The flames soared high
Above the broken city-
Troy sodden by war
Necks cut, women raped, children
Enslaved. The sea mirroring
The city’s pain, screaming waves
Piling on the shore.
In the dust lay
The groaning towers of Iliam
The beaten
Shards of a brilliant culture
Felled and fouled
By barbarians.

Around the moping Cypress
Heroes' ashes
Lie infertile,
While Achilles moans in Hades
Weeping unwashed tears
For his body's fading
And his shadows continuance
In eternal gloom.

#eternity   #city   #rape   #hades   #greek   #enslaved   #troy   #achilles   #barbarians   #iliam  

“be careful” - everyone always told me while i was growing up.
“don’t walk alone at night”
“always keep pepper spray on you”
“when you’re walking alone,
pretend to listen to your music but don’t actually
listen to your music - you need to be aware of
your surroundings at all times”
“use your keys as a weapon if you need to”
“we don’t want any suspicious man to hurt you” -
they said.

you see, growing up i always thought there was something wrong with me.
all my friends would be talking about their latest guy crush and i just
really didn’t get it.

so at fifteen years old i was really excited to finally realize that i was gay
and that i was, in fact, not going to die alone like i had previously thought.

feeling comfortable enough to come out and explore my sexuality
in an environment that felt safe was such a big relief.

the thing is - no one really tells you to be careful around friends,
or around the people you’ve grown to trust the most.

no one tells you to be cautious when you’re laying on
your high school crushes bed making out instead of
watching the movie tarzan that’s playing in the background.

sure i was aware she had a quick temper and occasionally
threw the furniture around at school in fits of anger.
- but when she wasn’t angry she was always the first
to crack a joke and make me laugh, so everything’s ok, right?

no one told me that girls can rape too.

so when it happened later that night after tarzan was over,
in addition to the crippling disgust and paralyzing fear i felt,
i was really lost and confused.

because it happened,

but it didn’t happen in a dark alleyway like they had told me -
i was in her bed.

we weren’t drunk - like the men they had told me to be wary of,
we had just been watching tarzan earlier that night.

it wasn’t a man that did this - like they had warned me.

it was a girl.
a sixteen year old girl.
it was someone who i had grown to trust.

after, i spent the majority of my time dissociating.
i dissociated to the point where that night was completely
erased from my memory and replaced with a black hole in my mind.

it’s almost exactly like when you’re watching a movie and the
dvd is scratched up so it skips a couple of scenes forward and
you know something had to have happened because now the
main character of the movie is uncontrollably crying when just
two seconds ago she was smiling,
and now the story doesn’t make sense anymore.

you can’t go back and rewind it because
its a permanent scratch on the dvd.
a permanently damaged movie.

so yes, i always knew something happened that night.
because even though there was only blank space in my mind,
the self hatred, deeply rooted anger and questions about what happened
still remained and i couldn’t figure out why my heart
was hurting so badly all of a sudden.

i’ve been told by doctors that this is all a normal reaction to trauma.

so why do i still try to convince myself that it never
happened, when i know damn well it did?

and why did i keep quiet and carry something so heavy
for years after the memories started resurfacing, alone?

maybe it was fear.
i mean how could i expect others to believe me when
the majority of the time i didn’t believe it myself.

maybe it’s because it’s unbearably painful
when i do acknowledge it.
and it’s unbearably painful when i don’t.

i don’t really know.
i never wanted this to happen and i’m still trying to
find my way out of this fucking mess.

all i know is that no one ever told me that sometimes the
ones who hurt you the most are so often the ones you trust.

and i am so scared to trust again because man,
i was only a kid but i was forced to grow up overnight.

2 days ago

Oh darling don't 
Give your trust to people 
like bits of gum,
They'll throw it out
Once the flavour's gone
And leave you to
What you thought was
'Meant to be'

In dark corners
While dark thoughts plague
Your already decaying mind
And the cold gust of falsity
Tickles your arms 
And goosebumps appear,
Your brain throbs with thoughts 
Was that real? Or just what he 

Oh darling don't 
Lay your flesh on a silver platter
For once it's tasted and prodded,

They'll scoop out your innards 
And watch them fester and rot
Finding pleasure in the way,
With pain, your face

Oh darling you know
It's too good to be true
When every time your thoughts
He says he loves you
and traps you up in his web again

A toy for his every whim
But darling the worst happens
When the lights are
When he's content
He'll walk out of your life
In the dead of night and
leave you a note

And you'll wake up
To a monochrome world
And realise all the colours
Have been washed away 
With the saltiness of your tears

And darling you'll never see the world the same way again.


As I hear the sweet, soothing sounds of
violins playing in concert.
I recollect being forced to hunch
down inside a speeding car while
being instructed to keep quiet
or else. In my minds eye I see
the prescription bottle with his
name on it. Of course, he didn't
know that wandering piece of plastic
would be the evidence to link him
to the crime, to do him in.
16 years for 4 rapes.
I'd say he got off easy. The
little devastating torturous things
that come to mind during
seemingly enjoyable events.
Memories sweet memories.
When will this concert end?

#memory   #rape   #kidnap  
3 days ago

I was born with a head full of hair
black as coal and curlyyyyy like tiny, little springs
my mother loved to tell everyone that I came into this world
needing a haircut

so, of course, I spent years growing out my hair.

when I met you it hung down to the small of my back
it was beautiful
strangers would stop me to tell me so.
you liked to run your fingers through it
which almost always made me fall asleep

I can remember being at peace.

it felt like sun on my skin
ice cold water down my throat
a road trip with my best friend
crisp autumn air swelling inside my lungs

the realization of being alive

the night you took me to the beach
the sky felt heavy with stars
I remember trying to absorb every last detail of you
I thought I could love you
more so, I thought you could love me

But I was wrong.

I can’t remember everything
yet I can’t stop thinking about how
your touch was suddenly a foreign language to my skin
that I could not understand but I could feel
feel it pressing tragedy into my veins
into my bloodstream
slowly poisoning me

about how
seconds felt like hours beneath you
beneath a sky I had once thought was beautiful
but now I don’t get the appeal of
because you ruined it for me

I begged you to stop
but you were too busy romanticizing
the way you forced yourself on me
that you refused to call it

I couldn’t wash away the sand
for months I would find the tiniest grain
pressed between the grout
in the shoes I finally tossed
on the dress that I only wore once
under my skin
the skin I wished I could unzip from my bones
and burn.

suddenly I knew what it meant
to never be clean

when I shaved my head my mother cried
she gathered it up off the floor almost as if she thought
she could fix it
“It was so beautiful” she kept saying
I knew she was talking about my hair but
I felt like she was talking about me

I had been so beautiful but,
now look at me

now look at me
me, the victim,
the only thing I seem to know about myself anymore
besides the isolating fear that shuts out all the light
all the hope
and leaves me
at the beach at night
thinking you could love me.

More times than not it is someone the victim knew. I didn't go to the police but I should have. Always trust that things will get better. Things will get better. Put yourself first and find peace.
#sad   #depressed   #alone   #lust   #rape   #victim  

I think about it
I think about it
I think about it
Sitting here with you
I think about it
I feel shame
I think about it
I feel hate
I think about it
Sex has changed
I think about it
Sitting here
With a smoke in my hand
A coffee on my lips
And I think about it
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
Too drunk
and I think about it
Not my house
Not my friends
Making out
God I think about it
I think about it
Red light
Worst night
I think about it

Some things don't leave you...
#friends   #drunk   #bad   #night   #red   #sex   #light   #house   #rape   #bonfire  
Annelise Camille
Annelise Camille
Oct 18, 2016

I see you
In the dark
In the light
When I crawl in bed
At night
I see you
In the men
That pass me
On the street
I see you
In the ones
I dare not to meet
I see you
In the silence
In the screams
I see you
In every dream
The one place I don't see you
Ironically -
In the mirror
Where I don't even see me.

TRIGGER WARNING: sexual violence
#sex   #violence   #rape   #assault  
Cassidy Jackson
Cassidy Jackson
6 days ago

your warm breath against
my skin
your fingers tracing my breasts roughly

one of your hands move
intruding my space

this is not right
i do not want you here
i do not want you in my body

i say nothing
hoping you would read my mind
take a hint from my pleading eyes

my insides curl
as you take away my innocence

i am no longer myself
who i am...
is you

this is a very personal poem with words i just needed to get off my chest. i was raped a little over a month ago and it changed me. i am no longer who i used to be. i am broken and used up. i wish i could go back in time and take back my moving steps towards his car
#depressing   #sad   #abuse   #tw   #sexual   #rape   #assault  

Jesus is gonna' get you, Jewboy!
Jesus hates all those  who reject Him,
And love Gaia,
Mother Earth,

I was thrown at the hard ground
encircled by furious faces
someone kicked
another punched
others followed the same
I rolled all around in pain
Like a ball,
I was passed to everyone
Finally, I was burned.
I cried and screamed
None came for help
Instead, they cheered
Not once was I given a chance
to explain myself
I killed him
because he raped me.

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