Dear God,

I don’t know if you saw, but the other day, I saved someone’s life with my words. They told me they were cutting themselves to the point where they **** near killed themselves. But I came into their lives right on time, sharing my story that was very identical to theirs.
The difference between us was that I kept fighting for my life. Then I showed them how to fight for theirs so they survive.
I honestly didn’t know I had something like this in me. I mean I was just writing down how I felt.
Yet, to hear them say I saved theirs life made me cry with them happily.

Looks like you have another angel coming your way.

April 14, 2020

Hey God, Jesus, Angels, Kingdom of Heaven

This is my last letter I will be writing.
I want to thank you,
for my existence.
to let me write this story in my version.
for opening the door to speak to you.
to help express my thoughts & truth to the world.

Thank you for being in my corner through the years.
Because this is my final letter.

Eternity coming soon~Zay❤️

June 20, 2070

Dear God,

Tonight, after having this difficult conversation with my woman.
I pray that you continue to guide us both on the right path. We ask the right questions. We take care of each other regardless. And that things will be revealed to us to know if we are ready for marriage or not.
But most of all, if we belong to one another under your will.

September 1, 2006

Dear God,

Lately I’ve been feeling attacked by family. More than often, and don’t understand why?
I pray, I stay out of trouble for the most part, read the Bible from time to time, and because of you I finally found one of my callings. Poetry. I know I haven’t been around or talked much. I’m invested into my craft. My energy/ attitude never changed. I’m still the same strong spirit, will minded, giving child you created for this world.
Back then they said - “ Put God in the center, be anything you want, pay no attention to stupidity.”  
Now it’s, “Go get a good job with benefits, why aren’t you back in school, I don’t think this is what God intended for you.”
I don’t get it.
I’m just trying to obey your orders and demonstrate it to the family, best way I know how.
I just don’t understand.

So why me????

December 6, 2004

Dear God,

Random questions:
What is it like to be God? To see over everyone and everything you created. To watch things on earth fade away like certain animals going extinct as new ones be replaced. Is the work difficult sometimes or easy?

How strong are you?
Like seriously. I want to know how strong you  are. I think it would be so cool to see you in action demonstrating your power.

What exactly do you look like? I know you tell us we’re made in your image and all but I must see what you look like if possible.

Lastly, have you ever been embarrassed or embarrassed yourself before? For example-
Person “A” is talking to person “B” right. And all of sudden, person “A” pass gas in front of “B” because “A” thought it was going to be silent.
Something silly like that.

May 16, 1984

Dear God,

Do you ever crack jokes?
Every time I read the Bible, I only read about you blessing people, causing wrath due to disobedience, or telling someone what to do in order to receive what they desire most and be thankful.
But one thing the Bible never talks about is you laughing.
Unless I’m not reading in between the lines and you actually are from time to time.

I would definitely love to see that one day.

January 4, 2010

Intimacy is one of my love languages.
But reading your body, you feel odd.
It doesn’t feel natural nor comes easy.
Your mouth says you want me
yet your body is uncomfortable.
I question myself, “Am I attractive for you?”
Believe that if we try again & again
things will never change, it’ll be the same.  
I love pleasing my partner
making my partner feel comfortable.
But that’s not the case here, is it???

I dedicated my life
to stay by your side
respect our relationship & to always love you right,
keeping a vow to never cross any boundary line.
But you showed a different side.
An unexpected twist that brought tears to my eyes.
Your energy changed.
From positive to negative, this affection & demeanor wasn’t the same.
Anytime my friends called to check on me or hangout, you yell.
Cursing out my name as if I brought shame into our relationship.

Now I can’t breathe...

I can’t breathe because I’m traumatized,
I’m traumatized because I can’t socialize,
I can’t socialize because I ghosted my friends for you so now I hide in fear

You stole a peace of my mind to the point where I can’t even recognize who I am anymore.
Which causes me to feel less of a “Woman” inside.

But no more!
Times have changed

Somewhere along the road I found strength.
Gain the courage to move on & think about what’s best for me
rather than sink back into your arms.
See, I've learned that you never had power...
You were a simple weak man
trying to devour a Queen’s castle
rather control your own **** tower
like the lowlife peasant you are.

But now that you are gone,
it is safe to say
I am better without you in every way.
So stay your btch a_ off of my phone.
There’s nothing here for you, please leave me alone.
Your words mean nothin', so please hold your tongue &
don’t worry about the next man I f-k with
nor I am lovin'.
Just know it will never again be you,
you’re no longer a discussion
highly irrelevant
good riddance , peace out boo boo.

Missing you more
than you can imagine ok.
It’s been hard trying
to avoid these feelings
these past few days.
I don’t know if you
feel the same or even moved
on with someone else
but I just want you back,
fight for you.
You matter so much to me.
Im not asking to start
where we left off, just
continue to build this relationship.
You felt hurt & triggered
I honestly had no idea
So I take accountability for that.
I been trying to get this off my chest
for awhile now, because I really like you.
I don’t wanna wait
for another day to go by
without talking & trying.

Brave
Legacy
Accepted
Cherish
Knowledge

Mature
Attractive
Natura­l

Beneficial
Luxurious
Angelic
Communicator
Key

Winning
Original
M­agnificent
Accepted
Noticed

-Roots:
Standing independently perfect,
Mastery of nature.
Connecting with nature’s health,
No fear in danger.

Keeping the glow from sunshine,
Glimmer in color essence.
Growing into your petals,
Spiritual aura of mystic presence.

Each one begins to open,
Bound to a limitless thrive.
Being the only one of its kind,
Happily fighting to survive.
-Prowess:

You wanna hang with the kid?
Well come through, I’ll be waiting for you.
I know you can’t say no to me cause I can’t say no to you.
Don’t be indecisive, be delightful.
Take your time & I’ll let you in.
Don’t pretend nor hesitate, keep that confidence.
Come take a chance with me.
I’m your lover cause I can deliver.

You ready to take this ride?

Wanted a bag of chips
Went inside Shell’s gas station
Seen you staring at me
Grabbed the golden Trojans instead
You approached my presence
Trying to investigate me
We head back to your place
To get lost in those sheets

Said listen, love
Go ahead & spread them legs open so I can take this dive
Promise not to judge you
When I f--k you good before I hop back on this road tonight
Don’t you worry
I’ll make sure I hit every wall with constant strokes
The only issue is
You’ll be catching feelings, yearning for some more

May
May turn you sideways
Look back at it & just gaze
Eyes rollin’ as you moan
Talk about you in my next poem
Trojans ain’t working for me
Going raw feeling the tightness
Satisfy my quench now

Said listen, love
Go ahead & spread them legs open so I can take this dive
Promise not to judge you
When I f--k you good before I hop back on this road tonight
Don’t you worry
I’ll make sure I hit every wall with constant strokes
Only issue is
You’ll be catching feelings, yearning for some more

Speaking guides
Silent kills
~
Guidance speaks
**** silence  


Killing guidance
Speak silent
~
Unguided killer
Silently unspeakable

We should cook meals together
I know this food will taste good
Let’s experiment up in the kitchen babe
Get the ingredients & turn on the stove babe

We should cook meals together
Turn on the stove
Making breakfast:
Pancakes, Bacon, Eggs, with some French Toast.

This is the vibe that I bring.
This is not just a fling, I’m trying to eat with you.
I’m trying to eat with you.
Cooking meals, cuddles in bed
Drinking wine, watching cartoons like "Tom & Jerry".
Tell you- “Good morning, love”
Kissing your cheeks & forehead.

And tomorrow, we an redo this again.
Where we wake up in the morning
Place you on counter
**** naked, cooking eggs.

~My Mind

You don’t know.
You don’t know the pressure & weight I’ve endured as a black man.
On this battlefield with 50 other different shades of skin,
surviving on pay checks, to fight to the top of the throne we humans call “business”.
Trying to make beyond the figures of one’s lifetime to pay off rooted tree debts.
Defending my honor in pride & through ego in demand
that the next man will not 1-up me.
Because I owe it to my family since I’m the chosen one.

~My Mind

You don’t know.
Having to constantly prove my worth to those I adore.
Seeking validation for my hard work, ideas, my worth
just for them to say meaningless words
in criticism at my dreams
or spit perceptions upon my feet in foul laughter,
All just for approval…

~My Mind

You don’t know…
The trauma I’ve fought daily within myself to do the right thing-
because my own flesh wanted to do what it wanted to do & not God’s way.
Trying to still be low-key “perfect” in an imperfect world, yet feels perfect world.
Saying “I got it I got it” when I’ve never had it until faith took me faithfully that day because I was lucky.
Not realizing the weapon that prospered against me, was me.

~My Mind

You don’t know
The pain I’ve experienced in multiple failed relationships that I’ve ran from
just to reroute back into a new host.
A recycling mindset thinking I found the one once again.
A mentality to give up quickly when problems arise vs have patience towards my lover point of view.
or or or  simply think they won’t hurt me for the last time.
Contemplate percentages on how much emotion I should show.
Do you really want to go through this because I don’t think you do kid!?

~My Mind

You don’t know…
The hours I’ve spent staying up at night on my vision board planning, writing, dreaming, listening to music to calm my thoughts.
Mind racing the course on if I’m going to die alone today with no one next to me.
Causing imaginary problems that never existed.
I don’t want that for you.

But when I snap back into reality
I see through your eyes, bright blue flames that burns in desire of need to be successful.
Those same fiery eyes I once had at your age
lets me know you can withstand any challenge that comes your way.
Because you, my child, are apart of me.
Who am I to place sheltered fears when it’s obvious you’re ready to start your foundation.

So when I snap back into reality

~“My beloved child, I want you to be better than me & how I lived.”

As soon as you start achieving your goals

That’s when they say you’ve changed
Your soul is not the same
Proceed to throw shade on your name
Have you question those dreams in the mirror
like “Did I even do the right thing?”

Quick to criticize
Not realizing they never supported you in the first place
It’s easy to talk & accept a loss
But hard to support a love one gains.
That’s how envy forms close enemies making jealousy cycles repeat.

At the end of the day,
Shouldn’t be a debate.
Support is a requirement
Because nobody knows what sacrifices it took to obtain that spot in the first place.