She is a complex orb of energy
Her physicality radiates the freshness of the ocean breeze.
Her eyes the stars on a clear night in Switzerland.
Her laugh is the first taste of ice cream on a hot day.
Yellow at first glance, she radiates warmth and joy.
Yet, like any other energy
she is infinite
the beautiful clouds that turn to thick fog
and the waves of sea turning dark and reckless,
a beautiful mess
when viewed from afar
it sure is a beautiful mess from afar.
But as being captain of this sinking ship
I only look for light to save me.
Its scary knowing that the source that can save you
is also the source of your devastating fate.
When the black outweighs the yellow,
and you are hoping to see the clouds part...
what are you to do?

This is my secret getaway.
My long lost friend
A destination for myself to find peace.
Isn't it beautiful when no one you know will read your thoughts?
A place where you fully, and honestly, with every piece of you.
Do Not Care.

When did this become so difficult?
writing just to write,
feeling to feel,
are you speaking to speak,
or speaking to be heard?
I am speaking to myself
for myself
by myself
with myself
to better understand what secrets my conscious knows about me.

I drift away in the LA sunset every evening around 7.
The sidewalks swallowed by cultured faces,
The road paved with burnt rubber,
The sound of children running with untied laces,
The palm trees sway in a smooth shutter.
This is where I was born,
This is where I will die,
As the sun dunks over the deep waters,
And the stars kiss the sky.

Sometimes I run.
I just run and I can't seem to stop.
My arms glide through the fogged night air.
I don't mind my arms burning,
It feels nice,
I feel alive.
My whole body moving as a machine,
not even I can stop.
I am more alive than you.
I am as lost as you,
but I am alive.

I.
can't.
breathe.
anymore.

the white snow pouring down
are her ashes
sleep and sound
dancing all around
this quiet little town.
I see not one simple frown
or a face sulking at the ground.
standing upon a mound
that her ashes slowly surround.
she is now crowned
queen of the found.

this time in our humanity
is so divine,
where insanity is controlled by nothing other than time.
time dripping off ledges like
stumbling rocks,
when it breaks against the ground
is when time finally stops.
killing our insanity
essentially kills our souls,
without time in our lives,
where would we go?
we'd be stuck in a moment
for the rest of our lives,
insanity is our destination,
and our dictator is time.

you know the monster who conquered your daughter?
the one who slept underneath her bed
and made noises in the closet just to get into her head?
the one that was grey with a red embrace,
the one that erased some important space... in - between her ears
encouraging her to grow up to face her fears with 9 bottles of beers.
but those tears would reappear when her closet would croak.
as she did when the grey man invoked her to choke--
when she was 13.
The grey man sunk her self-esteem like a sub-marine.
at 16 she started popping out window screens
and replacing her caffeine with green weeds that only helped her to forget 13.
22 and wanting to start new,
she moved to a place with a nice mountain view.
She dread the first night in bed with no light
despite that she might have read stories for good nights,
she shut her eyes and saw a sight that she despised,
a sight that supplies her whole night full of cries.
when she was 5 this man with a knife
stood over her bed,
there was something he said before he filled her head
with only the deep concerning color of red.
The words that he spoke turned him to a cloud of smoke
that she only thinks about while choking on lines of coke....
The monster now resides in your daughter
because the lines from her father
right before he was slaughtered..
were- "don't even bother to grow to be stronger,
because the longer you think you can conquer your life;
the  more you'll turn into  a monster...
and ****** your wife.
Daddy's leaving now,
But ill tuck you in every single night."

Oversized cars drive down the streets,
Oversized humans sit within them barely stressing their feet.
Park benches lay empty each afternoon,
Kids are sheltered in their boring cocoons.
The description of fun now-a-day is a mystery,
What are kids doing when they ditch their class of history?
Do they go out to their cars to light up a bowl?
getting high today seems like an every day goal.
But do they realize the toll that their delivery to their body?
Filling their lungs with  coal and acting a little sloppy.
Or does having does fun on weekend include getting drunk?
Drink this handle of Captain Morgan "its time to get krunk"
what happened to those days where you would go out and play?
Getting lost in the maze when you were in the fifth grade.
Then going back to your friends house to jump on the trampoline.
When you would dress up like a queen and make a fine dinner cuisine.
When your pants would be stained green from sliding on the grass.
And you'd have a wet spot from the damp field on your ***.
That use to be the definition of fun.
Now I hear of kids going to school with a gun....
Something needs to change,
because kids these days are morally insane.

she is my inspiration.
motivation,
concentration,
my rejuvenation,
i will make a declaration
for this infiltration
of exhilarating exaggeration,
of our joining corporations.
while your vibrations
trigger my salvation of
sensational temptation.
like a starvation that you feel on
a beautiful vacation.
this flirtation of adaptation
that we take into notation
without any negotiation
of our confirmation that we
apply in applications
in calibration
with our wildest aspirations.
our conversations make me
feel dehydration
like my education is an exclamation
its not an estimation of our escalation.
this desperation
our correlation is stronger than any  confederation.
you're the most beautiful creation,
and you deserve one hundred standing ovations.
i love you

I fell in love with you today.
yesterday as well.
your beautiful leaves,
and your snowy trees,
there's no wonder why I fell.
you took a life that I loved
3 years ago in march
and although her body is underground
her love remains in my heart.
she is the snow covered sidewalks
and the freshly mowed lawn
she is the leaves in the wind
it's like she's  not even gone
she is the birds up high
and the sharks in the ocean
she is my sweet lullaby,
she is my happy day potion.
I fell in love with you today
and yesterday as well
just promise me
that you will see
all the reasons why I fell.

One pill
One eye opening
Finger trembling
mind racing
Free spiriting pill
I do not want to need it.
I no longer want it to control my
Wit
My life
But I cannot let it go.
I need this white
Small
Life controlling
Satanic pill.

Kiss* me
            * Hold* me
                     Love me
                          Control me
     Grab me  
            Tease me
                Strip me
                    Please me

Strip* your clothes
until you are bare
jump into the fire
until someone sees there
drench your wrinkled rash
with alcohol
try to stand back up
and remain standing tall.
throw all your money into the sky
bow down on your broken knees and ask god
why
he answers with a wind
that blows your ashes through the leaves.
he answers softly
insanity kills all who bleed.
you bled your courage within the flame,
and you bled your heart when you soaked that pain,
you bled your dignity by throwing all you had away,
you let yourself bleed until you became
*insane

stealing the only oxygen that I have out from my blackened lungs,
piano tapping fingertips play across my ribcage,
goosebumps layer my outstretched collarbone,
pulling rigid hips into your broadened abs,
kissing my slightly chapped winter cold lips,
you intoxicate my body with the sweetest poison.
only you can **** my nerves,
and empower my soul at once.
steal my oxygen until my winter lips freeze.
I no longer have a use for burning summers.

To she who rolled me.over in bed.
And kissed my ****** lips.
Who bared my chest
And took control
and wouldn't get her hands off my untouched hips.
The basement dark
and her touch cold
made me feel evil within my veins.
I didn't know what was going on,
I was only in 6th grade.
To the girl who forced my face
to go beneath the belt.
I'm sorry if it hurt you when
I bit your piece of felt.
It smelled of death and
Was hot like fire
Please don't shove my head again
down near your fishy damp dryer.
To the *** addict I was with
for far over a year.
*** 5 times a day
from the front side and rear.
Well you ruined it for me
I don't know what tight is.
But I do remember the scars you gave me
when your claws would tighten.
To the girl I'm with now.
It's our second month.
I'm glad we took our time
because tomorrow night
you and I will make love.
Not forceful motions that leave me torn
or black holes that inhale me
but two bodies making love.
I know you will not fail with me <3

I am human.
I am one strip of skin stitched together holding active organs in line,
I am 206 bones.
I am one brain.
I am one overly active heart.
I am one lung and 2 ovaries.
I am the same as you.
but how dare you compare me to you.
I am independent thoughts,
I am autonomous actions
I am a story.
I am history and future.
I am human.

body mind and soul
old young and untold,
our cold folds waiting to role down the gold toll
another destination that we have to go and see
another body of water
but not as pretty as the sea
as she
her beauty and physique
curvey like the creek that speaks
in whispering melodies
singing sweet songs that hum in  mesmerizing remedies
the memories  
remembering that angels wings.
she is the wind that blows off your hat
and she is the fat rat that teases your cat on the front porch welcome matt
she is the flower in the weeds that wrap your house
she is the lucky dollar bill that you find in your couch.
she is the oceans tide and the sandy shore
she is the earths crust mantle and its core.
she is life
and she is death
she is everything that ever runs through my head.

The world is my canvas,
I am the rainbow that illuminates it.
My colors fill the open spaces surrounding me.
I see beauty with my eyes closed,
I speak my wisest words without a strain in my vocal cords,
I lead an army with no weapons.
I speak when I am not spoken to.
I create Unity and destroy resentment.
A man I once bought dinner for
had a body filled with darkness ,
I met his lurking shadow before I was introduced to his warm soul.
"I can't make it another day"
"this is no longer a game that I can play"
"I want to break away from my fate"
"3 big macs and a bottle of ***** that will help me think straight"
"I have this hole in my heart but its feeling more like a never ending weight"
his overused cardboard sign hung off of the side of his garbage filled shopping cart.
his fingertips froze against my palm
we talked about his life
his brother and mom
their drug addictions
and how he has survived so long,
he was 32
with no home.
he understood life in only one tone.
i feed,
I listen,
I speak influential truth.
what I said to him,
through my guitar callused hands,
saved his delicate life.
Purple vibrated through his toxic chest.
Purple.
the color of
wealth
power
creativity,
independence
dignity and wisdom.
purple filled His veins.
My weaponless army will proceed to expand.
and my soul will always be available for helping hands,
my guidance will forever lurk in the dangerous shadows,
I will speak when I am not spoken to because
speaking out of turn
saves souls.
and one day, everyone's soul will drown in purple.