I come over & embrace the one I considered dad at some point.
I grab a piece of birthday cake from a somber room filled with all too familiar eyes that say too much. They ache.
Quick tongues & vacant hearts.
Shaky hands & no love worth calling art.
These are the actions of the product of generational trauma & broken homes.
Halfway through my cake before we hear threats of death from liquored breath.
I continue to eat because it’s the only thing I would call sweet in that visit.
Everywhere I turned there was a story, ones that would make you weep if you had empathy & a reason.
I finished the slice of cake & finally break, call my mother because she’s a strong woman I know.
I learnt it from her but this time I couldn’t help. I couldn’t help this time.
I couldn’t ******* help.
I cursed God
I cursed the moon
I cursed myself
& then I cursed some more
Easy to understand the picture when you’re in it because it’s not just a moment it’s moments & more.
I fear for the future & what is & could be.
But I know fear is the devil so I’ll try not to curse no more.
Nothing more broken then the family I know too much & too little about. I know im only one person but when you’re wading & your loved ones are drowning it’s challenging not to get swept up too. I feel like life is a constant ache. I wish I had more love. Maybe that’s why I’m so greedy, I don’t get much love from family. I’m only one person ******. I wish I were more.
tell me where I should go
to the left
where nothings right
or the right
where there's nothing left
pain is your friend
it's your ally
it tells you when you've been
and you know
what the best thing about pain is?
it tells you
you're not dead yet
you haven't answered my calls in a few days
it shouldn't mean so much
but when the phone line lay empty,
i told the trees all about you through my tears
i left out the part where i said 'i love you' first
because i still pretend it was you
the moon listened when the trees went to sleep
and i asked her if she could keep a secret
she said she could, but i know she told the stars anyway
i whispered real quiet, so the wind couldn't carry it too far away
i'd love you, even if you broke me
my teary blue eyes
I would like to
be strong enough
to teach you