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May 4 · 69
smell of emotions
Hannah May 4
I wake up in the morning,
there I go to get my
daily dose of caffeine.
I think of him, instantly.
the feeling of a positive flashback,
instead of the PTSD
that is ruining your life.
for once,
It is something good,
something meaningful,
for once, you’re feeling good
when everything is falling apart but,
I have him right next to me,
that eye gaze that makes me weak.
he’s that light at the end of the tunnel
that poets write about and
artists sing about,
he is my morning sun
and the moonlight, at night.
the what ifs and what not.
I look at him with love,
I stare at every little detail, in him
and there is no mistakes
no hard feelings, no negativity
pure emotions,
vivid dreams,
him and me and the future awaiting
for us.
I love him to bits.
Hannah Mar 30
it is the epitome of mad terror
I've been lobotomized;
in my nightmares
by ******-analysts
who seek the blood of the
weak and naive
for the guilty and the
geeks
same geeks who strive on books and
their gram of coffee beans
they eat and chew on
to nourish their brain with more
anxiety and horror.

listen to me
  
I tell you  

walk by me

I tell you.

Walk the streets
to the left
holy mass concourse of scalawags
to the right
a pile of wet cigarette butts
and broken garbage cans.
my brain has been castrated.
my guts are tormented from
all my past experiences.
Enter the room;
full of art
melancholic darkwave in the background
and peace.

Do not get out of the room.

I tell you.

(from outside the room)

noises and yelling
people fighting
misery

Reincarnation has to come to an end.

One is enough,
I tell you.
ONE IS ENOUGH.

Now, I swim in my Andromeda and float in the milky way..
Jan 29 · 233
queen of nothing
Hannah Jan 29
a sudden itch
down her spine
she lays flat over
the black line
she sang and
she whistled and
she did not notice
the waste of time
drenched in colors
was her soul
of others’ words
she did not care,
at all.
she is sick of doing what
should not be done
for a house in which
she did not bother
and for a partner
she took nobody
and in the abyss
she stared
and in the abyss
in turn glared
is she excited
or is she scared
she is still silent
and the truth awaits
to be declared.
Dec 2020 · 697
my insides rot
Hannah Dec 2020
I have always been lost
between two things
the need of
tremendous noise
to calm
the rapidness of my thoughts and
the need of soothing my soul.
sometimes, I want to gaze at the moon by
the beach late at night
when it's dark and everyone is asleep but
at other times,
I want to be distorted
by a playlist that is full of sorrowful growling.
I have no other way
but to fill the void of my eagerness
when it asks me
for more and more
to remain at peace with the world.
Nov 2020 · 300
Tenderness In Apocalypse
Hannah Nov 2020
Lost, lost,
Never found
Burry me in the underground
Six feet under
And I’m sniffing
Dead bones
Dead brains
Cuddling with
Skeletons.
I thought I was going to
Rot
Decompose
It was odd
I believed in reincarnation
All my life
I thought I was going to die?
Teleport
And forget.
Although, I recognize all the misery.
I did not want to.
Take me away,
I want to be with the dead.
Forget my existence,
I was never there.
I will never be there
And when I vanish
Nobody will hint it.
Oct 2020 · 298
I Don’t Love
Hannah Oct 2020
Someday?
Whenever,
If ever.
Memories,
Float and float
Into my brain
My cells bomb
My head is heavy
My thoughts are fast
My heart is pounding
My nerves are aching
My love died
It was burried
Long ago
My past was filled with
Toxicity.
I was manipulated to
Drink poison
I had no idea
It would lobotomize me
Through my adulthood years
I cried
Although, I could not feel
The drops rolling down
My face
Confusion, between
Numbness and misanthropy

I died
I died
Long time ago.
Oct 2020 · 243
Mephistopheles
Hannah Oct 2020
Leave them,
Leave it,
Watch out,
Move in,
Not enough,
Close the door,
Open up.
You will die
You will not cross their minds
They will spit on your grave
Few will visit with flowers
Few will drop their tears
Down on the mudd that emerged with
your remains.
I blacked out when
I was born.
My eyes were black
My future is black
It is dull
It is foolish to think
It will ever get better
Mood swings,
I take it all out on myself
Nobody will ever understand
but myself.
And they will still be blinded by
Plans and traditions and so and so.

Pretend I am dead
Although, I feel dead
They still see me,
Hug me,
Kiss me.

I go look in the mirror to
Make sure it is all real.

Or maybe
Just maybe,
I am in the daydream nation.
Sep 2020 · 289
nobody, not even winter
Hannah Sep 2020
The cold breeze
hits me, everytime
like never before
The darkness,
haunts me
the same way
my thoughts made me
an insomniac
The fog,
opened my eyes
nevertheless, I was blind
I have to remind myself
nature amazes me
On the shore of that same beach
I remember;
childhood traumas
misery
that time I wanted to vanish
and never be found again
But this time,
I didn’t cry
I didn’t shiver
I didn’t lose hope
I stood there
and accepted the truth
I merged my feet
with the cold water
I looked at the sky
So vivid, so blue
I knew it wasn’t always
the mediocrity of the universe
It was many things, at once
And I kept it to myself.
Jun 2020 · 324
mandarine meadows
Hannah Jun 2020
The day I stood
by the door
I saw a garden full of mandarines
Squeeze the lemons,
fly with the sparkles.
I cound the stars at night
how many times
do I have to say that
I do not belong here
I live in two worlds
but I cannot reach out
to sobriety
because I cannot accept
the truth of the homicide
in the post war service.
Jun 2020 · 304
spree
Hannah Jun 2020
If you want me
find me, in the desert
with the camels.
Lost and never found,
It is an absolute delight.
The sand sets me free.
Bury me
in the sand
in the sand
in the sand

Set me free.
Aug 2019 · 348
medicine bottle
Hannah Aug 2019
you swallow the pill
and then you feel like
you are drowning;
almost floating,
stranding on the shore of
your body.
Hannah Jul 2019
I am not your ashtray;
for you to throw your
trash and vigorously
destroy tools that make you
unconscious of what they call
reality.
As for you and me
we try to understand
as minutes pass by,
flash before our I, Origins, capture
My black wide cosmos told me that
the stars were made
for you and me.
As we gently weep across the
milky way, holding hands
in our bonded senses, as we feel.
In love and devotion
I've felt touching your
bruised and wounded skin.
Clash of our pupils dilating
when we look at each other
like we are the last two animals
left on the ground or the sky
As I breathe in you and
you breathe in me,
sabotage of our heart beats
footage of memories
we cannot forget.
I found constellations on your
skin leading to my initials.
It is such a miraculous sin
when it is cold and dark
we want to swim, and in you
I taste the ocean
In you, I wish I could breathe
under the sea
down for you and me
In you, I taste God.
May 2019 · 1.2k
literary nonchalance
Hannah May 2019
I walked all alone
a small city
sometimes
it dialects into
three districts
other times
I am lost
like a baby born
who has been put to live
they say we have free will
I laugh
with misery in me
my heart pounding
and I question why
I was born at all
I spent my lifetime
reading,
books are gentle friends
it is a give and take game
you isolate hours
and fall
with no consent
into another brain
whether it is dead or alive
you fall
you say you do not care
but you read and read
you feel less lonely
even though, you spend
your nights in your room
candles lit, your demons
are awake and they
are next to you
haunting you
3 AM and you are
still holding that book
wondering if you have
ever really existed
do or do not
right and wrong
does it matter?
you fly from your
third dimension
and throw yourself
in Andromeda
loneliness is eating
your insides
they think you are insane
but you are too woke
to stop nourishing your
brain, with whatever seems
boring and useless to the
majority.
But we are the minority,
we see the world the way it is.
Hannah May 2019
I see myself
And I cry
And I cry
In mourning
In grief, the way Eden
Sank to grief
Dawn goes down
As I go falling
Between the borderline
And if you are
A borderline
You are everything
In one person
The blackness is murderous
The whiteness is deafening
The inbetween is
Defeating, they said.
as I lay
Thinking of abusing
Substances for I have lived
My whole life
Abused heavily with menace.
Isn’t it sad
To live your whole life as a child
being taught that love is myth?
In a malicious intent
My so called loved ones
I was surrounded by;
Trying to educate me
They thought they were
Enlightening me but in fact,
They were teaching me how to
Despise myself slowly
I have been diagnosed since years
I am a borderline case.
I wish it was my fault
But it was like a shrink in
One’s armour
An atrocious exhibition
Of young a young teen
Living her whole life
With a monster
A Bipolar case
I wish for oblivion
I seek death
Set me free.
Apr 2019 · 417
notes from the underground
Hannah Apr 2019
It is life that is shooting at me from
The underground
The souls begging for forgiveness
All comas exposed
Until they haunt you,
Burn you out alive
In a ring of fire
In a countless sky
Such breathless world we live in
We do not know about.
Apr 2019 · 333
extraterrestrial
Hannah Apr 2019
Hopeless desires
In a daydream nation of
Drunk stars and
Messed up scars
On each neck and for wrist
Aching by, each and every minute
Within a corner, not walking
Not looking, with
Starry eyes.
Apr 2019 · 460
wanderlust
Hannah Apr 2019
The path you walked into
Left you for some
Footsteps of a goddess that we were
Never fond of her existence
He left you on the road
Oh, beautiful landscapes of all
Such green trees, such brown leaves
Do you wonder how I wonder?
Wanderlust- collecting dust of the
Wasted weeks we had of
Nothigness.
Apr 2019 · 562
miss scar
Hannah Apr 2019
Cut myself open
For you
I bleed until
I am a dot
Black and dull
I chose to be seen
They said I am null
I went insane
I will die in vain
Skip the memory lane
Until I obtain
My senses and rot
Like the roots of
Dead plants.
Apr 2019 · 259
hypomaniaque
Hannah Apr 2019
I am still alive
and that is all I know
about life and the
pursuit of living.
There is no meaning;
afterall.
We are all floating
into space.
I am in one of these
lavender fields
scratching my itches.
I would love to be
tranquilized, for eternity
if not then I do not want
eternity.
The hardest element I have
conquered in life is that
I have always been
fighting the living scrabble
out of myself each minute
to figure out the
ground.
And the dust I was made of- stardust.
The imperialistic house
should be burned
but I would rather
stay here
coated in substances.
More harm, less feel.
Hell is watching the people
you love; suffer.
Apr 2019 · 284
rebellion of no
Hannah Apr 2019
Love her to the bone
Make her moan
Go and throw your
Sorrows in the
Lake nearby and
Follow me in the underworld
There is no such thing as
Love it is fantasy
They said;
But she refused
She has seen love
Flow inside her
Within her brains
Love stains, in your veins
When you try it
And feel it, for the first time
In a lifetime.
Apr 2019 · 317
The Death of Empedocles
Hannah Apr 2019
And I openly pledged my
Heart to the grave and
Suffering land, and often in the
Consecrated night, I promised
To love her faithfully until
Death, unafaraid, with her
Heavy burden of fatality, and
Never to despise a single one
Of her enigmas. Thus did I
Join myself to her with a
Mortal cord.
Apr 2019 · 199
lost at sea
Hannah Apr 2019
What if I am the ocean
And the ocean is me
What if I want to kick it
Out of me?
I saw the fish
And I imagined it
Swimming inside of me
The next day;
I dreamed a dream
I was lost at sea,
Capable of breathing but
Surrounded by gigantic ghosts:
They were rolling their
Tentacles all over me
I woke up
I was on a boat in the lake
Which I knew nothing of.
Apr 2019 · 1.9k
flashlights of annihilation
Hannah Apr 2019
There is noone above me
Beside me
Infront of me
I am my own anarchy
My inner soul of
Wisdom for that I have lived
For long and
Suffered twice as much
I wandered through the
Gazing abyss,
Flashlights of every submarine
I swim with my inner coward
The color of your eyes
Has been withdrawed
In the arms of sleep on a
Moonless night. On a
Windy day
Thunderstorm took me away.
Apr 2019 · 191
a cold cave
Hannah Apr 2019
I am still alive
and that is all I know
about life and the
pursuit of living.
There is no meaning;
afterall.
We are all floating
into space.
I am in one of these
lavender fields
scratching my itches.
I would love to be
tranquilized, for eternity
if not then I do not want
eternity.
The hardest element I have
conquered in life is that
I have always been
fighting the living scrabble
out of myself each minute
to figure out the
ground.
And the dust I was made of- stardust.
The imperialistic house
should be burned
but I would rather
stay here
coated in substances.
More harm, less feel.
Hell is watching the people
you love; suffer.

— The End —