The water holds steady
as my tears did
Lush green surrounds me
I could fall asleep now
The water looks like a song...

These days suite you.

Not because the snow contrasts your
dark hair, making you stand out more than you already do.
Or because your eyes remind me of
melting ice.
Nor the fact that your smile
compliments the weather so well.

But because on these winter days
you melt the coldest of hearts.
Because you made me find a feeling.
The feeling is shame..or guilt for I have shared too much.
I’ve now given you a piece of me;
My mind

I’ve given you the purest form of myself
& my captured thoughts. It’s beautiful.
But I’m not fond of the fact that
I remember your touch more than
I do your words.
Nor the fact that I had to remind myself
to re-direct my gaze

I thought the feeling you gave me
were butterflies, but it wasn’t quite that.
It’s a similar feeling, this is like a fire I can’t touch.
This is a new feeling & I'm reminded
once again that the universe
has a hold on me, unlike I do myself.

I would’ve found that statement
frustrating & pathetic a year ago
but I’ve learned to trust myself
&
what is
&
what will be.

“....you’ll still be around in the earth, the wind & the stars.”

Poem per lover
No fret
Poems of hunger
Drowned in so much thought
It’ll make you melt
Even though the sun is low
We’ll see the day
We’ll see the day that a love is truly felt

I told mama I can’t do this no more
Ma said she don’t know what to do
Go see someone new
Don’t be so blue

I told dad I can’t do this no more
I wanna die
He said you’re invincible
You can’t die my girl, it’s impossible

But maybe that’s why I feel like death
Let me find peace

The ripple of the lake looks like a song
Dancing in formation as smooth as my stretch marks

First thing on the horizon
Yellow lights twinkle in the distance
Windshield wipers squeak as it wipes
snow from my windshield
Sparks playing lightly in the background
Head heavy
drown in the haze of my tears
Salty lips
Smooth melodies
Light strums
Give me some time

I wish I could forget about
the scent of coconut pear
But you’re engrained in my thoughts whenever I touch my lips
I wish I could forget about strolls we took on lukewarm days
Standing hip by hip

I wish I could rid you of my mind when I think about what it means to feel
or be in a dip
Or the way you spoke so passionately
Like it were the last thing to escape
from your mouth
I wish I could forget about
the way you drank guineas
like it were smoother than my heart of steel
Or how you couldn’t keep your bun from being wild like the way you always feel

I hate that I think about you every
other day if not every time I fall asleep
I hate that I can’t help but to think
of why sunflowers are my favourite
every time one passes me by
I hate that I didn’t kiss you when I
came to see you & told me I could stay, I just walked away
I hate that I know I’ll never have you
the same
That’s no bad thing

But I hate the most that it took me so long to find this wrenching feeling
because we made love feel folly
We were young
We had reason
I wish we both got to experience us thrive
I’m so proud of myself & lately
I don’t need much reason
I’m so much of the same & so much not
I’d like to meet again, get to know the knew plot

Maybe somewhere in the mountains
If not, we’ll meet again through the stars
I wish I could forget so many things
No words are worth the choking to try express what I miss of you,
so much
I’ll just say goodbye for now
Be content, that’s all.

Tell me this ain’t so
That I know happiness & not only woes
Reaper take me down
Warm me up
& rip out my heart
For its blackened state is no good
in this house

And what is to come of my spirit when
I
dissolve myself of all essence due to lack of
What’s the word
Love?

I feel defeated by this world I know
so little about
I’m truly a speck
Nothing
Insignificant, truly
There’s peace in knowing that
There’s sorrow in knowing that
I don’t want to be dreaming anymore

Why is it so uncomfortably comfortable
to drown yourself in your emotion
by basking in the sadness of a song
torturing yourself so much by having it on repeat
but you can’t pull yourself together
long enough to change the song
you just wanna cry all the sadness out
but then you do it so you feel numb
so you don’t have to feel

I’ve come up with so many words of discomfort as to why I should stay but the only one that makes me most uncomfortable now a days is
I love you

To the days that matter & to the days that
don’t
May we find laughter in the ever existing
woes

It’s been years it seems since I last seen your face in person
Now I’ve adored you since I’ve first been around
Your absence is felt & I’ve barely known your presence
How foolish does that sound

Yet the least foolish is your laugh
So gratifying that it would be a shame if anyone were not able to enjoy it or your smile
I feel as though that this thing that’s present is too fragile for me to say aloud
I love your mind,
Your presence.
Your humour.
Your...

I miss you now

I mean I’ve always missed you but now
NOW
I miss you

It’s like a longing
Borderline ache
& when I think of myself aching

It’s under your grasp
Hand on my throat &
Lips on my neck

As if under a spell
But this was cast long ago
So why am I still aching

These thoughts have me breaking
Slowly
Slowwllyyy

Snap

Why don’t you breathe
Breathe through it
There was a fire in you once
But only now are you actually appreciating the flames & not only the warmth

On days like these
When the sharp air of the night
Matches the happenings of the day
I feel as though this is what it means to live
To really feel life

The pure joy of the moment with laughs so genuine & innocent
The laughter after a cry because you know it’s going to be okay
The feeling of embracing the unknown & faith
The feeling of heartache & scarcity of love but feeling okay

One of those nights to feel the air & know you’ll see the stars if you look up

You feel like a lukewarm brush of air on a summers evening
You remind me of a sunflower
in the way they are bold
in the way they outstand everyone else
behind the greyish blue sky; like an ocean in the middle of a light rainstorm.
You smell like a home
light & comforting.
Our memories
faded & subtle.

The feeling between is a mystery
Spoken to n touched too soon
I had hoped it would be a caress on the skin but your embrace is no longer soft
There’s loving intent
No one to impress anymore
But the way we were present
isn’t there anymore
We’re just
& I must be okay with that
Because you’re not here anymore
And that’s that

The lukewarm air is no longer noticeable
Sunflowers no longer impress me
as well as the frigid air
that caresses you after rain fall
Memories fade
& lord knows I’m absentminded when it comes to love
Light & comforting is too comfortable;
that it is uncomfortable solving your mysteries

I didn’t want to be one of those people
& live in regret with what I’m doing & what I’ve done while I’m doing it.
I realize
But the depth is,
Luring

The moments
so fleeting
I’m troubled with the decision of
basking in it or capturing it
with a snap of my lens or conjuring words for the moment as to say
Remember
things can be beautiful

Here’s to hoping we stay nothing close to the same
As what we were put through

There’s no need to keep the moldable pieces of yourself from shifting
They’re meant to be worn & melded

Nothing more beautiful of art that changes so, with the tune of the shift of my bones

The pink sky in this gloomy evening
made your heart feel something
That orange ball of fiery in the sky made you presumptuous
Then it all faded to grey
Clarifying your uneasiness
of what’s at bay
Too fast for your mood fluctuations
Even though it matches
This weather is too much a part of your madness
Everything from the sky
To the rivers flowing
To the air & the soil you neglect
by wearing shoes
How are you going to be the true you
If the one thing that’s tryna help you
Is dying cause of you

Freckled window
With touches of orange
Purple & grey skies
So close
The air feels thick
As if the world is still
for only a moment
The sky snaps with life
rumbles with such grace
As if it’s known since
the beginning of time
exactly what to do to make
me feel