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Mar 2021 · 336
Like the Wind
Angel Mar 2021
I want to dance
I really do
& there’s something about the way
the wind spins & moves that I envy
I long for a partner so syncopated
in soul & flesh that we move
like the wind
Mar 2021 · 355
Kiss From The Breeze
Angel Mar 2021
You know that serene feeling you get when you sway in a hammock, eyes closed, sun hugging you, earth humming around you while you feel everything
I imagine that’s what it feels like to kiss you  
Like the up on a swing
When you can nearly touch the sky
Feb 2021 · 446
Silk to Dust
Angel Feb 2021
Don’t kiss me when your tongue still licks your lips with despair
Don’t breathe words of hate before connecting lips with mine
Don’t kiss me with lips of confusion
Don’t touch me with lips of resentment
& call it love
Don’t kiss me
A kiss doesn’t feel the same with no love
Feb 2021 · 95
Like A Song
Angel Feb 2021
The water holds steady
as my tears did
Lush green surrounds me
I could fall asleep now
The water looks like a song...
I wrote this summer of 2020. I was hiking around the mountains & I found a spot down by a stream of water off an area of rocks that were mossy. It was like a little island with trees around that kind of hung over the water. I sat there with my eyes closed taking a moment for myself. When I’m around nature I try take many moments & try memorize it. I wish I remembered more of those moments. It was beautiful, like a dream
Feb 2021 · 314
Today
Angel Feb 2021
Today my mind isn’t very kind
Today I am not very kind
Because today
My mind told me when I woke
When I was curling my lashes
To **** myself
My mind
Told me to die today

Today
My mind isn’t very kind

Today

My mind isn’t very kind to me
I’ll be okay
That voice is aways there
I just didn’t think today would be the day I hear it
I don’t wanna hear it
Dec 2020 · 331
Sick Of It
Angel Dec 2020
I believe I’ve thought about writing this
Or have written this far too many times
In my life
I just know once I’m no longer here
Everyone will have words of
FINALLY
How? I really don’t understand. I really would like to understand the point of this pain. I wish I was a sociopath at times because I can’t ******* DEAL WITH ALL THESE EMOTIONS
Dec 2020 · 300
3:03 a.m.
Angel Dec 2020
It was December 13 & I was filled with
smouldering sure fire
So easy to let the hate hold me high
It’s ice & fire
Hate with steady hands
& head held steady
But tears welled with patience of what
will no longer be
I didn’t let the hate take me this time
It’s so easy
It was like a skate on the ice
3:18
Nov 2020 · 488
What’s A Family?
Angel Nov 2020
I come over & embrace the one I considered dad at some point.
I grab a piece of birthday cake from a somber room filled with all too familiar eyes that say too much. They ache.
Quick tongues & vacant hearts.
Shaky hands & no love worth calling art.
These are the actions of the product of generational trauma & broken homes.
Halfway through my cake before we hear threats of death from liquored breath.
I continue to eat because it’s the only thing I would call sweet in that visit.
Everywhere I turned there was a story, ones that would make you weep if you had empathy & a reason.
I finished the slice of cake & finally break, call my mother because she’s a strong woman I know.
I learnt it from her but this time I couldn’t help. I couldn’t help this time.
I couldn’t ******* help.
I cursed God
I cursed the moon
I cursed myself
& then I cursed some more
Easy to understand the picture when you’re in it because it’s not just a moment it’s moments & more.
I fear for the future & what is & could be.
But I know fear is the devil so I’ll try not to curse no more.
Nothing more broken then the family I know too much & too little about. I know im only one person but when you’re wading & your loved ones are drowning it’s challenging not to get swept up too. I feel like life is a constant ache. I wish I had more love. Maybe that’s why I’m so greedy, I don’t get much love from family. I’m only one person ******. I wish I were more.
Nov 2020 · 277
Braid Your Hair
Angel Nov 2020
Girl with the lilac fingertips
Hair nearly down to her hips
Missing the days when
I was on my land, holding a Brisk
In tiny hands
Enjoying the company of loved ones
Listening to the drums
On warm days
On cold
Being together
Never alone
Girl with the lilac toes to match
You’ll feel the beat of the drums again
Don’t cry, braid your hair
Get up & try again
It’s the time of breaking curses
Little girl
Get up
&
try again
Missing the days of having a sense of family & community. Going to Sundances, rounddances & powwows. I miss so much it hurts so much.
Nov 2020 · 219
Being Alone
Angel Nov 2020
Being a.l.o.n.e.
Nothing short of the feeling of emptiness
But not quite there because we are never
truly
alone
In those moments you find blessings
Find laughter in yourself & your so called thoughts
In those moments you learn what it
feels like to be embraced by yourself
& take notice in the air around you
To be Alone
is lonely, yes
But what is life without a lil reverence
Most often found in those times of
L.o.n.i.l.i.n.e.s.s.
Nov 2020 · 146
Is peace a question?
Angel Nov 2020
Feeling battered & bruised
but the only thing bleeding is my heart
Forsaken was I
for the only thing that matched a
hollow soul is a hollow heart
Only getaway is in my mind
of black sands  
so beautiful you know it mustn’t be true
I’ve been so disconnected that it’s seemed as though it’s a constant
But the only constant is time
But even a concept like that is like
swallowing a boulder
You’d think getting older
getting wiser
getting bolder
you’d have A concept down
What is it;
Power?
Lust?
Greed?
Too fixated on the pleas
Only place they’re coming from
is from my heart when I’m on my knees
asking for peace
Too many questions.
Too many pleas for peace.
& too many hollow souls.
Nov 2020 · 184
Free Mind
Angel Nov 2020
The day rose
It felt
& it left

In chaos we cry
In chaos we realize
In chaos we are baptized

To love & to hold
To twirl & let go
Once in my arms

Forever in my heart
I’ll try hold our memories
For this earth is never lasting
Angel Nov 2020
I sat atop table mountain
Stuck my head out the vehicle
thought in wonder of
the vastness of nature
Inhaled
Held my breath & listened
for the coyote howls once more for clarity
Exhaled
Nov 2020 · 126
Red At The Cheeks
Angel Nov 2020
I’d like to make sense of this world
or not
maybe with someone
& grow old together
I’d like to keep hope
Even though sometimes
it makes me red at the cheeks
thinking of what isn’t
was
& could be

I’d like to share a bed,
entangling limbs in soft sheets
I’d like to entwine fingers,
warming limbs
I’d like to find love & light

Usually best on a whim

I’d like so many things now
& it makes me feel soft.
Never knew this feeling.
But now I want a home &
A pet
A lover
A friend
A child
& something to call my own.
But, I’m so scared I’m a monster

Unable to hold on to a moment
Feeling in waves; usually a flood
& not everyone is made for the water.
You must be used to the feeling of the unknown & darkness.

I’m learning to breathe

I know how to sail my oceans
But at times the sea entwines
natural & salt
confusing things, but natural nevertheless
I’m also okay with just a feeling
but not fleeting moments
I’m too used to that
I just want forever
Forever is still fleeting
I guess that’s just a problem I’ll have
I’m trying not to beat myself up for changing & finding myself, feeling & drowning & surviving. I have so many questions & it hurts. I’d like to be lost with someone rather than alone.
Nov 2020 · 92
San Francisco
Angel Nov 2020
I think about the years
that have passed with no words
that have escaped my mouth regarding
the fire that’s always burned my heart
I think about the years that have passed that I never got you & hope that I’m
blessed enough in this life time to love you
Notes
Nov 2020 · 228
23
Angel Nov 2020
23
What does it mean to be wrapped by the sun?
23 years of warmth
Heaviness
& aching bones
23 years of my heart burning
Scarring
& reforming
23 years of loving
Bleeding
& mistaking
23 years my soul has on this planet
23 more?
I’ve been finding things in my notes
Nov 2020 · 789
Blue Moon
Angel Nov 2020
Once in a blue moon

You find yourself
You look in the mirror, into your reflection
& wish to catch the tears falling

I wish the moon & I could embrace
For it’s blessed me with another night
of its brilliance

Blue moon, blue moon
You make me woeful
Why must you bring out the ocean in me

I’m losing myself
I got nothing but me
Back to the waters I’ll be
Nov 2020 · 185
Wind Burn
Angel Nov 2020
I don’t think I’ve ever felt a passion like this
a warmth like this
But I’ve felt a love so deep,
or so I thought
But to think of a vibration like this
My body shutters with the thought of
an energy like this
Giving me the urge to exist in a way
that shines
Sometimes I move quick with love
that the heart on my sleeve gets wind burn
But with every scar comes a story
& I feel as though I show you mine
with the passing of my words
Nov 2020 · 297
DRIFTING
Angel Nov 2020
I sit here by my window
It’s slightly cracked
The wind outside sounds frigid
& the array of snowdrifts remind me of
the weather from when I was a child.
It’s crazy to think how the universe
works with my being.
I’m in a renewal stage in which
I need to tend to my inner child
& the world entices it.
I miss the calm
the silence
I need to indulge in that more
I felt childlike & awakened, tested, walking through those knee high snow drifts.
It was exhilarating in a sense.
Playing through those snow drifts
on the rez as a child, it seemed like a
treacherous wonderland.
Now those words are each of there own.
Nov 2020 · 270
It’s Now November
Angel Nov 2020
These days suite you.

Not because the snow contrasts your
dark hair, making you stand out more than you already do.
Or because your eyes remind me of
melting ice.
Nor the fact that your smile
compliments the weather so well.

But because on these winter days
you melt the coldest of hearts.
Because you made me find a feeling.
The feeling is shame..or guilt for I have shared too much.
I’ve now given you a piece of me;
My mind

I’ve given you the purest form of myself
& my captured thoughts. It’s beautiful.
But I’m not fond of the fact that
I remember your touch more than
I do your words.
Nor the fact that I had to remind myself
to re-direct my gaze

I thought the feeling you gave me
were butterflies, but it wasn’t quite that.
It’s a similar feeling, this is like a fire I can’t touch.
This is a new feeling & I'm reminded
once again that the universe
has a hold on me, unlike I do myself.

I would’ve found that statement
frustrating & pathetic a year ago
but I’ve learned to trust myself
&
what is
&
what will be.
Some honesty for thought.
Sep 2020 · 850
Energy
Angel Sep 2020
“....you’ll still be around in the earth, the wind & the stars.”
A blip from my journal
Aug 2020 · 91
A Love
Angel Aug 2020
Poem per lover
No fret
Poems of hunger
Drowned in so much thought
It’ll make you melt
Even though the sun is low
We’ll see the day
We’ll see the day that a love is truly felt
Aug 2020 · 344
Not Invincible
Angel Aug 2020
I told mama I can’t do this no more
Ma said she don’t know what to do
Go see someone new
Don’t be so blue

I told dad I can’t do this no more
I wanna die
He said you’re invincible
You can’t die my girl, it’s impossible

But maybe that’s why I feel like death
Let me find peace
I realized I wasn’t invincible when someone kept telling me when I was depressed that I can’t die. So it made me want to prove them wrong
Aug 2020 · 104
A Moment of Peace
Angel Aug 2020
The ripple of the lake looks like a song
Dancing in formation as smooth as my stretch marks
Aug 2020 · 150
Moment Of Silence
Angel Aug 2020
I was gonna write you a letter
Talking about how nothing’s gotten better
How it’s your fault why I’m not a go getter
Don’t know how to love
Don’t know how to get better
Was gonna sign that **** in red
But you claimed that colour
When you were trippen, rippen my skin
had one hand on my mouth
Other on my throat
Struggling
Watchin the colour go
Given me a taste of death
knocking on the window
You shown me what true evil is
Made it easy for me to wanna slice
your throat & knock your **** in
Spit on your face & leave you to rot like how I should of did then
Instead of tryna find a way
to get you straight
While I was traumatized sitting thinking
this ugly *** ***** keeps spitten
something about oh I wanna be your first take me to the psych ward
forget I did this
But I hadn’t let that pen hit the paper
Cause I rather tell it to your face like I did
I told you I ain’t afraid no more
I got two working hands
Ready to ring your throat if you ever
put your hands on my siblings
Told you to look me in the eyes cause you acted like a ***** crying
Like you ain’t the one responsible for me standin here confronting you
Wanting to die
But I started rewriting that ****
because it’s been 7 years
& I’m nearly my own again
Some heavy **** I’m starting to do well with now
Feb 2020 · 186
Love Me Cold
Angel Feb 2020
I’m thinking about the bigger picture
Does she love your mama?
Always kiss up on you? 
Make you know how to feel good?
Make you food. Talk real smooth?

Look at you
It’s been months & you already got
someone in those sheets
do you have her acting like a freak?
Telling me you still love me
Why do you say you love me?

I’ll say it again

It’s my karma
You played me, you weren’t the first
to love me cold, love me quick
Fingers through my hair just to walk away
Telling me
“I still love you, I’m not over you”
“I got money now, let’s try again,
I can make due”

Man was that blunt
You both had me shaking
with frustration and confusion
What’s your damage?
What’s your conclusion?
I’m not gonna do anything drastic
I’m just fed up with these actions

Trying not to get lost in distractions
Angel Feb 2020
First thing on the horizon
Yellow lights twinkle in the distance
Windshield wipers squeak as it wipes
snow from my windshield
Sparks playing lightly in the background
Head heavy
drown in the haze of my tears
Salty lips
Smooth melodies
Light strums
Give me some time
Feb 2020 · 94
Every 7 Years
Angel Feb 2020
Will you miss me when my soul has made it through the hills
When my breath has reached the valleys
Or my hands have touched the peaks of the mountains you so yearn for
Will you still search for that feeling
Like taking that first inhale in the forest
Will you find me?

No, you won’t

Because I know the way that thought burns, the way it does my own
I won’t see you in a few years
I won’t see you in 10
I’ll still feel you though
Like the moon to my back
With a shiver down my spine
I’ll keep you in my bones
For in another 2 years I’ll be my own again

Maybe then I’ll rid you from my heart
Feb 2020 · 80
Burt’s Bee’s
Angel Feb 2020
I wish I could forget about
the scent of coconut pear
But you’re engrained in my thoughts whenever I touch my lips
I wish I could forget about strolls we took on lukewarm days
Standing hip by hip

I wish I could rid you of my mind when I think about what it means to feel
or be in a dip
Or the way you spoke so passionately
Like it were the last thing to escape
from your mouth
I wish I could forget about
the way you drank guineas
like it were smoother than my heart of steel
Or how you couldn’t keep your bun from being wild like the way you always feel

I hate that I think about you every
other day if not every time I fall asleep
I hate that I can’t help but to think
of why sunflowers are my favourite
every time one passes me by
I hate that I didn’t kiss you when I
came to see you & told me I could stay, I just walked away
I hate that I know I’ll never have you
the same
That’s no bad thing

But I hate the most that it took me so long to find this wrenching feeling
because we made love feel folly
We were young
We had reason
I wish we both got to experience us thrive
I’m so proud of myself & lately
I don’t need much reason
I’m so much of the same & so much not
I’d like to meet again, get to know the knew plot

Maybe somewhere in the mountains
If not, we’ll meet again through the stars
I wish I could forget so many things
No words are worth the choking to try express what I miss of you,
so much
I’ll just say goodbye for now
Be content, that’s all.
My longest or second longest poem to date, too much?
Jan 2020 · 512
Reap What I Sow
Angel Jan 2020
Tell me this ain’t so
That I know happiness & not only woes
Reaper take me down
Warm me up
& rip out my heart
For its blackened state is no good
in this house
Jan 2020 · 151
Moment Of Insight
Angel Jan 2020
I need to get to know a feeling I’ve felt
for most of my lifetime
I need to get to know my solitary
My loneliness
But in a more intimate way
I know this
It’s like my life has been led up
until this point from tribulations that
Have swept me up
& it’s no longer opaque
It’s In arms way
I just need to stretch again
Jan 2020 · 64
Tantalizing, I Am
Angel Jan 2020
I wonder if you still think of me
I’d be the bigger fool to call you foolish
to still think of me
but I won’t ask that
I’ll just wonder if you fell in love with her

as fast as you did with me

Do you still fantasize about me
Or feel more confident with her
because of me
Or if you miss my touch,
Not the tough kind

The soft ones

& I wonder if you got over me as soon as you fell for her
Because she is alluring, no doubt
But to think I loved that quick
That hard

But it’s all over now
Angel Jan 2020
And what is to come of my spirit when
I
dissolve myself of all essence due to lack of
What’s the word
Love?
Jan 2020 · 233
Please Be Dreaming
Angel Jan 2020
I feel defeated by this world I know
so little about
I’m truly a speck
Nothing
Insignificant, truly
There’s peace in knowing that
There’s sorrow in knowing that
I don’t want to be dreaming anymore
Jan 2020 · 701
I’m Falling
Angel Jan 2020
I remember that heaviness
Laying on my mothers bathroom floor
Spiralling
Hitting no end
I was laying there for hours..
Staring at the ceiling being engulfed in emotion
I have a love/hate for that moment in time
I felt so much of one emotion it was like a drug
Jan 2020 · 211
Feel
Angel Jan 2020
Why is it so uncomfortably comfortable
to drown yourself in your emotion
by basking in the sadness of a song
torturing yourself so much by having it on repeat
but you can’t pull yourself together
long enough to change the song
you just wanna cry all the sadness out
but then you do it so you feel numb
so you don’t have to feel
Jan 2020 · 214
Do I Mean Anything At All
Angel Jan 2020
I’ve come up with so many words of discomfort as to why I should stay but the only one that makes me most uncomfortable now a days is
I love you
Angel Dec 2019
To the days that matter & to the days that
don’t
May we find laughter in the ever existing
woes
Dec 2019 · 173
A Blip That Was Felt
Angel Dec 2019
I used to think contentment was the thing to live for
To make a life of
It made sense,
I don’t know why

I do,
It was because of you.
Because in this decade of love that is coming to an end

I looked for everything of purpose in you
Then I found myself & thought we were so much of the same

Then I realized it was a fantasy & it wasn’t a game  

It took me so long

There was so much confusion much less delusion

I feel as though I’m slowly finally letting go
I just can’t keep running back to a thought that isn’t going to help me grow

I’m sorry & I hope there’s no resentment because this hurts me just as much
& I know it’s absurd but please
would you please still let me in  

Can we find new purpose
Because I feel as though we need much more & I still stand by what I’ve said
I just feel like living is much more than just being content
Dec 2019 · 304
Two’s a crowd?
Angel Dec 2019
It’s been years it seems since I last seen your face in person
Now I’ve adored you since I’ve first been around
Your absence is felt & I’ve barely known your presence
How foolish does that sound

Yet the least foolish is your laugh
So gratifying that it would be a shame if anyone were not able to enjoy it or your smile
I feel as though that this thing that’s present is too fragile for me to say aloud
I love your mind,
Your presence.
Your humour.
Your...
Dec 2019 · 403
I Miss You Now
Angel Dec 2019
I miss you now

I mean I’ve always missed you but now
NOW
I miss you

It’s like a longing
Borderline ache
& when I think of myself aching

It’s under your grasp
Hand on my throat &
Lips on my neck

As if under a spell
But this was cast long ago
So why am I still aching

These thoughts have me breaking
Slowly
Slowwllyyy

Snap
Angel Dec 2019
Why don’t you breathe
Breathe through it
There was a fire in you once
But only now are you actually appreciating the flames & not only the warmth
Dec 2019 · 173
To Feel It All
Angel Dec 2019
On days like these
When the sharp air of the night
Matches the happenings of the day
I feel as though this is what it means to live
To really feel life

The pure joy of the moment with laughs so genuine & innocent
The laughter after a cry because you know it’s going to be okay
The feeling of embracing the unknown & faith
The feeling of heartache & scarcity of love but feeling okay

One of those nights to feel the air & know you’ll see the stars if you look up
Nov 2019 · 90
Untitled
Angel Nov 2019
You feel like a lukewarm brush of air on a summers evening
You remind me of a sunflower
in the way they are bold
in the way they outstand everyone else
behind the greyish blue sky; like an ocean in the middle of a light rainstorm.
You smell like a home
light & comforting.
Our memories
faded & subtle.

The feeling between is a mystery
Spoken to n touched too soon
I had hoped it would be a caress on the skin but your embrace is no longer soft
There’s loving intent
No one to impress anymore
But the way we were present
isn’t there anymore
We’re just
& I must be okay with that
Because you’re not here anymore
And that’s that

The lukewarm air is no longer noticeable
Sunflowers no longer impress me
as well as the frigid air
that caresses you after rain fall
Memories fade
& lord knows I’m absentminded when it comes to love
Light & comforting is too comfortable;
that it is uncomfortable solving your mysteries
& softness never lasts long in this world dear
Nov 2019 · 100
Tempt
Angel Nov 2019
I didn’t want to be one of those people
& live in regret with what I’m doing & what I’ve done while I’m doing it.
I realize
But the depth is,
Luring
Nov 2019 · 283
The Moment
Angel Nov 2019
The moments
so fleeting
I’m troubled with the decision of
basking in it or capturing it
with a snap of my lens or conjuring words for the moment as to say
Remember
things can be beautiful
Nov 2019 · 330
A Must
Angel Nov 2019
Here’s to hoping we stay nothing close to the same
As what we were put through

There’s no need to keep the moldable pieces of yourself from shifting
They’re meant to be worn & melded

Nothing more beautiful of art that changes so, with the tune of the shift of my bones
Nov 2019 · 177
It’s All Real
Angel Nov 2019
The pink sky in this gloomy evening
made your heart feel something
That orange ball of fiery in the sky made you presumptuous
Then it all faded to grey
Clarifying your uneasiness
of what’s at bay
Too fast for your mood fluctuations
Even though it matches
This weather is too much a part of your madness
Everything from the sky
To the rivers flowing
To the air & the soil you neglect
by wearing shoes
How are you going to be the true you
If the one thing that’s tryna help you
Is dying cause of you
Aug 2019 · 219
Comfort In The Storm
Angel Aug 2019
Freckled window
With touches of orange
Purple & grey skies
So close
The air feels thick
As if the world is still
for only a moment
The sky snaps with life
rumbles with such grace
As if it’s known since
the beginning of time
exactly what to do to make
me feel
Jun 2019 · 255
“Satan”
Angel Jun 2019
It was there again
I mean
It came to me again
With a slow numbness
N grip on the throat
Weight on my chest
& shake of my head
It was all there again
Again
Once again
It’s got me
This time it was terrifying
Because I’d have lived
Without
For longer this time
So this time it felt like
Fear
Instead of comfort
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