewhere
where I've never been
i will be with her,
the one's that's been waiting
for me not to be here either.

there are things i want to hide
things that im afraid of,
things i wouldn't tell anyone
but there is one thing that i wish
i didnt Have to hide.
That is that I love you.
That I want you,
Every day more and more
I want to know that I'm the one
That gets to caress you,
Kiss you, and have you
Wrapped around my arms.
I'm ashamed of many things
But not you,
You are the last thing
I could ever be ashamed of
Specially because
I still remember you.



I remember you.

i have been tucked
away
in the words
"i love you,"
hidden
in the corners and
curves of the
three.

I'm bad
(And I love it).
When you leave,
the next one walks in
(And I love it).
The danger,
the risk,
the adrenaline pumping through my veins.
I love it.
The heartbreak,
the sorrow,
I save myself from it.
I'm bad, and I know it,
But you pushed me to the limit
And now I'm broken.
I'm bad because of you
(And I love it).

I was only fourteen
When you told me
You "didn't date guys
Like me."

You don't know
How many years I struggled
To figure out
What that could mean

i dont smoke
nor do i support it
but when i do it
i happen to watch it
escaping
because i know
in that moment
that my breath
is working just perfect.

You hide it well
In the lining of your hair:
All the troubles
Built up in there.
With *******
You run them off
But I don't see you
Letting go.

I remember you
Only six years old
With a bow
And black leather shoes;
A little dress
Down to your knees
Is how I remember you
But when your eyes
Finally met with mine
You were full of energy
And it was beautiful.

Time was never kind enough
To let me keep you in my arms.

I’m a world traveler
In search of another
In a planet this cloudy
But there not another
Like you;
I heard of a woman
That was her own island
And when I sailed out there
Her waters were crystal
Clear blue.
I swam across oceans
And I climbed over mountains,
I flew with the birds
And into a cave’s darkness
All in search for the truth.
They say that a diamond’s a diamond
And they equal in value
But I had never seen one
Quite as polished
As you.