When I lay in silence
When I sit in the dark
My thoughts race
My head so loud
I feel my heart
Beating so hard
Needles pierce my chest
It’s hard to breathe
The world is spinning
I feel strangled
My lips are quivering
Tears break past my eyes
My hands are shaking
Simultaneous pain
Head and heart
Drowning dizzy
I’m alone
Anxious

Joy conceived in the vision
The Lily of the drought
Volunteer of the incision
And a seed of doubt

Black silky Intertwined threads
The touch and sound of care
Love, warmth, comfort spreads
Your intensity in all rare

Infinite options hang above
Spinning a smoky vortex
Simply what you hate or love
Discombobulates my cortex

Only clues to a mystery
Yet partials of a masterpiece
Less of shortened history
Wonder moves me not to cease

I fully hate you.
No questions to my detest.
Why am I here though?

I lived through my mistakes
I lived through the stress
I lived through the aches
I lived for success

I lived in moments of joy
I lived in optimism
I lived innocent yet coy
I lived through criticism

I lived and showed love
I lived and showed fear
I lived in belief of above
I lived a life unclear

I died because I was tired of all that came with living

Bitter tasting sip
Or a sweet and creamy glaze.
Black cup or cool whip?

Tears wash down a face.
A heart drowned infinitely.
The barrel in place.

Every day, every second seems to come so slowly
Why though are my flashbacks so swift
Why are there parts so unusually smoky
Why is my life on a quick drift

Time is slowly and sharply skewing in my head
Why can't I contain each moment?
Why am I not dreadfully dead?
Why did I end up becoming a poet?

This reality is bound by the laws of ticking time
Why do I have to follow its rules?
Why must I advance to and through the prime?
Why shouldn't I steal back my time's jewels?

My heart begins to melt
while my hands sweat.
I begin to hide where I dwelt.
Afraid to make you upset

You make me shake like never before.
My words slowly stumble and crumble.
Either I'm falling or taking off to soar.
I elegantly dance or tumble and fumble.

Staring into your soul through the depths of your eyes
Captured in your laughter and delirious grin
Reliving each moment as I agonize
what I should've said when it started to begin.

Can you love me? Do I love me?
If love is so powerful, why are we apart?
I guess sometimes life makes us set'em free
All I need to do is give up my heart

Tasting each flavor like abstract art
Smelling the slightest changes
Soaking the beat of sound in the heart
Feeling the keys and the how it arranges

Inhaling the crisp air of an ocean breeze
Caressed by tempos and harmony
The sparsest sweet aroma noticed by the ease
Stroking skin and sinking in lovingly

Drowning deep with tears flowing
The ****** tang soaking the tongue
Navigated by melodies controlling
Heat slicing skin and searing lungs

Each sense fully fine-tuned
Gathering the missing to advance
Using each process to overcome wounds
Yet still the wish for sight given a chance

An entrance to my fears
A look into the dark edges
Chills, screams, and tears
My sleep slings me into what trenches

Trapped in my menacing mind
Reality twisting into a paradox
Reminding me through the confine
Fearful of the disturbing faux

The shadows reach for the soul
This treachery haunts my heart
The feeling of separating my skull
My memories ripping me apart

It takes your deepest senses
Manipulates your faintest thoughts
Developing a world of consequences
Twisting your psych into tight knots

A dark room filled up
The shadows stretching
Like a full cup
In the darkest etching

The aroma of ink
The crumble of paper
The eyes that sink
The dusty vapor

The click of a pen
The bright desktop light
The typing again
The inscribing of graphite

Would you sink into the sand
or could you remain even on shaky ground?
On the elevation, could you stand?
When your hands touch the sky, can you stay earthbound?

If your entirety builds around others
are you those that you lean on?
Are your choices and mistakes yours or another's?
Are you a king or a pawn

Why do they expect me to be them,
when I want to be myself?
Why should I be another and not be mayhem?
How can you worship one and never accept yourself?

Why is it that you don't exist in my mind
When I see people why are they just shapes
My thoughts, why are they shackled in a selfish bind
How do I uncover my empathetic eyes behind drapes

I so badly wish to be a good person just once
Yet one moment of right is delved in false intentions
All of my attempts to be a hero are only theatric stunts
Why do I constantly and carelessly crave attention

Where did my wretched personality begin
Could I have been born covered in expectations
Did I see their lightened gaze and grow dim
So absorbed in what they say I can become, stuck in elevation

By pushing everyone away did I raise the anchor
Or did I trap myself in a shadowed cage called loneliness
Was all my love, kindness, and joy the ploy of a faker
Possibly a plea for some guide of life; though useless

Why is it so hard to be great and virtuous
I may never know after detaching parts of me
Why is being great compared to goodness so arduous
An evil king who kills and the poor people who die innocently
I wish I'd chosen the ladder

A brittle bundle of thatch
One single flamboyant flower
Diamond specs, a rust hatch
Tiny mouse homes by a tower

Illusioned by the despaired
Hope built upon the carcasses
Hidden; stood with the faired
Poor together empty of narcissist

Escaped the dark of plagued
Raven cures tenacious light
A sin burnt flakes baked
A creamy ooze soaks a bite

Gift lively cater the eyes
The lonely item lost or stolen
A sharp needle pierced lies
Dully used as fools golden