Hopeless desires
In a daydream nation of
Drunk stars and
Messed up scars
On each neck and for wrist
Aching by, each and every minute
Within a corner, not walking
Not looking, with
Starry eyes.

There is noone above me
Beside me
Infront of me
I am my own anarchy
My inner soul of
Wisdom for that I have lived
For long and
Suffered twice as much
I wandered through the
Gazing abyss,
Flashlights of every submarine
I swim with my inner coward
The color of your eyes
Has been withdrawed
In the arms of sleep on a
Moonless night. On a
Windy day
Thunderstorm took me away.

I see you
as I study my homework,
wanting to impress you
with my grades
I see you when I'm sad,
as a reminder of all
that I do have
and what I do not;
you make me admit,
in spite of my stubbornness,
I am more
than I think I am
my brain has been the enemy
and my body has been
the most vile essence I know
for I have bruised it
too many times
that I could never
deem it as beautiful,
but you show me
I am not represented to you,
as I am to myself.

I am still alive
and that is all I know
about life and the
pursuit of living.
There is no meaning;
afterall.
We are all floating
into space.
I am in one of these
lavender fields
scratching my itches.
I would love to be
tranquilized, for eternity
if not then I do not want
eternity.
The hardest element I have
conquered in life is that
I have always been
fighting the living scrabble
out of myself each minute
to figure out the
ground.
And the dust I was made of- stardust.
The imperialistic house
should be burned
but I would rather
stay here
coated in substances.
More harm, less feel.
Hell is watching the people
you love; suffer.

the past has haunted me throughout my life,
and I am drowning in stressed out sweat.
I lock myself in cages
and throw away the keys,
far behind, over and over
it takes so much for me
to find my way out
but every time I tend to
punish myself,
wait for winter solstice
to wash away my sins
by the full moon, I lay
like cats astray
I tend to wonder if I could
restart my life from scratch
and never repeat
the same old mistakes again
I tend to wonder if I could
gather around the tenderness
and give myself a chance
forever the girl in dreams of
fairytales and wonder realms
how I wish I could reach
the touch of each touch I touch
when I begin again easier on myself.

I walked all alone
a small city
sometimes
it dialects into
three districts
other times
I am lost
like a baby born
who has been put to live
they say we have free will
I laugh
with misery in me
my heart pounding
and I question why
I was born at all
I spent my lifetime
reading,
books are gentle friends
it is a give and take game
you isolate hours
and fall
with no consent
into another brain
whether it is dead or alive
you fall
you say you do not care
but you read and read
you feel less lonely
even though, you spend
your nights in your room
candles lit, your demons
are awake and they
are next to you
haunting you
3 AM and you are
still holding that book
wondering if you have
ever really existed
do or do not
right and wrong
does it matter?
you fly from your
third dimension
and throw yourself
in Andromeda
loneliness is eating
your insides
they think you are insane
but you are too woke
to stop nourishing your
brain, with whatever seems
boring and useless to the
majority.
But we are the minority,
we see the world the way it is.

What if I am the ocean
And the ocean is me
What if I want to kick it
Out of me?
I saw the fish
And I imagined it
Swimming inside of me
The next day;
I dreamed a dream
I was lost at sea,
Capable of breathing but
Surrounded by gigantic ghosts:
They were rolling their
Tentacles all over me
I woke up
I was on a boat in the lake
Which I knew nothing of.

The day I stood
by the door
I saw a garden full of mandarines
Squeeze the lemons,
fly with the sparkles.
I cound the stars at night
how many times
do I have to say that
I do not belong here
I live in two worlds
but I cannot reach out
to sobriety
because I cannot accept
the truth of the homicide
in the post war service.

you swallow the pill
and then you feel like
you are drowning;
almost floating,
stranding on the shore of
your body.

Take a ride with me
Through memory lane
Let’s take a good look at nostalgia,
Was it ever worth it?
I can’t regret it
It’s made me who I am, today.
Though if you get
To visit nostalgia, often
Don’t you ever
Lose your way back,
The path is unclear
And the road is dark.

Cut myself open
For you
I bleed until
I am a dot
Black and dull
I chose to be seen
They said I am null
I went insane
I will die in vain
Skip the memory lane
Until I obtain
My senses and rot
Like the roots of
Dead plants.

The cold breeze
hits me, everytime
like never before
The darkness,
haunts me
the same way
my thoughts made me
an insomniac
The fog,
opened my eyes
nevertheless, I was blind
I have to remind myself
nature amazes me
On the shore of that same beach
I remember;
childhood traumas
misery
that time I wanted to vanish
and never be found again
But this time,
I didn’t cry
I didn’t shiver
I didn’t lose hope
I stood there
and accepted the truth
I merged my feet
with the cold water
I looked at the sky
So vivid, so blue
I knew it wasn’t always
the mediocrity of the universe
It was many things, at once
And I kept it to myself.

It is life that is shooting at me from
The underground
The souls begging for forgiveness
All comas exposed
Until they haunt you,
Burn you out alive
In a ring of fire
In a countless sky
Such breathless world we live in
We do not know about.

Love her to the bone
Make her moan
Go and throw your
Sorrows in the
Lake nearby and
Follow me in the underworld
There is no such thing as
Love it is fantasy
They said;
But she refused
She has seen love
Flow inside her
Within her brains
Love stains, in your veins
When you try it
And feel it, for the first time
In a lifetime.

If you want me
find me, in the desert
with the camels.
Lost and never found,
It is an absolute delight.
The sand sets me free.
Bury me
in the sand
in the sand
in the sand

Set me free.

And I openly pledged my
Heart to the grave and
Suffering land, and often in the
Consecrated night, I promised
To love her faithfully until
Death, unafaraid, with her
Heavy burden of fatality, and
Never to despise a single one
Of her enigmas. Thus did I
Join myself to her with a
Mortal cord.

The path you walked into
Left you for some
Footsteps of a goddess that we were
Never fond of her existence
He left you on the road
Oh, beautiful landscapes of all
Such green trees, such brown leaves
Do you wonder how I wonder?
Wanderlust- collecting dust of the
Wasted weeks we had of
Nothigness.

I am not your ashtray;
for you to throw your
trash and vigorously
destroy tools that make you
unconscious of what they call
reality.
As for you and me
we try to understand
as minutes pass by,
flash before our I, Origins, capture
My black wide cosmos told me that
the stars were made
for you and me.
As we gently weep across the
milky way, holding hands
in our bonded senses, as we feel.
In love and devotion
I've felt touching your
bruised and wounded skin.
Clash of our pupils dilating
when we look at each other
like we are the last two animals
left on the ground or the sky
As I breathe in you and
you breathe in me,
sabotage of our heart beats
footage of memories
we cannot forget.
I found constellations on your
skin leading to my initials.
It is such a miraculous sin
when it is cold and dark
we want to swim, and in you
I taste the ocean
In you, I wish I could breathe
under the sea
down for you and me
In you, I taste God.