One night in the 1970s, in the Mojave Desert, my mother ceases to feel apart from the world.


My mother pays my sister and me $40 each to not have birthday parties.

A few days ago I felt
I was at one

I don't really know why I was
all down in the dump

But now I took out the trash
without me in the bag

Cause I said and seen a lot
to know now what's good and
what not

So I was at 1 feeling like my life
was down
It took awhile but I am at a 10
and this time I will not give in

To the darkness with in me
you can't control  me

Be quiet maybe smart
but no

Truly how far are
are you going to go

With your voice unheard
just knowing your opinion
is not being heard

So although most are quiet
in the response, but if you are silent

You give them the power, and that's
on you cause you have the power

It's just you gave up when the work
get's tuff

So you may be thinking to be
quiet it the best

But it's only letting other
stop you from your goal in life

I feel like you
Bjjijojdnnv mnjjfnd dmomv omsinmv invinfv isnsivnd
Ksnivdnvk did.  Ifvismovo dmvoa. Fsmvim momzc Jon
Chjvh dnnf djfjsbu) f fhinshhjf. Finins njdmvn
Dvivjsvjo fjvihsnc uhnvjfnnii firmer ejfijrbe hi. Dimf meom
Dciovjr ijvindoc disjunction cirsjrojer jcdoksvojeo
Kncm vknis cdkmvfom. Fidvk bm fjsok gneu igmfufik gjfijnfhd
Difkf jdi kbndh vjnbns uvjfbcu.

That’s what I thought you can’t understand me!

Everyday is new

cause you write your own story

Everyday you can do somethings new
or you can let others choose for you, but I'd
rather make own

Cause then I am in control

Because I'd want everything handed to me but
it feels greater when you yourself succeed

It's like chalk is it in your hand or the others ,cause let me tell
you if you follow others your days are going to get
harder harder harder

and trust me I know cause I have been here before

One thing I never had
was a kind dad

I wish a lot that I could’ve
But as I ponder over the
thought

And realize that without that
I would be the teen I am today

But like most boys
I still wish to have a dad

That wouldn’t hurt or hit me as bad
and that would be there for me

Cause my life hasn’t been easy
but I am thankful for those who
we’re there

In the times of darkness but I can’t stop

THINK WHAT WOULD IT BE LIKE TO HAVE A KIND
DAD?

I am not going back

The things are in the past
yes I feel bad

But if I think about it
I am only digging my grave

Last night was hard
and I can’t believe I am not gone

But it must be a sign

A sign that my life isn’t over

I do wish I could do
everything over

But mother Earth 🌍
isn’t that kind

Cause life isn’t that easy
like if you were sitting
in a nice summer breezes

Thank goodness for the people
who care cause if it wasn’t
got you

I would be died

It's dark inside

I don't know what happened
to me

I did it only once
and said it was the last

But I don't remember
what I did next

It's like something or one
has control over my head

The things they are doing
,aren't  even me me choosing

I think I know what's going
on ,that drug has taken all
my power

It's hard to remember but I
can't fight them

Without getting deeper
in the darkness

Help me!!

I need to be more open
or honest

Cause if I am not
there will be even
more battles I will have
to fight

And it should be easy but
my mind scared

Scared something will
going wrong and my earth  will fall

And this is me the person that is
not ever smart or free

I've lost a lot cause of my stupid thoughts

But now I know what I need to do
so that I don't loose

I pray that I can do this everyday

But it seems like there is not point

I don't know why
but lately I think is
it ok to be happy

Cause what I mean when I
say that

Is things tend to happen and
the darkness come clapping
at my door

But one things is sure
life has it's ups and downs

And the reasons why I write this
know is cause I can't let others
be put down
by others who think they wear a crown

This is why I say this, cause I don't want any
one to end up like me
A bird stuck in a cage never to be seen or free

The song Lean with me may sound dumb
but is sometimes describes others life

People struggle with looking at the bright
side of life, which makes sense life right now
is so hard

Loved ones are getting sick left and right, but
it does **** but trying to look on the bright side
of things  can change ones whole life

Like the song Juice needed someone to lean on and
help him through his drugs additions but he didn't have
anyone to help him, and he took to much and OD

So to people who struggle like me don't be scared to just
lean on someone who could help you no matter what it make
be

It's been days or months, who knows?

I can feel my body getting warmer
though it's a different feeling

Like I've been cold and I was
reborn

More of myself than I was back in the 7th grade

Limited is just a word
, a word made to stop others

Cause you are never limited until
you decided

Decided to give up
not on others, just yourself

Cause they are there to
help you

They aren't there to give
Your successes cause that
only comes when you earn it  

If anything there are no limits in life
, to making amounts of money to learn it school
even love

most people say that you will understand when your older

but to me that's not true, to me or others who have seen what I've seen

I've been in love and hurt before and lost family and friends. And some adults say just wait till your older

It makes me mad to know what I have gone through and to have people that you love ,and they smash it like it's nothing

People my age have been through more than some adults. Like we are the teen or young kids being put in places that aren't safe

We have to see other cry or even sometimes die

Like if you were adopted and they didn't know your story and they act  like they know everything

and say that you haven't been through as much as I have

You may know the feeling when some body just said a word or did
a very hurtful thing and he are deeply hurt or *******

That's how I feel most of the time when I have to hear that same thing

And yes some adult go through some real ****, but young kids get exposed to guns *** and drugs every single day

And when other put that stuff away that's what makes me mad
I've been hurt by someone who I thought loved me

my dad he would hit me and other things and some say that's no big deal it makes me feel less

Like my life has no meaning, and this happens to others like friends who have to stay quiet

And when I say lived notice how lived is devil spelled backwards

Every day new bad devilish things happen and other put me and others down because of it

   But we continue to live through all of this and we are strong and have seen things more than most

Even when it looks like we are ok

Life is a big road trip

nothing is set in stone, cause
every day is a new sheet of paper

you choose what can make the paper
look good or bad


just like life, it can be you eating a nice meal
or you making bad deals and not getting
the best meal

I had my moon for months and seems like years
,but this is the day my sweet moon moved away

And yes this happens to all others but I can't help write
about the hole that is not coved

Cause she was my anchor strong and true just like the
sun and the moon

It's the bitter sweet thing about it all, that makes this
time right know so big not as small

And I will remember all those great days we've had together, in
hope the sun and moon, me and her will be reunited like to love birds

  It seems so far and I feel like I can't make it
Cause I do I continue to burn bright without the moon
right in my sight

So I going to try to burn bright with the time I've got, then
hopefully I reunite with the moon of my life

I am not going to give in no more
cause I lost my self and that’s the
worst curse of all

Not being who you truly are

And it took me months to know
what I wanted and needed

To be who most people see

So this goes to you all with fears
and demons holding you back

Don’t let it have control of
any part of you

Don’t let your fears take
over you too

Cause if you given there’s
no chance of getting back

To those who have been
by your side

Almost all of the time
in your life

Things in life aren't the
brightness diamond imageable


                                                             Sometimes it's a smelly marker
                                                         moving from corner to corner, like
                                                                  my poem right here


My life has been full of light
and dark times were I needed
to see the light


                                                          But not everyone can help you
                                                            reignite the light with in your self


So like most I and others
would have to help ourselves
to find that lost spark


                                                          Cause not going to lie other can
                                                   help to find the one burning spark
                                                           that lives within most hearts

And it takes one moment in life
that can help you through a
dark storm

                                                       It's taking me awhile to find this out
                                                              but you should know that

Your passion can be reignite by
the hope in heart warm heart
can

One of the most wonderful
things in life is stars

The seem so far
people see the beauty

And they aren’t wrong
but underneath the light

There’s hurt but they are so bright
you can’t even see

Though they are strong they learn
to work, work on them self

So then they are stronger
and they live longer

If we meet and say ‘’Hi’’
That’s a salutation
If you ask me how I feel
That’s consideration
If we stop and talk awhile
That’s conversation
If we understand each other
That's communication
If we argue, scream  and fight
That's an altercation
If later we apologize
That's a reconciliation
If we help each other home,
That's cooperation
And all these things adds up
to making civilization

(and if I say this is a wonderful poem,
is that a exaggeration?)

The possibility's in life
are endless places

                                             It's an never ending land
                                         were sometimes only you can
                                                understand  
        
                                                       ­                   I always wonder if it
                                                              ­         could be possible if I found
                                                           ­           love and true peace


Where I am me, free to
see and say things everyday
without a care


                                                          ­            But is that possible to have
                                                            ­          a decent life without                                                                  ­   stabbed in the back

                                
I feel that's what I want but
the demands I will have  to confront
is worse than trying to be blunt

                                                          ­   But if I can have that kind of life
                                                        I will strive and set somethings
                                                            asid­e, and not just for my pride

Although that could be it that's
not my true reality


                                                            Bu­t it could be my reality but only                          
                                  ­                            if I possibly can dream