I dream peacefully
And hardly dream
Of peace.


-- Eleanor

It's funny that once ink is skinned
it's pretty difficult to take it out.
It becomes hypodermic and almost eternal.

Could it be the same case
for the those who hurt you
carve a part of their memory
deep deep inside your bones
and make a wreck of you?

I don't know,
all that I know is that I want to destroy
everything that reminds me of those.


-- Eleanor

i smoke cigarettes out
of sheer boredom,
not the kind that makes you
want to **** yourself, no
a different kind of
boredom
probably the one that
makes you want to do nothing
but sit and enjoy
how pathetic you are.

the streets are dark and
uninspiring
a bit like my past
where everything that happened
happened without a sound

my birth, how much i hated
company as a young girl,
my sister's birth, my brother's time
in jail, the pathetic love of
my pathetic life.

but it's not pathetic  when
it's unnoticed and this
sad excuse of a poem isn't
the last i write, nor is this
cigarette the last
i smoke.


-- Eleanor

And maybe
We are puzzle pieces,
Carrying debris from
The broken
Universal truth.


-- Eleanor

There are monsters under our beds
Who are fighting battles inside their heads.
I think we should take our meds

Because we're crazy people.


-- Eleanor

Lately faces have been hard
To tell apart.


-- Eleanor

You don't want my pain
You have enough...

How morbid must you be, he says.


-- Eleanor

You say you're ugly
But darling
You are a butterfly
That has seen the day
To be pretty.


-- Eleanor

Just when you're ready
To hurt me,
Avoid the heart.

-- Eleanor

I feel there is space between
me and my skin
and you're the closest thing.


-- Eleanor

She is a romance magnet
And when she walks
I can almost see the moon
Follow her steps.
And when she goes to sleep
The night sky goes starless
For the stars have no one to shine upon
Except her.
But me,
I am just like the rest.


-- Eleanor

They called her lost
Because she was looking
For her home.

But those who never
Searched,
Were they ever home?


-- Eleanor

There is a tumour
Inside of me.
And what does it do?
It grows and grows
And keeps growing.

This tumour
Is loneliness.


-- Eleanor

I love the kind of sadness
That makes me write.


-- Eleanor

I totally adore
How you blend in the crowd
But when we're alone
You become you.


-- Eleanor

I just feel there is
Something immortal
Inside our veins,
And perhaps I am conceited
But I mean it.

You make eternity
Possible with your gentle
swords of hands,
And perhaps I am defeated
But I feel it.


-- Eleanor

My heart wavers between ancient
and fresh.
You drag me down the water
with your anchor of false hopes.
And he wide opens his arms,
the door, his heart
then looks at me
And tells me I am free.


-- Eleanor

I am going
Because you tell me things
You only mean when she's away.
And she's often away,
And I'm often here.

But your mind is always
Where she is.


-- Eleanor

Once upon a dream,
You loved me.


-- Eleanor

Being alone
Is when no one is around.
But loneliness
Feels as if someone is around
Yet completely ignoring you.


-- Eleanor

In your embrace
A new sun rose
From the darkness
That kept us away.
I opened my eyes
And saw you,
The day was born.


-- Eleanor

You only miss me when she is gone.


-- Eleanor

I am pregnant with a love
That will never see the day.


-- Eleanor

They say that we're all just halves
Of what we are supposed to be...
But tonight, I am whole.


-- Eleanor

His thoughts are colours,
His hands are brushes,
And he touches me
Quite artistically.


-- Eleanor

He's on the shore
I'm beneath the sand
He has my heart
Beat in his hand.


-- Eleanor

I tried to write you
A letter of love
But I could see only him
In the stars above.


-- Eleanor

I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone.
But if you must go,
If you want to go, I want you to know
That it's okay.
It's okay.


-- Eleanor

You were a petal of a rose
That settled on my palm
And I blew you away.


-- Eleanor

I sit at the same table as you
and wonder.
Do you miss me
half as much as I do you.
Is there any chance
you would think of the past
and hope you had me
in your arms again.
You have seen all of me.
My best, my worst,
my regular sorry state.
I have put you everywhere.
Dreams, nightmares,
the past and the future.

I wonder if I ever meant anything to you.
But chances are, people love and they forget.
They forget the sun when the moon lays low
and when the dawn breaks it all,
they forget the night
and cherish the day.

It is okay, you owe me nothing.
It just hurts because you are everything.


-- Eleanor

In your vacant look
Dwells my end.


-- Eleanor

Love poem
Never read
In a letter
Never sent.

Self-inflicted torment.


-- Eleanor

He stabbed me in the back
And **** ***** me.

A lover?
No. Love itself.


-- Eleanor

It's a shame you don't feel the same.
That's all I have to say.


-- Eleanor

People fall in love
To feel alive.

But you,
You were my early death.


-- Eleanor

A girl sat in class
and took notes automatically/mechanically
while her imagination travelled
to a remote chalet where a dog
lived alone.
It didn't have a name or parent
and no one judged it.
It didn't even question its freedom.

Anyway, the girl went back home
and did her homework.
She was locked inside a cage
with a lot of other people who wouldn't notice.

The girl grows older and dies.
I hope she's finally free.


-- Eleanor

You and me and them and you
Alone
In grieving,
In dying,
In laughing, too.

Us and us and them and her,
One spirit
As old as time.
One body
The Gaia's
Green, blue and at last multicoloured.

You, and me and you and me and me and you and you and me,
With twin visions,
Extraordinary reunion
Finally, eye in eye.

You and us, you
Enemies to us
But we not to you,
We love you.


-- Eleanor

I'm sorry, but
There's no better combination than
Pink Floyd and the Cannabee

Not even you and me.


-- Eleanor

Two long to see the Christ;
The religious and the pothead.


-- Eleanor

Maybe she was looking for somebody to warm
her up all the time and God, when it got
too dark outdoors you cried kerosene and set
fire to yourself just to provide her safety and security.
And maybe it's true that everything
comes in a paradoxical form and that's
why even though you were born from
a warm womb, your soul was so icy cold
she burnt her fingertips just touching it
and probably mistook it for the heat she
had always been longing for. I know that it's ironic,
I know that your dreams lay somewhere
beside her perfect body and shiny hair
but your reality is four suicide
attempts and cutting your wrists open
over some permanent tattoo where
her love was supposed to be skinned.


-- Eleanor

Get a coffee
Light up a cigarette
Write
Get published
Become famous
Get bored
Write again
Write again
Get more bored
Write, write, write
About boredom
Become miserable
Write
About misery.

Die famous
But miserable...


-- Eleanor

I remember when we knitted
Our fingers together
And our lives interwove.
They eventually became whole,

And they eventually broke.


-- Eleanor

Don't run from me, baby
he said.
You are asking for it,
it's how I know you want it.

Beneath fragile skin,
beneath tiny bones,
there is a woman
just like any another woman

and she wants it.


F.Z.**N

Losing lovers,
Losing friends,
Losing everything I am.

How do I exist independently?


F.Z.**N

By the by,
I am a tweak of reality,
Quite f'rtile. Touch me
And impregnate me
With w'rds.


F.Z.**N

'Cause if you love someone
You love everything about them.


F.Z.**N

It is slowly coming back to life,
Our old love.


F.Z.**N

There was a certain depth
To my love for you,
And an artificiality
To everything else.


F.Z.**N

I want to shrink
And throw myself
In the waste-paper basket.

That's how ******
I am feeling.


F.Z.**N

It's a historical day
And I am happy.

But without you
It means nothing to me.


F.Z.**N