one day, i hope that i'm so good at writing apology letters
that i never have to write another one.

i bit the bullet and threw up the shell.
your high is like heaven and your  love is like hell.

loose change and my
real name
we can say whatever
cause it's all the same

i'm losing friends like i'm losing sleep
apologies don't work, and neither do sheep
don't go, because i want you to stay
but don't lie to me, you're leaving someday

your smile is sweet like ice cream,
but people like us have sensitive teeth,
and all of our words are just too cold

somehow, you have a really nice way
of blowing things to pieces
and then finding a way
to piece them back together again so that,
with your eyes closed,
you can't even tell they were broken.

hindsight is 20/20
and all i can see is you.

i wanna be rich when i'm older
because at least a maserati
is gonna ride when things
go down

i wish we didn't have to break up
every time you say your cell phone does.

i was supposed to be running,
but i fell into your arms instead.

when my head
is on your chest,
i like to think that
your heartbeat
is just "i love you"
in morse code

all i want is you, baby,
but you're three hundred miles away.
that, and...
we're over now.

i learned to live without you
but that doesn't mean i wanted to

but really,
you've just never seen me not in love
with you.

i'm losing myself,
so i'm losing it all
trying to be somebody
in a city where nobody cares

i've got a lot to tell you
about how maybe
our story wasn't made to be told.

you asked me why you would leave,
when i'm all you could ever ask for.

i'm on a one-way street
playing a game that takes two.

maybe this time
you can figure out a new way
to flex your way out of this

April 14th, 2018:
we're caught up in his heart.
his belongs to me, but mine to someone else.
yours is only for him, but his is only mine.
i played along for long enough.
it's time for this to end.
it's time for everyone to know the truth.

i like that you're a fighter
cause i get the feeling
you'll be beating something else up tonight

it's better when you whisper it
even though we shouldn't
be talking about it at all

we know i can do both.
i just got to figure out how to do both of them
at the same time
and keep them seperate.

i'd tell you to leave
but then i'd have no one left to stay

i want to push the memories of last night away
too bad i've got to see your pretty face again today

i may not be able to break your rules,
but they sure as hell won't break me.

i'm tired of washing the scent of you out of my hair and being afraid i'll never have to do it again.

in that case, i'm glad i'll never forget the way that you taste

you say i'm an angel.
you say that i'm good.
you see me in a way that i wish that i could.

i know who they say i am

i'm only honest when it rains
and all the rain did was help
you slip through my fingers

everyone says that habits hold you back,
but i think i liked you better that way.
it was easier when you had something
to keep your ego from overtaking
everything.

your boyfriend is a dog, so what does that make you?

i'd rather stay lost than have to be found.
i can't feel my pulse or my feet on the ground.
but i don't want to die today.
i have bridges to burn and things to say.
and you're sure as hell going to hear them.

i wish you messed with me
and not my mind
but at least you ***** something of mine

i guess i'll just have to steal your car,
if that's the only reason you're gonna chase me.
you won't pay attention to me any other way.

when it rains it doesn't just shower, you know,
just like pain's a requirement for power to grow.

getting high without you isn't even getting high,
just feeling down because i know i'm at my lowest point.

i can't always be
whatever you're wanting
and
whatever you're needing.
especially when you're needing
me.

everything is changing
and my heart is still breaking.

i spend too much time on my makeup
to let you mess up my mascara.

you can make me the bad guy,
but i'm the best girl you ever had.

the only reason that i miss the old you
is that the old you was with me

and now you're upset
because i'm sitting in the
passenger seat of an infiniti
with frank ocean playing,
another hand holding the
one that you used to.

still, i want to be holding yours again.

who would have known that
heaven with you
would hurt like hell

a lover?
no.

a liar?
yes.

all i want is to live in the space between your hands and
be undone by the way that pretty words fall from your lips
like rain from the sky.
one day, sometime soon,
i'll have stolen the color from your eyes
and the letters from your name
and dissolved the very fibers of your being,
along with everything that made you what you were.
that is exactly what you get when you give me everything
and ask for nothing but me in return.

i wish that i could get as high
as your expectations.
i guess we're both disappointed.

my world is flipped upside down.
the blood is rushing to my head.
i can feel my face flushing.
you're next to me, right side up,
as if nothing even matters.
my stomach's hurting a little,
and i'm holding on for my life

our knees are over the back of the couch.
and my hair is brushing the ground.
and we're hanging here,
falling in love a little,
and laughing like absolute maniacs.

i'm working the game,
but you stay working me.
none of you are the same,
but i'll still take all three.

collar bones under gold chains.
white sheets and blood stains.
in your head is my favorite place to be.
blissfully drowning in your dead sea.