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Feb 2021 · 1.3k
9mm
Monica Alvarez Feb 2021
9mm
I was back in my prison-- the four walls of my room.
Emotions were shooting like pistols.
My head is about to go boom.
Apr 2020 · 126
Even Though
Monica Alvarez Apr 2020
I always asked myself why I loved you
Even though I was certain we won't last.
I have always wondered why we're breathing
Even though our heart would one day stop.

Maybe it's because life is still worth living
Even when we know death from the start.
Maybe because you're worth loving
Even when I know you won't love me back.
Apr 2020 · 201
Fiction
Monica Alvarez Apr 2020
Our love was perfect
A story of fairytale.
A work of fiction.
Apr 2020 · 191
Everyone's a Fool
Monica Alvarez Apr 2020
Everyone was such a fool
They were easy to convince
But there was one that can't be wooed
That one person, it was me.

Despite the efforts of flushing away
All the memories I had of you
In my dreams you still haunt me—
Like a ghost— out of the blue.

Then when I woke the pain returned
As if all of it was only yesterday.
The memories I thought I burried,
Back on the ground they found their way.

Hours again of staring into nothingness
I felt my heart ripped apart.
Into my bed with steaming warmness
I cannot move on to a fresh start.

All the things that should feel natural
Suddenly felt like a work so hard
May it be breathing or blinking,
Even the beating of my heart.

All of it was because I once again dreamed of you
So believe me when I say...
It was never easy falling out of love for you.
Mar 2020 · 206
Afterlife
Monica Alvarez Mar 2020
In ending our lives
We will never know
Whatever there is
That lies before.

It is the dreams
Of heavens and skies.
It is the nightmares
That roams at night.

Brave are they
Who tried to seek
Whatever lies
In the never ending sleep.
https://wordpress.com/view/justloveandheartaches.wordpress.com
Jan 2020 · 279
Grenade
Monica Alvarez Jan 2020
When you feel like you're about to explode,
that's when you start pushing people away,
but somehow at any point,
sharpnels reach them anyway.
https://jusloveandheartaches.wordpress.com
Jan 2020 · 177
Sanity
Monica Alvarez Jan 2020
For all the days I wake
To the sun that sneaks a peek,
I tell myself to take a grip
Before the reality slips.
https://justloveandheartaches.wordpress.com
Jan 2020 · 196
Goodbye.
Monica Alvarez Jan 2020
For those times I have cried,
And wept every night,
Questions are bugging me
They're filling up my mind.

How could I love,
And never be loved?
How couldn't I get,
When I've given what I got?

How could I forgive,
When I wasn't forgiven?
How could I believe,
And how come he never listened?

How come she came,
And got what I want?
When all I ever wanted
Was all of your love.

But now I have seen
How happy you've become
And all of my questions
From thousands became none.

Who, What
When, and Why
I could finally say goodbye.
Aug 2019 · 473
Stare
Monica Alvarez Aug 2019
I've always admired your pretty eyes
For the way you stare makes me melt.
Until one day I realized
You're just waiting for me to make a mistake.
Aug 2019 · 494
Borrowed Time
Monica Alvarez Aug 2019
I have been riding the hand of the clock at the very second I met you.

I held as it tick and tock completing a minute, and I held more as it ran an hour.

I was grateful as it counted a day. I was screaming with joy as it reached more than months.

I was a fool for not knowing it was a timer set to end.
Aug 2019 · 823
Blur
Monica Alvarez Aug 2019
Many months have passed
Memories have turned to dust
Were you real or not?
"In the months that had passed, I would sometimes wonder if I'd remembered it correctly, or if time and far too much going over the events of that night had clouded my memory. "

-- Morgan Matson, Save The Date
May 2019 · 497
Dilemma
Monica Alvarez May 2019
If there's much pain in leaving as there is in staying, where shall I go?
Dec 2018 · 395
30th of December
Monica Alvarez Dec 2018
I thought I was great with words,
Until I could not say anything right
To stop you from leaving.
Nov 2018 · 270
Deathbed
Monica Alvarez Nov 2018
She held flowers to her chest
as she falls asleep.
She prayed and wished for her death
And the universe sadly granted it.

She started fading away
As she closed her eyes.
All the noises and pain—
It was gone along with her life.

Everyone wondered
As to why she ever did it—
Killing herself with a blade
Leaving her wrist with a slit.

They said she was a sad girl,
The kind of which who always cry.
But none of them ever saw her
With a tear falling from her eye.

They felt sorry for the girl
As they watched her lie.
But she was more beautiful in death
Than she was when she's alive.

A dark pool of people
Was shredding tears on her grave
Little do they know
Of how long she's been so brave.
Jul 2018 · 329
They told me...
Monica Alvarez Jul 2018
They told me I'm being too cold
So I set my heart on fire.
It was too much for you to hold
So you blew the flame until it dies.

They told me I should be sweeter
So I destroyed my walls and let you in.
You're not satisfied with what I offer
So I tried thinking of another scheme.

They told me to make myself pretty
So I studied ways to get myself fixed.
But there she is with effortless beauty
She needs nothing like magic tricks.

I stopped listening to what they say
And let you see the naked me.
I may be flawed in many ways;
I'm imperfect, but I am me.
But I didn't listen
Jun 2018 · 480
Sleepless
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
Tonight I'm gonna sleep,
I'm gonna let my mind rest.
There are secrets he chose to keep,
Despite of me, giving my best.

No matter how much I give,
I know I'll  never be enough.
Maybe because I'm not the one he needs,
So he's still craving for other's  love.

I'd like to think this is a game
I have to fight hard to win,
But feeling this much of pain
I think I'll just let her have him.

This time I'm now letting go
Of all the feelings I've invested.
It's time for me to let myself grow
And learn that no one can be trusted.

So now I'm gonna sleep
Probably a little much longer.
He was once my sweet dreams,
But now he's my worst nightmare.
Jun 2018 · 261
Hushed
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
There are things left unsaid
And stories left untold.
There are promises you never kept
So there’s nothing for me to hold.

There are things left unsaid
And stories left untold.
There were tears that I've shed
When you left my heart broke.

There are things left unsaid
And stories left untold.
In your hands my heart melted
Only to give it back to me, cold.

My feelings left unsaid
My love for you was never told.
Let's stay together till the end
--Side by side until we're old.
Jun 2018 · 228
Roses & Love
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
Roses

Petals
and thorns
along its stem.
One day it will die
And be gone in the air.

Love

Hearts
Were torn
Before reaching the end.
They've already died
Even though they weren't dead.
Jun 2018 · 219
When She Did
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
When she asked you to go away
That's when she needed you to stay,
But she's not going to tell you that
Because she know it won't make any change.

When she didn't text you that morning
It's because she spent the whole night crying.
Her pillow was a pond filled with pain
And all she ever called out was your name.

When she didn't kiss you goodnight,
She badly wanted you to ask her if she's alright,
But then you just turned your back and left...
There she was again, alone while she wept.

When she answered "I'm fine" before you even asked,
She thought you'd notice the dark circles around her eyes
But when you flashed your confused gorgeous smile,
She has forgotten that she's already broken inside.

And when you start to realize the real meaning of everything she did,
It's too late now because there's a man she's already with.
He hugged and kissed her and made her laugh,
and do the things you never did.

He noticed the tears in her eyes
Whenever she cried for you during those nights.
He chose to stay after you walked away,
Because he knows she needed him that day.

But don't worry 'cause she's a stupid girl
She'll never know he's in love with her.
And she'll always come running after you
Even though she knows she deserves someone better than you.
Jun 2018 · 330
Just Tired
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
I’m tired of being tired
And instead of resting,
I decided to hide.

I’m tired of explaining
That the world isn’t just you and me,
That the earth keeps on spinning
And I’m pinned on a place I never wished to be.

I’m tired of crying,
Sleepless nights, and swollen eyes.
The eyes that turned red in the morning
Because the whole night I’ve been trying to live.

I’m tired of smiling,
When every piece inside me is breaking.
When all I wanted to do is to explode,
Yet all I do is just nod.

I’m tired of saying “I’m fine”
When in fact I am not
But you still believe me
Because you’re too blinded to see.

I’m tired of typing words—
Words you’re not worth to see;
Words you never heard from me,
Words that I meant to keep.

I’m tired of staying
And every night I thought of leaving
But then I imagined you alone
And then I walk back to my bed wishing I’d drowned.

I’m tired of pretending—
Saying I never loved you
When the truth is I really do.
And it hurts so much too

Because no matter what I say,
No matter what I do
All you can see
Are the things I never meant to do.

Above everything else…


I’m tired of being tired
And I bet you have no idea
How many times
I already died.
Jun 2018 · 251
To My Beloved Stranger
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
I’ve locked myself
In my room,
Planked on my bed,
Reading my books.

Days after,
I went out.
People looked at me
like I have worms on my mouth.

I didn’t mind them
and continued to walk
And as I do,
I hear them talk.

They call me names
As I ran with shame.
I hid from the world
And in the dark I crawled.

I hate people
--I always do,
But everything changed
When I met you.

You’re the light
In this world full of fright.
You’re my escape
In this world full of hate.

Then I realized
You’re just a dream.
You’re the main character
In the book I keep.

I guess I’ll hate
People forever
Until we meet again
My perfect stranger.
Jun 2018 · 283
True Love At First Sight
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
You were once just a face
That belongs to the crowd.
No one special nor familiar
Just a body walking around.

Then one day my heart stopped
When my gaze landed on you.
And right at that very moment
I knew I fell in love with you.
Jun 2018 · 265
Let's Get Naked
Monica Alvarez Jun 2018
Tonight let's get naked
And let our lips do the thing.
Time was limitless in my head
We can actually do anything.

Come on let's get naked
With the words we're trying to speak.
Who cares what has to be said?
We are stronger then we are weak.

Let me get on top of you
And tell you things I couldn't say.
If I tell you I'm in love with you
Would you tell me you feel the same?

The way our skin touches
And the way our bodies move,
Your answers leave me clueless,
Not wanting to tell me the truth.

Forever let's be naked
And tell each other things.
Enough with our little secrets.
Let's tell each other everything.
In between our kisses, lies most of our secrets.

— The End —