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Aug 1 · 330
Infinite
Ave Maria Aug 1
I fear at times that I don’t know if my true self is still within me
Sometimes I fear she’s gone away
Sometimes I catch glimpses of her
In poetry I have saved, yet no one cares to read it, at least not fully through
I understand what Kurt said in his last note
Needing to be unfeeling, in desperate attempts to regain enthusiasms that were once had in years of early childhood
I feel utterly alone most days
Many years I have yearned for something I do not even know what is
What am I without my writing? What am I with it?
I can never write consistently, I can never predict what I will feel from one day to the next, yet many days feel the same
And there lingers the same utter pain
Writers block is an unintentional passion of mine
Fear is my best friend
Sadness is one of my greatest companions
Nostalgia appears several times a week
Anger eats me alive
Am I anything but a mere tragedy? A copy of other poets who have lost their minds? Am I original enough? Why must I feel the need to be so unique, to over explain everything I have ever felt?
Mar 2023 · 3.1k
A Slice Of The Moon
Ave Maria Mar 2023
I took a slice of the moon and brought it to my lips ever so carefully
Head heavy with thought, soul dripping with poetry
The heart’s different phases of color painted upon every wall in my home
Ever changing, raw art of emotion
For a moment as I glance out the window, the breeze combing through my hair and the fresh smell of the night meeting my nose
I begin to imagine stars dancing up in the vast sky, twirling around and breaking apart, some fading out to let the others shine
Shooting across the sky to emphasize their passion of the night
Crickets watching and singing their songs to one another, a language only they share
Humans wishing upon the stars from their homes, secrets floating around within their minds, never to be uttered
I smile and place the slice of the moon in my mouth as if it’s a sacred fruit
I close my eyes.. and lo and behold!
It’s so powerful, I am unsure if I am merely dreaming this magic
So many stars and even angels, all dancing together as if in an orchestrated play
I dance with them, twirling around graciously in sequences that were prior unbeknownst to me
I laugh in such a beautiful and unearthly manner, my voice light and airy like the angels
A large crowd of stars group together to form the constellation of a Pegasus, twinkling and sparkling ever so bright with a certain sense of mystery
I waste no time to hop on and am carried across this seemingly never ending canvass
Until I am slowly brought down to a cloud
Softer than a feather, softer than the fur of a kitten
Similar to the first embrace of a mother, invoking a deep sensation of deja vu
I sigh with comfort and from there I soon fall, as the stars abruptly yet softly alert me with kind smiles that it is time to go
The sun is rising, a single tear slips from my eye as I awaken
Already grieving and wishing to return
But maybe tonight, I’ll find another slice of the wondrous moon
And live it all again, as a true child of the sky and the heavens
Ave Maria Oct 2022
Gothic, extravagant houses and towns have my soul’s name written on them
But it is too small to be seen with the naked eye, or even with a telescope
My name does not feel like the one that was assigned to me, although I appreciate it still
I fail to fully belong to this time, but it does have its perks
I bathe in the symphony of the silence in the places that summon my soul
How many have been or are yet to be destroyed by pure greed, by those who decide its value from their own inconvenience
Or the places left to die, never to be attended to, for these awful humans deem them unworthy of their time
Care and love drip from my fingertips, linger in my veins
When can I reach you, my distant homes, the ones which are tied to my soul’s name?
Ave Maria Jun 2022
To speak scientific truth and the ways of nature is now to hate one another, so it seems
Why is this? How possibly could spreading the good seed of knowledge be the equivalent to inciting violence or a hate crime? Humans are far too fragile, as they have been since the beginning of time. All these unnecessary wars, and for what reason? They begin by spreading facts or opinions that evidently cannot be handled. There is nothing more self destructive than humanity. The censoring has begun, and I reckon much worse is to soon unfold. Why must they defend so dearly, what does not exist? We are asked not to label, yet these people label themselves and us within the span of a second for not believing in fantasies. We stand subject to ridiculous trends, power trips, and the dangerous fragility of the human mind. Will there ever be an end?
Jun 2022 · 1.7k
The Circle Of Questions
Ave Maria Jun 2022
What is there left, when humanity can no longer ensue? When our kind is wiped off the face of Mother Earth? Will the planet be destroyed itself from the sun, or from our own foolish actions? Or will the earth instead remain with our souls tied to it as we wander aimlessly, our ashes permeating within the dirt? How many places will our souls be within? Heaven and earth together? Will the animals be with us in spirit or in a different realm? Will a new kind be brought forth, or perhaps a new planet?
May 2022 · 2.1k
Angels
Ave Maria May 2022
Angels kiss you when you are unaware
in both your most painful and most beautiful moments
Mar 2022 · 1.3k
Slithering Slander
Ave Maria Mar 2022
This is an issue which isn’t spoken of enough. Awful, manipulative people roam this earth and poison the minds of many. Humanity often does not want to hear the other side of a story, and choose to instead blindly believe the slanderer. This brings no justice to the truth that was twisted, or to the victim who bears the damage. In many cases, the victim is forced to part with money and other things that are highly important to them. Why must slanderers feel so secure within their own lies, and why must the world deprive the victim of a voice?
Jan 2022 · 2.7k
The Magic Behind Poetry
Ave Maria Jan 2022
As poets, we silently scream within the poems that we write, the fervent words permanently soaking into the universe
The universe absorbing the reality of their meaning, even if we ourselves may not fully understand yet
In every piece of art, the inner soul is revealing a part of itself
Big or small, it is there, making its presence known
I find this to be very beautiful
Dec 2021 · 1.6k
2019
Ave Maria Dec 2021
Mountains of pain is what I have been foretold
Waves of confusion for my being and all that is
Constantly questioning everything in a dark world that is painfully cold
I apologize for sometimes being so terrible with words as I am trying to express the gratitude I have within me
I try my best to seem appreciative, to seem friendly
Positive perspectives in this life I know I may lack
Many emotions I refuse to show to the world because I know very well how they can be belittled or mocked behind my back
Empathy I feel for those who share feelings similar to how I do, for they should never
I’m quite good at persuading others in believing positive lies about life, I’m what you may call clever
The truth is we are all inevitably doomed for an earth that cannot handle all of our weight
I returned to these same earthly grounds after many centuries, perhaps too late
Misunderstood, is my old soul to this generation, but perhaps it was always
Each day I find myself wishing, begging for clearer days
Time is a wheel that never stops
Silence greets us when we are alone at night, yet the chaos screams so very loud within our deepest thoughts  
Music grips my saddened soul, warming me to my core
Bringing me company, somewhat soothing the pain I fail to ignore
I often sit and remind myself how there is good in this world and it shall win over the evil.. or at least this is what people believe
Evil often hunches over me, but I need the light to shine through the darkest depths of my being so the stress and discontent inside can perhaps heal, perhaps relieve
I take what comes whether it may be fair or not
I’m unsure of how many demons I have even successfully fought
Familiar feelings I have carried with me, heavy as my fatigued eyes
The belief that I will get better may just be nothing but lies, lies, lies.
Written in 2019. A poem I’m very proud of.
Ave Maria Oct 2021
I gasp from his words as I begin feeling my heart suddenly grow wings and soar into the sky, knowing that it will land in the palm of his hand every time. As the days pass, he does not at all fail at finding ways to amaze me, to make sure that I will never ever forget him. He makes sure that he diligently completes his job.
I run my fingers across his beautiful face, taking in and mesmerizing every detail I possibly can.
The rough feeling of his beard stubble, his warm, soft and moist lips, his prickly mustache that feels like home, his unique, tiny skin tags that he cannot stand even though I love them, his gorgeous eyelashes, and those shining, captivating eyes. I could stare into them forevermore. If eyes truly are the window to the soul, then I’m absolutely entangled in his. I breathe in his scent before he kisses me again, and I eventually exhale in his mouth from the feeling of pure bliss. He makes sure not one single part of my lips are left untended to. His hands wander around my body as if I’m an enchanting and enticing art sculpture that he can’t get enough of. He takes care of me in a way I didn’t know I had needed. He caresses every part of me with his eyes, if not his lips. He laughs with me in such a way that causes the rest of the world to simply cease to exist.. all I can see is that breathtaking smile. I’m smothered in memories each time we have to temporarily separate. He knows that he has me wrapped around his fingers, that sneaky, adorable  man. I would die for him, and my everlasting love for him beyond the grave will only grow stronger.
What a tragedy it would be to never have known you.
Ave Maria Oct 2021
Amidst all the fire, all the days flying by with my head disconnected from my body, he returns to me.   Right in the flesh. He tells all and waits in fear, expecting his eyes to meet with my back once more. All the cold, ruthless lies about him I had believed in my brief time of confusion from the ignorant who prey on the insecure no longer ring true. I grab his weary soul and intertwine it with mine.  I kiss his wounded heart and melt in his sweet eyes of chocolate. The fire continues, but he will not let go, and nor will I. We shall relish as we burn alive hand in hand, without the care of anyone else. A lifetime of caring too much for judgement had done nothing but steal moments of happiness. No mind of another fool could change our passion nor commitment. He knows this as well as I do. I smile, for I finally found my mate in this twisted labyrinth called life. He smiles back because he knows.
Wrote Sep. 1st
Thank you. Us reuniting in person in August took my breath away. I cannot wait to meet with you again in November and eventually wake up every morning to your sweet face. I love you more with every passing moment and I cannot wait to build a new life with you.
Jun 2021 · 857
Golden Gates
Ave Maria Jun 2021
Awaken me, take away my confusion and pain
Shine a light through me
Echoes of angels surrounding me in an ethereal world of never ending bliss
Golden gates that behold behind them a bright and beautiful  place which only those who truly know will see
Souls of familiar beings I have loved and adored embracing me with a smile
I return the same smile down to those I know who still remain on earth
I will wait to see you again
And I cannot wait to reunite with you, my friend
Poem of mine from 2019.
Jun 2021 · 197
Wasting away
Ave Maria Jun 2021
Are you confused?
By the way the earth keeps spinning,
By the way you feel you are never winning,
And the yearning that never quits within you?
May 2021 · 1.2k
Misunderstood.
Ave Maria May 2021
They call you judgmental yet frown upon you when you are not exactly like them
They try to pick apart any possible reason for an action you take, a mistake that you make
Then boil it down to their own perfect little answer
Their expectations they hold for others can be grueling with how many hurricanes run through your head, though they claim not to ask for much
To act as if they can see right through you can sometimes be their favorite way to pass time, though  of course they don’t know half of it
The strong vibes of arrogance and judging glances they shoot behind your back are enough to suffocate you, but you choose to hold it together with a smile
Until the weakness returns, where you break down and shake
You try to place words together in your mouth, your poems, in your eyes, your soul, anything.. but the largest part of you screaming out remains silent
To expect to be fully understood by another is foolish  
For their selfishness and their narrow way of thinking are evidently highly prominent
And far too many complications are forever involved
The attempts to silent your mind  unfortunately prove to be futile
A cigarette, one drink after the other take away the gnawing pain that will eternally make its presence known
Moments of happiness turn dark as ash ever so quickly
To laugh at oneself, to lose one’s mind is hauntingly easy enough
In a world where no one truly knows your name.
Dec 2020 · 404
Bittersweet Nostalgia
Ave Maria Dec 2020
Distant memories I will never be able to go back to, I watch it all fly past through my very own screen in my mind
The moments turning so very fast like pages, yet so very slow
I remember back when everything was simple
When I could truly breathe without an anchor pulling me down, crushing and shattering me with every given second I try to breathe
When the world was blurry, but at the same time so very sharp and breathtakingly beautiful
A dream, a far away dream I will always feel deep down in that part of my soul
I can still feel the breeze
Feel my small and soft feet in the long, lively green grass
I can hear the laughter of my own as I run with the kite in my hand
A feeling of freedom
A feeling of innocence
The twinge of realization always hits
How I will never be able to go back to those days
Ever again
I have learned far too much of this world and how things have drastically changed
Always breaks me more with every passing year
I clutch onto the feeling but my hands slowly slip, the pain and agony of longing to go back as I begin to let go
The screen in my mind disappears

I’m back to the present.
A much older poem.
Dec 2020 · 660
Piercing
Ave Maria Dec 2020
Shards of broken glass across the floor
Mirrors smoking up, my reflection paling as I try my hardest to hold onto my own frail skin
A nightmare I did not expect to greet, a fate that I cannot fleet from
Precious black petals from roses falling to the ground, the twisted thorns painfully surrounding my poor heart
Rain heavily pouring from the sky as the angels cry with anguish
Darling, I have lost you for now, but not forever..
At least that’s what I tell myself
Broken as I ever could feel, I slowly lower my shaking body to the ground
I feel so cold, so empty
Ravenously longing for your sweet, warming embrace
The long curtains swaying quickly as the wind blows violently
The sweet but haunting melodic church bells ringing again and again, reminding me this is all truly and painfully real
Tortured by this grief I shall be, forevermore
Until we meet again.
Was inspired by an Evanescence song and put this poem together.
Jan 2019 · 218
The Mystery Of Life
Ave Maria Jan 2019
The human life is so very strange
We are all filled with such different things
Different desires, different perceptions
Different scenes and experiences
Different pains and different demons
It's baffling, isn't it?
How we all live in the same world with one another, yet completely different worlds in our psyche
How our fates are tied with certain people temporarily, or perhaps forever although it's rare
We all have memories we will carry to the grave, memories that will carry on even after death
And those who are born after us may find our gravestones one day
And not think a thing of it.
Nov 2018 · 640
Stuck.
Ave Maria Nov 2018
You stare at your own work until you hate it,
Sit for so long you forget why you waited
Hold your tongue instead of speaking your mind
Longing to move forward, but remaining behind.

— The End —