My mind is looking
For an answer.



I'm not sure anymore. Because,
When I look up, there you are.
And I..... lost it.
Those thoughts that make me - an individual.
Those thoughts that me me - unique.

........... End so quickly - with you in my presence.

My own being - lost.
My own mind - lost.

..........You can be too much.
To many thoughts, emotions, ideas for my being to

And I am losing what I need.
Who I need to be.

- One Day, I will not need question marks (?)
One Day, I will not need last minute calls...
- One Day, I will not need confusion
One Day, I will not fall so deep into my delusion
And I will not hold onto a faint, loose, illusive - idea

To be in your presence -
I will, one day, not feel the need to be beside you -
Because I hope.

You're are no longer a hope......

And I will stand with my own two feet -
I will be planted in my own being, not hoping - for an idea.
I will be brave!

And I no longer wait for strength from other's before I ask it from myself.
I will no longer wait for their question marks to become my ideas of romance.
I will no longer wait for an idea
I will become the idea - of who I am meant to become

So I will never lose again.

Trying to make sure you take care of yourself before you let a day-dreaming mind become to strong.
#dream   #lost   #strength   #crush   #delusion   #mind   #power   #distance   #grow   #distant  
Betsy Garris
Betsy Garris
3 days ago

Bloom where you're planted,
All women are told,
To thrive.
We are told to wait to be chosen, to be cut, to be picked the moment we blossom,
Only to be an ornimental object,
Some temporary color,
A disposable distraction.
To simply be beautifully brief.
Well I,
I am more.
I am more than a windblown wish
Than petals to be plucked
Than a wildflower waiting to wilt.
I am rooted. I am grounded.
And I,
I Bloom.

Never forget
That only the uncut flowers
Get to keep on growing.


It's been a while since I've written, and I don't usually write without rhyme, but this poem means a lot to me. Our society tells women to wait to be chosen, not to simply live.
This one is for all my single folks, especially ladies.
Bloom- not simply to be noticed or picked, but to learn to love the life you live. Don't wait for or ever let someone cut you. Live your life, and if someone wishes to plant themselves alongside of you, grow as individuals, together.
#nature   #women   #grow   #bloom   #wildflower  

If it were easy for me to communicate
I would not be writing this
If you could read my mind
You would know it is a dark abyss
If it were easy
You would know you have had me from the start
Even now when we are worlds apart
If it were easy
You would know I mean stay when I tell you to go
If it were easy
You would never hurt me with painful words and low blows
If it were easy
I’d be better at this
I’d be able to tell you how much I crave your kiss
Your messy hair, your piercing eyes
The way I tremble when you are between my thighs
Your wit, humor, and zest for life
Our similarities that result in strife
The way you smoke your cigarette
The way you push back your hair
I’m a fool that can’t help but stare
If it were easy
We would never disagree
We would never get angry
We would not be you and me
If it were easy
We'd never get high and I would never cry
If it were easy
It would always be fun
You would not have to put me back together
When I so frequently come undone
If it were easy
We would never grow
I wouldn't feel this low
Because you would just know

It's Never Easy
#love   #poem   #poetry   #relationships   #drama   #friendship   #thoughts   #rhyme   #easy   #grow  
Feb 10

When do we become adults?
When can we say we are grown?
Actions speak louder than words
Where is all we should have known?

What is right, but what is wrong?
The grey between black and white
Eludes us in life's colours
Creeping over in the night.

Make mistakes and learn, they say
And I make them tirelessly
In these chasms of fate I find
Whatever will be, will be.

Young and old cannot define
The years behind new sorrows
Adult and child unconfined
Worrying about tomorrows.

#life   #thoughts   #grow  

There is this place
With magnificent grace
Its so very peaceful

It abounds with love
And no one can get enough
But thats fine
Because there is plenty of time

There all is great
No one ever has hate
This place is called childhood

But not all are so good
And not just those from the hood
I was raised in a christian home
Yet still i was all alone

I hear others as they talk
And i silently gaulk
At how good they had it

And its like they dont even know
And i almost want to show
Them how bad it can be
To just let them see

But i just sit silently
I want to scream violently
But i never do

So instead i just write
From all these thoughts in my head
I used to wish i was dead
But now i can see
How it all made me
Who im supposed to be
Well im not there yet
But my life its not set
Im growing
And i hope its showing
So tho it was painful
Im in an odd way grateful
Not for who else was hurt
But for the way iv grown since

When life throws you lemons suck it up and pucker up.
#life   #up   #childhood   #grow   #tough  
Jan 29

I was a stranger to closeness. To entangled arms and whispered conversations. To tracing lines in my palms like a map, to fingers drawing down my back. Exposed but not uncomfortable. I had never been held. And the thought bewildered me as I realized that my companion thus far was loneliness. Loneliness like a pill I could not swallow so I learned to breath around and wait out. How do I explain this loneliness? It gutted me until empty was normal and the dull ache was a regular occurrence. Like the desperate need to cry out all the water lingering in my body but having nothing to give. Shaking and fighting against the vile feeling in my throat that would never move. I was accustomed to loneliness but how could I not be when I'd never been held, or touched, or felt like I was worthy of love? I blamed my body, adopted silence, fuelled with anger as time passed and I waited, I waited, I waited, and waited - for nothing.
Nothing could ease what I had never known but somehow always desired. And here it was, real, and it felt right, why would I say no to the feeling I begged to taste. It didn't leave my tongue numb, it didn't let me down. It wasn't what they told me it would be. It didn't feel like I was giving anything away. It felt like being held, being whole, my numbness subsided as I just felt. Felt my loneliness melt away, felt my skin being brushed and caressed, not loved but not alone. It wasn't beautiful but it was more than I had before and I clung to it until I couldn't anymore and in my car the loneliness buckled itself in and I drive it home where it helped me wash my face clean and wrapped itself around me like my blankets as I caved into the hollowness of its home. I realized I don't have to drown with my anchor heavy heart. I could find closeness in a stranger.

#alone   #scared   #body   #cold   #sick   #loneliness   #throat   #grow   #wait   #closeness  

He said I love you my skin
As his nails caved in to my back
I tasted the lies upon his lips
But felt every word honestly

He said I hate you on my chest
When he pulled the dagger out
It was the truth I didn’t want to hear
But my ears got closure from the sound

The flower I thought I was in his garden
Didn’t match his universe
I was wilted and he grew out of this world

As he plummeted his verbal weapon through me
My rotting self began to feel true growth
Your universe does not involve me because I refuse consumption
Because I have my own universe
And without you I am able to explore space
Because you gave me so much of it
I am venturing out

#love   #self   #poetry   #space   #him   #universe   #growing   #growth   #grow   #thankyou  

In the air
I wait

I the moment
I listen

And all, falls, so, patiently.
Every, single, moment - there is feeling

I say, all I could, all I could say.
And if you knew who I was, I would not need to explain.

But with this, you, and our slow stops - I feel stuck
Yet, I feel grounded, in the air, around, and lost
To much, all at once.

And my thoughts, my mouth cant describe - if only there was one tick
Time stops, when that feeling
Could sit, and closer, closer......
We came together.

When there is a person who you can't say what you want with them. For some reason, it is hard to be straight with them, yet there is a sense of feeling that can sometimes be stronger than words.
#love   #words   #heart   #lost   #soul   #feeling   #distance   #describe   #grow   #distant  
Jan 24

you will never stop growing
and growing
and growing
and growing
until you reach the sun

#happy   #growing   #growth   #grow   #newyear   #ivy  
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